The "Daily" University Vlogs might be dead and buried, but the party isn't over, because Ruby's here to introduce us to a "typical weekend at university". I'm not quite sure how she'd know what a typical uni weekend would look like, considering she's only spent around one weekend a year away from home, but still!
If you thought Ruby's desperate need to have her mother post Cricut accessories to her (along with a bunch of powdered food and seasoning that she didn't need) was weird, as though a Cricut was something she'd never use unless someone was paying her to, well...it turns out that's because a Cricut is something she'd never use unless someone was paying her to. This video is sponsored by Cricut, which Ruby will proceed to shove in a cupboard and never use again.
Ruby starts her "typical weekend" by exposing her forehead to the morning light. The ravages of malnutrition have never been more apparent, and Ruby's hairline has thrown up the white flag and completely retreated.
Ruby drinks from a Halloween mug, despite the scariest thing she's willing to expose herself to in October being the prospect of not reminding anyone that it's autumn, or reading less than 6 unnecessary or unrelated critical essays per module.
Despite her apparent obsession with Autumn, she's still soundtracking her videos by picking a Christmassy song from the rotation of four overused songs she uses for her videos and dressing like she's preparing for Ol' Saint Nick to visit and bring her the gift of more privilege.
Ruby makes camomile tea and matcha tea because she "couldn't decide". This might seem like simple, wasteful stupidity, but is actually a perfect visual metaphor for Ruby deciding her future prospects: Fail at life beyond uni because she has developed no talents for anything, or fail at life beyond uni because she's completely retreated into childhood and refuses to spend more than 20 minutes without contacting or visiting her parents. Ruby has chosen both options.
Next, there's a
DEAFENING CRACK as Ruby doesn't bother setting consistent audio levels yet again and sparks a flame from her gas-powered lighter, because environmental decline is the new sustainability and Ruby evidently can't see in daylight hours without candlelight.
Now that there are sufficient fire hazards burning, it's time to study! Breakfast? We don't know her.
Ruby says she's working on dissertation prep work by focusing on manuscripts of Emily Dickinson's letters, as evidenced by her showing footage of her writing about Lewis Carroll's letters...
....and also some footage of her reading about costumes in Ben Jonson plays while she slightly rephrases sections from critical reading into Notion. It's there we see Ruby's intellectual aptitude on full display, as she offers such startling insight as "jewels = wealth".
Ruby says, "I am fascinated by the materiality of Emily Dickinson's work. She's so aware of her handwriting. You have an awareness from her that she does write in a distinctive way, and I think you see her kind of linking some part of her identity in the way that she writes, which you then get being fed back from the people who know her, who always describe how distinct Emily Dickinson's handwriting
IS. It's often compared to fossils?", which is a lot of words to say absolutely nothing at all.
Examples, Ruby. In what way is Emily's handwriting distinctive? And what elements of her personality are shown through said distinctive elements of her handwriting? So far you've offered nothing but rambling, which bodes well for your dissertation, the vague topic of which is already flimsy at best.
While Ruby's rambling about handwriting, apparently she thought this was relevant to the conversation:
Her sudden love of Perkier bars has nothing to do with the fact that she was gifted them and desperately wants all the free stuff she can get her hands on.
"HELLO IT'S ROOBEE AND TODAY OIY'M GYOING TYOO BE VLOGGING!" What feels like several minutes into the video, Ruby finally intros her video, almost like she edits these things without paying attention to what order she puts footage in the timeline.
Ruby has completely transplanted her obsessively overdependent relationship with her parents onto Blakeney, and has already decided that Blakeney will be reading A Christmas Carol concurrently with her while they both sit next to each other on the sofa...
Usually when they find that someone's been murdering people, neighbours say they never would have suspected it and they never had any inkling such a nice, polite person would be capable of such things, but this obsessive, weird behaviour from Ruby is the exact kind of red flags people will look back on when they find Blakeney's mummified corpse entombed in the walls of Ruby's cottage.
Meanwhile, Blakeney talks to Ruby cheerfully, as though speaking to a small-minded, easily-distracted child, keeping them entertained and engaged with pictures so that they don't run off and burn down the living room. Unsurprisingly, flame-obsessed Ruby is instantly captivated by the pictures of candles and fire.
Ruby's attention span quickly wanes, so Blakeney puts on an animated childen's film to distract her - but only the beginning of it, because if Ruby does any one thing for more than 15 minutes, she'll have a brain aneurysm.
Ruby writes about the experience as though she were a primary schooler writing about her weekend, complete with misspellings and lack of capitalisation:
Ruby and Blakeney head to town, and of course, Ruby uses it as another excuse to desperately try to get a sponsorship deal from Waterstones by giving them yet more free advertising. She forgot to get her usual extended shot of the store sign outside, so she just slaps a big, fat
WATERSTONES on screen, in case you were in any danger of forgetting which shop Ruby won't stop advertising.
