Remember when Betsy got a boyfriend and Rancid shared his Instagram so all her middle aged huns could go and follow himI thought that, although in her defence (pains me to say) she won’t have meant anything by it, he is a handsome lad!
good god can you imagine being his new girlfriend being invited round there for tea for the first time, it would be terrifying!
Same! He does look exactly like his mother and I'm not saying that to wind up our regular lurkerARRRGH
I thought ‘Ooh Seb looks like his mum loads there’ and then saw she’d written gorgeous and now I just feel confused and awkward
YesRemember when Betsy got a boyfriend and Rancid shared his Instagram so all her middle aged huns could go and follow him
It’s not like you wouldn’t know everything about them alreadyI thought that, although in her defence (pains me to say) she won’t have meant anything by it, he is a handsome lad!
good god can you imagine being his new girlfriend being invited round there for tea for the first time, it would be terrifying!
Using the book writing as a nice big cover so she can say how she is so busy working everyday on her 'book' when she's actually in Exeter. Hope she knows where the courthouse is and doesn't get it mixed up with a farm *snort*.Ooooh I think she was witnessing today
(I had a look because ‘I hAVe GoT NoThiNG beTTeR tO Do’)
I'd love to be a fly on the wall when R was being witness, to hear how fake she would be and the shit lies she comes put with to the judge lol (she has been absent for hours this afternoon so pretty likely)Ooooh I think she was witnessing today
(I had a look because ‘I hAVe GoT NoThiNG beTTeR tO Do’)
She’s been at court. She’s got her only pair of tailored pants on and the Gucci old lady shoes. What else would you wear to court?Using the book writing as a nice big cover so she can say how she is so busy working everyday on her 'book' when she's actually in Exeter. Hope she knows where the courthouse is and doesn't get it mixed up with a farm *snort*.
“So like My best friend Jo called me and I said hang on a minute because I’ve got six kids. Soooo then like she said her boyfriend was giving it one of them in the direction of the victim. Sooooo I said fuck Jo, can you come over and we will have a cup of tea at my kitchen table. I’ll give you a shout out on Insta for a free solicitor babesI'd love to be a fly on the wall when R was being witness, to hear how fake she would be and the shit lies she comes put with to the judge lol (she has been absent for hours this afternoon so pretty likely)
"I don't understand Ms Hambleton, giving it one of what, exactly?"Let’s hope she says ‘giving it, 1 of them’
While she is in the witness box
Can you imagine the judges face
I don’t even let my family follow my partner’s work accountYesI would be really uncomfortable if my kids were friends etc going into that home knowing they’re just going to be used for content so her huns can see just how much shes a cool mum
‘Giving it one of them in the direction of the victim’She’s been at court. She’s got her only pair of tailored pants on and the Gucci old lady shoes. What else would you wear to court?
“So like My best friend Jo called me and I said hang on a minute because I’ve got six kids. Soooo then like she said her boyfriend was giving it one of them in the direction of the victim. Sooooo I said fuck Jo, can you come over and we will have a cup of tea at my kitchen table. I’ll give you a shout out on Insta for a free solicitor babes”
"I don't understand Ms Hambleton, giving it one of what, exactly?"
I think this is quite possibly the best thing you’ve ever written and there’s been many contendersCourtroom one, Exeter Crown Court
Court clerk: ‘Do you swear to tell the truth...’
Rach: ‘Troll’
Court Clerk ‘Pardon?’
Rach: ‘Why are you asking about the truth? Troll’
Court Clerk: ‘Hmm right. Could you state your full name’
Rach: ‘Part time working mummy or PTWM’
Court Clerk: ‘No the name on your birth certificate.’
Rach: ‘I don’t know, my Mum left me when I was four.’
Court Clerk: ‘Okay then. Just the name you go by.’
Rach: ‘Oh it’s this one, here on my second book, you can have that for a fiver’ (passes clerk the book.)
Court Clerk: ‘Can you state your occupation?’
