I love it here 🤍
P.S I genuinely wouldn’t give that to my dog and she’d eat her own tit if I let her.
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Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley
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P.S I genuinely wouldn’t give that to my dog and she’d eat her own tit if I let her.
Something was gently whispering to me to wake up... LJC that is the best yet @binkbonk 
Amazing production skills!
I won't be able to go back to sleep now for fear of the pineapple eyes watching me.
Amazing production skills!I won't be able to go back to sleep now for fear of the pineapple eyes watching me.
Just made a donation to local food bank as it has posted pictures tonight of how empty their shelves are. (Soz I had to blank out the bank name) 
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@binkbonk that was amazing! however it was a bit wasteful of you to hire a professional film making company to do the film, edit and sound production, unless you crowdfunded for that?
Because I’ve seen amateur videos made by Jack and yours was clearly made by a team of professionals
Because I’ve seen amateur videos made by Jack and yours was clearly made by a team of professionals
I've just realised that I don't even have a sideboard. Am I poor?
Am I going to be condemned to eating jack's recipes as if I'm poor I obviously lose access to any common sense. (Actually scratch that as I am the owner of the first 6 books, but not the 7th. Dear heart) - is this hell?
Sister Michael Derry Girls GIF - Sister Michael Derry Girls Hell - Discover & Share GIFs
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tenor.com
I hope Jack watches your video and never has a peaceful night's sleep ever again.
Ah, it's even funnier the second time watching
Ah, it's even funnier the second time watching
I've been doing 100 hour weeks on that video, please send cashos so I can continue this vital work
Vlad is showing me ads for berry flavored tinned drink mixes. I'm going to practice for Dry January by following Saint Jack's advice and mixing in some vinegar. Bottoms up!
@binkbonk I first watched this on the train and didn't realize I had the sound muted on my phone. The soundtrack music and sound effects are
Brilliant work! If I had any inclination to try the Pickin' Balls, I certainly don't now 
@binkbonk I first watched this on the train and didn't realize I had the sound muted on my phone. The soundtrack music and sound effects are
Brilliant work! If I had any inclination to try the Pickin' Balls, I certainly don't now
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far too early! But a classic for either thread
Thank you all, I’ve got a new baby and this thread is keeping me going through night feeds.
I’ve bought a tin of prunes, and am gearing up to try the tit yourself smoothie from tin can cook. I’ve been strongly warned by midwives to keep my fibre intake up as postpartum constipation is not something to mess with.
the question I need answers to is what is a scant teaspoon? I know level, rounded and heaped is it a different volume to any of these? I’ve read the word so many times it has no meaning, google tells me it means “inadequate amount”. I need to add an inadequate amount of spices?
I’ve bought a tin of prunes, and am gearing up to try the tit yourself smoothie from tin can cook. I’ve been strongly warned by midwives to keep my fibre intake up as postpartum constipation is not something to mess with.
the question I need answers to is what is a scant teaspoon? I know level, rounded and heaped is it a different volume to any of these? I’ve read the word so many times it has no meaning, google tells me it means “inadequate amount”. I need to add an inadequate amount of spices?
would it help to imagine the pineapple eyed face as a friendly little slopalong mascot? With a fork for an arm and knives for legs ?
Excellent slopping from everyone. I’m relieved to say that none of the slops make me want to
any of your kitchens to gently softly gobble up your leftovers ( and I have a low bar for what counts as edible atm )
[QUOTE="That Forensic Man, post:
[/QUOTE]
So the second prove is for half an hour or overnight? Paul Hollywood would not stand for that
Also, don’t you need to activate the yeast?
[/QUOTE]
So the second prove is for half an hour or overnight? Paul Hollywood would not stand for that
Also, don’t you need to activate the yeast?
No harm to her but that seems like a lot of milk for one dish too. When we were little my mum bought a 4 pinter every day, yet she reluntantly wasted it on dishes like that, when we needed it for cereals and to drink. People on the bones on their arse who have something like milk would be so sad at wasting all the milk on something so foul, when they could have used it to give their kids or themselves cereal, cups or tea or a little glass to drink. She is appalling.Okay guys - here is the 15 minute, upside down fish pie…..
I gathered my ingredients and weighed them out.
View attachment 1717091
View attachment 1717174
(And yes, that is Maldon Sea Salt in a pinch pot - so what?? Do you want me to STOP EATING SALT??!!!)
The recipe states it serves 4 but my first impressions were that 300g of fish, which equated to 3 fish fillets didn’t seem like much between 4 people.
It also seemed like ALOT of celery!
Into the COLD pan we slop - with a pinch of salt and some cold oil…..
