I had a guy in to clean my oven before (not a euphemism) and it felt well posh. It's also quite spenny so I'm off to Lakeland on Wednesday 
Slopalong #3 She doesn't understand beans
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Yes, I had that once too.I had a guy in to clean my oven before (not a euphemism) and it felt well posh. It's also quite spenny so I'm off to Lakeland on Wednesday
I didn't want to use the oven afterwards, it was sooooooo clean.
I can't upload pictures because Tattle hates me for some reason but I secured the oven mate 
I'm having a cleaning day tomorrow and weirdly excited to use it? Sad House Frau indeed
I'm having a cleaning day tomorrow and weirdly excited to use it? Sad House Frau indeed
A little goes a long wayI can't upload pictures because Tattle hates me for some reason but I secured the oven mate
Thanks @Captainmouse ! Clean ovens ahoy
You will be in my thoughts. I bloomin’ hate that place.
Reporting back on the test I did on my oven door, cracking recommendation. I didn't use enough on the first go around but a decent layer of it does an awesome job. No super strong smells and really easy to clean. Definitely worth the tenner as you will get many cleans out of one big bottle. Cheers all
Do I get my own Fred in influenzers now?Reporting back on the test I did on my oven door, cracking recommendation. I didn't use enough on the first go around but a decent layer of it does an awesome job. No super strong smells and really easy to clean. Definitely worth the tenner as you will get many cleans out of one big bottle. Cheers all
You know the rulesReporting back on the test I did on my oven door, cracking recommendation. I didn't use enough on the first go around but a decent layer of it does an awesome job. No super strong smells and really easy to clean. Definitely worth the tenner as you will get many cleans out of one big bottle. Cheers all
0 - Dog tit
1- Dire
2 - Terrible
3 - Middle class
4 - Inhale greedily
5 - Ovary groaner
S - Stolen
Please don’t inhale oven cleaner greedily 
Erm.....it was very middle class? I'd say ovary groaner but then you'd all just look at me weird
I'd say ovary groaner but then you'd all just look at me weirdI did the Con-a-nation quiche but posted in the main thread like a ninny. Links to each post for your convenience.
https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-497-jack-monroes-con-a-nation-quiche.38874/post-14960978
https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-497-jack-monroes-con-a-nation-quiche.38874/post-14960978
Jack Monroe #497 Jack Monroe's Con-a-nation Quiche
I thought she could sew? I deffo remember some "gorgeous creation" that she planned to sell hanging on the back of a door..... That multi-pack vest with a bit old curtain tacked to it and proudly displayed on the back of a door will never not be funny.
tattle.life
Jack Monroe #497 Jack Monroe's Con-a-nation Quiche
Oh bloody hell, look out when she catches up, Boys in Scrubs. The “wee pocket rocket” has a new strapline to lure you in on Tinder. (ss @Marmalade Atkins) FML Jackie gal you know Linda is a big old lezza don’t ya?
tattle.life
Jack Monroe #497 Jack Monroe's Con-a-nation Quiche
Does this mean.... It's not very good? Absolutely!
tattle.life
Jack Monroe #497 Jack Monroe's Con-a-nation Quiche
This one perfectly illustrates how small it is. Look at it compared to the tub of baking beans 😂😭 Serves 8-10 full sized men who work down the pit all day.
tattle.life
Chapeau tenderstem! Do you have a final rating as per the slopalong scale?
(It’s almost as if she just pulled the ingredients and quantities out of her Mediterranean arse!)
(It’s almost as if she just pulled the ingredients and quantities out of her Mediterranean arse!)
Optional categories:
Recipe - Dog tit. Missing instructions, no tin size listed, just didn't bloody work at any step.
Visual appeal - Inhale greedily, until you cut it open and see how raw it was. Then dire.
Texture - Dire (more slop, quiche is meant to be pretty solid!)
Taste - Dire, unless you really like black pepper.
It took over 3 hours to end up with a tiny inedible thing. Overall, dire is generous as with tweaking I believe you could make a decent quiche with similar ingredients - which is why there's countless other recipes with similar ingredients that produce decent quiches. It's just stolen, bastardised and bad.
I also chucked a tenner to a local(ish
) homeless organisation who, amongst other things, have a drop in centre putting on three hot meals a day.
Recipe - Dog tit. Missing instructions, no tin size listed, just didn't bloody work at any step.
Visual appeal - Inhale greedily, until you cut it open and see how raw it was. Then dire.
Texture - Dire (more slop, quiche is meant to be pretty solid!)
Taste - Dire, unless you really like black pepper.
It took over 3 hours to end up with a tiny inedible thing. Overall, dire is generous as with tweaking I believe you could make a decent quiche with similar ingredients - which is why there's countless other recipes with similar ingredients that produce decent quiches. It's just stolen, bastardised and bad.
