Support for anyone that needs to vent #3

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Just need to rant about my parents again! I strongly feel like cutting them off sometimes but think that is a bit hasty. I never enjoy going round , as there’s always something they’ll pick at. This week it’s my sons christening. We weren’t going to do it but our first two choices for school are catholic so needs must. And we’ve only given people 2 weeks notice as we chose the first available date that the church can do. Anyway my dad made it really awkward saying it’s strange to plan it so spontaneously and my brother can’t make it cos he’s away ( one of my Bils can’t make it either ) and he said we should change it so my brother can come as it should be a family thing. But everyone has been told , we’ve booked the cake & the room & also one of my Bils has booked hotel as he doesn’t live near us. I just think he was really snotty about my bfs family and why should we change it. We understand people can’t make it cos it’s short notice. It’s giving me really bad anxiety cos he can be a real arse to people and I think he will be on the day.
whenever I take my son round he doesn’t even speak to us just stays in the kitchen so why should I bother ??
I’ve got a hospital appointment on Thursday for my eye which I’m really anxious about and neither of them have bothered to reach out. When I told them they just said ok! ?

 

[watermelon sugar]

Just need to rant about my parents again! I strongly feel like cutting them off sometimes but think that is a bit hasty. I never enjoy going round , as there’s always something they’ll pick at. This week it’s my sons christening. We weren’t going to do it but our first two choices for school are catholic so needs must. And we’ve only given people 2 weeks notice as we chose the first available date that the church can do. Anyway my dad made it really awkward saying it’s strange to plan it so spontaneously and my brother can’t make it cos he’s away ( one of my Bils can’t make it either ) and he said we should change it so my brother can come as it should be a family thing. But everyone has been told , we’ve booked the cake & the room & also one of my Bils has booked hotel as he doesn’t live near us. I just think he was really snotty about my bfs family and why should we change it. We understand people can’t make it cos it’s short notice. It’s giving me really bad anxiety cos he can be a real arse to people and I think he will be on the day.
whenever I take my son round he doesn’t even speak to us just stays in the kitchen so why should I bother ??

I know the feeling completely, I’m the exact same with my Mum, she picks at everything I do just myself and parenting wise. I always think beforehand it’s a good idea to see her but I always leave upset cos she’s picked me and my parenting apart.
I think you should do what’s right for you, your partner and your son, if you want to do the christening asap then do it, it’s your little family no one else’s and you make the rules and choices now. I’ve learnt over time since being a Mum that my mum can’t boss me around anymore over what I do for my family and I think that’s what you need to do. Just tell your Dad, that’s what is set, if people can’t make it. Fine, no big deal. If people don’t wanna come, fine. It yours and your sons day no one else’s. If he wants to be funny about it let him, just let him know the date and the plan and say no more. Just let him show up if he wants to show up, and you do you for your family!

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I know the feeling completely, I’m the exact same with my Mum, she picks at everything I do just myself and parenting wise. I always think beforehand it’s a good idea to see her but I always leave upset cos she’s picked me and my parenting apart.
I think you should do what’s right for you, your partner and your son, if you want to do the christening asap then do it, it’s your little family no one else’s and you make the rules and choices now. I’ve learnt over time since being a Mum that my mum can’t boss me around anymore over what I do for my family and I think that’s what you need to do. Just tell your Dad, that’s what set, if people can’t make it. Fine, no big deal. If people don’t wanna come, fine. It yours and your sons day no one else’s. If he wants to be funny about it let him, just let him know the date and the plan and say no more. Just let him show up if he wants to show up, and you do you for your family!

It’s draining isn’t it. I posted a while ago shoot they said I should be potty training my son now he’s suddenly three. Nothing is good enough for them. I have to talk myself into going round and I always come home deflated and often cry on the way home .
i explained that that was the nearest available date we don’t want to risk it going into September as we want it done before then cos we need to apply for schools this time !!Not that I should have to explain myself . They don’t do anything to help me out. Whereas they’ll do anything for my brothers kids. I’m sick of them. I told my bestie and my fella that I really didn’t want to invite them and they said I can’t not do . They’re bringing my grandma so hopefully they won’t stay too long cos she always worries about getting home for her cat bless her

 

[newaccount2022]

