If you're friend doesn't usually let you down like this and doesn't take advantage of you then my advice is that as irritating as it is, give them the benefit of the doubt and keep an eye on them. Maybe they are really struggling at the moment.
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Are you serious?
You are allowing a man who is very blatantly in a relationship with another woman who he lives with and who he has a family with, to pick you up and drop you whenever it suits HIM - I assume you have sex? And then he’s now acting like a nut job telling you he’s going to “fix you” so you behave how he wants you to?!!!!!!!!!!!
get a grip. What are you doing?!!!!!!!!
It’s not complicated. He’s bleeping you behind his partners back.
seriously. Get out of this mess, find some self respect and get a grip!
Have you asked for your post to be deleted?!!Ok thank you
What were you expecting people to say though? You stipulated that you are sleeping with a man who has a partner and children. That you are allowing him to dictate everything, that he has you waiting around for him at a click of his fingers so that he can essentially booty call you whenever it suits him and then when you expressed that you were upset with him, he then GASLIGHT you and attempted to make you the bad one and now it’s YOUR fault for making him feel bad?!
You don’t want to hear it but know this:
- he is USING YOU for sex and the ego boost of having you and his beck & call
- he is 100% still sleeping with his partner. They are very much a couple. He’s having an affair with you.
- he’s never going to leave her for you
- you are not the only one
- he’s a narcissistic, mentally abusive pig
- YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Neutrally - you have every right to feel disappointed if plans change at the last moment. You are human with your own emotions, not a robot , so it is not your problem that you didn't give him the response he hoped for .
You don't need to fix yourself for him . No matter how you deal with emotions, you are not a character in a story that he can give a 'script' , for lack of a better word , that your emotions should follow .
Thank you for your reply means a lot
It’s not fine at all!!!!!!!! Can’t you see that you are not only being used by him, but that he’s also gaslighting you and treating you terribly? Seriously - can you not see that?
@BettyCrockerr bringing the solid advice once again 
Be my friend in real life? 
My rant - in laws piss me off with the baby. They just coo over him all the time and do ridiculous baby voices 5 inches from my face when I’m holding him
Be my friend in real life? My rant - in laws piss me off with the baby. They just coo over him all the time and do ridiculous baby voices 5 inches from my face when I’m holding him
I’ve always had a difficult relationship with my mother. She has been horrible to me on occasion but has her own mental health issues. Since I have met my boyfriend almost two years ago and experienced a literal “quiet life” with no drama or manipulation, it has made me realise how tit my childhood and twenties were. Because of this I have felt really cold towards her and tell her little to no information as along with everything else she is a total gossip. I have been feeling almost guilt at feeling so detached towards her but every time I spend some time with her I either end up completely drained and have to go for a massive walk or I get a migraine.
I called to see her today and an hour after coming back to my house i received a message saying I had a stain on the side of my leggings today and I shouldn’t wear them out and about as it looks bad. She hoped I had something clean to wear to work tomorrow.
I am 34 years old for god sake and she knew I wasn’t going anywhere after calling to them today.The stain is about a centimetre and you wouldn’t even notice it unless you were staring intensely.
Now I remember why I feel so cold towards her.
I called to see her today and an hour after coming back to my house i received a message saying I had a stain on the side of my leggings today and I shouldn’t wear them out and about as it looks bad. She hoped I had something clean to wear to work tomorrow.
I am 34 years old for god sake and she knew I wasn’t going anywhere after calling to them today.The stain is about a centimetre and you wouldn’t even notice it unless you were staring intensely.
Now I remember why I feel so cold towards her.
Ohhhh this set me off… have we the same mother
I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through but know you are not alone. My mum used to have fits of crying when I was a teenager because I wasn’t pretty or ‘could be prettier’. She would cry that I was wasting my youth and she’d give anything to be 16 again. She cried one day because I wore a pair of jeans that were distressed at the knees and she thought all of our relatives would think badly of her. Even now as an adult she tells me ‘I hope you brush your hair when you go to work’ ‘would you get laser? You need it’ etc etc etc etc…. Her comments are a reflection of her own unhappiness but she will be unhappy forever until she takes responsibility. Sending you lots of love because I truly do know how it feels, I know about the throbbing headache after you leave and feeling of utter exhaustion and wondering why you’re not even enough for your own mother. It’s an unfortunate hand we’ve been dealt.I've not posted on here in a while as I was feeling better and was accepting my set of circumstances (or so I thought). However, I've experienced a new crash (yet again), probably the lowest point in my life in a long time. I'm experiencing heightened anxiety to the point where I don't leave the house and spend my days working from the couch focusing on my various OCD-induced fears crying. It's downright horrible. It's never happened to me before. I'm shaking all day, can't eat, can't sleep at night. Most days, I just sit there doing things on auto-pilot while crying wishing I had at least one close person around me at this time, but I have no one. Literally no one - all my so-called "friends" have deserted me. I could go days without talking to anyone. Sometimes I wish I had one single person, just one person to confide in and get guidance from or just one person to check up on me. I spend my days absorbing everything for everyone, but I've got nothing in return. I don't know what to do anymore because I'm really on the verge of the point of no return with myself.