I also chucked a tenner to a local(ish
) homeless organisation who, amongst other things, have a drop in centre putting on three hot meals a day.
Your posts were a wonderful read, thank you. Your friends all round the quiche waiting for itOptional categories:
Recipe - Dog tit. Missing instructions, no tin size listed, just didn't bloody work at any step.
Visual appeal - Inhale greedily, until you cut it open and see how raw it was. Then dire.
Texture - Dire (more slop, quiche is meant to be pretty solid!)
Taste - Dire, unless you really like black pepper.
It took over 3 hours to end up with a tiny inedible thing. Overall, dire is generous as with tweaking I believe you could make a decent quiche with similar ingredients - which is why there's countless other recipes with similar ingredients that produce decent quiches. It's just stolen, bastardised and bad.
I also chucked a tenner to a local(ish
thank you for making something so horrific so funny
The recipes from Grifty Kitchen for anyone who would like to revive the slopalong - tag me and I will post the recipe you need
BREADS AND BREAKFAST
Courgette and cheese soda bread
Prune and pumpkin seed toast
Oaty soda bread
Get up and go muffins
Banana peel pancakes
French toast
Raspberry and lemon curd baked oats
Warm sunshine oats
Lemon and berry Dutch babies
Monster bums
Secret scrambled eggs
Pear and bacon porridge
Homemade muesli
Cinnamon crunch
Pear and cinnamon buns
Apple Bircher
LIGHT BITES
Radishes and other crunchy veg with a trio of dips
Marmite crumpets
Roasted roots soup
Pangrattato Pomodoro
Veg peel fritters
Cream of mushroom soup
Roasted courgette and red lentil soup
Chicken and cannellini soup
Carrot coconut and chilli soup
Chicken porridge with a poached egg
Radish soft cheese and lentil salad
Lemon sardines on toast
BEANS, PULSES AND LENTILS
Garlic bread ribollita
Veg peel fafafels
Red lentil and onion dip
Kidney bean and pineapple curry
Old rejuvenated bread with chickpeas and greens
Black pudding and lentil Ragu
Mandarin white bean and Greek cheeses salad
Lentil keema
Butterbean veg and stuffing stew
POTATOES
Refried roast potatoes with blue cheese
Basic potato salad
Potato parsley and anchovy salad
Instant moonshine mash with veg and bacon jumble
Lemon and rosemary roast potatoes
Patata ntomata
Easy potato and egg curry
Kolokithokefetedes
PASTA RICE AND OTHER GRAINS
Tomato bread and butter pasta
Salmon lemon pea and sweet corn pasta
Black and cheese
Sneaky veg and lentil Bolognese
Mushroom and blue cheese pasta
Tomato chilli and crab pasta sauce
Ratatouille
Pastitsio (Greek lasagna)
Chickpea chard and lemon pasta
Chickenestrone (La Zuppa Di Uno Sciocco)
Risotto with peas and lettuce
Pearl barley avgolemono
Mushroom and lentil barlotto
FROM THE SEA
Crab and coconut bisque
Fish finger katsu
Salt and vinegar sardine pasta
Crab rarebit
Sardinesca
Prawn cocktail with caramelized grapefruit
Fish finger pockets
FROM THE LAND
Roast chicken and coronation slaw
Fiery upside down pineapple chicken
Cheat n Sour chicken
Chicken in a creamy mushroom sauce
Pork herb and white bean meatballs
Quick sausage and stuffing bolognese
Toad and friends
Cannellini leek and sausage pasta
Sausage and chickpea curry
Spicy pork belly with prune chutney
Corned beef chilli
Humble sausage pie
Sausage bacon and many veg casserole
SWEET TREATS
Tinned peach drizzle cake
Chocolate prune pudding
Sticky lemon pudding
Bread and jam ice cream
Cornflake ice cream
Prune ice cream
Chocolate cherry cake
Pbj sandwich pudding
Chocolate orange thumbprints
Sticky ginger syrup cake
Microwave PBJ brownies
Black forest mug pudding
Tuppence lemondrops
Mincemeat bread pudding
Bits and pieces rocky road
BAG OF TRICKS
The sugar hack
Egg replacements
Cheat roasted garlic
DIY light cooking spray
Porpoise seasoning
Scrappy stock
Sardine stock
Crab stock
Chicken stock
Mushroom stock
Odds and sods gravy
Basic salad dressing
English dressing
Tinned fruit juice dressing
Herbstalk oil
Basic meat marinades (whitefish, chicken, pork belly, sausages, chicken livers)
Soffritto paste
Starting blocks
Fire starter blocks
Banana peel chili ketchup