Just need to rant about my parents again! I strongly feel like cutting them off sometimes but think that is a bit hasty. I never enjoy going round , as there’s always something they’ll pick at. This week it’s my sons christening. We weren’t going to do it but our first two choices for school are catholic so needs must. And we’ve only given people 2 weeks notice as we chose the first available date that the church can do. Anyway my dad made it really awkward saying it’s strange to plan it so spontaneously and my brother can’t make it cos he’s away ( one of my Bils can’t make it either ) and he said we should change it so my brother can come as it should be a family thing. But everyone has been told , we’ve booked the cake & the room & also one of my Bils has booked hotel as he doesn’t live near us. I just think he was really snotty about my bfs family and why should we change it. We understand people can’t make it cos it’s short notice. It’s giving me really bad anxiety cos he can be a real arse to people and I think he will be on the day.
whenever I take my son round he doesn’t even speak to us just stays in the kitchen so why should I bother ??
I’ve got a hospital appointment on Thursday for my eye which I’m really anxious about and neither of them have bothered to reach out. When I told them they just said ok! ?

I hope I’m not sticking my nose in too much but I completely understand the anxiety around dealing with them in public/at events.. I don’t know your parents so maybe this approach wouldn’t work but I try to put on a ‘teacher’ voice like how a strict teacher would talk to young kids and speak in short sentences. I also always highlight that others can notice how they are acting.

‘You’re embarrassing yourself, dad.’
‘You’re emotional, dad, take a breath and collect yourself.’
‘People are wondering why you’re upset, please collect yourself.’

I never ever rant or get emotional myself because they just want to wind you up, keep it very short and concise. If they try to keep ranting, cut it short and use the teacher voice again. ‘OK, I know you’re upset. Now is not the time, I’m going to go enjoy my day.’

sorry you’re going through it. A lot of us understand 🤍

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I hope I’m not sticking my nose in too much but I completely understand the anxiety around dealing with them in public/at events.. I don’t know your parents so maybe this approach wouldn’t work but I try to put on a ‘teacher’ voice like how a strict teacher would talk to young kids and speak in short sentences. I also always highlight that others can notice how they are acting.

‘You’re embarrassing yourself, dad.’
‘You’re emotional, dad, take a breath and collect yourself.’
‘People are wondering why you’re upset, please collect yourself.’

I never ever rant or get emotional myself because they just want to wind you up, keep it very short and concise. If they try to keep ranting, cut it short and use the teacher voice again. ‘OK, I know you’re upset. Now is not the time, I’m going to go enjoy my day.’

sorry you’re going through it. A lot of us understand 🤍

My dad isn’t a nice man sometimes. I expressed my concerns to my brother and he thinks our dad will be ok cos my mum will bollock him otherwise. I’m not so sure.
but if he does start I’ll simply ask him to leave. I never used to stand up to him but I do nowadays. My main concern is my son and it’s his day. We’re going to a lot of effort to make it nice and I don’t want anyone ruining it whether they are my parents or not
Thanks for your advice I will definitely remember them. I will use my parent voice

 

[TheGlossy]

I was speaking about the toxicity of my work to a friend of mine (i.e. the ridiculous workload, blatant favouritism, how I was treated after my dad's death, being told to stay super late at nigh to finalize some work, getting an escalation because delivering something on Thursday when the deadline is on Friday is not "good enough"). Their response was: "I empathize and understand what you're going through, but you just have to keep in mind that this company looks great on a CV".

So because a company is great on a CV, I have to let them treat me like crap and use this as a motivating factor. Honestly, not the type of advice I need. Completely tone deaf.

 

[shadowcat5]

My dad isn’t a nice man sometimes. I expressed my concerns to my brother and he thinks our dad will be ok cos my mum will bollock him otherwise. I’m not so sure.
but if he does start I’ll simply ask him to leave. I never used to stand up to him but I do nowadays. My main concern is my son and it’s his day. We’re going to a lot of effort to make it nice and I don’t want anyone ruining it whether they are my parents or not
Thanks for your advice I will definitely remember them. I will use my parent voice

Sorry I’m a bit late on this but my mum is similar to your Dad and I recommend the disengage approach.
So when he’s bitching about the day just say “i wanted it on this day” when he follows up with a complaint say “thats your opinion”
When he’s saying about your son’s potty training, say: “I don’t want to potty train him yet” when he follows up with a comment say “thats your opinion”.

i use it all the time with my mum “you shouldn’t cut your hair” “i want to cut my hair” “you’ll look xyz with short hair” “thats your opinion” so on and so fourth.

worked wonders for me because there’s nothing she can reply to that. If she keeps on I’ll just keep repeating that it’s her opinion. Eventually she gives up cause im not giving her anything to argue with

 

