Support for anyone that needs to vent #3

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First world vent that I just need to let out… I want to go on holidays with my (non existent) partner and I don’t want to go alone 😣

I am a quiet/private person with a small group of friends, all of them are in serious relationships and live with their partners. They go on holidays and little weekends together regularly, they’re not interested in girl trips or holidays now that we’re all a bit older… I would love a partner to go on little trips with and city breaks. I’ve brought this up a few times and just get told ‘go alone, you’ll have a great time’.. I don’t want to be alone!! I’m alone all the time lol. I looked into singles trips/going with a group but it’s just not me.

I haven’t been abroad or even on a staycation in 4 years and time is just passing me by. One of my friends has 6 city breaks booked with her bf for the rest of the year, just little weekend trips to see a few museums and try new food. Im so jealous 😪
 
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First world vent that I just need to let out… I want to go on holidays with my (non existent) partner and I don’t want to go alone 😣

I am a quiet/private person with a small group of friends, all of them are in serious relationships and live with their partners. They go on holidays and little weekends together regularly, they’re not interested in girl trips or holidays now that we’re all a bit older… I would love a partner to go on little trips with and city breaks. I’ve brought this up a few times and just get told ‘go alone, you’ll have a great time’.. I don’t want to be alone!! I’m alone all the time lol. I looked into singles trips/going with a group but it’s just not me.

I haven’t been abroad or even on a staycation in 4 years and time is just passing me by. One of my friends has 6 city breaks booked with her bf for the rest of the year, just little weekend trips to see a few museums and try new food. Im so jealous 😪
honestly - just go. i’m long-term single and have done some wonderful trips, both completely by myself (city breaks here not abroad) and with group trips.

to be blunt: if you want to do these things then you absolutely should, don’t wait around for a partner to go with you. plus, based on friends’ experiences, going abroad with a partner isn’t always magically more fun. pick your destination and research, then book. have an amazing time ☀ x
 
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First world vent that I just need to let out… I want to go on holidays with my (non existent) partner and I don’t want to go alone 😣

I am a quiet/private person with a small group of friends, all of them are in serious relationships and live with their partners. They go on holidays and little weekends together regularly, they’re not interested in girl trips or holidays now that we’re all a bit older… I would love a partner to go on little trips with and city breaks. I’ve brought this up a few times and just get told ‘go alone, you’ll have a great time’.. I don’t want to be alone!! I’m alone all the time lol. I looked into singles trips/going with a group but it’s just not me.

I haven’t been abroad or even on a staycation in 4 years and time is just passing me by. One of my friends has 6 city breaks booked with her bf for the rest of the year, just little weekend trips to see a few museums and try new food. Im so jealous 😪
If you genuinely want to travel and experience other places/try new food/go to attractions etc there’s absolutely nothing stopping you from doing that yourself. What’s the alternative? Never going anywhere, even though you want to, just because you are single? You say that going on a holiday with other singles isn’t “for you” - but how do you know that if you’ve never done it?! You never know who you may meet - it could be the door to finding a new group of friends who you can connect with and go travelling with who will fill that gap for you. Or, you may meet someone who you connect with romantically? You never know!

im not sure what else to suggest. You either carry on as you are, never going anywhere - which is a damn shame. Or, you pull yourself up and get on with you life - travelling for yourself, enjoying life as a single person but being open to the possibility of making new connections along the way by mixing with other people in the same situation as you.
 
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First world vent that I just need to let out… I want to go on holidays with my (non existent) partner and I don’t want to go alone 😣

I am a quiet/private person with a small group of friends, all of them are in serious relationships and live with their partners. They go on holidays and little weekends together regularly, they’re not interested in girl trips or holidays now that we’re all a bit older… I would love a partner to go on little trips with and city breaks. I’ve brought this up a few times and just get told ‘go alone, you’ll have a great time’.. I don’t want to be alone!! I’m alone all the time lol. I looked into singles trips/going with a group but it’s just not me.

I haven’t been abroad or even on a staycation in 4 years and time is just passing me by. One of my friends has 6 city breaks booked with her bf for the rest of the year, just little weekend trips to see a few museums and try new food. Im so jealous 😪
We've all been through a weird time recently with Covid, so one hurdle to jump first is to flex your "going out" muscles :) Test how you feel, by going to a little cafe for lunch by yourself, then try a restaurant for dinner, in the evening by yourself.

