Satisfying Click
VIP Member
"Let your friend know how little you mean to them, by sending a smeared birthday card with a merkin on it."
- Notice
LostGhosts
Member
Chapter 14 of Erimentha Parker: (We are now halfway through the book guys!!!!)
Sorry it is a short one, unlike Ruby I do actually have a full time masters degree/job so cannot spend my entire life reading books
Plot -
- Ruby is acting out Much Ado About Nothing in her bedroom and gives her mum a one woman show
- Her mum tells her that they will be going to Kimberly's BBQ after church tomorrow and not to get spruced up because it is very casual
- Ruby picks her outfits for tomorrow. A "pretty green" pleated skirt, white peter-pan collared shirt and an olive-green button down cardigan. As well as a white linin dress and lilac cardigan for church.
- In the morning, Ruby decides to teach herself Morse Code before breakfast. She also irons her bed covers
Quotes -
- "I pelt out Beatrice's lines with bravado, already having warmed to the witty heroine"
- "I nod absent-mindedly, my anxiety spreading like party streamers"
- "I borrow the travel iron from the utility room to smooth down the sheets and they are soon as flat as skimming stones" (At least in this universe Ruby makes her bed)
- "Mum does so much for me and I ca see that I realise I'm being really rather selfish" (I think this is the first time in the book that Erimentha has shown any maturity or character growth)
- "My friendship problems with Kimberley shouldn't stop [mum] from having a jolly good time today"
Sorry it is a short one, unlike Ruby I do actually have a full time masters degree/job so cannot spend my entire life reading books
Plot -
- Ruby is acting out Much Ado About Nothing in her bedroom and gives her mum a one woman show
- Her mum tells her that they will be going to Kimberly's BBQ after church tomorrow and not to get spruced up because it is very casual
- Ruby picks her outfits for tomorrow. A "pretty green" pleated skirt, white peter-pan collared shirt and an olive-green button down cardigan. As well as a white linin dress and lilac cardigan for church.
- In the morning, Ruby decides to teach herself Morse Code before breakfast. She also irons her bed covers
Quotes -
- "I pelt out Beatrice's lines with bravado, already having warmed to the witty heroine"
- "I nod absent-mindedly, my anxiety spreading like party streamers"
- "I borrow the travel iron from the utility room to smooth down the sheets and they are soon as flat as skimming stones" (At least in this universe Ruby makes her bed)
- "Mum does so much for me and I ca see that I realise I'm being really rather selfish" (I think this is the first time in the book that Erimentha has shown any maturity or character growth)
- "My friendship problems with Kimberley shouldn't stop [mum] from having a jolly good time today"
This is the most insane thing I've ever heard. Is she actually an alien?
Deeznutslol
VIP Member
Sorry but that pizza looks so dead… it’s just a base with tomato? I understand she is a vegan and people can like whatever they like, but I cannot imagine ordering a pizza with no cheese and then not adding some other toppings like peppers, mushrooms, onions etc.
Unknownspecies
Member
"my cool fingers burn against the sensitive tissue", could totally see Ruby writing absolute smut with lines like these
Edit: "excitable puppy", oh god
The thing that gave away the bullying thing to me was when she posted that video years ago trying to “tell off” the bullies who were picking on one of her friends. She’s scowling at the camera and going on “how DAAAARE you?!”
I was bullied badly at school because I was very awkward and quiet and shy, to the point where I had to change classes (and almost schools outright) to get away from it, and I feel like anybody who’s been through it would know doing that sort of thing would make them absolutely piss their pants laughing rather than help at all. All that did, if they even saw it, was give her friend’s bullies something to quote at her next time. It’s new material. I know she’s not the most self aware at the best of times, but surely if she’d been through it she’d know that?
She absolutely does give the vibe of somebody who would think others not wanting to be her friend was a form of bullying rather than a chance to look inward and question why.
I was bullied badly at school because I was very awkward and quiet and shy, to the point where I had to change classes (and almost schools outright) to get away from it, and I feel like anybody who’s been through it would know doing that sort of thing would make them absolutely piss their pants laughing rather than help at all. All that did, if they even saw it, was give her friend’s bullies something to quote at her next time. It’s new material. I know she’s not the most self aware at the best of times, but surely if she’d been through it she’d know that?
She absolutely does give the vibe of somebody who would think others not wanting to be her friend was a form of bullying rather than a chance to look inward and question why.