[Phil McCrackin]

Guys I’m not sure what thread to put this on but I’ve seen video recordings of me on my boyfriends phone. They are recordings of us having sex which I didn’t know about or consent to and my face was away from the camera. (If you can understand the position) I don’t know what to do am I overreacting? Xx

 

[LaBlonde]

Guys I’m not sure what thread to put this on but I’ve seen video recordings of me on my boyfriends phone. They are recordings of us having sex which I didn’t know about or consent to and my face was away from the camera. (If you can understand the position) I don’t know what to do am I overreacting? Xx

wwwhhhhaaatttt?! he filmed you having sex without your consent?! you are NOT overreacting to this, it’s a complete breach of your trust. get him to delete them. watch him do it. ask if he’s sent them to anyone else. if so, get them to delete too. get proof of this. then, honestly, he shouldn’t really be your boyfriend anymore.

 

[newaccount2022]

Guys I’m not sure what thread to put this on but I’ve seen video recordings of me on my boyfriends phone. They are recordings of us having sex which I didn’t know about or consent to and my face was away from the camera. (If you can understand the position) I don’t know what to do am I overreacting? Xx

it’s a criminal offence and you can report him. You won’t be ridiculed or laughed at by police and it’s not embarrassing, a crime has been committed against you and they take things like this very seriously. You are not overreacting, you are actually under reacting.

If it’s safe for you to do so (and if you want to) you can meet him in a public place and let him know what you have seen and that you have the right to report. I would then be asking for his phone to delete the videos myself and make sure you delete it from his Recently Deleted folder too. If he’s in any lads chats on WhatsApp I would be checking the media section of those to see if he’s sent them in and I would be checking his internet history to see what sites he’s been on. If he tries to bully or demean you or not hand over the phone I would be onto the police straight away.

I am so sorry this has happened to you, especially by someone you trusted. There might be some good womens hotlines that can offer solid legal advice if you Google for one, or the police might be able to help with that too. I strongly believe you should breakup with him, it might be safer for you to do this after you’re satisfied that everything is deleted or after police have done their job.

 

[Monkeymagic85]

Guys I’m not sure what thread to put this on but I’ve seen video recordings of me on my boyfriends phone. They are recordings of us having sex which I didn’t know about or consent to and my face was away from the camera. (If you can understand the position) I don’t know what to do am I overreacting? Xx

make sure you confront him about this. My first ever boyfriend talked me into letting him take pictures of me when I was 17, he was 5 years older, I didn’t want to but did because you know he was my first. Fast forward to 6 months later, we broke up, he sent them to a mutual friend, his brother was in my year at school saw them and then everyone knew about it.

not exactly the same but he didn’t have my permission to do that. it was over 20 years ago now and I regret not doing anything about it, it was revenge porn not to mention the fact I was under the age of 18.

make sure he deletes them then delete him

 

[TheGlossy]

I'm tired of people using "anxiety" as a cop out to avoid their responsibilities when their "anxiety" is nothing but regular "stress".

I have anxiety. The debilitating kind. The kind where you can't go to sleep at night, can't function or can't eat because of this fear you are 24/7 focused on. The kind that takes over your entire life for days or weeks on end. I have anxiety combined with a strong case of OCD (I'm late to everything because of my OCD).

It is not fun nor pleasant to experience any of this and when I hear people at work saying "I want to choose what I want to work on because I have anxiety" yet they have no issues being rude to everyone around them and dodging their work onto other people, I beg the question as to whether they're really suffering from "anxiety". I hate it when people use "anxiety" as a cop out because people who truly battle anxiety don't plaster it all over for the world to see.

 

[Maid22]

I'm tired of people using "anxiety" as a cop out to avoid their responsibilities when the "anxiety" is nothing but regular "stress".

I have anxiety, the debilitating kind. The kind where you can't go to sleep at night, can't function or can't eat because of this fear you are focused on. The kind that takes over your entire life for days or weeks on end. I have anxiety combined with a strong case of OCD (I'm late to everything because of my OCD).

It is not fun nor pleasant to experience any of this and when I hear people at work saying "I want to choose what I want to work on because I have anxiety" yet they have no issues being rude to everyone around them and dodging their work onto other people, I beg the question as to whether they're really suffering from "anxiety". I hate it when people use "anxiety" as a cop out because people who truly battle anxiety don't plaster it all over for the world to see.