Would it be possible for you to talk to your GP about how you’re feeling? They could refer you to somebody who could help with your anxiety and OCD? I can’t believe your friends have deserted you when you needed them the most, what about your family? Do they know what’s going on? I’m so sorry this is happening to you
I wish I could do something to help
So like, my mum committed suicide. I was 6. It was actually 3 days before my 7th birthday. It was many years ago.
I have had a lot of emotion lately. About everything. But today I found out something and I think it’s positive.
I always felt like her suicide was something to do with me. I was quite a loud, untidy, couldn’t sit still kind of child. I always felt that if my mum had had a calmer, tidier non ADHD child that she might not have committed suicide.
My dad was never really in the picture. He left when I was young.
Again, I blamed myself to some degree for that too. Maybe if I hadn’t been born he would have stayed and my mum could have been happy.
Anyway, today I found out that my Mum had huge health anxiety. When the “mad cow disease” thing happened in the 90s she became consumed by it. A disease, a prion disease, that cannot be seen, cannot be detected until it’s too late. Once you get the symptoms you are already dead.
She convinced herself she had it. Every TV station, news paper, radio show was talking about it. All over the news were bodies of cattle piled high burning. She couldn’t escape it. And she as sure she had it, she just had to wait for her inevitable death. Maybe in a month, maybe in a year, maybe in 10 years. Her mental health was already bad but this kicked it into overdrive. It was all she could think about.
And she killed herself. Because she didn’t want me to watch her go through this awful death she had imagined for herself. Because our brains can trick us into believing terrible things.
But, here’s the take home. It wasn’t my fault. There was nothing I could have done. I could have been any child, the best behaved child in the world and she still would have done it. And she did love me. Her brain was just cruel.
So if you’ve read this far, firstly thank you. And secondly, I’ve kept this bottled up for 26 years+. I never thought to ask anyone why she did it, or what went on in the months leading up to it. I thought she was just stressed by life and couldn’t handle it and if I’d been better things would have been different. But they wouldn’t. So chaps; communicate. Communicate about the bad things. You might get some much needed peace.
I have had a lot of emotion lately. About everything. But today I found out something and I think it’s positive.
I always felt like her suicide was something to do with me. I was quite a loud, untidy, couldn’t sit still kind of child. I always felt that if my mum had had a calmer, tidier non ADHD child that she might not have committed suicide.
My dad was never really in the picture. He left when I was young.
Again, I blamed myself to some degree for that too. Maybe if I hadn’t been born he would have stayed and my mum could have been happy.
Anyway, today I found out that my Mum had huge health anxiety. When the “mad cow disease” thing happened in the 90s she became consumed by it. A disease, a prion disease, that cannot be seen, cannot be detected until it’s too late. Once you get the symptoms you are already dead.
She convinced herself she had it. Every TV station, news paper, radio show was talking about it. All over the news were bodies of cattle piled high burning. She couldn’t escape it. And she as sure she had it, she just had to wait for her inevitable death. Maybe in a month, maybe in a year, maybe in 10 years. Her mental health was already bad but this kicked it into overdrive. It was all she could think about.
And she killed herself. Because she didn’t want me to watch her go through this awful death she had imagined for herself. Because our brains can trick us into believing terrible things.
But, here’s the take home. It wasn’t my fault. There was nothing I could have done. I could have been any child, the best behaved child in the world and she still would have done it. And she did love me. Her brain was just cruel.
So if you’ve read this far, firstly thank you. And secondly, I’ve kept this bottled up for 26 years+. I never thought to ask anyone why she did it, or what went on in the months leading up to it. I thought she was just stressed by life and couldn’t handle it and if I’d been better things would have been different. But they wouldn’t. So chaps; communicate. Communicate about the bad things. You might get some much needed peace.
Thank you so much for your kind wordsWould it be possible for you to talk to your GP about how you’re feeling? They could refer you to somebody who could help with your anxiety and OCD? I can’t believe your friends have deserted you when you needed them the most, what about your family? Do they know what’s going on? I’m so sorry this is happening to you
They deserted me right before all this negativity entered my life, then by the time the negative set of experiences happened, there was no one left anymore. The good thing is that didn't desert me during this time which would have made everything far worse, but it is still painful nonetheless. My family doesn't know what's going on - I have a bit of a complex relationship with them (was estranged for years and reconnected over my dad's death 5 months ago). I went to a GP and they suggested medication which I'm not too fond of, so I've just been stuck in the same spot.
