I can totally imagine her plotting this whole tattle hate reveal with 2ss.. “Steveh babe, reckon I should pretend I got loads of messages tellin meh about tattle?! Then we can create a coupleh accounts and troll them hatehs til they cry into their takeaway pizzas”
2ss responds “do it Elleh, good idea... you’re soo cleveh, I’ll call them overweight transgenders and hit em where it hurts”
*meanwhile... the kids have broken through the bin bagged bedroom window and using the bin bag as a parachute, they land safely in the garden... they run over to the edge of the garden and pull all the spinach from the curreh out the compost bin and use it to lure over some sheep on a nearby hill... Alfie shouts yeeha and mounts the sheep, lasooing little Woodeh on board with one of mums string bikinis... both of them ride off into the wild west of the dales.. ‘we’re finally free Woodeh!!!’
...
Meanwhile 2ss managed to get stuck in one of the kitchen units and can’t get out, trapped there like a little sardine man, he cries and screams for help.. but to no avail.
After an hour of crying he relents and realises his sexy Rebacon is too busy filming a new ‘ass flap colab’ vid to come to his rescue... accepting his fate as shelf stable canned food; he reverts back into the processed, full of
tit, can of spam that he originated from.
Rebacon enters the kitchen wondering where Steve is... assumes he’s gone out with the boys and decides to make them all a hearty meal of undercooked gnocchi and 80% fat beef mince...
*puts all ingredients in the slow cookers cos she’s such a busy working mum of three, oh I mean two* making sure to film herself from behind as to get a bit more ass footage for the gram. She bends over so far that the slow cooker opens up and swallows her into a black hole... she gets sucked into a wormwhole and passes out. She wakes up surrounded by darkness “steveh babe.. woodeh, Alfeeeh, where are ya?! Someone help meh please, I just wanna be happeh”
out of no where she hears the voice of James Earl Jones, “Ellie, all you need to do to be happy is think happy and you’ll be happeeehhh”.
Fondly remembering her own ground breaking, depression curing, anxiety banishing advice, she reminisces of the days of her infamous eBay hauls, dancing, fitspiration and of course, the deeply coveted, holy grail of shopping; food haul video.... as she begins to realise she may never be able to get back to her old life; she longs to relive those oh so precious moments again...
Seeing a light up ahead, James Earl Jones tells her to go toward the light.. trusting the voice and thinking only happeh thoughts, she flys towards the light...
Is that Mary poppins?! Turns out elleh was in the magic carpet bag all along...
Mary reaches In and grabs hold of Rebecca... pulls her out and ....
POOF
Rebecca turns into a really loveleh wicker bag.
And as that.. she forever remained.
Rebecca the wicker bag. She lived a happy and full life. Carrying the wonders of a 1940’s ration pack to and from the shop.
It was a happy ending and her new life resembled much of the old life she used to lead. Rebecca was happeh at last.
They all lived happily ever after. And Rebecca was happy because she was finally happy as a wicker bag. And that’s what made her happy.
The end
EDIT: If you made it this far I commend you. Sorry, this was a long post. Got a bit carried away.