Support for anyone that needs to vent #3

[Princess of Scots]

Just writing this as I need to get it off my chest.

Yesterday I received a text from the last guy I dated. He met my friend at a party. He said it was obvious that I am the less fun of the two. I know that they have been messaging each other since then.

I know it's such an insignificant thing to be down in the dumps about but it's just something I feel is reflective on me and my personality.

I feel like I'm a very forgettable person. I'm not the type of person to have a lasting impression.I've got no bleeping charisma or personality. Nobody even knows me or remembers me. I blend in. It's like I'm invisible.

I feel like life is happening and I'm stuck frozen with time passing by. If I were to disappear tomorrow very few people would notice.

I will admit I am a very awkward person. I'm almost 22 with the same level of awkwardness of most 13 year olds. I was suspected to be autistic but I was found not to have it after being tested. I feel like I often come across as boring because l struggle in social situations. I am very much an introvert and I hate that about myself. I do have my own passions, but it takes a long time for me to warm up.

I wish I was a social butterfly,a party animal even. I feel like I need to totally change who I am as a person. I feel like I should try and reinvent myself.

I don't drink often. it gives me stomach problems and I hate wasting a whole day in bed feeling hungover and ill. Neither of my parents are particularly big drinkers either.

Perhaps this is just the British drinking culture that's ingrained in me but I always feel like the fact I'm not a hard partier and big drinker only just adds to the feeling I am boring. I live in a place where it is difficult to get taxis home, it isn't unusual to wait several hours for one. I do feel that often is an influence in choosing not to go out as often.

I would say I do have a lot of hang ups. I am an extremely self conscious of how I look. I am very much a plain Jane. I do dress well but I'm do have a plain face. I don't tend to get approached or much attention. In terms of dating, I find that a lot of guys only want me for the one thing or just to keep their options open. I'm never treated as a priority, just an option. I rarely get past the talking stage.

Would it be flippant to force myself becoming a better person, more outgoing and extroverted? I know it will utterly exhaust me but I feel like I need to force myself to be uncomfortable in order to fix myself for the better.

I feel like my best solution is to never ever say no to anything and to stop worrying what if? Who cares what implications it has, I'm young.

Perhaps I'm being flippant but I feel like I need to stop thinking with my head.

I feel like in order to be a better me, I need to start creating a different me and even change who I am completely.

I know I sound like such a daft little girl, I'm 21. It's ridiculous for me to be posting something like this here but I feel like I am drowning in my own head.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Just writing this as I need to get it off my chest.

Yesterday I received a text from the last guy I dated. He met my friend at a party. He said it was obvious that I am the less fun of the two. I know that they have been messaging each other since then.

I know it's such an insignificant thing to be down in the dumps about but it's just something I feel is reflective on me and my personality.

I feel like I'm a very forgettable person. I'm not the type of person to have a lasting impression.I've got no bleeping charisma or personality. Nobody even knows me or remembers me. I blend in. It's like I'm invisible.

I feel like life is happening and I'm stuck frozen with time passing by. If I were to disappear tomorrow very few people would notice.

I will admit I am a very awkward person. I'm almost 22 with the same level of awkwardness of most 13 year olds. I was suspected to be autistic but I was found not to have it after being tested. I feel like I often come across as boring because l struggle in social situations. I am very much an introvert and I hate that about myself. I do have my own passions, but it takes a long time for me to warm up.

I wish I was a social butterfly,a party animal even. I feel like I need to totally change who I am as a person. I feel like I should try and reinvent myself.

I don't drink often. it gives me stomach problems and I hate wasting a whole day in bed feeling hungover and ill. Neither of my parents are particularly big drinkers either.

Perhaps this is just the British drinking culture that's ingrained in me but I always feel like the fact I'm not a hard partier and big drinker only just adds to the feeling I am boring. I live in a place where it is difficult to get taxis home, it isn't unusual to wait several hours for one. I do feel that often is an influence in choosing not to go out as often.