@Squittel I am really sorry for your loss. Truly. The burden you must have felt all these years was certainly unbearable. As a child, you always think when something bad happens, it is your fault when it was not at all. It is the type of trauma you never really fully process because there are so many questions around it. I truly truly feel for you.
I can somehow relate to your mother's experience. I am too consumed by one fear or another to the point where I think there is no point in living because the inevitable will happen. I keep looking for clues and dissecting every bit of clue I have to support the fact that my fears are valid. The fears have turned into an obsession and I can't even talk about them because I'm afraid that if I do, they will materialize in real life, so I just bottle it all inside. It is exactly what I am personally going through right now. When your brain goes on auto-drive like this, no amount of "realism" will help. It's almost as though you are completely disconnected from reality. It's awful. I truly feel sorry for anyone experiencing this and relatives who may experience the collateral ramifications.
Fear is truly one of the most paralysing feelings. And talking about your fears is is terrifying.Thank you so much for your kind words
They deserted me right before all this negativity entered my life, then by the time the negative set of experiences happened, there was no one left anymore. The good thing is that didn't desert me during this time which would have made everything far worse, but it is still painful nonetheless. My family doesn't know what's going on - I have a bit of a complex relationship with them (was estranged for years and reconnected over my dad's death 5 months ago). I went to a GP and they suggested medication which I'm not too fond of, so I've just been stuck in the same spot.
@Squittel I am really sorry for your loss. Truly. The burden you must have felt all these years was certainly unbearable. As a child, you always think when something bad happens, it is your fault when it was not at all. It is the type of trauma you never really fully process because there are so many questions around it. I truly truly feel for you.
I can somehow relate to your mother's experience. I am too consumed by one fear or another to the point where I think there is no point in living because the inevitable will happen. I keep looking for clues and dissecting every bit of clue I have to support the fact that my fears are valid. The fears have turned into an obsession and I can't even talk about them because I'm afraid that if I do, they will materialize in real life, so I just bottle it all inside. It is exactly what I am personally going through right now. When your brain goes on auto-drive like this, no amount of "realism" will help. It's almost as though you are completely disconnected from reality. It's awful. I truly feel sorry for anyone experiencing this and relatives who may experience the collateral ramifications.
I don’t know if this will be of any help at all but this is something I try to do to help myself with destructive thought patterns.
There will be a negative voice in your head that lies to you. Everyone’s is different. Mine says “You’re tit.” a lot or “you are worthless” yours might say “you’re going to die.” whatever it happens to be. Start catching those thoughts. Youwon’t be able to stop the feelings but catch out those thoughts that criticise you.
Then reframe them. So when I say to myself “you’re a worthless piece of tit.” I then catch it and I imagine my daughter (she’s 3 at the mo, so in 20 years time or whatevs) saying that to me about herself.
“Hey mum I feel like a worthless piece of tit. Ihate myself and I don’t know what to do.”
What would I say to her?
I probably wouldn’t say “you’re right. You are a worthless lazy pathetic excuse for a human. You deserve to feel that way.”
and yet I am happy to talk like that to myself. Baffling.
What would I probably say to her? “I am so sorry you are feeling like that, it must be utterly exhausting. You do not deserve to feel like that. I love you and I know you’re not worthless. How can I try to help you? Would you like me to call the doctors for you? Do you want me to just stay here with you?”
And get the hang of trying to use that language with yourself. Be the parent you needed. Or the person you need. Have patience with yourself. Tell the negative voice to duck OFF and LEAVE ME ALONE. You don’t need to be a realist at this stage. You don’t need to tell yourself you are being ridiculous. That’s more cruel thoughts. You need to wrap yourself in kindness and understanding. Accepting that you do have these awful thought patterns and acknowledge what stress you are currently under. Get the the hang of the kind voice and help it to become louder than the negative one.
That’s when being realistic might have more chance of helping, that’s when you will realise you are deserving of help and care.
I find it so hard to lose weight 
I walk to and from work every day and love walking at the weekends, I’m knowledgable about healthy foods and eat what I’m ‘supposed’ to, lift weights a few times a week, it just happens so slowly for me… at an appointment today and doc weighed me twice to double check and said ‘you’re so much heavier than you look!’ … She meant it as a compliment I think but it’s frustrating
I walk to and from work every day and love walking at the weekends, I’m knowledgable about healthy foods and eat what I’m ‘supposed’ to, lift weights a few times a week, it just happens so slowly for me… at an appointment today and doc weighed me twice to double check and said ‘you’re so much heavier than you look!’ … She meant it as a compliment I think but it’s frustrating- Status