If you can cope with those things, that's a great starting point.

Next you could have a look at any local groups to you, things like church groups, art groups, (something that you enjoy or would be something you do) and see if they have any trips coming up. Coach trips or mini trips in a group can be wonderful to meet others just like you, you also get couples who have one that wants to sit on the beach, one who wants to see the tourist stuff, so you might find a person to buddy up with on the trips that way.

Also, have a chat to local travel agencies, they also run coach trips, overnight things, trips to concerts, events. Many have food, board and travel included and again, you may find others like you, who are looking for a holiday companion.

When my Dad passed away years ago, my Mum didn't drive and most of her friends were still in their couples, so she joined lots of groups, went on coach trips and gained a small group of travel friends. She went to lots of local ones first, then when she felt she knew the others well enough, they began overseas trips too.

Just thought I'd give you another idea to consider :)
 
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@LaBlonde @BettyCrockerr @didn't want to join ye are so right ladies, I am terrified to do anything but at the same time terrified I’ll never meet anyone because I’m not doing anything!!!

Sitting down to Comedy Central now gonna take a look online and see what’s out there for me. If I had to choose between going alone or going with a travel group I think I’d prefer to go alone, just more freedom with activities and places.. hopefully posting here is the push I needed!!!
 
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@LaBlonde @BettyCrockerr @didn't want to join ye are so right ladies, I am terrified to do anything but at the same time terrified I’ll never meet anyone because I’m not doing anything!!!

Sitting down to Comedy Central now gonna take a look online and see what’s out there for me. If I had to choose between going alone or going with a travel group I think I’d prefer to go alone, just more freedom with activities and places.. hopefully posting here is the push I needed!!!
honestly, you’ll have the best time! i love solo travelling because you get to do exactly what YOU want to do.

it’s natural to be a little scared so i would recommend starting with an “at home” trip first (not sure what you’re into but i had a lovely weekend in bath doing some shopping and all the jane austen stuff, which i know no one would have come to with me 🤣) - you can always start branching out in longer and further afield trips then.
 
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First world vent that I just need to let out… I want to go on holidays with my (non existent) partner and I don’t want to go alone 😣

I am a quiet/private person with a small group of friends, all of them are in serious relationships and live with their partners. They go on holidays and little weekends together regularly, they’re not interested in girl trips or holidays now that we’re all a bit older… I would love a partner to go on little trips with and city breaks. I’ve brought this up a few times and just get told ‘go alone, you’ll have a great time’.. I don’t want to be alone!! I’m alone all the time lol. I looked into singles trips/going with a group but it’s just not me.

I haven’t been abroad or even on a staycation in 4 years and time is just passing me by. One of my friends has 6 city breaks booked with her bf for the rest of the year, just little weekend trips to see a few museums and try new food. Im so jealous 😪
I've done countless solo trips (abroad and domestically) and they're the best trips. You don't have to do activities you don't want to do. You can take the time to visit whatever you want. You can meet new people. Plus, it's a good opportunity for introspection.

Don't wait on other people when it comes to living your dreams. Take ownership of what you want to do and do it. Your happiness and self-development shouldn't depend on anyone else's will but yours.

Trust me, traveling alone with give you such a great sense of independence and confidence. You'll be happy you did it.

Start with a small staycation if you don't feel comfortable going abroad, then once you've gotten accustomed to traveling alone, you can start looking into foreign trips. No one will judge you - solo traveling is such a common thing nowadays.
 
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My best friend has just found out her dad has cancer. He went in for gallstones and they found a shadow on his lung. It’s spread to his spine.
I’m devastated for her. Words of “ I’m sorry “ seem pathetically empty. What can I do to help her if anything ? I’ve offered to be there, walk the dogs, mind the kids, drive her to the hospital but I feel so helpless. I just want to take her pain away. 😭
 
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My best friend has just found out her dad has cancer. He went in for gallstones and they found a shadow on his lung. It’s spread to his spine.
I’m devastated for her. Words of “ I’m sorry “ seem pathetically empty. What can I do to help her if anything ? I’ve offered to be there, walk the dogs, mind the kids, drive her to the hospital but I feel so helpless. I just want to take her pain away. 😭
Unfortunately you can’t take her pain away. All you can do is be there for her. Don’t give any hollow platitudes like “he’s a fighter/he’s strong/he’s going to be ok” - instead just tell her you love her. Tell her you are here for her, ask if there is anything she needs. Don’t try to minimise what’s going on but just be there as a support and a listening ear. You sound like a lovely friend ❤
 