LostGhosts
Member
Erimentha Parker Chapter 18:
Plot -
- Ruby goes to class for afternoon registration and finds someone has gone into her satchel and thrown everything everywhere. She finds most of her stuff apart from her stationary and spare pencil case
- Even though she has spare stationary, she has now lost her favourite pastel highlighters so she asks mum if they can go stationary shopping on Saturday and writes a list of things to bring on a shopping trip. Her list includes a purse, a book, her receipt book, a lip balm, an umbrella, suncream, hand sanitiser, hand cream, a canvas bag, post it notes, a pen and her book of reminders.
- Despite being one week after they had an outside BBQ it is now incredibly cold. Ruby wears a midnight blue velvet skirt, white cable-knit jumper and brown boots as well as a beige duffle coat and a scarf, but even that isn't enough to stay warm. Turns out it is 4 degrees which isn't even that bad.
- Ruby finds a starry pencil case in paperchase and asks her mum if they can make a star map. Mum says she wont be able to help but she will buy Ruby some black paper to make one
- When Ruby comes back from getting the paper, an old lady is talking to mum saying "I just wanted to commend you for the raising of such a well-behaved and charming daughter". She goes on to sat most children only care about phones and technology so Ruby is extra special
- They visit every stationary shop in the mall and presumably drain mums bank account. And then find a quant deli for coffee
- The cafe has mini jam pots for their cream teas and Ruby wants some to use as candle holders. So she asks if she can have some without paying, and after speaking to a supervisor they give her 7. Mum and Ruby then buy beeswax and wicks so they can make candles
- In the afternoon mum and Ruby make candles and then Ruby lights them all in a circle round her in the evening when she is reading her book. Maybe for cozy vibes, or maybe to summon a demon.
Quotes -
- "When I was a lot younger, mum bought us matching yellow dresses for church and I delighted at the sense of order that it brought - I wanted us to wear them everyday and I was terribly dismayed when I eventually outgrew it. I believe that mum kept hers but she doesn't wear it anymore, feeling guilty that she, unlike me, still has access to that much loved dress
- "I have to hold my chest with both hands to prevent the icy chill from spreading too far"
- "But the colours of autumn are just so beautiful - when October arrives, it is as though a homemade quilt has been laid across the countryside for hibernating animals"
- "Mum orders a black coffee and I get a hot chocolate. Knowing that it will otherwise scald my tongue, I ask for it to be topped up with cold water and, sure enough, I take my first sip without any damage to my taste buds. Mum is not quite so lucky"
- "I have made a cocoon on the patio bench, snuggled up under such a multitude of blankets and cushions that I cannot feel the cool September air"
- "I am wearing gloves which makes it difficult to turn the pages of my book and I eventually take them off, frustrated"
- "Protected by this circle of lights, an arabesque against the cold, the girls at Lady Nightingale's cannot hurt me"
Plot -
- Ruby goes to class for afternoon registration and finds someone has gone into her satchel and thrown everything everywhere. She finds most of her stuff apart from her stationary and spare pencil case
- Even though she has spare stationary, she has now lost her favourite pastel highlighters so she asks mum if they can go stationary shopping on Saturday and writes a list of things to bring on a shopping trip. Her list includes a purse, a book, her receipt book, a lip balm, an umbrella, suncream, hand sanitiser, hand cream, a canvas bag, post it notes, a pen and her book of reminders.
- Despite being one week after they had an outside BBQ it is now incredibly cold. Ruby wears a midnight blue velvet skirt, white cable-knit jumper and brown boots as well as a beige duffle coat and a scarf, but even that isn't enough to stay warm. Turns out it is 4 degrees which isn't even that bad.
- Ruby finds a starry pencil case in paperchase and asks her mum if they can make a star map. Mum says she wont be able to help but she will buy Ruby some black paper to make one
- When Ruby comes back from getting the paper, an old lady is talking to mum saying "I just wanted to commend you for the raising of such a well-behaved and charming daughter". She goes on to sat most children only care about phones and technology so Ruby is extra special
- They visit every stationary shop in the mall and presumably drain mums bank account. And then find a quant deli for coffee
- The cafe has mini jam pots for their cream teas and Ruby wants some to use as candle holders. So she asks if she can have some without paying, and after speaking to a supervisor they give her 7. Mum and Ruby then buy beeswax and wicks so they can make candles
- In the afternoon mum and Ruby make candles and then Ruby lights them all in a circle round her in the evening when she is reading her book. Maybe for cozy vibes, or maybe to summon a demon.
