Oui c'est trop chiantHaha no but speak French! stupid French keyboard adds accents to everything
Ruby Granger #18 Still no deal with Waterstones but half her food was mailed from home
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I'm still in shock she did a promotion for NordVPN.
Oh bruhhhh! thats insane!
You wake up to find yourself tied up with £1466 worth of Pumpkin Productivity ribbons and a Joules rainhat on your head. HELLOOO, whispers a distant voice. You can smell the odour of unwashed clothes and nail varnish from here. WELCOME TO MY ROOBEE RED RYOOM.
@ Ruby
I got my first degree in Scotland and now, after many years of just working, I went back to uni, this time in Germany. I'm doing a combined B.A. in English and Communication Science, but because I'm too old to get a German student loan, I have to work as well. So ever since the semester started at the beginning of October my brain has just been going "aaaarggghhh why? What have I let myself in for?" I CHOSE to do this!" Absolute madness and I'm stressed out as hell, but still loving every minute of it somehow.
The reading I have to do is insane.
I feel you!! When my student loan ran out I had three part time jobs to make ends meet. It was mad. Good luck with your studies!! Viel GlückI got my first degree in Scotland and now, after many years of just working, I went back to uni, this time in Germany. I'm doing a combined B.A. in English and Communication Science, but because I'm too old to get a German student loan, I have to work as well. So ever since the semester started at the beginning of October my brain has just been going "aaaarggghhh why? What have I let myself in for?" I CHOSE to do this!" Absolute madness and I'm stressed out as hell, but still loving every minute of it somehow.
Danke! And German unis are so huuuge as well! There are so. many. people!I feel you!! When my student loan ran out I had three part time jobs to make ends meet. It was mad. Good luck with your studies!! Viel Glück
I'm (again) a bit late on the subject, but as someone who has a really good relationship with her parents, and lived with a similar situation (family wise, on some levels) as Ruby, I want to (again) give my two cents. Also, I am not a psychologist or a therapist and this is solely my opinion, but it's backed by some psychology I could link (it's pretty basic and easy to access info tho).
Different relationships have different dynamics. The parents to children relationship is a power based one, and it doesn't stop when the child turns 18. Because the relationship was built in this power inbalance, and after 18 years of your parents being able to decide your life (even to an healthy and normal degree), the child's perception of their parents doesn't evolve into something suddenly totally different. You can't be friends with your parents. You can't be friends with someone who's relationship with you was based on "safety and self growth first not feelings". Your parents will always hear what you are saying as parents, and it's unhealthy if they act as if they were friends with you. You can like spending time with them. My dad an I have a lot of interests in common, my sisters, parents and I play boardgames or watch movies or stuff like that a lot together, but I'm an adult, I'm doing my own life, I can't live with them anymore because they will not be my roomates, they will be my parents and I will be in their house, and (here I speak from my experience only tho) I don't know anyone over 21 who stays with their parents for other reasons then convenience.
My parents have lived in the appartment on top of my grandparent's house when I was a baby. They have a good relationship and it's fun to be close to your family. But no way they would have lived in the same house, because there's no reasons to do so if you don't need the parents/child dynamic anymore!
Hear me out, I don't want to invalidate anyone's reasons as to why they still live with their parents, but we are talking about Ruby here.
She is 21, she has all the money she could need to get an appartment and have a permanent home near her parents outside of Exeter, she has a job, she knows pretty much what she wants in life... Going back to her parent's home should not be THAT enjoyable for her. It's weird.
I'm back in my hometown rn. I see my parents a lot, as I said I love them and I'm not hiding anything from them, but I still sleep at a friend's house, because my parents don't have any power over my decisions anymore and if I leech in their house I give them the ability to do so, even if it's uncounscious.
If I eat a family bag of chips while watching tv, my mom is gonna comment on that. Because it's unhealthy. It was her job to keep me healthy all my life, it's not anymore, but she's not gonna forget the 18 years I spent living under her conditions because I have a separate life now.
A friend would not care about me eating a family bag of chips in front of the tv. Because why would they care about my choices if they are not to a degree where they could harm me of people around me, I am my own person.
But my mom is used to me not being my own person yet, me needing guidance over stuff like eating to many sweets and wearing a helmet and spending all my money on mangas.
It's a small and dumb example but see what I mean?
My point being, it is unhealthy and a sign of regression into childhood to have this amount of affection towards your parent at 21. And a mom or a dad acting 100% like your friend is unhealthy too.
It's not that she likes going home, it's the abnormal affection towards everything childlike, and that includes going back home that much.
Different relationships have different dynamics. The parents to children relationship is a power based one, and it doesn't stop when the child turns 18. Because the relationship was built in this power inbalance, and after 18 years of your parents being able to decide your life (even to an healthy and normal degree), the child's perception of their parents doesn't evolve into something suddenly totally different. You can't be friends with your parents. You can't be friends with someone who's relationship with you was based on "safety and self growth first not feelings". Your parents will always hear what you are saying as parents, and it's unhealthy if they act as if they were friends with you. You can like spending time with them. My dad an I have a lot of interests in common, my sisters, parents and I play boardgames or watch movies or stuff like that a lot together, but I'm an adult, I'm doing my own life, I can't live with them anymore because they will not be my roomates, they will be my parents and I will be in their house, and (here I speak from my experience only tho) I don't know anyone over 21 who stays with their parents for other reasons then convenience.