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My best friend has just found out her dad has cancer. He went in for gallstones and they found a shadow on his lung. It’s spread to his spine.
I’m devastated for her. Words of “ I’m sorry “ seem pathetically empty. What can I do to help her if anything ? I’ve offered to be there, walk the dogs, mind the kids, drive her to the hospital but I feel so helpless. I just want to take her pain away. 😭
Just be there. Let her talk about it. But also let her discuss other things and don't force the subject
 
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My best friend has just found out her dad has cancer. He went in for gallstones and they found a shadow on his lung. It’s spread to his spine.
I’m devastated for her. Words of “ I’m sorry “ seem pathetically empty. What can I do to help her if anything ? I’ve offered to be there, walk the dogs, mind the kids, drive her to the hospital but I feel so helpless. I just want to take her pain away. 😭
you sound like a lovely friend.

don’t worry over saying the right thing, actions mean more. when my dad had cancer i had “friends” who sent texts and made empty promises but were never there, the ones who stepped up and made me feel loved/supported were the the ones who (like you) offered to help. check if she needs shopping in, lifts anywhere, leave some nice flowers in her house - just let her know that you’re there. likewise, if she doesn’t want to talk about it, then don’t force it. she may want the odd day of complete distraction too.

it’s a awful time but knowing that you’re around will mean everything to her.
 
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Unfortunately you can’t take her pain away. All you can do is be there for her. Don’t give any hollow platitudes like “he’s a fighter/he’s strong/he’s going to be ok” - instead just tell her you love her. Tell her you are here for her, ask if there is anything she needs. Don’t try to minimise what’s going on but just be there as a support and a listening ear. You sound like a lovely friend ❤
Thank you. I don’t know whether you’d call me a realist or what ( I’m not religious/ work with animals so I have a very basic view of life and death ) so thankfully I don’t say things like in response to friends struggling.
Thankyou, I absolutely adore her. She’s the nicest person you will ever meet.

you sound like a lovely friend.

don’t worry over saying the right thing, actions mean more. when my dad had cancer i had “friends” who sent texts and made empty promises but were never there, the ones who stepped up and made me feel loved/supported were the the ones who (like you) offered to help. check if she needs shopping in, lifts anywhere, leave some nice flowers in her house - just let her know that you’re there. likewise, if she doesn’t want to talk about it, then don’t force it. she may want the odd day of complete distraction too.

it’s a awful time but knowing that you’re around will mean everything to her.
Thank you. We’ve been friends for 12 years and she knows me better than I know myself so I know she wouldn’t over think my texts but it still worries me. Silly I know.
And she tells me everything which I love. We are very close. She calls me the sister she never had. 🥲
I did think about flowers. I want to just show her I’m thinking of her without actually hounding her. I don’t want to rush round, it’s still early days and they’ll be reeling and he’s not had further tests yet to find out properly.
I might drop her off a little bag of food or something. She’ll sort her family and forget about herself and probably won’t eat much from stress.
We had plans for the weekend so I’m not going to mention it and just let her let me know if she feels up to it. She may want the distraction. She can literally decide on the night x
Thankyou for the tips, it all helps x
 
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Thank you. I don’t know whether you’d call me a realist or what ( I’m not religious/ work with animals so I have a very basic view of life and death ) so thankfully I don’t say things like in response to friends struggling.
Thankyou, I absolutely adore her. She’s the nicest person you will ever meet.



Thank you. We’ve been friends for 12 years and she knows me better than I know myself so I know she wouldn’t over think my texts but it still worries me. Silly I know.
And she tells me everything which I love. We are very close. She calls me the sister she never had. 🥲
I did think about flowers. I want to just show her I’m thinking of her without actually hounding her. I don’t want to rush round, it’s still early days and they’ll be reeling and he’s not had further tests yet to find out properly.
I might drop her off a little bag of food or something. She’ll sort her family and forget about herself and probably won’t eat much from stress.
We had plans for the weekend so I’m not going to mention it and just let her let me know if she feels up to it. She may want the distraction. She can literally decide on the night x
Thankyou for the tips, it all helps x
What you're doing sounds perfect. My dad had cancer last year. He's recovered now fortunately, pending a yearly review but when I was a 'worried relative' I didn't really have a person if that makes sense? My husband sort of went through the motions but on reflection now we are divorcing, wasn't supportive at all until I raised his lack of care as an issue.
I didn't tell that many people either, so it may be that you're one of the few people who can provide that support for her.