Nomato sauce
Tomato sauce
Chip shop curry sauce
Basic mild curry sauce
Garlic jam
Traditional white sauce
Instant cheesy mash
Instant white sauce
Instant cheese sauce
Peach chutney
Pickled pink eggs
Instant hummus
Dustbin pickles
Snacky beans
Yogurt cheese (labneh)
BREADS AND BREAKFAST
Courgette and cheese soda bread
Prune and pumpkin seed toast
Oaty soda bread
Get up and go muffins
Banana peel pancakes
French toast
Raspberry and lemon curd baked oats
Warm sunshine oats
Lemon and berry Dutch babies
Monster bums
Secret scrambled eggs
Pear and bacon porridge
Homemade muesli
Cinnamon crunch
Pear and cinnamon buns
Apple Bircher
LIGHT BITES
Radishes and other crunchy veg with a trio of dips
Marmite crumpets
Roasted roots soup
Pangrattato Pomodoro
Veg peel fritters
Cream of mushroom soup
Roasted courgette and red lentil soup
Chicken and cannellini soup
Carrot coconut and chilli soup
Chicken porridge with a poached egg
Radish soft cheese and lentil salad
Lemon sardines on toast
BEANS, PULSES AND LENTILS
Garlic bread ribollita
Veg peel fafafels
Red lentil and onion dip
Kidney bean and pineapple curry
Old rejuvenated bread with chickpeas and greens
Black pudding and lentil Ragu
Mandarin white bean and Greek cheeses salad
Lentil keema
Butterbean veg and stuffing stew
POTATOES
Refried roast potatoes with blue cheese
Basic potato salad
Potato parsley and anchovy salad
Instant moonshine mash with veg and bacon jumble
Lemon and rosemary roast potatoes
Patata ntomata
Easy potato and egg curry
Kolokithokefetedes
PASTA RICE AND OTHER GRAINS
Tomato bread and butter pasta
Salmon lemon pea and sweet corn pasta
Black and cheese
Sneaky veg and lentil Bolognese
Mushroom and blue cheese pasta
Tomato chilli and crab pasta sauce
Ratatouille
Pastitsio (Greek lasagna)
Chickpea chard and lemon pasta
Chickenestrone (La Zuppa Di Uno Sciocco)
Risotto with peas and lettuce
Pearl barley avgolemono
Mushroom and lentil barlotto
FROM THE SEA
Crab and coconut bisque
Fish finger katsu
Salt and vinegar sardine pasta
Crab rarebit
Sardinesca
Prawn cocktail with caramelized grapefruit
Fish finger pockets
FROM THE LAND
Roast chicken and coronation slaw
Fiery upside down pineapple chicken
Cheat n Sour chicken
Chicken in a creamy mushroom sauce
Pork herb and white bean meatballs
Quick sausage and stuffing bolognese
Toad and friends
Cannellini leek and sausage pasta
Sausage and chickpea curry
Spicy pork belly with prune chutney
Corned beef chilli
Humble sausage pie
Sausage bacon and many veg casserole
SWEET TREATS
Tinned peach drizzle cake
Chocolate prune pudding
Sticky lemon pudding
Bread and jam ice cream
Cornflake ice cream
Prune ice cream
Chocolate cherry cake
Pbj sandwich pudding
Chocolate orange thumbprints
Sticky ginger syrup cake
Microwave PBJ brownies
Black forest mug pudding
Tuppence lemondrops
Mincemeat bread pudding
Bits and pieces rocky road
BAG OF TRICKS
The sugar hack
Egg replacements
Cheat roasted garlic
DIY light cooking spray
Porpoise seasoning
Scrappy stock
Sardine stock
Crab stock
Chicken stock
Mushroom stock
Odds and sods gravy
Basic salad dressing
English dressing
Tinned fruit juice dressing
Herbstalk oil
Basic meat marinades (whitefish, chicken, pork belly, sausages, chicken livers)
Soffritto paste
Starting blocks
Fire starter blocks
Banana peel chili ketchup
Nomato sauce
Tomato sauce
Chip shop curry sauce
Basic mild curry sauce
Garlic jam
Traditional white sauce
Instant cheesy mash
Instant white sauce
Instant cheese sauce
Peach chutney
Pickled pink eggs
Instant hummus
Dustbin pickles
Snacky beans
Yogurt cheese (labneh)
I'll do Chickenstrone when I have psyched myself up get back from my holidays.
Will your holidays be as ever lasting as the school run dearheart go well
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Surely you can’t expect kale “wilted” for 30 seconds to be nice? Equally salad leaves in a soup?! I’m glad this thread has been revived 
can’t think why Grifty Kitchen sunk without trace.
can’t think why Grifty Kitchen sunk without trace.
Could you please post this mystical instant hummus dearheart? Also wtf is nomato sauce?