New thread title thanks to
@ems1982 
you win a visit from me where I'll fall asleep on your sofa while you play with my hair!
Last thread recap:
- Ratshit is a massive
bleep.
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- #couplegoals Toothy Tina and Sloshua were away in Manchester for Miss Greedy's ITS launch meal (or something). Rancho got her make up done, so avoided her usual "inspired by the Saw puppet" look. Sloshy obviously thought it was fancy dress, and came dressed as a geography teacher. The do looked dull as
duck, with all the Instatwats glued to their phones desperately trying to make it look like they're having a great time. They apparently didn't go to the after party due to being "old and tired", more like they couldn't wait to get back to the hotel to act out their favourite role play of being strangers having a one night stand
- devoted mum of 6 Ratshit lovingly watched (on the #gifted eufy cctv) from hundreds of miles away while someone else did the school run.
- Rancho shared a text from Betsy saying the new sofa is like "sitting on a cloud", new advert incoming shortly then!
- Remember when Rancid and Sloshy had a lush date at the cinema last week? Turns out it was a
bleeping advert
second time they've been to the cinema in the whole time they've been together and she had to be paid to go with her own husband
- They're back from Manchester, Emily came round for fish and chips, Wilby's glued to Peppa Pig, and Sloshua is pissed. Standard evening in the Hambleton-Marshall-etc household.
- Betsy and her mate went off pole dancing, while Wilby sat in his brand new toddler sized chair, bought in a very practical cream/white colour.
- Everyone except Wilbert sat eating their tea, which for once wasn't a roast
bizarrely Seb was topless
- Ratshit is opening up a PTWM shop! Next door to the launderette (on the shittest street in Paignton), where she'll be working with small businesses. We can't wait to find out what she'll be selling - all those fluffy clouds she was donated, or will it be the contents of that Amazon wishlist?
- some boring content of sitting in the (brand new) lounge, which hasn't been revealed yet, she's probably on a contracted timescale for the #ad for the new sofa etc.
- Raq did a #joyofclean ad with a load of washing up liquid etc. Unfortunately she mistakenly hashtagged junglebells instead of jinglebells
money well spent by P&G there!
- Arsetrid tagged her as being allowed back round for a meal, bet Simon is overjoyed
- she filmed a conversation with the landlord of the new patchwork shitshow shop, including saying that she doesn't want to be visible because people don't like her.
- Off round Arsetrid's for a meal that looked like the dog had already had a go at it, and then Raq fell asleep on the sofa while Arsetrid twiddled her hair
what a weird set up! Astrid was very keen to point out multiple times that it's a new sofa.
- FINALLY Tattlers everywhere have their prayers answered, as she filmed Joyce shuffling through the hobbit loft hatch on his arse
it's been months in the making, but the patience has finally paid off, it's every bit as funny as we expected! What a day to have eyes! If you want to relive the glory, it's attached to this post. You're welcome!
- To absolutely nobody's surprise, it turns out that the matching Christmas pyjamas were for an advert for In The Style. Raq and co have been gifted several sets.
- more riveting content of Wilby running around while Seb plays football. Why can't Sloshy take him on his own? In case his pigeon legs catch the eye of a mum on the sideline and he nips off for a quickie in the woods, that's why! After football it was off to see Gangsta Granny.
- Obviously after a bit of attention and drama, Rancid posted a Christmas pyjama photo on Facebook (without marking it as an #ad). Someone commented that they wish they could afford matching pyjamas, and that it was a bit upsetting to see Rancho and co in multiple sets. Of course this prompted a passive aggressive reply from Queen Lateetha herself, and a load of comments from the huns, some of which were telling people to "be kind" while also calling them cunts
Raq commented that she has paid for the women's centre herself without any funding, then in another comment said she has only received £15,000 in funding (only after a few non-huns had shared the screenshot showing the £9,500 she had from the Lottery though). Can't even keep her story straight on the same night!
- PC Merlot had to take the knots out of poor wittle Rachey-Wachey's hair, because she's not nearly 40
- and the next exciting instalment on the Patreon is....... Betsy's friend helping to make Wilby's packed lunch! Roll up folks, this is what a fiver a month can get you!
- "Someone sent" some little road signs for Wilby, but the caption said "bought these from..." Which is it Raq?
- After Tattlers pointed out that she hadn't mentioned village idiot Jordan's street party/Christmas fayre/whatever the
duck he's doing, she talked about it.
- Dots of Doom
she's finishing "work" on 17 December and not back until 4 January (except helping Emily at the launderette, which isn't apparently part of her "work"). Does this mean no adverts and no rambling stories for engagement? We hope so! She's spending time with the kids, which will of course be awful
She wanged on about the women's centre, and how she's funded it herself (without mentioning that £15,000 in funding
). After the success of the Christmas collaboration with small businesses, where everything sold out (including the inappropriate "love hard" jumpers) she wants in on that action. So she's opening a shop where they'll sell items from small businesses and put the money back into the shithole cafe (probably after paying herself and her mates an extortionate wage). It will be online as well, because nobody lives near her (yep, Devon is well known for being unpopulated and isolated, isn't it?). Because she knows nothing about running a shop, she went to one to find out and spent £200 on Christmas presents. Despite having the elf kit from her mate (not an ad, dickheads!) she's been
tit with it and it's gone to school with Edie. In came Betsy and her friend (wonder if Raq got permission from the friend's parents to video her and upload it to an open Instagram?). Betsy's had her nails done but doesn't like them so wants them doing again
Rancid announced that B has "nearly a grand" in savings, which Betsy was not happy about people knowing and told her to cut it out of the video (which she didn't).
- Then came showing off the £200 worth of stuff she bought from a local shop. Basically a load of old tat that will be in the bin by New Year
- she followed up her rambling about small businesses with an advert for a teeny tiny shop that nobody's ever heard of, it's called Tesco
- #couplegoals Ratchet and Sloshua ditched the kids and went to Totnes for a Christmas market.
- more dots of doom, she's really spoiling us! Wilbert had a meltdown because he didn't recognise the courtesy car she has (which was parked on the street because she couldn't get it up the driveway, and Sloshy was obviously too pissed on mulled wine from the market). Then she didn't know it was Christmas jumper day at school for Edie - what a disaster! The jumper was "ten times too big because they'd sold out" but also, by some miracle, had her name on it. Then there was drama because Edie had left the door open, so she pulled over to close it but couldn't start the car to leave, and the man who lives in the house came out, but it was all ok in the end because he helped her sort out why she couldn't put the car into drive (the door was open) and she even managed to give it one of them. Phew!
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