Prisoner Pen Pal?

[ProphecyGirl]

Out of curiosity,

you make “friends” with this prisoner, under the impression they were wrongly accused or that they’re rehabilitated.

they seem normal and nothing shady goes on, it’s just a friendship and that’s that.

5 years down the line, after release, you find out they stabbed a 75 year old woman to death, or raped and killed a girlfriend, or hurt a child.

how would you (or anyone) feel that you offered them friendship.

I have researched their crime. Google and the court case so that wouldn’t happen.

You are quite right if you take every question stand alone, but when you look at their posting history (see the death penalty thread) then you might wonder about their motives. Not being snarky, just worried about the OP.

Why would you need to worry about me? My opinion on the death penalty was in reference to the likes of Ian Huntley and people who rape children and so on. Not your average Joe who robbed a store at 19
There is no motive behind this

 

[Oohthedrama]

have researched their crime. Google and the court case so that wouldn’t happen.

wtf why are we spending millions rehabilitating these criminals if you can predict their future?

how do you know what their financial situation will be on the outside, after serving time and making connections with fellow inmates?
This is incredibly naive

 

[ProphecyGirl]

wtf why are we spending millions rehabilitating these criminals if you can predict their future?

how do you know what their financial situation will be on the outside, after serving time and making connections with fellow inmates?
This is incredibly naive

I read your question wrong. I thought you meant that being the reason they’re there.

 

[Oohthedrama]

possession, intent to sell, equipment etc

so they come out and do the same, a job goes badly and someone ends up in a box?

 

[ProphecyGirl]

so they come out and do the same, a job goes badly and someone ends up in a box?

Can you look the thread please? I honestly came here for advice and to hear stories but the passive aggressive comments made by people haven’t really helped. I enjoy hearing as to why people think it’s a bad idea but it’s turning into a debate and not advice now...

 

[Oohthedrama]

Can you look the thread please? I honestly came here for advice and to hear stories but the passive aggressive comments made by people haven’t really helped. I enjoy hearing as to why people think it’s a bad idea but it’s turning into a debate and not advice now...

if you look at threads in general that’s how it goes?

you don’t get to control how the conversations go once a thread is active,
65 posts on you can’t decide you don’t like the replies and therefore shut down the conversation, you can choose to ignore the thread if you wish, and it will eventually die off I’m sure.

members are always told think before posting, you might not always like the direction the thread takes.
you're also not the only one talking about corresponding with inmates, it’s not just your thread, so many in advice/general threads seem to do this

its an interesting topic!

 

[ProphecyGirl]

if you look at threads in general that’s how it goes?

you don’t get to control how the conversations go once a thread is active,
65 posts on you can’t decide you don’t like the replies and therefore shut down the conversation, you can choose to ignore the thread if you wish, and it will eventually die off I’m sure.

members are always told think before posting, you might not always like the direction the thread takes.
you're also not the only one talking about corresponding with inmates, it’s not just your thread, so many in advice/general threads seem to do this

its an interesting topic!

I completely understand that and I love a good debate but it seems like it’s no longer advice now. I’ve enjoyed reading your thoughts on it but some of the comments I’ve had were uncalled for. Or maybe I am reading it the wrong way. My intentions behind this are good. Maybe I am too nice and naive but I don’t think the comments judging my character are relevant

 

[alwayslurkin]

Just my two cents for what it's worth...

If you do decide to go down this path, make sure you keep your wits about you. Don't share personal details like address, phone number etc. Until you have at least met the person! As you can gauge far more from face to face than you ever will from paper/email.

I think people are right to be concerned for you, and anyone doing this (not all comments were nice but I mean the place they were coming from), as it can very quickly spiral out of control.

Always remember that at the trial (if it was Crown) there was a jury who sat there and saw this person. Listened to their side of the story. Listened to the witnesses, the victim impact report etc. That are just "normal" (as in, the general public) people who decide to push ahead with a guilty verdict.

We can debate law all day but I'd really keep in mind any case that went to all the way to the Crown and the public still said guilty.

 

[Oohthedrama]

I completely understand that and I love a good debate but it seems like it’s no longer advice now. I’ve enjoyed reading your thoughts on it but some of the comments I’ve had were uncalled for. Or maybe I am reading it the wrong way. My intentions behind this are good. Maybe I am too nice and naive but I don’t think the comments judging my character are relevant

oh I called you naive!
you clarified you’d read the comment I made wrong so your subsequent reply to me was incredibly naive

The beauty of this site when it comes to advice is you get a mix of replies, take none to heart, you’ve raised a topic and many have added their own experiences or thoughts,

at this point I think admin should do an assessment on everyone who sets up an advice thread because 99.9999999999999999% they cry for it to be removed if they don’t get the answers they’re looking for.

