"The sauce has eyes"
Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley
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Frau’s, I have started but I don’t know if I can finish 
ETA I have buggered the recipe up and added too much red wine. I might have to try again tomorrow.
ETA I have buggered the recipe up and added too much red wine. I might have to try again tomorrow.
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Will do a full write up tomorrow, but for now please enjoy(!) this shot of pasta being boiled in soup...
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I do my slops when OH is in bed
This thread is amazing. Thank you to all you brave ninnies, and thoughts and prayers for your poor unsuspecting Old Harolds.
I've followed the main thread for ages and laugh and fume and nod along in the background, but this one really cuts through. Even if she is not a liar, a fraud, and a narcissistic, conceited petty bully - she is undeniably a terrible terrible cook. She has no idea how to make nutritious, appetising meals on a budget. She has been winging it for years and these repulsive slops are the proof in the pumble. Her whole USP, her origin story, is based on noone, anywhere, actually cooking these recipes themselves. They are for the other, the "povs" - Let them eat slop. The Guardian, her publisher, Nigella, Jay Raynor etc - SHAME on YOU for facilitating this crap.
I would offer to join the slopalong but I have a stinker of a cold and can't taste or smell. You might think this an advantage, but the texture is amplified and I can't face a Monroe claggy/greasy/lumpy/slimy concoction just now.
But I have made a spite donation to a foodbank and I'll post the screenshot if I can work out how.
Squigged myself like a old school frau (I hope!)
I've followed the main thread for ages and laugh and fume and nod along in the background, but this one really cuts through. Even if she is not a liar, a fraud, and a narcissistic, conceited petty bully - she is undeniably a terrible terrible cook. She has no idea how to make nutritious, appetising meals on a budget. She has been winging it for years and these repulsive slops are the proof in the pumble. Her whole USP, her origin story, is based on noone, anywhere, actually cooking these recipes themselves. They are for the other, the "povs" - Let them eat slop. The Guardian, her publisher, Nigella, Jay Raynor etc - SHAME on YOU for facilitating this crap.
I would offer to join the slopalong but I have a stinker of a cold and can't taste or smell. You might think this an advantage, but the texture is amplified and I can't face a Monroe claggy/greasy/lumpy/slimy concoction just now.
But I have made a spite donation to a foodbank and I'll post the screenshot if I can work out how.
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Earthy Red Wine and Mushroom Risotto.
This recipe is brought to you from A Girl Called Jack.
First up the ingredients. I didn’t have a stock cube, I had a stock pot, yes I know fancy. 100g of mushrooms is not much at all.
However I was very excited because this recipe call for you to warm the TEASPOON of oil before placing your finely chopped garlic into it. After the welcome sizzle and quick sauté I added the chopped mushrooms, which immediately absorbed every last drop of oil and made the pan drier than a dry thing. As required I sautéed them as best I could and then added the interchangeable rice to the pan of pallidness. I then added a teaspoon of mixed herbs.
As I waited for the rice to turn translucent (ninnies this was never going to happen) I took a swig of the red wine and then made a terrible mistake. I added 125ml of wine instead of 75ml. I also added the tablespoon of purée.
I took another swig of the wine and mixed the stock pot with boiling water. Adding this as you would making any other risotto. It cooked down and eventually I decanted into bowls. I added no other seasoning as the recipe didn’t call for any.
SB wouldn’t go anywhere near it, Mr Ghent noted that it tasted of salty soil, so at least it was earthy. But it was inedible. Probably my fault for too much wine, but it was a waste of time, energy and most of all wine.
I was lucky I had a lot of the ingredients in my store cupboard, but if I’d had to buy them it would have been around £6.50. Nutritionally it’s not brilliant either.
Taste = Dire
I think I’d have preferred with white wine, onion, and some ‘hard cheese’ stirred through.
Will put my donation up separately.
Never again ninnies, never again.
£10 plus gift aid to my local independent food bank.
This recipe is brought to you from A Girl Called Jack.
First up the ingredients. I didn’t have a stock cube, I had a stock pot, yes I know fancy. 100g of mushrooms is not much at all.
However I was very excited because this recipe call for you to warm the TEASPOON of oil before placing your finely chopped garlic into it. After the welcome sizzle and quick sauté I added the chopped mushrooms, which immediately absorbed every last drop of oil and made the pan drier than a dry thing. As required I sautéed them as best I could and then added the interchangeable rice to the pan of pallidness. I then added a teaspoon of mixed herbs.
As I waited for the rice to turn translucent (ninnies this was never going to happen) I took a swig of the red wine and then made a terrible mistake. I added 125ml of wine instead of 75ml. I also added the tablespoon of purée.
SB wouldn’t go anywhere near it, Mr Ghent noted that it tasted of salty soil, so at least it was earthy. But it was inedible. Probably my fault for too much wine, but it was a waste of time, energy and most of all wine.
I was lucky I had a lot of the ingredients in my store cupboard, but if I’d had to buy them it would have been around £6.50. Nutritionally it’s not brilliant either.
Taste = Dire
I think I’d have preferred with white wine, onion, and some ‘hard cheese’ stirred through.
Will put my donation up separately.
Never again ninnies, never again.
£10 plus gift aid to my local independent food bank.
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@HotesTilaire it's Jack Monroe off Twitter as the title. I just searched her name on the site.
Thank you I’m a disabled Frau but that was an example of me being very very lazy. She has a few long running threads over there last time I looked.
Oh what a waste of wine 
Poor you. That looks dire. And
at “salty soil”. These ninny efforts are truly heroic @binkbonk what did the Pickin’ Balls taste like? Did the taste live up to the name?
Beat me to it, thank you dear one
Oh dear. That looks like it tastes AWFUL just from the combination of ingredients. And I'm going to come right out and say it...I'd bet folding money It's not you adding 50ml too much wine that has made it so bad.
If it’s off the BBC website it stands a chance of being OK, because they normally correct errors in recipes. (For example the DKL lasagne - they corrected Jack’s white sauce method, as that clearly didn’t work).
Following my slopalong I have just donated to our local homeless project (squigged cos 
)
I couldn’t do it sooner as I was BUSY!!
I am thinking of trying another one of her ‘15 minute meals’ - will keep you fraus posted!!
)I couldn’t do it sooner as I was BUSY!!
I am thinking of trying another one of her ‘15 minute meals’ - will keep you fraus posted!!
Oooh she's not very popular on mumsnet 
I'm assuming that wasn't always the case?
I'm assuming that wasn't always the case?So…now we know why she chucks tit into cold oil! Shout out to all the “super fast and fancy choppers” in da house.
Does she realize how much of a dipshit she makes herself sound?!
PS CONFESSION that she nicks recipes from BBC Food- and has been caught doing so
Does she realize how much of a dipshit she makes herself sound?!
PS CONFESSION that she nicks recipes from BBC Food- and has been caught doing so
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