I would say I do have a lot of hang ups. I am an extremely self conscious of how I look. I am very much a plain Jane. I do dress well but I'm do have a plain face. I don't tend to get approached or much attention. In terms of dating, I find that a lot of guys only want me for the one thing or just to keep their options open. I'm never treated as a priority, just an option. I rarely get past the talking stage.

Would it be flippant to force myself becoming a better person, more outgoing and extroverted? I know it will utterly exhaust me but I feel like I need to force myself to be uncomfortable in order to fix myself for the better.

I feel like my best solution is to never ever say no to anything and to stop worrying what if? Who cares what implications it has, I'm young.

Perhaps I'm being flippant but I feel like I need to stop thinking with my head.

I feel like in order to be a better me, I need to start creating a different me and even change who I am completely.

I know I sound like such a daft little girl, I'm 21. It's ridiculous for me to be posting something like this here but I feel like I am drowning in my own head.

First off - this guy text you and told you that you were the “less fun” of you and your friend? Seriously? The guy is an hole and what on earth is your mate doing even entertaining someone so bleeping rude, arrogant and just plain nasty?!!!

Stop thinking about guys/dating and stop thinking of ways to change your personality and stop thinking about trying to use alcohol to change things - it won’t help. You are who you are - there isn’t anything wrong with it.

what you do desperately need to do is start working on yourself and your own self esteem and confidence. Have you ever thought about seeking out a therapist? I think you’d really benefit from having someone to talk to as you sound very down on yourself.

you are very young. 21 is the very beginning of your adult life. Stop worrying. Just Start allowing yourself to relax - start gently pushing yourself to try new things, and to mix with new people. If you want to talk to someone then do it. Don’t shy away and live in fear of what others may or may not think but equally don’t try to be something you know you aren’t.

 

[Princess of Scots]

Have you ever thought about seeking out a therapist? I think you’d really benefit from having someone to talk to as you sound very down on yourself.

Yes, I am currently waiting on therapy for anxiety. I will have an appointment in 6-8 weeks.

 

[Caramel Latte]

Only venting..
No one can take my negativity anymore. My family is sick of my complaining and I feel that my friends are too. I try to think of the positives in my life but I just see all the things i failed in. I'm not just ruining my mood, but everyone else's when i speak to them. Im even ruinining my chance at a better life cuz im so scared and care what people think of me.
I am afraid of life and i spend my days in my room. When my mood is tit and nothing but tit is coming out of my mouth, no one cares about me or checks up on me. Why would they if i can't even tolerate myself.
If i were mentally unwell somehow it would explain my poor attitude with everyone and negativity towards life.
I can't reach out to friends cuz all i do is bleeping complain! It's like im trying to repel people and bury myself in sadness and worry.
How would someone like me find love or love someone?

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Only venting..
No one can take my negativity anymore. My family is sick of my complaining and I feel that my friends are too. I try to think of the positives in my life but I just see all the things i failed in. I'm not just ruining my mood, but everyone else's when i speak to them. Im even ruinining my chance at a better life cuz im so scared and care what people think of me.
I am afraid of life and i spend my days in my room. When my mood is tit and nothing but tit is coming out of my mouth, no one cares about me or checks up on me. Why would they if i can't even tolerate myself.
If i were mentally unwell somehow it would explain my poor attitude with everyone and negativity towards life.
I can't reach out to friends cuz all i do is bleeping complain! It's like im trying to repel people and bury myself in sadness and worry.
How would someone like me find love or love someone?

I think you probably ARE mentally unwell. The line where you say you are afraid of life and spend days in your room. Please go and speak to your GP about how you are feeling and explain all of this. They can help you. You don’t have to live like this and in time you can get to a stable, happy place where you no longer feel this weight of sadness.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Only venting..
No one can take my negativity anymore. My family is sick of my complaining and I feel that my friends are too. I try to think of the positives in my life but I just see all the things i failed in. I'm not just ruining my mood, but everyone else's when i speak to them. Im even ruinining my chance at a better life cuz im so scared and care what people think of me.
I am afraid of life and i spend my days in my room. When my mood is tit and nothing but tit is coming out of my mouth, no one cares about me or checks up on me. Why would they if i can't even tolerate myself.
If i were mentally unwell somehow it would explain my poor attitude with everyone and negativity towards life.
I can't reach out to friends cuz all i do is bleeping complain! It's like im trying to repel people and bury myself in sadness and worry.
How would someone like me find love or love someone?

