Support for anyone that needs to vent #3

[btw]

Hey , sorry I just need to vent and see if anyone has any advice or experience. We are beginning to feel concerned about my mothers drinking habits.
Since I was young, I’ve never liked being around my mother when she’s been drinking as she can be not a nice drunk towards family and get argumentative towards us. It’s frustrating as towards her friends she is the life and soul of the party and fun to be around. But towards her immediate family she can be not nice, start arguments and then be quite nasty. My siblings and I all feel the same way, including her parents and siblings.
In the past year her drinking has particularly increased and about a month ago I know it sounds crazy but I started observing her drinking to see any patterns and also so I can be sure when we speak to her incase she try’s to downplay it. She’s very sociable with her friends and every social plan involves drinking more then 2 bottles of wine. In the past 26 days she’s drank on 21 occasions, half of these were heavy drinking more than a bottle and the other times were drinking at least a bottle of wine.
I know she’s not an alcoholic, but I am worried that she’s heading towards being dependent on alcohol.
She’s mentioned on multiple occasions including last week that she’s “going a detox” which lasts a matter of days before drinking again. For an example on Monday she said she’s on a detox and lasted a day before she had a bad day at work and sat down with a bottle of wine for the night (since then she’s drank every night)
I don’t really know where to go from here. Her drinking concerns me for her own health as well as the damage she’s doing to her relationships with her family. She’s aware that her family don’t like the amount she drinks but she gets very confrontational and defensive whenever someone mentions her drinking habits.

 

[minnieminx88]

Hey , sorry I just need to vent and see if anyone has any advice or experience. We are beginning to feel concerned about my mothers drinking habits.
Since I was young, I’ve never liked being around my mother when she’s been drinking as she can be not a nice drunk towards family and get argumentative towards us. It’s frustrating as towards her friends she is the life and soul of the party and fun to be around. But towards her immediate family she can be not nice, start arguments and then be quite nasty. My siblings and I all feel the same way, including her parents and siblings.
In the past year her drinking has particularly increased and about a month ago I know it sounds crazy but I started observing her drinking to see any patterns and also so I can be sure when we speak to her incase she try’s to downplay it. She’s very sociable with her friends and every social plan involves drinking more then 2 bottles of wine. In the past 26 days she’s drank on 21 occasions, half of these were heavy drinking more than a bottle and the other times were drinking at least a bottle of wine.
I know she’s not an alcoholic, but I am worried that she’s heading towards being dependent on alcohol.
She’s mentioned on multiple occasions including last week that she’s “going a detox” which lasts a matter of days before drinking again. For an example on Monday she said she’s on a detox and lasted a day before she had a bad day at work and sat down with a bottle of wine for the night (since then she’s drank every night)
I don’t really know where to go from here. Her drinking concerns me for her own health as well as the damage she’s doing to her relationships with her family. She’s aware that her family don’t like the amount she drinks but she gets very confrontational and defensive whenever someone mentions her drinking habits.

My children’s dad drinks a lot. He was always a big drinker when we were together but he didnt drink everyday. As far as i am aware he does now tho. Every single night. He has said before that he is lonely so i think this has a lot to do with it. Drinking alone at home isnt the greatest thing to do. He can polish a bottle of vodka and beers each night.

 

[Kbudser]

Hey guys - hoping someone here will get where im coming from as both my husband and friend i spoke to about this have both just blew me off as being silly.

It took me 3 years (and two miscarriages) to have my son and i had a really traumatic birth (nearly died). I had always wanted two children but im so terrified of the same traumatic birth happening again, i cant bear to even consider sex let alone trying for a baby. Ive had a lot of help about the birth but have basically been told this is it now. I just have to decide whether im willing to take the risk.

A mutual friend/work colleague has a son just 6 months younger than my 2 year old and today she announced she’s pregnant with a baby girl. Im devastated as she’s essentially living my dream and im stuck here terrified. Husband and friend just said great for her and sorry you feel that way.

I know im being crappy and its not her fault but still, im really upset she’s living the life i want but cant seem to help myself have.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Those of you will remember I was really anxious about my parents behaviour at my sons christening a few weeks ago. They were fine but they were the only people who didn’t get him a present. It’s not about presents I know but to be the only 2 ( his grand parents!) I think that’s pretty awful. Especially when it was my nephews Christening they opened a bank account for him .
i have always felt they favour my brother over me. We have a family group chat and any time he posts they will reply straight away. And I put some cute pics on this afternoon of my son & no one replied
I want to disown my own family . Whenever I go round my dad sits in a different room away from us so what’s the point anyway?

 

[watermelon sugar]

Hey guys - hoping someone here will get where im coming from as both my husband and friend i spoke to about this have both just blew me off as being silly.

It took me 3 years (and two miscarriages) to have my son and i had a really traumatic birth (nearly died). I had always wanted two children but im so terrified of the same traumatic birth happening again, i cant bear to even consider sex let alone trying for a baby. Ive had a lot of help about the birth but have basically been told this is it now. I just have to decide whether im willing to take the risk.