Eternally wasteful Ruby decides that 'Earthshot: How to Save Our Planet' looks "SO good". Ruby will probably shred the book and use it as abundant packaging to post something insanely tiny to her other home by the fastest, most expensive delivery method possible because sustainability.
Ruby has Blakeney pick out her favourite book
covers, rather than her favourite books. Because fake aesthetics over substance is Ruby's entire brand.
After touching everything in Waterstones and visiting no other shops or independent bookstores, Ruby and Blakeney head home and try some 'love potion' tea. A love potion is going to be needed here to win over Blakeney, as Ruby instantly talks over everything she has to say.
Blakeney wants to watch Scream Queens, which Ruby has instantly and dismissively decided looks like "quite bad television" despite never watching television and having no basis for comparison.
It's the next morning and Ruby says she and Blakeney started it by listening to "classical" music downstairs. We don't hear what this music is, but with Ruby's hazy definition of "classical" music, it could have been anything from the score to Downton Abbey to Sam Smith's latest album or possibly the sounds of a passing ice cream van.
Ruby mentions that it's her dad's birthday very soon. Either her dad has a birthday every time Ruby needs an excuse to flee home or write to her parents, or this was recorded weeks ago.
Then we get an extended ad section for Cricut, a 21st Century technological tool which absolutely makes sense for someone who is apparently obsessed with physical letter writing and vintage, Victorian letter-writing habits to endorse.
Ruby maintains that she absolutely uses the Cricut all the time, not just when it's time for a sponsored, paid video to be uploaded. You can tell she's telling the truth by all the zero times she's used a Cricut in videos and posts that she wasn't being paid by Cricut for.
"This cutting machine is
so intuitive and easy to use," Ruby says. So intuitive that Ruby had to watch someone else's instructional video on YouTube to figure out how to use it, despite claiming to use it all the time:
After making her dad a pretty crappy-looking card that looks like it'll tear apart before it's even in the envelope, Ruby finds the "cutest, most beautiful "autominal" card". In this ad for Cricut in which Ruby's supposed to be showcasing the quality and features of the Cricut, Ruby forgot half of the accessories and has to draw the design onto the card herself in pen.
(Pictured: Ruby Granger being #grateful for more sponsor money.)
This is yet another glaring example of how generally inept Ruby is at all things. The thing she wants to be known for is productivity, and her marquee merch product is her planner - supposedly a monument to her exceptional organisational skills. Only, she's constantly screwing up and forgetting even the most basic things, despite her claims of being a meticulous planner.
Her numerous planners and to-do lists are only a place to remind herself to backflip and brush her teeth, or a place to reward herself for things she's either already done or has only pretended to do. What she constantly fails to do is write down actually useful reminders and plans. Like here, she either knew she had a scheduled Cricut video due, and didn't bother reminding herself or planning to pack everything to take to uni. That or there was no time deadline, and rather than wait until she had all the things she needed to film the video, she threw up an unprofessional, half-assed mess for her sponsor because she's lazy and incompetent.
"Stop right there," Ruby signifies with an obnoxious finger-point. "There's no time to point out my hypocrisy, lies, ineptitude and general stupidity - not when I could be walking in the rain and reminding everyone that it's October again!"
And then Ruby walks in the rain and reminds everyone that it's October again, pulling the smuggest possible face:
After that, it's time to go shopping again.
But wait, Ruby, why didn't you put the name of the shop in big, bold letters on-screen for everyone to see? I mean, it couldn't possibly be that you only did that for Waterstones to make sure they got maximum free advertising in your ongoing begging campaign for a sponsorship, right? And it certainly has nothing to do with you being embarrassed to shop at expensive, upmarket supermarkets while constantly lying about how restricted your budget is, not at all...
Back home, the card that she wrote for her "penpal" is now proudly displayed, open on Ruby's desk.
Ruby's her own penpal? Well, that saves on stamps, at least.
After complaining about how cold it is yet again, Ruby does some awkward ballet exercising while her Exeter University pennant lies discarded on the floor gathering dust.
Then it's time for some patented Ruby exposition, as Ruby shows sped-up footage of her and Blakeney talking while Ruby explains that they talked about an abundance of things, all insightful and magical, and though you can't hear any of it because it's top secret, it most definitely happened and was amazing. It certainly wasn't Ruby talking Blakeney to death with nonsensical go-nowhere rambles about nothing coherent and not letting her get a word in edgewise.
After a video call with her internet studytube friends - a call which her friends take a hilariously long time to answer, as if they're screening and hoping Ruby gives up - that's it for another vlog.
In summary, a "typical weekend at university" for Ruby consists of:
- Eating nothing but a gifted cereal bar.
- Making bad birthday cards for her dad (and herself).
- Watching only the beginning of children's animated Christmas movies.
- Reading A Christmas Carol.
- Scheduling Blakeney's day against her will.
- Talking about Autumn and/or October.
- Advertising Waterstones.
And since that's a
typical weekend at university, I assume she'll be doing all the same things again in February?