A lot of what you've said is really similar to how my eldest son feels about life, himself and his social interactions. He hides away from people because he doesn’t feel he's worthwhile interacting with and believes he is a burden who just brings people down (he definitely isn't!). He's diagnosed with anxiety and has prescribed medication which has helped him a lot although his mood and how he feels about himself can still be quite up and down. I wonder if it is worth you discussing it with your GP and seeing if there's something they could offer to help? It doesn't have to be medication if you didn't feel that route was for you. Perhaps a course of CBT would be helpful.

 

[Princess of Scots]

Only venting..
No one can take my negativity anymore. My family is sick of my complaining and I feel that my friends are too. I try to think of the positives in my life but I just see all the things i failed in. I'm not just ruining my mood, but everyone else's when i speak to them. Im even ruinining my chance at a better life cuz im so scared and care what people think of me.
I am afraid of life and i spend my days in my room. When my mood is tit and nothing but tit is coming out of my mouth, no one cares about me or checks up on me. Why would they if i can't even tolerate myself.
If i were mentally unwell somehow it would explain my poor attitude with everyone and negativity towards life.
I can't reach out to friends cuz all i do is bleeping complain! It's like im trying to repel people and bury myself in sadness and worry.
How would someone like me find love or love someone?

I feel like I could have written this post. I feel you so much. You are not alone.

 

[Rxt156]

First off - this guy text you and told you that you were the “less fun” of you and your friend? Seriously? The guy is an hole and what on earth is your mate doing even entertaining someone so bleeping rude, arrogant and just plain nasty?!!!

Stop thinking about guys/dating and stop thinking of ways to change your personality and stop thinking about trying to use alcohol to change things - it won’t help. You are who you are - there isn’t anything wrong with it.

what you do desperately need to do is start working on yourself and your own self esteem and confidence. Have you ever thought about seeking out a therapist? I think you’d really benefit from having someone to talk to as you sound very down on yourself.

you are very young. 21 is the very beginning of your adult life. Stop worrying. Just Start allowing yourself to relax - start gently pushing yourself to try new things, and to mix with new people. If you want to talk to someone then do it. Don’t shy away and live in fear of what others may or may not think but equally don’t try to be something you know you aren’t.

I love your posts. Straight to the point with solid advice.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Has anyone got any positive divorce stories to share? Specifically where you've gone from wanting the other person to fall off the planet to a fairly friendly relationship given time? I need some positivity.

Reading another thread has set me off because it describes my situation. My ex is love bombing his children and not in the positive sense of love bombing (the latter described by a Guardian article at some point around 2010).

He's taking them on trips out that have been trying to get us to do as a family for years. All whilst giving me sarky comments if I ask for support with the children. The latest being "single parenting hard huh?".

I want to poke the twit in the eye with a fork. He's just horrible.

 

[newaccount2022]

I’m new enough in my job and been going through training and doing simple tasks for people. Had my first solo thing to complete today involving an external call with a stakeholder, they are in America and wanted the call at an awkward time so I agreed to stay late.

They never even joined the call. Objectively I know it’s not my fault, this will happen all the time and you just move on. But I’m raging this is the first result of my first solo bit of work I was alone in the office and not sure how long people usually wait when this happens. I called 3 times and waited 30 mins then said feck it I’m going home.. I messaged them and offered to reschedule etc and then just left… nervous now for tomorrow even though I don’t think I did anything wrong…

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I’m new enough in my job and been going through training and doing simple tasks for people. Had my first solo thing to complete today involving an external call with a stakeholder, they are in America and wanted the call at an awkward time so I agreed to stay late.

