Scousebird blogs #11 Rent a daughter, rent a mate, Jeff has every narcissistic trait!

[Yerma]

She had been away for a wedding for the weekend with her family. She said she was going to let her hair down and had been doing really well like losing 3 or 4lb every week in the run up. She was a big girl but not like my 600lb life esque. Everyone literally gasped when her gain was revealed and we all thought it was perhaps just water retention however the next week having stuck religiously to plan she’d only lost 2lb of it madness

Well the week I lost 6lbs I was convinced I had gained because I was using my syns everyday when usually I wouldn’t use them to try and stick to completely free food only. I was shocked but she said it was probably cos I had been using my syns because they’re there for a reason so Happy days. I’ll remember that

 

[SpiceWeasel]

Who’s Old Holborn?! bit extreme him getting the sack like was he full on arguing on Twitter while representing the company the worked for or something?

I remember it being some proper troll account but not much else about it

 

[Trollinell]

Who’s Old Holborn?! bit extreme him getting the sack like was he full on arguing on Twitter while representing the company the worked for or something?

He was vile to be fair and didn’t deserve a job or any kind. He was saying vile things about women and scousers. He said that it was Denise Bulgers fault her son got murdered because she wasn’t holding his hand and that’s why he got snatched! That was just one of the things he said. Some I wouldn’t even type because it was about child sexual abuse

 

[TheGhostofShirleyBallas]

Ah ok. That’s put my mind at ease. Didn’t want you losing your job on strictly.
little fucker

Snitching on Shirl is not tolerated at the beeb.

 

[Babygirlie21]

I’ve read stories like that, it’s shocking! Not so live laugh love then were they tbh I don’t follow the plan 100% I know what I’m doing, it’s just cos I’m paying someone £5 a week to log my weight and I’ll look like a head if I don’t lose anything if I try and do it on my own I just look at the scales and go ‘it’s a no from me’

Oh god I used to do SW online years ago (would feel ASHAMED weighing meself in front of people) and failed spectacularly at it. I had a newborn so couldn't prep for tit and the ones that were quick and easy were either tomato based or fuckin QUARK! Bastard quark in everythin! Fuckin hellllll I hated quark with a passion! Up until the point that if anyone so much as mentioned it or I saw it in the supermarket I'd turn into the fuckin Hulk

 

[SpiceWeasel]

Well the week I lost 6lbs I was convinced I had gained because I was using my syns everyday when usually I wouldn’t use them to try and stick to completely free food only. I was shocked but she said it was probably cos I had been using my syns because they’re there for a reason so Happy days. I’ll remember that

Sometimes the weeks you think you’ve done the worst you end up with a good loss! I thought I’d completely fucked it one week cos I’d had back to back takeaways at the weekend and a load of drinks and lost 3lb other weeks you’ve survived off thin air and gain I really should weigh myself tomorrow but don’t want to spend the rest of the day on a massive downer as I have eaten and drank like Henry VIII this last week and think I might actually have gout brought on by way too much rich food

ETA an extra I to make the correct Roman numerals for the Tudor king. I’ve had a wine.

 

[Babygirlie21]

On the flip side of that, someone put on a stone in a weekend in my group, I kid you not

Bad to say but i could easily do that. Me absolute weakness is cheese. Ya should see the mountains of cheese am gonna absolutely demolish tomoz night with me champers and me ridiculous amount of crackers
Fuckin QUARK was no substitute!

 

[12055584]

I have actually scared myself in those instances when I’ve realised I am actually capable of murder when it’s 8pm on a Thursday night and Moira is banging out her sob story how she put on 2lb and I’m so hangry and dehydrated I’m actually having to put a lot of effort into not throwing my chair at her

The things we put ourselves through. we used to be in bulk, me and my sister, laughing to ourselves about everyone’s sob stories. Just reminded us of Cheryl on the Royle Family. We were never cut out for it at all.

 

[Yerma]

Sometimes the weeks you think you’ve done the worst you end up with a good loss! I thought I’d completely fucked it one week cos I’d had back to back takeaways at the weekend and a load of drinks and lost 3lb other weeks you’ve survived off thin air and gain I really should weigh myself tomorrow but don’t want to spend the rest of the day on a massive downer as I have eaten and drank like Henry VIII this last week and think I might actually have gout brought on by way too much rich food

ETA an extra I to make the correct Roman numerals for the Tudor king. I’ve had a wine.

Don’t weigh yourself until 2nd. It’s still new year however shite it’s going to be. This is my New Years tonight cos I’m working until 9pm tomorrow so on you Boris, on you. I wasn’t doing anything anyway.

 

[Babygirlie21]

God fell down the Tattle rabbit hole for a second and forgot what I came to say
Seen on Twitter that some sad bastard "fan" has had fat Rowe's have a word podcast logo tattooed on the back of his neck what the actual duck though! Must wanna piece of the kissing fat Rowe's ring action, move over Jeff!