View attachment 1717097
The instructions tell me to fry the onion and celery (from cold, on my highest burner), for 3 mins, then add the frozen veg and fry for 2 mins more…
View attachment 1717109
Reader, they were all still raw by the end of the 5 mins, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.
Then, I added a crumbled stock cube, dried herbs (1tsp), 1 tbsp of flour, stirred it all in and added 300ml of skimmed UHT milk () gradually until it was all blended.
View attachment 1717115
And then add the fish and covered the pan with a lid - she says the fish should cook in 8 mins
View attachment 1717116
Near to the end of the fish cooking time, I put 300ml of skimmed UHT milk (
View attachment 1717125
The next instruction was to microwave this solid paste for 1 minute, stir it and microwave it again for another 1 minute
So, this recipes states that the whole thing takes 15 minutes in one pan - a la a rip off of THAT MAN when his latest show came out (she posted it the night before he did his upside fish pie episode iirc??)
The total time for the recipe as written down by Jack is:
stir fry onions, celery then veg - 5 mins
add flour, milk etc & fish and cook for 8 mins
microwave instant potato for 2 mins
= 15 mins - MAGIC!
However, the potato was only slightly warm after 2 mins in the microwave so I had to put it in for another 2-3 mins, the veg were not cooked through and the fish took more like 10 mins to cook.
A cynical person might think that the times had been made up just to keep the recipe at 15 mins in total
Anyway, just before serving I stirred in the cheese to the sauce and served the mash in a bowl with the sauce on top.
View attachment 1717155
Verdict:
Taste - the mash was extremely bland and tasted of not much at all - I added a bit of the grated cheese to the top of mash to try to give it some flavour, but this did not help.
The fish part just tasted over poweringly of celery, which was still not cooked through properly and none of the flavours combined together.
There was also very little fish per serving - the dish is mainly a white sauce filled with onion, raw celery and other veg and a few bits of fish On top of bland potato.
Process - quite easy although the timings are all wrong. Also, she doesn’t tell you to grate the cheese, just to stir in the 80g cheese. Also, the mash was not cooked after the 2 mins instructed time in the microwave. It is not a 15 minute meal.
Cost - My total cost was £6.50 for the fish, skimmed milk(
Score
3 - Middle Class (not terrible as I did manage to eat it, it just wasn’t very flavoursome and I worked out that one portion only has 344 calories so not very substantial for a main meal.
Reader I would not make this again.
F*** me @binkbonk that is....I don't have the words. Okay, I do - it is fantastic, a public information film that everyone should see.
All the hats in the world to you
You're amazing, @binkbonk. I had to fire up the laptop so I could watch it again on a bigger screen. The music! Perfection! My one criticism is that your hands are immaculate. It was somewhat jarring to see them alongside the rancid slop.
The sprout scones made me furious. HOW are they ever going to cook and rise properly in a frying pan, FFS? I'm not much of a baker, but I do scones quite often and they are so easy. How does she manage to make such a mess of simple recipes? It's ridiculous. Saint Mary of Berry's cheese scones are delicious, simple to make and never fail, if anyone fancies giving them a go (there are no sprouts in them, though, thank god).
Perfection! My one criticism is that your hands are immaculate. It was somewhat jarring to see them alongside the rancid slop.The sprout scones made me furious. HOW are they ever going to cook and rise properly in a frying pan, FFS? I'm not much of a baker, but I do scones quite often and they are so easy. How does she manage to make such a mess of simple recipes? It's ridiculous. Saint Mary of Berry's cheese scones are delicious, simple to make and never fail, if anyone fancies giving them a go (there are no sprouts in them, though, thank god).
I just had a wee cry at this. So kind 🥹
Newbie to this thread. I’ve read some of the JM threads, hard to keep up with though.
This thread is brilliant! I love seeing all your attempts at her recipes.
I’m an experienced baker, I might give the microwave peanut butter brownies a go unless it’s already been done? The recipe is on bbc good food.
This thread is brilliant! I love seeing all your attempts at her recipes.
I’m an experienced baker, I might give the microwave peanut butter brownies a go unless it’s already been done? The recipe is on bbc good food.
Excuse me, dear house of Carb, I done this with the chippy eggs in a cup.Inexplicable Eggs - grunge band circa 1990.
Another book idea... How about making a *real*, edible version of the slop cooked so far? Something like - the Original, and voilá! The Edible Version.
Petty, I know. Soz.
a trailblazer, if you may…
How about a whole bunch in a pesto, dear heart?
That spork! 🫣Oh - I think I have found my offering. I simply need a tin of fruit cocktail and I can attempt this culinary
wonder
View attachment 1718103
You have to try this fruit cocktail cake recipe
Jack Monroe makes the most of tinned fruit in this easy dessert.www.prima.co.uk
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