Marry meAs I’m waiting for whatever is happening in the Hamstercage House of Horrors to be disclosed, I thought I’d write a little story to amuse in the meantime.
The Rancido
A chroll took a stroll down Brixham town
A hun saw the chroll, and looked them up and down
“Where are you going to, you monstrous chroll,
Come and eat sandwiches in the Hobbit Hole?”
It’s a horrific offer, hun, so no -
I’m trying to meet up with a Rancido
“A Rancido? What’s a Rancido?”
A Rancido! Why, didn’t you know?
She has terrible shits and they’re awfully stinky,
She shares them with Josh, who we all call Slinky
“Where are you meeting her?”
Here, by these rocks
and her favourite thing is greasy, limp locks.
“Greasy, limp locks?” The hun looked sad
“Goodbye chroll, even I think that’s bad”
Silly old hun! Doesn’t she know,
There are far worse things about the Rancido
On went the chroll down to the harbour
Josh was then, kitted out all in Barbour
“Where are you going to, you monstrous chroll?
Come and watch birds whilst I sign on the dole”
It’s a triggering offer, Joyce, but no
I’m trying to hunt down a Rancido
“A Rancido? What’s a Rancido?”
A Rancido! Why, didn’t you know?
She has lots of money and a lack of taste
And since she hit peri, she’s got no waist
“Where are you meeting her?”
Here by this farm
She’s in the process of causing kids lasting harm
“Lasting harm? No way” Josh scoffed and then said
“I’m the one at risk, I share her bed”
Silly old Josh! Doesn’t he know
He and his kids should flee the Rancido
On went the chroll, who came to the beach
And bumped into Wibble, eating a peach
“Where are you going, you monstrous chroll?
Come and eat firelighters and maybe some coal”
It’s a wow-tastic offer, Wilbs, but no
I’m trying to stalk a Rancido
“A Rancido? What’s a Rancido?”
A Rancido! Why, didn’t you know?
She’s actually your mummy, but you wouldn’t guess
She’s determined to make all her kids’ lives a mess
“Where are you meeting her?”
Here at this pub,
She’ll drive fizzy cat’s piss and eat some posh grub
“Sans kids?” Wibble asked, looking quite glum
“Never mind” he quipped, “I can find a new mum”
Bright little Wilbur, he’s smarter than Jo
He knows how to scare off the Rancid…
OH!
But who is this creature with awful clothes,
Stretched out eyebrows and a squinty nose
She has tiny tits and turned in toes
And is top of the league when it comes to hoes
Her skin is brown, like overcooked beef
Her kids are escaping and so are her teeth
Oh help, oh no
It’s a Rancido
“An actual chroll!” the Rancido said
No, said the Tattler, it’s all in your head
“In my head?” said the Rancido, “that can’t be true
Tattlers are chrolls, especially you
You’re all just jealous and horrifically mean
Of my books and my talent and the way I say seen”
No way! said the Tattler, I’d live in a bin
Before I said seen the way you say “sin”
Your writings deluded, your husband’s a sap
I’d rather watch Ethel taking a crap
Your family is broken, your bills are sky high
You care not a jot and fly to Dubai
Fat tears splash down and the vomiting starts
Not for your babies or their tiny broken hearts
Instead it’s all “myself”, “me” and “I”
The Rancido can always squeeze out a cry
Sort yourself out, the Tattler commanded
Get the Patchwork shitshow fully disbanded
Tend to your kids, house and pets
Stop fibbing about costs and bills from your vets
Come clean about scamming and going on the rob
Delete insta and find a real job
Remove the quiff and wonky smile
Tell the truth and find your own style
The Rancido took a moment, shrugged and replied
“My mum abandoned me when I was four” she loudly cried
“I wanted those trainers, love and big hugs
I didn’t get them, so I turned to hard drugs
Now I live on fresh air and am buying a van
“Why?”, I hear you ask
Well, just because I can!
Marry me
Honestly if I ever have children, I would love to send them to a forest school. They seem so exciting for young kids!If its the nearest school to him, they do forest school... they use a site owned by the zoo which is off of the main zoo grounds. Tool work is involved when they are ready but it's definitely not unsupervised. Wilby would actually be in his element, listening walks there involve hearing lions ,tigers and monkeys. The forest school element had been running for at least 13 years and is excellent as is the speech and language support and nurture group rest they run. He needs to be in school to challenge him and help with his development.
If he is held back year then he will start in year 1. The pre school will have to do the data drops for the end of the EYFS for him. He will then join a class that already has friendship groups formed whichever school he goes too. Such a shame.
We’re getting close to the one year anniversary of the unnamed officer misconduct hearing. Could it be possible that the privacy clause could be reviewed after 12 months? I may be totally spitballing here but perhaps holding Wilby back for a year and Joyce therefore needing to be home plays into the mental health picture ?
Rs view on the whole world is very unhealthy and skewed. Its absurd and just plain baffling.Just watched her video that was shared. What really pisses me off is that she thinks kids won’t be kind to him. My 6 year old had 2 little girls from Ukraine join their school last year. Those girls didn’t speak any English and they have been embraced and loved by every kid in that class! I’ve watched them find wants to communicate with them and seen how they will still play with them despite speaking different languages. Kids are wonderful! They’re just naturally lovely and will play together - and squabble and fall out too, but it gets forgotten after 5 minutes! What would alienate Wilby is the whole cuntasautus thing. That will come out in school and word will spread and everyone will be judging her for that!
That is absolutely lush. Only Rachel Hambleton could look so amazin in that.When me and my best mate were about 13, we’d head into C&A on a Saturday afternoon and pick the most random crazy clothes and spend ages trying them on and having a giggle…. This is what we’d end up looking like
actually was going to give her 3 days before she posted a video of Wilby sorting his brothers and sisters into lines etc or asking to FaceTime his sister Betsy… but she wins with this one!Oh the irony. Where she says to wobble “what are your brothers doing”. But he doesn’t apparently understand what a sister is
She thinks they’ll be horrible to him because all her kids are horrible to each other and it’s her normal, in fact she encourages it. Remember Edie saying that Lula was the adopted one in her phone? Instead of telling her to change it and explaining how hurtful and damaging that is she just laughedJust watched her video that was shared. What really pisses me off is that she thinks kids won’t be kind to him. My 6 year old had 2 little girls from Ukraine join their school last year. Those girls didn’t speak any English and they have been embraced and loved by every kid in that class! I’ve watched them find wants to communicate with them and seen how they will still play with them despite speaking different languages. Kids are wonderful! They’re just naturally lovely and will play together - and squabble and fall out too, but it gets forgotten after 5 minutes! What would alienate Wilby is the whole cuntasautus thing. That will come out in school and word will spread and everyone will be judging her for that!
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