I so agree with you, the amount of folks who use anxiety and depression as a cop out really pisses me off!
They have no idea how debilitating it is, when you really can't function, can't get out of bed, don't wash, but nowadays it's an easy cop out for folks, I've suffered for years, still get judged on it, would be easier to say, oh look I've broke a leg/arm or whatever.

 

[candyland_]

You can’t compare your anxiety to someone else’s or judge the level of their suffering just because you don’t think it’s as bad as yours it doesn’t mean they aren’t suffering.

 

[Rockin' Robin]

You can’t compare your anxiety to someone else’s or judge the level of their suffering just because you don’t think it’s as bad as yours it doesn’t mean they aren’t suffering.

Hear hear.

 

[Wophie]

Hey guys, hope everyone is well.


I've come over here to have a vent, because I genuinely can't get my head around what's happening.

My sister has been "working" (selling laughing gas, club rep etc) abroad for coming up to three months now. My mum gets married next week.

Before my sister (who is in her early twenties) went abroad I wasn't too impressed with her behaviour - very self centered, not making time for family, constant excuses to not see us, moaning about being broke and then the same day flashing new nails, clothes, lip filler etc. This was upsetting me, but I was putting it down to her recently splitting with her boyfriend of a year.

Fast forward and she was meant to be coming back home end of July. She postponed this to early August, just before my mum's birthday. She postponed yet again to 5 days before the wedding. My mum suffers quite badly with anxiety and has to be medicated for it, so was worrying about how close her return would be to the wedding. Add into it the fact my sister was no longer returning in time to get her bridesmaid dress altered, which has caused more stress.

Well the day of the flight came and she text my mum to say it had been cancelled by the airline, and she can't get put on another until the day before the wedding. But she's lying, because she broadcast on what she thought was a private social media (whilst probably high as a kite) that she'd purposely cancelled the flight to stay out a few more days.

But the lies keep coming. I already had worked out the flight never got cancelled by the airline as I sat and watched the departures and not a single flight leaving the airport of the country she is in was cancelled that day. I watched the flight she claimed to be getting bleeping fly across Europe on flight radar. She now tells my mum that the airline are asking her for £200 to move her flight, and that she doesn't have the money. I'm happy to say my mum won't give her it. She doesn't have the money. But she's so so hurt and upset by my sister, as am I. I can't believe she would act so selfishly and put all this on my mum. I'm doubtful she will even return on the next flight (she's spun some story to a distant family member who is supposedly now paying for the flight). But if she does she will return to my mum's house with less than 24 hours before the wedding, being a completely cranky cow as is in her nature.

Sorry for the long one. I'm 39 weeks pregnant and feel so upset and stressed for my mum. I've only contacted my sister once to find out about what flight she was getting and she ignored me. She has a real nasty streak and I don't want to end up more stressed by getting into a fight with her... though I bloody want to let her know exactly what I think.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Hey guys, hope everyone is well.


I've come over here to have a vent, because I genuinely can't get my head around what's happening.

My sister has been "working" (selling laughing gas, club rep etc) abroad for coming up to three months now. My mum gets married next week.

Before my sister (who is in her early twenties) went abroad I wasn't too impressed with her behaviour - very self centered, not making time for family, constant excuses to not see us, moaning about being broke and then the same day flashing new nails, clothes, lip filler etc. This was upsetting me, but I was putting it down to her recently splitting with her boyfriend of a year.

Fast forward and she was meant to be coming back home end of July. She postponed this to early August, just before my mum's birthday. She postponed yet again to 5 days before the wedding. My mum suffers quite badly with anxiety and has to be medicated for it, so was worrying about how close her return would be to the wedding. Add into it the fact my sister was no longer returning in time to get her bridesmaid dress altered, which has caused more stress.

Well the day of the flight came and she text my mum to say it had been cancelled by the airline, and she can't get put on another until the day before the wedding. But she's lying, because she broadcast on what she thought was a private social media (whilst probably high as a kite) that she'd purposely cancelled the flight to stay out a few more days.

But the lies keep coming. I already had worked out the flight never got cancelled by the airline as I sat and watched the departures and not a single flight leaving the airport of the country she is in was cancelled that day. I watched the flight she claimed to be getting bleeping fly across Europe on flight radar. She now tells my mum that the airline are asking her for £200 to move her flight, and that she doesn't have the money. I'm happy to say my mum won't give her it. She doesn't have the money. But she's so so hurt and upset by my sister, as am I. I can't believe she would act so selfishly and put all this on my mum. I'm doubtful she will even return on the next flight (she's spun some story to a distant family member who is supposedly now paying for the flight). But if she does she will return to my mum's house with less than 24 hours before the wedding, being a completely cranky cow as is in her nature.