A mutual friend/work colleague has a son just 6 months younger than my 2 year old and today she announced she’s pregnant with a baby girl. Im devastated as she’s essentially living my dream and im stuck here terrified. Husband and friend just said great for her and sorry you feel that way.

I know im being crappy and its not her fault but still, im really upset she’s living the life i want but cant seem to help myself have.

hi lovely, your post really resonates with me right now because I’m currently going through my second miscarriage in 3 months. I’ve already got one child, a little boy, and I’ve always dreamt of having two kids. My son would be such a darling big brother. I right now can’t bare the thought of sex, trying again, even being pregnant again just to go through this pain again. But Im desperate for another child and desperate to make my son a big brother. It’s heartbreaking.

you’re not a terrible person whatsoever for being as heartbroken and devastated as you are, you’re only human and we’re completely allowed to go through this pain. I hope your rainbow comes for you one day honey, don’t give up hope. Your feelings are valid and you get through this pain with the feelings you need to feel. Sending love xxx

 

[miaaaa]

Hey guys - hoping someone here will get where im coming from as both my husband and friend i spoke to about this have both just blew me off as being silly.

It took me 3 years (and two miscarriages) to have my son and i had a really traumatic birth (nearly died). I had always wanted two children but im so terrified of the same traumatic birth happening again, i cant bear to even consider sex let alone trying for a baby. Ive had a lot of help about the birth but have basically been told this is it now. I just have to decide whether im willing to take the risk.

A mutual friend/work colleague has a son just 6 months younger than my 2 year old and today she announced she’s pregnant with a baby girl. Im devastated as she’s essentially living my dream and im stuck here terrified. Husband and friend just said great for her and sorry you feel that way.

I know im being crappy and its not her fault but still, im really upset she’s living the life i want but cant seem to help myself have.

bless you I really feel for you as I was in the exact same position last year. I had a massive blood clots on my lung 2 weeks postpartum after my second baby, I was in ICU for days and nearly died. After that I swore no more kids, even though if always dreamed of 3.

2 years later I fell pregnant after going back and forth about trying again, terrified of dying during birth etc. When I found out I was pregnant I freaked and didn't think I could do it, but I continued with the pregnancy and honestly he was the best birth out of all 3 and I don't regret it for a second! Everyone is different so I hope you don't mind me putting my 2 pence in, but I just wanted to share as I felt this way too and it is completely valid to feel this way after such a traumatic time x

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

@watermelon sugar & @Kbudser so sorry you are going through this. I only have 1 child and I don’t plan on having another. I would love one but I don’t at the same time.
@Kbudser Of course you’re allowed to feel tit someone has what you want ! You’re only human its ok to feel like that. But I am sure it’ll pass ,just because you feel that way now doesn’t mean you’ll always feel like that. You might feel ready in a few years. Some people wait 6 years some people wait 10. There’s no right time length. And if you had a traumatic birth I can see why you are put off! You’re bound to be scared of going through it again Anyone would be! One day you might feel a lot better about it when you’re good and ready. You’re not a bad person

@watermelon sugar so sorry you hear this ! I can’t imagine how you must be feeling and I hope you have a great support system around you. Sending lots of love and sorry you’re both going through these hard times
Sex is likely the last thing on both of your minds after big traumas. Concentrate on getting yourselves better. It’s ok to feel upset and sad but it won’t last forever I’m sure of it

 

[miaaaa]

@watermelon sugar thinking of you lovely and I'm so sorry you're going through this again. Don't rush yourself and just take one day at a time. I'm sure your little boy will make an amazing big brother one day. Be gentle on yourself x

 

[minnieminx88]

We hve 2 weeks left of the hols and i feel the saddest ive ever felt at them going back. Dont get me wrong my food bill has tripled and ive drank a but more wine than usual but not having the stress of school is such a bonus. I do like having them around too. Also I think i have a bit or anxiety full stop in general so this could have a lot to do with it.
I think i will have sad tears in a couple of weeks.

 

[Gidget00_]

@watermelon sugar I’m so sorry my lovely

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Has anyone got a parent with long term mental health issues. Not enough to be an inpatient but enough that their depression infiltrates your life in a negative way?

I think this post is too vague, sorry. Just a parent who isn't ever really there because they always bring it back to their own feelings and needs and you're always left feeling like a burden.

Throughout my life I was literally told I was the burden who caused her illness (by being born). Except she actually had mental health problems before but I didn't find out until much later on.

It's not like she has never done anything for me. She has! But it always seems to come with a price and that price is the bastard martyrdom she puts on it. I'm just so tired of it.

