SaconeJolys #11 The Chronicles of Botoxia: the liar, the witch and the Wardo

[Pinchme]

Anna, that phone that never leaves your hand has a compass on it. But seriously how can she not know what way her house faces - has she never seen the sun rise or set?

She probably has no idea whatsoever about where the sun rises and sets, probably doesn't even realise it does, she thinks the sun rises out her arse!

 

[Somerville12]

Some of his face to face Insta stories today... He really is a bleeping creepy, egotistical, slimey, weird plonker of the highest order. Quite an accolade Jonny shining

 

[Just-opinion]

Anna is really trying to make the duck lip pout a thing, but doesn't realise it went out of fashion after the 14 year olds of 2014 grew up.
Also, thanks Lemonandlime for watching that horrid scene about them talking about female and male bodies, they're really doing a lot for body positivity there.
Shocked that they creepily watched the kids in the house while "turning off parent mode", probably just making sure the nanny wasn't feeding them too much or reducing the amount if sugar they eat

 

[Pinchme]

Wondering what's going on with the "help 12 families 1 a week' in the run up to Christmas??

Haven't heard any more or have I missed it.

He did say he would be sending the gifts out weekly??

 

[Bon Qui Qui]

I've kinda joked that if Anna ever started getting fillers and botox she would end up looking like the infamous cat lady because they already look similar. Well imagine my surprise when I seen these screen shots of Anna!! The resemblance is startling.

Some of his face to face Insta stories today... He really is a bleeping creepy, egotistical, slimey, weird plonker of the highest order. Quite an accolade Jonny shining

All I could look at was his muddy looking neck. His fake tan is so bad! It looks like he smeared mud all over himself. Oh and his black tooth!

 

[Bronx_Princess]

I can count five make up bags... Did they stay one night or one month?

Exactly what I said 2 days ago when A posted her duck-face-giving-the-peace-sign bikini pic.

 

[Celandine]

Some of his face to face Insta stories today... He really is a bleeping creepy, egotistical, slimey, weird plonker of the highest order. Quite an accolade Jonny shining

And that tooth

 

[Pinchme]

Exactly what I said 2 days ago when A posted her duck-face-giving-the-peace-sign bikini pic.

What the hell is this picture about, she looks bloody ridiculous in that awful bikini or whatever it's supposed to be. just why would he post something like that.

I think this proves he is posting for all the pervs out there, as no other reason, this is not normal, and what's with the plane, they went up the road in the bloody car.

 

[lemonandlime]

What the hell is this picture about, she looks bloody ridiculous in that awful bikini or whatever it's supposed to be. just why would he post something like that.

I think this proves he is posting for all the pervs out there, as no other reason, this is not normal, and what's with the plane, they went up the road in the bloody car.

It's been a while sind he posted her in a bikini.
Everything about this trip is just..., ugh.

I keep thinking about Anna saying after her wax how she's bald like Emilia now and now she's saying the kids see her naked more than her husband does... I mean... wtf. Did she actually want to match Emilia then?!

 

[DoseofReality]

BIRTHDAY SURPRISE HOLIDAY AWAY VLOG RECRAP

We open with it being Sina's birthday and I swear Anna makes more of of a fuss over that dog than she ever does with any of her children. The doggos make Alessia cry but Anna couldn't care less. The Witch says that they watch a tv show or a movie once a night, and the night before, they binged....and Anna brags that she stayed up until 11pm. Probably unheard of for her. LOL. In the background, Alessia says "I don't want weetabix" to which the Witch replies, "oh, it's Saturday, you can have something else.... look...it's chocolate croissant day." As if they only get them on the weekends. Anna then imitates Albi's parking and complains that the poor dogs were parking...and that Albi peed in the house and she had to clean it up. OMG. The kids were just given chocolate croissants, yeah? This is followed up by a bowl of chocolate cereal. Wonderful.

Jonathan talks to the camera and tells us that they're going to a Spa as Anna's birthday surprise. They have to go away, because he can't 'get out of parent mode' when he's in the same town as the kids. I don't have kids so I don't relate, but I'd argue that most parents are even more concerned when they leave the kids with a new nanny?

Poor Alessia is scolded for going up the stairs with a bottle of nail polish and spilling it. Anna is whining that she didn't want THAT for her birthday. I really hope Alessia isn't getting a cold while Anna talks to Eduardo. Anna keeps talking about the carpet - I mean, honestly, you have four kids and six dogs - there will be stains! Accept it already that you don't live in bleeping Elle Decoration.

For some reason Anna dictates Eduardo how to spell the message on her birthday card... surely, Jonathan could have helped? It makes it seem like she's making her child write whatever she wants to hear! LOL.

Jonathan then tells Anna to pack a bag for their surprise. She's immediately having a meltdown because he makes it sound like they are going on a boat and she "doesn't like boats." So she's reluctant to even pack, that ungrateful witch.