What you are already doing and what you plan to do is pitched just right. She's lucky to have you x
 
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Wondering if anyone has a positive story about moving their primary school aged children schools (for whatever reason/reasons) how did your child cope? Looking for success stories or some reassurance I guess as it's something I'm considering but also dreading.
 
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I’ve a good group of friends , been friends since highschool , grew up together . Really close. Yesterday Ona group call I found out their all massive coke heads. 😭😭 and for years I’ve been that dumb I’ve never noticed, admittedly I don’t go out at night with them much anymore. But they all know I’m anti drugs so we’re sneaky when I was there. 2 of them I have often bailed out financially when they have snaps they didn’t have food for kids or kids needed new shoes. I feel so stupid and now feel like I have been used .
 
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Wondering if anyone has a positive story about moving their primary school aged children schools (for whatever reason/reasons) how did your child cope? Looking for success stories or some reassurance I guess as it's something I'm considering but also dreading.
I had a child with ASD and the school didn't support them, understand them or care too much about them and their specific needs. I had to make a choice for not only that child's needs, but their sibling too.

I couldn't find a space to move both, in fact even one in a new school, so I made the choice to home school. I had everyone tell me, you aren't a Teacher, you will damage them, they won't be ok.....

Everyday, I had watched both of them wither, look crushed, lose their personalities :( 🤷‍♀️ I thought something will be better than doing nothing.

The first week was a jolly, the third week had me thinking did I do the right thing? By the fourth (just one month) I knew they were looking and feeling so much happier and doing better.

When my Older child was due to start a secondary school, I got a place and asked both if they wished to return. The Older child did, the younger one weighed it up a lot (the younger is the ASD child) and both said yes. They returned and both were ahead of their age group, enjoyed meeting new friends, new Teachers, TA staff.... both did really well.

My ASD child didn't however make it past the 2nd year, again, they had no way of coping with, or assisting their needs and they withered all over again.

One child remained and passed all exams at great levels. The other returned to home ed, then went to a course for a few weeks.

I can tell you now (they are both in their 20's) they are wonderful, caring people, one is a Director of their own company (ASD person) and the other is Self Employed as a Writer/Artist and they turned out just fine :)

Any regrets? Just that I didn't spot they needed that change, that opportunity a lot sooner, that I wasn't brave enough to take the leap of faith required on their behalf.

Have a good look around the schools you have in mind, try to ask the school to let you visit so your visit ends around the time parents gather to collect their kids ;) have a good look at the kid's faces coming out, see if any parents start a natter with you and give you any info. Best of luck x
 
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I’ve a good group of friends , been friends since highschool , grew up together . Really close. Yesterday Ona group call I found out their all massive coke heads. 😭😭 and for years I’ve been that dumb I’ve never noticed, admittedly I don’t go out at night with them much anymore. But they all know I’m anti drugs so we’re sneaky when I was there. 2 of them I have often bailed out financially when they have snaps they didn’t have food for kids or kids needed new shoes. I feel so stupid and now feel like I have been used .
(apologies if this links onto the last post of mine and becomes super long)

When friends, family or work colleagues hide things away, or simply neglect to actually tell you they do something, it's generally because they are well aware of your thoughts, feelings, opinions, know that it might offend, upset or annoy you, but they still do their own thing anyway.

Some of my family have friends in their 20's to 30's and drug life is so rife among a few, that they don't even bother to hide who they are anymore.

One thing I have sadly come to realise, is that when folk get into the drug scene, time progresses and the drugs get a firmer grip on them, they will do anything to raise the cash to buy more and more. They go without food, heating, they don't wash, cook (so use less gas and electric) they move in with other drug users, to cut down on rent. It becomes all they think and do. Sometimes they want to be rescued, to leave it all behind and enjoy life again once more.

But unfortunately, I will tell you, for many it's a crutch, a way of life, not something they can or will give up. They will lie, borrow, steal and do whatever it takes to enjoy their own selfish ways.