 

[candyland_]

Those of you will remember I was really anxious about my parents behaviour at my sons christening a few weeks ago. They were fine but they were the only people who didn’t get him a present. It’s not about presents I know but to be the only 2 ( his grand parents!) I think that’s pretty awful. Especially when it was my nephews Christening they opened a bank account for him .
i have always felt they favour my brother over me. We have a family group chat and any time he posts they will reply straight away. And I put some cute pics on this afternoon of my son & no one replied
I want to disown my own family . Whenever I go round my dad sits in a different room away from us so what’s the point anyway?

Leave the group chat and focus on your own little family.

 

[TheGlossy]

You can’t compare your anxiety to someone else’s or judge the level of their suffering just because you don’t think it’s as bad as yours it doesn’t mean they aren’t suffering.

I wasn’t comparing severity. Nothing to do with that. I was simply stating the fact that a lot of people are using this as a cope out. I was venting. I’m not here to create a debate on this matter. Quite frankly not a stranger’s position (you) to judge on this when they know nothing about the situation I just mentioned.

If you don’t agree with what I wrote then keep it to yourself. It’s not the thread for this kind of debate. It’s a vent thread and we’re not here to judge whether someone’s venting is legitimate. We all have our own reasons which no one else on this thread is privy to.

I’ve never commented on anyone’s venting because every post is personal to the person posting it, so I’d appreciate the same level of courtesy. I didn’t ask for any opinion.

 

[Dogtanian]

Those of you will remember I was really anxious about my parents behaviour at my sons christening a few weeks ago. They were fine but they were the only people who didn’t get him a present. It’s not about presents I know but to be the only 2 ( his grand parents!) I think that’s pretty awful. Especially when it was my nephews Christening they opened a bank account for him .
i have always felt they favour my brother over me. We have a family group chat and any time he posts they will reply straight away. And I put some cute pics on this afternoon of my son & no one replied
I want to disown my own family . Whenever I go round my dad sits in a different room away from us so what’s the point anyway?

This is a crappy situation and we have something similar. My advice is to leave the group chat (or mute it if leaving would cause grief) and just concentrate on your own family. Ignore the parents and let them come to you and get in touch, if they don't then you know not to bother any longer.
It's tough but sometimes it's the best way out of the situation.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

This is a crappy situation and we have something similar. My advice is to leave the group chat (or mute it if leaving would cause grief) and just concentrate on your own family. Ignore the parents and let them come to you and get in touch, if they don't then you know not to bother any longer.
It's tough but sometimes it's the best way out of the situation.

Yeah you’re right. They never come to our house and I don’t hear from them unless I speak to them first

 

[minnieminx88]

I dont have a relationship with my parents. Haven’t had for years. We weren’t that close a family when i was a child. No one talked or sorted out issues. My parents constantly fell out and didn’t speak for weeks on end. We clashed a lot always have done. Things are strained and i cant see it ever being better. This sounds awful but not being able to see them (or them seeing the children really) bcos of the pandemic was a big sigh of relief.

 

[Melian]

It's great when the only person who believes you have a physical illness and it's not in your head is your consultant. Made the mistake of speaking to a GP on 111 yesterday who decided within 5 minutes there was nothing wrong. Um, I've had 4 tests done - (blood, breathing, heart and chest) I explained that one of those is inconclusive, which last time I checked, didn't mean clear. When asked if certain things are normal, I got a response "oh we all get that". Er, do we? Does everyone seriously cough after spraying deodorant? I know my mum complains about it; but she has asthma.

 

[bookworm1210]

My daughter has got autism and just been diagnosed with adhd. My marriage is falling apart and I'm struggling to hold it all together!
I just feel like I'm a failure in all aspects of life

 

[Tommyb]

I don't know what to do. My family have a gene related disease. I don't know if I should get tested for it. Results take 3 months and I have health anxiety. I don't know how I will cope waiting but then I worry about having it now!

Also they said if I have the gene and want kids they can offer me gene testing via ivf to make sure my children don't have the gene. Whilst I'm greatful for this I'm sad that if I have the gene the way I thought having kids would go will be different. It's making me really down I find I can't sleep then can't get out of bed. Then I get frustrated with myself as there are so many people going through worse.

I really hate indecision.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I don't know what to do. My family have a gene related disease. I don't know if I should get tested for it. Results take 3 months and I have health anxiety. I don't know how I will cope waiting but then I worry about having it now!

Also they said if I have the gene and want kids they can offer me gene testing via ivf to make sure my children don't have the gene. Whilst I'm greatful for this I'm sad that if I have the gene the way I thought having kids would go will be different. It's making me really down I find I can't sleep then can't get out of bed. Then I get frustrated with myself as there are so many people going through worse.

I really hate indecision.

Sorry to hear this. I hate decision making at the best of times. Couldn’t imagine something like this.
i would have the test because if you’re worried now and don’t have it you’ll always be worried and thinking what if ? Is it treatable? If so, three more months of worrying is better than a lifetime of I wish I had the test.
i think If you’re a worrier/ anxious irs always better to put your mind at rest? I’m not sure the ins and outs but if you do end up having it then you can get the medical advice