They never even joined the call. Objectively I know it’s not my fault, this will happen all the time and you just move on. But I’m raging this is the first result of my first solo bit of work I was alone in the office and not sure how long people usually wait when this happens. I called 3 times and waited 30 mins then said feck it I’m going home.. I messaged them and offered to reschedule etc and then just left… nervous now for tomorrow even though I don’t think I did anything wrong…

Don’t sweat it. You stayed after hours anyway plus you then stayed for half an hour AFTER the scheduled time for the call after trying 3 times to contact them. I hope you are being paid for the time you’ve stayed on at work or that you are being allowed to take that time off work in the near future to make up for it? Make sure you get either pair or TOIL - do not under any circumstances allow them
To keep you at work after hours like this for nothing.

 

[blossombloss]

I get so exhausted by friends sometimes, I constantly feel like I'm always in a supporting role and when I even mention something like has happened in my day that has been "bad" it just gets eclipsed by something EVEN WORSE, that happened in theirs. It's not like I want to spend forever talking about what happened, but even an acknowledgement would be nice but it's just straight on to talking about them.
I know they probably don't mean it, but just nice to get this off my chest!

 

[lastdis]

So 2 weeks friend called and during the chat mentioned she’s lost weight and none of her bras fit, so me being nice ordered 3 online but delivered to her local store. She picked them . Kept thanking me, now because it’s been 10 days they are being refunded because she hasnt collected them. Won’t bother again.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

So 2 weeks friend called and during the chat mentioned she’s lost weight and none of her bras fit, so me being nice ordered 3 online but delivered to her local store. She picked them . Kept thanking me, now because it’s been 10 days they are being refunded because she hasnt collected them. Won’t bother again.

Why would you order and pay for bras for her? Did she ask you to? Is she struggling with money or something?

 

[lastdis]

Why would you order and pay for bras for her? Did she ask you to? Is she struggling with money or something?

Yes she mentionEd she had none and no money so I said to pick a few and id order them. if any of my mates need something and I’ve the money spare I help them

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Yes she mentionEd she had none and no money so I said to pick a few and id order them. if any of my mates need something and I’ve the money spare I help them

I guess she didn’t need them as much as she made out!!! Don’t bother offering help like that again. She obviously didn’t really need it.

 

[lastdis]

I guess she didn’t need them as much as she made out!!! Don’t bother offering help like that again. She obviously didn’t really need it.

Yeah I think so. I just try help out but hubby said well guess she wanted cash which I refuse to lend people I’d rather buy them what they need

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Yeah I think so. I just try help out but hubby said well guess she wanted cash which I refuse to lend people I’d rather buy them what they need

While I think you have the best of intentions please be careful that you are not being taken advantage of. It’s nice to help out a friend in need but you shouldn’t be constantly buying things for people.

 

[newaccount2022]

Don’t sweat it. You stayed after hours anyway plus you then stayed for half an hour AFTER the scheduled time for the call after trying 3 times to contact them. I hope you are being paid for the time you’ve stayed on at work or that you are being allowed to take that time off work in the near future to make up for it? Make sure you get either pair or TOIL - do not under any circumstances allow them
To keep you at work after hours like this for nothing.

Thanks Betty C… yes they seem fair about taking time off if you stay late or come in early. So I will head off early today since I stayed late yesterday. Nothing was said today about the call (of course! Just silly me making a big deal about nothing). Stakeholder reached out with excuse so I’ve just rescheduled for next week at a time that suits me. Just hate being new!!!! There’s nothing worse.

 

[lastdis]

While I think you have the best of intentions please be careful that you are not being taken advantage of. It’s nice to help out a friend in need but you shouldn’t be constantly buying things for people.

Thanks. I’ve friends who are like that but this ones not usually . And is the type ho would help others if she has it. just a bit annoyed as now I’ve got to keep eye on this return x