Quotes -
- "When I was a lot younger, mum bought us matching yellow dresses for church and I delighted at the sense of order that it brought - I wanted us to wear them everyday and I was terribly dismayed when I eventually outgrew it. I believe that mum kept hers but she doesn't wear it anymore, feeling guilty that she, unlike me, still has access to that much loved dress
- "I have to hold my chest with both hands to prevent the icy chill from spreading too far"
- "But the colours of autumn are just so beautiful - when October arrives, it is as though a homemade quilt has been laid across the countryside for hibernating animals"
- "Mum orders a black coffee and I get a hot chocolate. Knowing that it will otherwise scald my tongue, I ask for it to be topped up with cold water and, sure enough, I take my first sip without any damage to my taste buds. Mum is not quite so lucky"
- "I have made a cocoon on the patio bench, snuggled up under such a multitude of blankets and cushions that I cannot feel the cool September air"
- "I am wearing gloves which makes it difficult to turn the pages of my book and I eventually take them off, frustrated"
- "Protected by this circle of lights, an arabesque against the cold, the girls at Lady Nightingale's cannot hurt me"
CatCafe234
VIP Member
Increasingly, I don’t believe that it was a ‘traditional job’ - or at least, not in the way that most of us would understand it. I get the impression that Ruby probably wasn’t even being paid, but had offered her time for a few hours a week, presumably for something to put on her Master’s application to look like she actually did something with her year off. She’s been so shifty about this job. I completely appreciate that there’s a limited amount that she could share but she seems to have been working for at most three hours a day, for two days a week, for half a term. Maybe the holiday was pre-booked but I wouldn’t call what she’s been doing a job, it’s much more like voluntary work.
gossip_guy
VIP Member
"This monnth oiy radd SAVANTEEN BOHKS. Which oiy'm...ACKSTREMELY happy about ACKSHUALLY. [Hard cut to a montage of some dreary bullshit.]"
"The Brothers Karramat-thzoff by Chostorr Yothski."
"It's been on moiy TBR since oiy was THARTEEN--[Ruby realises that Tattle have noticed that she pretends to be THARTEEN all the time now instead of TWALVE in all her fictional stories about how precocious she is]--or FWORETEEN. Loike a really long toiyme."
"WOTHERING HOYTS. Oiy radd it fwore the farrst toiyme whan oiy was THARTEEN."
"ACCOIND UFFSPAHK by Ellieee Mucknickul. Anddd this is about ayyy young autistic garrl, she's in year savven. This is about a garl in year savven, she's autistic."
Throw in the towel already, Ruby, you're never going to get better at any of this.
"The Brothers Karramat-thzoff by Chostorr Yothski."
"It's been on moiy TBR since oiy was THARTEEN--[Ruby realises that Tattle have noticed that she pretends to be THARTEEN all the time now instead of TWALVE in all her fictional stories about how precocious she is]--or FWORETEEN. Loike a really long toiyme."
"WOTHERING HOYTS. Oiy radd it fwore the farrst toiyme whan oiy was THARTEEN."
"ACCOIND UFFSPAHK by Ellieee Mucknickul. Anddd this is about ayyy young autistic garrl, she's in year savven. This is about a garl in year savven, she's autistic."
Throw in the towel already, Ruby, you're never going to get better at any of this.
Griftwood
VIP Member
To be fair, 500 pages of Dostoevsky is not quite as quick of a read as 500 pages of something aimed at teenagers.
Whisper2Me
Well-known member
As much as I am glad she finally got a larger desk, it feels so anti-climatic as this is something that should have happened years before university days. Now she isn't even doing anything other than posing and pretending. Is she even teaching still, because she never talks about it! Listening to her mother whine about her changing her outro just illustrates where Ruby gets her immaturity and weird personality. Good grief. Let it go and move on. You can hardly squeeze between the desk and the bed now. She has long since outgrown this bedroom and needs to get her own place. Her rooms at uni were bigger than this nursery sized room, which is probably what it was, back in the day. I wonder how her students feel about teacher showing her bedroom and every item in every drawer of her desk like a 10 year old would do. At some point in time, which Ruby has long since passed, you need to grow up and share less. Keep things personal. Stop oversharing on socials. There is such a high level of cringe knowing students know what their teacher's bedroom looks like, even if she is only teaching temporarily. Most people at this point are either done with YT videos or find a more neutral background/setting to their videos, like a sofa and a living room background or fake backdrop. She definitely has Peter Pan syndrome.
why are her fans like thisgossip_guy
VIP Member
This is one of the things I love most about her terrible writing. The descriptions of people's physical movements and actions are completely fucking bonkers.Is it just me? What in the contortionist fuckery does Eri-mental have for hands if she touch her cheeks with the back of her hand, yet her fingers burn against them?!