Sorry for the long one. I'm 39 weeks pregnant and feel so upset and stressed for my mum. I've only contacted my sister once to find out about what flight she was getting and she ignored me. She has a real nasty streak and I don't want to end up more stressed by getting into a fight with her... though I bloody want to let her know exactly what I think.

If I was your mum I’d say she was uninvited to the wedding. I know she’s family but she’s acting awfully

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Hey guys, hope everyone is well.


I've come over here to have a vent, because I genuinely can't get my head around what's happening.

My sister has been "working" (selling laughing gas, club rep etc) abroad for coming up to three months now. My mum gets married next week.

Before my sister (who is in her early twenties) went abroad I wasn't too impressed with her behaviour - very self centered, not making time for family, constant excuses to not see us, moaning about being broke and then the same day flashing new nails, clothes, lip filler etc. This was upsetting me, but I was putting it down to her recently splitting with her boyfriend of a year.

Fast forward and she was meant to be coming back home end of July. She postponed this to early August, just before my mum's birthday. She postponed yet again to 5 days before the wedding. My mum suffers quite badly with anxiety and has to be medicated for it, so was worrying about how close her return would be to the wedding. Add into it the fact my sister was no longer returning in time to get her bridesmaid dress altered, which has caused more stress.

Well the day of the flight came and she text my mum to say it had been cancelled by the airline, and she can't get put on another until the day before the wedding. But she's lying, because she broadcast on what she thought was a private social media (whilst probably high as a kite) that she'd purposely cancelled the flight to stay out a few more days.

But the lies keep coming. I already had worked out the flight never got cancelled by the airline as I sat and watched the departures and not a single flight leaving the airport of the country she is in was cancelled that day. I watched the flight she claimed to be getting bleeping fly across Europe on flight radar. She now tells my mum that the airline are asking her for £200 to move her flight, and that she doesn't have the money. I'm happy to say my mum won't give her it. She doesn't have the money. But she's so so hurt and upset by my sister, as am I. I can't believe she would act so selfishly and put all this on my mum. I'm doubtful she will even return on the next flight (she's spun some story to a distant family member who is supposedly now paying for the flight). But if she does she will return to my mum's house with less than 24 hours before the wedding, being a completely cranky cow as is in her nature.

Sorry for the long one. I'm 39 weeks pregnant and feel so upset and stressed for my mum. I've only contacted my sister once to find out about what flight she was getting and she ignored me. She has a real nasty streak and I don't want to end up more stressed by getting into a fight with her... though I bloody want to let her know exactly what I think.

As hard as it will be I think I would just hold my tongue. She's already making herself look like an a-hole and I'm sure everyone's thinking it even if they're not saying it.

Don't be the bad guy* just enjoy your mums special day and look forward to your new baby (congrats btw).

* also people like this are very adept at turning confrontation around to make themselves look like the victim .

 

[Gossipgirl79]

Venting about people who are habitually late!!!! Throwing a baby shower for a friend today. It’s at my house, I’m also pregnant, I’ve done 80%, waiting on 2 other friends to come and bring their contributions and set up and they’re both nearly an hour late. No need. Be an adult. Be where you said you be at the time you said.

 

[Wophie]

If I was your mum I’d say she was uninvited to the wedding. I know she’s family but she’s acting awfully

I've told my mum I feel at this point she'd already done the damage and would be better off if she didn't come. I know my mum won't uninvite her though.

As hard as it will be I think I would just hold my tongue. She's already making herself look like an a-hole and I'm sure everyone's thinking it even if they're not saying it.

Don't be the bad guy* just enjoy your mums special day and look forward to your new baby (congrats btw).

* also people like this are very adept at turning confrontation around to make themselves look like the victim .

Yes that's what I also realise will happen if I confronted her. I definitely won't as I really can't do with the stress. I just hope that I can keep interaction in a minimum if she does attend.

Venting about people who are habitually late!!!! Throwing a baby shower for a friend today. It’s at my house, I’m also pregnant, I’ve done 80%, waiting on 2 other friends to come and bring their contributions and set up and they’re both nearly an hour late. No need. Be an adult. Be where you said you be at the time you said.

This makes me so angry too! It's really selfish honestly. Things happen like cars breaking down etc but generally they don't and as an adult you should be able to show up on time. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've been more than 15 minutes late somewhere due to reasons out of my control in the last 5 years.