You haven't been stupid, you've been a lovely friend, a decent person and a good supportive network for them. Now their mask has slipped and you've realised who they actually are and all that that brings with it, you need to decide how you go forwards.

Do you want to walk away and leave the friendship? Do you want to continue, but with a newly opened set of eyes, aware of it all?

No-one would blame you for wanting to walk away, but if you do decide to stick with them, please stay safe, set up boundaries (like not meeting them in your own home, in case they steal from you or bring an undesirable with them when they visit) don't lend anything more and have conversations about where they see their lives going (so you can tell if they want to give it all up or if they are quite content with their choices) x
 
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(apologies if this links onto the last post of mine and becomes super long)

When friends, family or work colleagues hide things away, or simply neglect to actually tell you they do something, it's generally because they are well aware of your thoughts, feelings, opinions, know that it might offend, upset or annoy you, but they still do their own thing anyway.

Some of my family have friends in their 20's to 30's and drug life is so rife among a few, that they don't even bother to hide who they are anymore.

One thing I have sadly come to realise, is that when folk get into the drug scene, time progresses and the drugs get a firmer grip on them, they will do anything to raise the cash to buy more and more. They go without food, heating, they don't wash, cook (so use less gas and electric) they move in with other drug users, to cut down on rent. It becomes all they think and do. Sometimes they want to be rescued, to leave it all behind and enjoy life again once more.

But unfortunately, I will tell you, for many it's a crutch, a way of life, not something they can or will give up. They will lie, borrow, steal and do whatever it takes to enjoy their own selfish ways.

You haven't been stupid, you've been a lovely friend, a decent person and a good supportive network for them. Now their mask has slipped and you've realised who they actually are and all that that brings with it, you need to decide how you go forwards.

Do you want to walk away and leave the friendship? Do you want to continue, but with a newly opened set of eyes, aware of it all?

No-one would blame you for wanting to walk away, but if you do decide to stick with them, please stay safe, set up boundaries (like not meeting them in your own home, in case they steal from you or bring an undesirable with them when they visit) don't lend anything more and have conversations about where they see their lives going (so you can tell if they want to give it all up or if they are quite content with their choices) x
They both have kids. Kids who I love To bits. I’m going to stay friends but not meet up. Just Facebook friends and the odd phone call. I’m angry that I’ve been buying their kids clothes and food shops for them as they say they are skint. Im just gonna lie and say i Can’t afford to help anymore. thankfully they live on the other side of town from me, and it’s a taxi or 2 bus rides for them to get to mine so they never come, now I know why too expensive.
Thanks for the really good advice x
 
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Went to a singles meet up thing for coffee and swim at the beach this morning ….. it was terrible 🙈 but at least I went, I’m sure it’ll be a funny story to tell some day. Mostly men which I was surprised by! Most people were in their 40s/50s and a few in their 30s, I was the youngest by far. Definitely open to meeting people older than me as I think I’m a bit of an old soul/granny but 50s a bit too big of a gap I think!!

No one asked for my number though 🤣
 
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I’m a private tutor, and I teach from upper primary, and then a few lower secondary the same basic subject.

I have one student I really don’t enjoy teaching, of course it’s absolutely not personal and it’s not *him* don’t like, but I can’t stand the lesson.

It goes so slowly, so so slowly!

We have absolutely no connection or rapport, he has never made eye contact with me in over 6 months of lessons.

He never really speaks or engages with me, if I ask him ‘hey how was your day?’ I get a long (awkwardly long) silence followed by ‘yeah fine’

I struggle to get anything across to him and be sure he gets it, as he just nods and very occasionally says one or two words in response.

I basically spend an hour talking myself into a frazzled state while the idea I had for a class falls apart around me and he just blankly stares at me.

He does do the work, but it’s not in an engaged way, he just rushes a few answers out and when I explain how well he did/what’s good about it/ what needs to be worked on, he just nods and pulls a ‘OK cool’ face.

He does not have anything in terms of additional needs (I would understand totally if this was the case and work with his Mum to do what’s best for him) but she tells me he’s enjoying it, it’s going well, they’re very pleased etc. He is also very polite and quiet so it isn’t a stroppy can’t be bothered type of quiet.

I essentially want to quit. I work through an agency and they are lovely people so I think they might be understanding, but it just feels so wrong to basically quit with one student - but I absolutely dread it and it stresses me out all day thinking about going to teach his class. In a dilemma!
 
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