Definitely not me sat here trying to emulate it - I must look like a mole coming up for sunlight
In the Lottie Parton passages she showed, Lottie could see through wooden desks, was facing the front of a classroom and could magically see the back of a student's head even though they were sat behind her and could somehow casually drum all her fingertips up and down her spine without dislocating her shoulders or alerting her teachers to the fact that she's from another planet.
She seems to have no clue how basic anatomy works and characters can apparently contort their limbs like pretzels, extend them at will or just detach them entirely. They can see in all directions at once like they've mastered astral projection. They all seem to be compulsively tapping their "finger pads" on everything in every scene. Their skin is usually a bubbling nightmare of ticks, twitches and wildly fluctuating temperature extremes. Whole book full of fucking aliens.
gossip_guy
VIP Member
Send thoughts and prayers to her agent, whose inbox is now likely being clogged with AI-generated novel drafts about precocious Tory girls being bullied with Ruby’s name slapped on.
LostGhosts
Member
Erimentha Parker Chapter 21 - Sorry for the delay! Just a warning, this chapter kind of made me feel crap. It really highlights the whole golden child and forgotten one, as well as touching on using a teacher as a maternal figure not an actual parent. Very much reminded me of my broken childhood so maybe skip this summary if that might upset you.
Plot -
- Due to her horrific injury mum lets Ruby have the day of school. Usually Ruby would straight up refuse this but she is glad to have a day off from Kimberly
- Ruby and mum walk Nathan to the primary school. Ruby obviously does not care about her younger brother but is hoping she can go and say hello to an old teacher of hers
- Ruby and Nathan race to the end of the world. Nathan wins and Ruby pats him on the back, presumably while making a mental to do list of all the ways she could break his legs
- Ruby goes to tell Nathan a fact and he tells her not to. Mum then tells Nathan off for this, despite him being only 8 and probably always feeling inferior due to his parents praising his older sister and then forgetting he actually exists. I really hope this bit isn't based of Ruby and Martha.
- We get a small bit of background on Ruby's parents. They met at York university during exam season when Mum studied psychology and dad studied English.
- Ruby decides to go into the primary school to talk to her old teacher who she describes as a maternal figure she could tell anything to. Ruby lets the teacher know there has been some unkindness from other pupils. The teacher asks her to do hr best to get it sorted as she doesn't deserve to be treated this way and urges her to tell someone.
Quotes -
- Mum asks Ruby if she wants some Calpol - "I shake my head, "I read that you can become immune to painkillers if you take them too regularly. I'm not feeling dreadful and so would rather save them"
- "Nathan and I race to the end of the road, my plait bouncing on my back and my eyes streaming from the cold. He wins and I pat him on the back encouragingly, bending over in my laughter, unable to even pinpoint the source of my sudden joy"
- "Did you know -" I begin but Nathan cuts me off. "No more facts!" he laughs, pushing my shoulder slightly. I know he is joking but I am painfully reminded of Kimberly's words the weekend before last and fall silent. "Don't be mean, Nathan," Mum says sharply, noticing my withdrawal. "We love Erimentha's little factoids"
- "They met at York over a particularly strenuous examination season. It sounds terribly romantic and, despite being somewhat critical of the very idea of love, I have asked Mum to recount the tale many a time"
- "There is something rather unnerving about trawling through a field of children, knowing you are separate from them. I seem to blend in well enough amongst their coloured coats and know that my height could quite easily pass me as a year five but I am still cautious."
- "I turn around to see Mrs Luton. Nothing about her seems to have changed. She holds her hands together in front of her stomach and her head is tilted to the left, a smile peeking out from the corner of her lips. Even her clothes are the same. She's wearing her signature purple skirt with a thick khaki cardigan. Her over-sized glasses and slight wrinkles establish her as a maternal figure"
Plot -
- Due to her horrific injury mum lets Ruby have the day of school. Usually Ruby would straight up refuse this but she is glad to have a day off from Kimberly
- Ruby and mum walk Nathan to the primary school. Ruby obviously does not care about her younger brother but is hoping she can go and say hello to an old teacher of hers
- Ruby and Nathan race to the end of the world. Nathan wins and Ruby pats him on the back, presumably while making a mental to do list of all the ways she could break his legs
- Ruby goes to tell Nathan a fact and he tells her not to. Mum then tells Nathan off for this, despite him being only 8 and probably always feeling inferior due to his parents praising his older sister and then forgetting he actually exists. I really hope this bit isn't based of Ruby and Martha.