My parents have lived in the appartment on top of my grandparent's house when I was a baby. They have a good relationship and it's fun to be close to your family. But no way they would have lived in the same house, because there's no reasons to do so if you don't need the parents/child dynamic anymore!
Hear me out, I don't want to invalidate anyone's reasons as to why they still live with their parents, but we are talking about Ruby here.
She is 21, she has all the money she could need to get an appartment and have a permanent home near her parents outside of Exeter, she has a job, she knows pretty much what she wants in life... Going back to her parent's home should not be THAT enjoyable for her. It's weird.
I'm back in my hometown rn. I see my parents a lot, as I said I love them and I'm not hiding anything from them, but I still sleep at a friend's house, because my parents don't have any power over my decisions anymore and if I leech in their house I give them the ability to do so, even if it's uncounscious.
If I eat a family bag of chips while watching tv, my mom is gonna comment on that. Because it's unhealthy. It was her job to keep me healthy all my life, it's not anymore, but she's not gonna forget the 18 years I spent living under her conditions because I have a separate life now.
A friend would not care about me eating a family bag of chips in front of the tv. Because why would they care about my choices if they are not to a degree where they could harm me of people around me, I am my own person.
But my mom is used to me not being my own person yet, me needing guidance over stuff like eating to many sweets and wearing a helmet and spending all my money on mangas.
It's a small and dumb example but see what I mean?
My point being, it is unhealthy and a sign of regression into childhood to have this amount of affection towards your parent at 21. And a mom or a dad acting 100% like your friend is unhealthy too.
It's not that she likes going home, it's the abnormal affection towards everything childlike, and that includes going back home that much.
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That's true! Good for making new friends thoughDanke! And German unis are so huuuge as well! There are so. many. people!
Small human came home from preschool today with a certificate saying he was star of the day.
I've decided he will go to Oxford as obviously that's what Ruby's parents decided for her when she got a house point
I've decided he will go to Oxford as obviously that's what Ruby's parents decided for her when she got a house point
I'm new here too, and while I agree that Rubes and her obsession with her parents is definitely unhealthy, I don't think I agree with the idea that you can't be friends with your parents. Or that the relationship is always going to involve some level of power play.
My dad died a few years ago, but bloody hell, we were best mates. He was brilliant. I was always chilling in his, and he gave up on commenting about me smoking (which I've finally quit!), drinking, etc. when I was about 19. I was 27 when he died and our relationship was not one like you describe, not was it lacking in care in the absence of that power play. Hell, we used to sit and listen to Dylan together, drink wine, and chat about what we thought it all meant. I miss him. But it wasn't how you're describing it. I had a world outside AND a world inside my family.
Rubes on the other hand, what she's got going on there is something else. That's where I'll definitely agree with you. The level of dependency makes me feel a bit weird.
I mean, they did give her a certificate for learning to walk and kept it to this day, so it’s plausible
Partly agree. But at some point in your life, the parent/child dynamic switches. My family lived in a three generation home when I grew up, so we lived with my grandparents (every one had their own little part of the house though). It's fairly common where I'm from (rural Germany). You're right about the power imbalance always being there and your parents not stopping to be your parents after you turn 18. But after a while, when you're even older than that, let's say you're 40 or 50 and your parents are elderly, the power imbalance switches. In most cases, the child is in power then. Just think about your parents telling your grandparents what to do and what not to do to take care of their health, reminding them to take their medication, deciding what happens when they can't live on their own anymore. So I do agree about a 21 year old still being "below" their parents in that power imbalance, but at some point that actually changes.
And extra points for him being given it by a teacher instead of making and awarding it to himself like Ruby does every day!
Another birthday celebration without Martha! Who could've guessed?
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Why the hell is she wearing a coat
Because *autumn*. A coat must be worn at all times or it doesn't count.
I'm gonna play devil's advocate and give Ruby and her parents the benefit of the doubt here.
They clearly thought the person sat next to Ruby was Martha, when really it was just a random person who was waiting outside the restaurant when the family arrived.
This person tried to tell them, but Ruby's family aren't used to listening to what other people have to say, so it fell on deaf ears and the random captive just went along with it for the free meal.
In fairness to the family, they ignore and avoid Martha so much that they wouldn't know any better - any young person with vaguely dark hair could easily be their daughter as far as they know.
But while everyone else is looking at the camera, you can see Daddy Bones starting to look across the table and start to wonder if the person across from him maybe isn't his daughter at all.
Unfortunately, the person he's suspicious of is Ruby. He has no clue whatsoever that the real Martha isn't there.
It must be stressful as well to travel all that way so often. I'm about an hour and a half away from my parents, but I only go home about a weekend a month because it's exhausting and annoying to put my life on hold to go back home for three days, take the train and public transport to get there, etc.
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