 

[SpiceWeasel]

Don’t weigh yourself until 2nd. It’s still new year however shite it’s going to be. This is my New Years tonight cos I’m working until 9pm tomorrow so on you Boris, on you. I wasn’t doing anything anyway.

Enjoy Yer Self

to be fair I hate NYE anyway. A year ago today we were in in the US visiting and went out with my uncle for what was meant to be a quick lunch time beer and got back at 11pm in an Uber I have no recollection of. It cost $6 and can’t have been any more than 400 yards in distance. I still laugh at the journey when I go on the app. Was in bed at 7.30pm with Dominos NYE

 

[Yerma]

God fell down the Tattle rabbit hole for a second and forgot what I came to say
Seen on Twitter that some sad bastard "fan" has had fat Rowe's have a word podcast logo tattooed on the back of his neck what the actual duck though! Must wanna piece of the kissing fat Rowe's ring action, move over Jeff!

That’s just sad! Some lad I worked with keeps liking his tweets and it comes up on my TL and I lose respect for him on each like. He’s actually quite funny as well. Shame

Probably him actually with the tattoo.

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

duck it DABs we’re still in crimbo limbo let’s all get on the ale

That email is disgraceful my sister got it, it says something like g&t for tier 3

More like STD for SBB the whinnet breathed twit

ETA coz I’m late catching up as usual these days (half can’t wait to get back to work so my kid is back to nursery and my fella gets out my sight and fucks off back to work) ... Slimming world is a bleeping cult. However in my experience if you have weight to lose it does work.. I lost 2.5 stone in 2013/2014 and have managed to keep it off since but I do exercise loads and try and eat mindfully. Some of the tit they chat does proper stick with me tho like if I have toast for brekkie I think tit I can’t have a butty or a wrap for me dinner coz I’ve used me healthy extra b when in reality that prob has less calories in than a huge bowl of pasta which is syn free

I seen someone having a glass of skimmed milk with a shot of Malibu once saying ‘It TaStEs JusT LiKe a PiNa CoLaDa!’ IMAGINEEEEEE. Some of the Sw hacks are criminal

 

[Asevithankstome]

Sometimes the weeks you think you’ve done the worst you end up with a good loss! I thought I’d completely fucked it one week cos I’d had back to back takeaways at the weekend and a load of drinks and lost 3lb other weeks you’ve survived off thin air and gain I really should weigh myself tomorrow but don’t want to spend the rest of the day on a massive downer as I have eaten and drank like Henry VIII this last week and think I might actually have gout brought on by way too much rich food

ETA an extra I to make the correct Roman numerals for the Tudor king. I’ve had a wine.

Ooooh you and Jeff can talk about Tudor stuff! She might send you a necklace with your initial on it or a jewelled hairband and she can tell you about how talking about history makes you appear all cultured

 

[justthoughtidcomeon]

the whinnet breathed twit

Hahahahahaha I can’t cope!!

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

Oh god I used to do SW online years ago (would feel ASHAMED weighing meself in front of people) and failed spectacularly at it. I had a newborn so couldn't prep for tit and the ones that were quick and easy were either tomato based or fuckin QUARK! Bastard quark in everythin! Fuckin hellllll I hated quark with a passion! Up until the point that if anyone so much as mentioned it or I saw it in the supermarket I'd turn into the fuckin Hulk

Omg I watched come dine with me the other day and the fella made cheesecake using quark. bleeping illegal behaviour

 

[SpiceWeasel]

Omg I watched come dine with me the other day and the fella made cheesecake using quark. bleeping illegal behaviour

How have I never seen that one. I would be screaming at the TV. Quark isn’t a food it’s more like a poly filler

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

How have I never seen that one. I would be screaming at the TV. Quark isn’t a food it’s more like a poly filler

I was in bulk my fella said what the duck is quark I thought straight away this bleep does slimming world. It’s on my sky box I record all of them it’s my fave show after gossip girl obv I’ll check what ep it is and let you know

@justthoughtidcomeon no your name hiiii guyzzz

 

[Sosig]

He was vile to be fair and didn’t deserve a job or any kind. He was saying vile things about women and scousers. He said that it was Denise Bulgers fault her son got murdered because she wasn’t holding his hand and that’s why he got snatched! That was just one of the things he said. Some I wouldn’t even type because it was about child sexual abuse

In that case he deserved everything he got! On PNFs side there

Nah have yous actually tried to lasagne recipe using quark and yoghurt instead of the cheesy sauce? thats when I realised it was a con

 

[SpiceWeasel]

I was in bulk my fella said what the duck is quark I thought straight away this bleep does slimming world. It’s on my sky box I record all of them it’s my fave show after gossip girl obv I’ll check what ep it is and let you know

@justthoughtidcomeon no your name hiiii guyzzz

Please do

In that case he deserved everything he got! On PNFs side there

Nah have yous actually tried to lasagne recipe using quark and yoghurt instead of the cheesy sauce? thats when I realised it was a con

Yes I have. Always a sign if Mr SW doesn’t take a portion of the night before’s tea to work the next day. That one was abandoned in the fridge