- We get a small bit of background on Ruby's parents. They met at York university during exam season when Mum studied psychology and dad studied English.
- Ruby decides to go into the primary school to talk to her old teacher who she describes as a maternal figure she could tell anything to. Ruby lets the teacher know there has been some unkindness from other pupils. The teacher asks her to do hr best to get it sorted as she doesn't deserve to be treated this way and urges her to tell someone.
Quotes -
- Mum asks Ruby if she wants some Calpol - "I shake my head, "I read that you can become immune to painkillers if you take them too regularly. I'm not feeling dreadful and so would rather save them"
- "Nathan and I race to the end of the road, my plait bouncing on my back and my eyes streaming from the cold. He wins and I pat him on the back encouragingly, bending over in my laughter, unable to even pinpoint the source of my sudden joy"
- "Did you know -" I begin but Nathan cuts me off. "No more facts!" he laughs, pushing my shoulder slightly. I know he is joking but I am painfully reminded of Kimberly's words the weekend before last and fall silent. "Don't be mean, Nathan," Mum says sharply, noticing my withdrawal. "We love Erimentha's little factoids"
- "They met at York over a particularly strenuous examination season. It sounds terribly romantic and, despite being somewhat critical of the very idea of love, I have asked Mum to recount the tale many a time"
- "There is something rather unnerving about trawling through a field of children, knowing you are separate from them. I seem to blend in well enough amongst their coloured coats and know that my height could quite easily pass me as a year five but I am still cautious."
- "I turn around to see Mrs Luton. Nothing about her seems to have changed. She holds her hands together in front of her stomach and her head is tilted to the left, a smile peeking out from the corner of her lips. Even her clothes are the same. She's wearing her signature purple skirt with a thick khaki cardigan. Her over-sized glasses and slight wrinkles establish her as a maternal figure"
DrinaM
Chatty Member
It is weird. Back when I was a sub teacher, the two schools I subbed at had a social media policy. Private account, no accepting students on there if they add you or try to follow you. But this was before tik tok. It was just facebook and insta that were relevant at the time.
Then again, the school did hire her, knowing that she is quite a public content creator...
DrinaM
Chatty Member
I hope you are not implying that Ruby-Erimentha is psychopath. Like she said in her book, she has 'read the DSM' and has none of the symptoms of a psychopath.
Or was it sociopath? Can't remember.But seriously, imagine creating a fictional character who is 11 years old and believes she can make mental health diagnoses by reading the DSM. Erimentha is a fascinating insight into the way Ruby's mind works and her opinion of herself.
It is just so odd with her cafe menu and it's making me think of children when they play restaurant, but Ruby is doing it with actual food. What on earth is that 'cappuccino' for her mum, it looks like she had just warmed milk and made no attempt to froth it. It's just an odd video even for Ruby's standards, there's frolicking, there is her running around in a white dress outside for a clip, the fake cafe, and not to forget, the arts and crafts that look as if a child has made it. I don't know if she is trying to show us that she doesn't laze around the house by doing some 'housework,' but it's just so odd, and the fact her parents indulge her or she forces them to do so. And why does she keep stabbing ice drinks with a glass straw, it's awful ! I'll give her credit though, she hasn't spilt any drinks on camera and left the mess this time.
I do wonder what goes behind the scenes in that house as it's so odd, especially when the eldest daughter acts like a child and has regressed, staying at home and has a rather part-time job that she needs to be dropped off to and picked up from. Then there is Martha, I'm not sure what she is up to these days but she seems much more mature than Ruby and she lives away from the family. Even that independence of living on her own makes her so much more of an adult than Ruby. I do wonder what Martha thinks of Ruby and all this nonsense ?
I do wonder what goes behind the scenes in that house as it's so odd, especially when the eldest daughter acts like a child and has regressed, staying at home and has a rather part-time job that she needs to be dropped off to and picked up from. Then there is Martha, I'm not sure what she is up to these days but she seems much more mature than Ruby and she lives away from the family. Even that independence of living on her own makes her so much more of an adult than Ruby. I do wonder what Martha thinks of Ruby and all this nonsense ?