Rach: ‘Saviour of women’
Court Clerk: ‘No I mean that job that pays you’
Rach: ‘OMG!! Stalker. All my money is none of your business. It’s MY money’
Court Clerk: Ahh. Well just what you consider your job to be’
Rach: (Unlocks phone, opens Instagram and shows the clerk her page.) ‘It’s there. That’s me’
(Clerk sits down and barrister stands up)
Barrister: ‘Ms Hambleton. Can you tell me what happened on the night of the alleged attack’
Rach: ‘JOOOSH, JOOOSH’ (Josh runs down from public gallery with a bucket. Rachael grabs bucket, begins to try and vomit horrifically so that she doesn’t have to answer. No vomit arrives.)
Barrister: ‘Ms Hambleton?’
Josh: ‘Can you give her a minute, she’s busy. It’s okay the most beautiful woman in my life’
Rach: ‘You are so FIT. Can’t believe I get to bang you’
Barrister: ‘MS Hambleton. The night in question?’
(Rachaels phone rings.)
Rach: ‘Sorry that was just my best friend and PA Jo.’
Barrister: ‘Is that Josephine Griffiths?’
Rach: ‘NO THE OTHER JO! UGH. DO YOU NOT EVEN FOLLOW ME’
Barrister: ‘Let’s start again. Can you tell me what happened on the night of the 14th of June 2019.’
Rach: ‘Your on Tattle aren’t you? Asking me questions. Can’t you just be kind? If you don’t like me, just forget about me. JOOOSH, he’s a Tattle bastard JOOSH. Get his IP Address and we are leaving.’
(Rach uncrosses her legs, squeezes her feet back into her Gucci shoes, smoothes of her flat stomach towards the Gallery and drags Josh out of the courtroom by his cap.)
Barrister: ‘I motion to remove Ms Hambleton from the witness list.’
Jury: ‘’
Thought you'd been quiet for a whileCourtroom one, Exeter Crown Court
Court clerk: ‘Do you swear to tell the truth...’
Rach: ‘Troll’
Court Clerk ‘Pardon?’
Rach: ‘Why are you asking about the truth? Troll’
Court Clerk: ‘Hmm right. Could you state your full name’
Rach: ‘Part time working mummy or PTWM’
Court Clerk: ‘No the name on your birth certificate.’
Rach: ‘I don’t know, my Mum left me when I was four.’
Court Clerk: ‘Okay then. Just the name you go by.’
Rach: ‘Oh it’s this one, here on my second book, you can have that for a fiver’ (passes clerk the book.)
Court Clerk: ‘Can you state your occupation?’
Rach: ‘Saviour of women’
Court Clerk: ‘No I mean that job that pays you’
Rach: ‘OMG!! Stalker. All my money is none of your business. It’s MY money’
Court Clerk: Ahh. Well just what you consider your job to be’
Rach: (Unlocks phone, opens Instagram and shows the clerk her page.) ‘It’s there. That’s me’
(Clerk sits down and barrister stands up)
Barrister: ‘Ms Hambleton. Can you tell me what happened on the night of the alleged attack’
Rach: ‘JOOOSH, JOOOSH’ (Josh runs down from public gallery with a bucket. Rachael grabs bucket, begins to try and vomit horrifically so that she doesn’t have to answer. No vomit arrives.)
Barrister: ‘Ms Hambleton?’
Josh: ‘Can you give her a minute, she’s busy. It’s okay the most beautiful woman in my life’
Rach: ‘You are so FIT. Can’t believe I get to bang you’
Barrister: ‘MS Hambleton. The night in question?’
(Rachaels phone rings.)
Rach: ‘Sorry that was just my best friend and PA Jo.’
Barrister: ‘Is that Josephine Griffiths?’
Rach: ‘NO THE OTHER JO! UGH. DO YOU NOT EVEN FOLLOW ME’
Barrister: ‘Let’s start again. Can you tell me what happened on the night of the 14th of June 2019.’
Rach: ‘Your on Tattle aren’t you? Asking me questions. Can’t you just be kind? If you don’t like me, just forget about me. JOOOSH, he’s a Tattle bastard JOOSH. Get his IP Address and we are leaving.’
(Rach uncrosses her legs, squeezes her feet back into her Gucci shoes, smoothes of her flat stomach towards the Gallery and drags Josh out of the courtroom by his cap.)
Barrister: ‘I motion to remove Ms Hambleton from the witness list.’
Jury: ‘’
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?