Jonathan tells the camera how he picked a hotel with an outdoor spa. Smart choice in November, right? "You need to turn off Mom mode." Aw. Bless. This woman has no Mom Mode. There's a Witch Mode. And there's a Princess Mode. Emilia is crying when they are leaving and Alessia wanted to com. Anna's laughing off. That's your Mom mode right there. Jonathan asks "are all the postcodes in Germany the same?" What kind of moronic question is that? Obviously not!!! They talk about an old trip with a nudist spa. I'm tuning out because, yeah. What I did catch was Anna saying "I let my kids see me naked all the time." Umm....WHY?! I mean, surely, it can happen, but... 'all the time'? Eww. Then Jonathan chimes in "I've seen you naked a few times." To which she replies "You don't as much." Okay. That settles that. I didn't think she'd let him mount her all that often but... if the kids get to see her naked more... I mean...what...?! Why? Where? HOW? Jonathan says "a man's body can be quite scary to a child." WHAT? Seriously what?! Anna "I remember vividly taking baths with my Mom...and then sometimes taking showers with my dad and for some reason...the male form...is kinda scary. Maybe only for girls...?" I'm so grossed out by this entire conversation. I'm sure my dad bathed me when I was a child, but we certainly weren't in the shower together at the same time. If you do it with a baby as a matter of convenience, maybe... but with a child that is old enough to remember it? And remembers being scared of the naked dad? WHAT THE duck.

Their destination is Pennyhill Park, a 5* Resort Hotel. They do a room tour, there's a awkward couple scene where Jonathan pretends to bite Anna's shoulder because he's hungry. I'm just grossed out and so is Anna. Then they're lounging by the pool and Anna is on her phone the entire time. Jonathan is looking forward to his 40s cause his 30s were so great. There's a super dumb conversation about ageing, then we see Jonathan with his robe oben and I need some bleach for my eyes. Jonathan opens some Champagne for Anna's birthday... but...the Mrs doesn't even drink any. She however gets very excited about the cups at the Hotel. Afterwards they are off to to dinner and Jonathan creeps on the kids via spy cam on their walk to dinner.

In the next scene they are in bed and Anna has taken her make-up off... it always makes me laugh - her pale, rosy face...that is a complete different color than her foundation. And the final scene is them waking up...I guess...it's the next day, Anna has makeup on and says "I'm not ovulating" and it's somehow teased that she forgot her mini pill or something? God help us all.

I feel for you having to watch and hear all that.

Always remember their cold ass wedding kiss.

Watch from 8.30 awkward as!

 

[Bon Qui Qui]

His mother's face! "Well I guess I'm stuck with the witch now"

 

[RavenUK]

I feel for you having to watch and hear all that.

View attachment 54400
Always remember their cold ass wedding kiss.

Watch from 8.30 awkward as!

Oh wow, those photos. There really is no love in there relationship. She literally is with him as he said “I will make you famous”. She did the deed 5 times to help him make her famous. That’s it. What an unhappy loveless marriage. Yes the do deserve each other!

 

[Pinchme]

I feel for you having to watch and hear all that.

View attachment 54400
Always remember their cold ass wedding kiss.

Watch from 8.30 awkward as!

What happened to the party he talked about, it looked as boring AF, more laughs at a funeral

 

[bagafreebee]

Her two sisters look so different in that video facially.

 

[Fatima]

Anna and Jonathan telling us that she went to bed at 11 p.m. Yes, she just turned 32.

We finally got to see what Anna is doing all day long.

And the cherry on top :
Jonathan giving me Dominique Strauss kahn* in the Sofitel hotel vibes

* referring to

 

[Kombucha]

God...all that money and can't even fix that disgusting rotten teeth

But she’s not 100% Italian so how are the kids 1/2??

And never says anything about her 50% german part...

 

[Linnyloo]

Her two sisters look so different in that video facially.

Not one person from his family there. Weird. Everything about these two is weird.

 

[Fatima]

I think it’s the worst vlog I have seen, it was all over the place and they dynamic together is bizarre kind of, makes me uncomfortable, I skipped the shower/nudity conversation as just reading lemonandlime’s sum up, gave me nausea, because I found it inappropriate to speak about that publicly but maybe it’s just me .

Oh and the thumbnail is pathetic.
I mean, out of all the footage he has during the birthday, he chose the one which shows Anna in a bikini.

 

[Jak]

they honestly regret their children, it shows sooo much. definately recently thats for sure, based on the fact that they constantly talk and remind themselves how they loved when it was just them two *best friends* and no kids. or when they interact with the children its like a job not with love. when they talk about the kids its so robotic and the tired faces and distance between him and anna and the kids cant even be faked on screen. they are just another example of a couple on two different wave lenghts and ideas of the future that they forced themselves into a life they were not made for out of this dream version of themselves. no your both unfit to be parents and your marriage is falling apart because jonathan clearly pushed a life that the other didnt want and no your both miserable. they can post photos together saying their best friends, but we all know here that you both want to strangle one another lol

Try telling that to the kissass minions, who think Anna's the best mum and Jof is the best husband and dad and they so want to be like them when they have a family

 

[Fatima]

Not one person from his family there. Weird. Everything about these two is weird.

I saw at least his mother, the ginger woman with the hat.