I just want to vent and also I don’t know if I am in the wrong or not
About two months ago I befriended this very very small internet influencer, who has an even smaller group where fans of him can hang out and chat and stuff. Sometimes he does little pub quizzes and sometimes he will talk about what he’s doing in his life (outside of the internet influencing stuff). We talked over DMs and I thought we got on quite well, he would banter with me and others even said we were flirtatious.
Except last night he messaged me to say that I was messaging him too often and that he no longer wished to speak to me. He said I needed to tone it down and only speak with him if it was urgent and i am a stranger to him who he doesn’t wish to know as he is very private. This big paragraph on and on.
I am really confused by this. I don’t know if it is my fault. I suspect I am autistic, I really struggle socially amd I don’t have any friends so I can struggle with boundaries.
But I literally only messaged him three times this week. Literally three comments, not long paragraphs, not hounding him every day or every hour. Once was for the pub quiz, which he encourages, we were all messaging him. Once was in response to a post he had made saying I found it interesting. And once was, admittedly, just to say I was bored and I missed his quizzes, and had saw something that reminded me of the quiz he had sent us and I thought he’d like it.
I feel really, really tit. I always seem to duck it up somewhere, I can’t just have one friend, or one nice conversation. Always time and time again people drop me and never say why and I’m left wondering if it is my fault, if I’m just the monumental duck up. And this one really hurt because I love the community and also we were quite close to a point so I’m surprised by how quickly it all changed.
I don’t think I can cry any more than I have already. Mum says it isn’t my fault and that he sounds like a bit of a dick but she doesn’t understand, I don’t care about him, it’s the bigger thing, the bigger feeling of, oh no, did I duck this up, again and again and again…