 

[ProphecyGirl]

Just my two cents for what it's worth...

If you do decide to go down this path, make sure you keep your wits about you. Don't share personal details like address, phone number etc. Until you have at least met the person! As you can gauge far more from face to face than you ever will from paper/email.

I think people are right to be concerned for you, and anyone doing this (not all comments were nice but I mean the place they were coming from), as it can very quickly spiral out of control.

Always remember that at the trial (if it was Crown) there was a jury who sat there and saw this person. Listened to their side of the story. Listened to the witnesses, the victim impact report etc. That are just "normal" (as in, the general public) people who decide to push ahead with a guilty verdict.

We can debate law all day but I'd really keep in mind any case that went to all the way to the Crown and the public still said guilty.

Thank you! I’ve written to someone in America and have been careful about my details

I just feel sorry for people too much maybe.I don’t get why people write to serial killers and people like that, that’s just beyond me. It’s not something I could ever do!

A friend of a friend was in prison for something she stupidly did, taking prescription drugs into another country, she was put in a much worse prison than in USA but makes me think how many people are in there for something stupid like that. I don’t know

 

[Definitelyme]

Maybe I am very naive, but many people are in prison because they’ve done a bad thing, not because they are a bad person. Of course plenty of them are horrendous humans who don’t deserve to see the light of day, and have committed absolutely heinous crimes, and shouldn’t be allowed to breath the same air as the rest of us. However, not all of them fall in to that category.

People can make one very bad judgement calls which land them in prison. It doesn’t mean we need to treat them like they are scum of the earth.

The actual scum in there should be left to rot, though.

 

[Pinkblush]

Each to their own but I wouldn't be able to do it. I was mugged once (long time ago) and our house was burgled when I was 12 years old. Many sleepless nights cowering under the covers in fear followed.
Also before I had a family I used to volunteer in victim support and mentoring women in refuges. I have little empathy for law breakers whatever the crime.

 

[ProphecyGirl]

oh I called you naive!
you clarified you’d read the comment I made wrong so your subsequent reply to me was incredibly naive

The beauty of this site when it comes to advice is you get a mix of replies, take none to heart, you’ve raised a topic and many have added their own experiences or thoughts,

at this point I think admin should do an assessment on everyone who sets up an advice thread because 99.9999999999999999% they cry for it to be removed if they don’t get the answers they’re looking for.

Oh no i didn’t mean because you said that....I am naive in my own personal relationships so maybe that’s taken effect here

 

[alwayslurkin]

they’ve done a bad things, not because they are a bad person

100% this and I do agree with it.

However, keep in mind the type of environment prison is. It's basically a place where criminals get to meet other criminals, and isn't the rehabilitation place everyone thinks it is - it should be, but the reality is that it isn't.

There is a reason people come out of prison and re-offend. I'd just be very careful that they aren't using you, because most of them will be.

 

[ProphecyGirl]

100% this and I do agree with it.

However, keep in mind the type of environment prison is. It's basically a place where criminals get to meet other criminals, and isn't the rehabilitation place everyone thinks it is - it should be, but the reality is that it isn't.

There is a reason people come out of prison and re-offend. I'd just be very careful that they aren't using you, because most of them will be.

Oh definitely!! It can go one of two ways. Some prisoners end up learning a skill and making a great life once they’re out and others go the wrong way again

 

[Platypusfattypus]

I'd also advise caution. I did work with offenders and whilst occasionally you would get the odd person who did end up due to making poor decisions and were able to turn it round, it's a very small number. Before the poster who likes to say people shouldn't work in the job unless they believed in rehabilitation, I ended up leaving because I really wanted to make a difference and for the vast majority they didn't want me to make a difference. I had two cases that did turn their lives around, the rest enjoyed offending or were so institutionalised it was difficult to get them away.

Grooming is very difficult to spot. We would have regular supervisions with our manager to ensure that we weren't being groomed. Do you have support you can discuss the relationship with so they can keep an eye out for you? Please don't think you are immune to it, I mean this from a place of caring as I've seen it happen a few times. One such caseI remember was a dv case that was in prison for drug use. He had a partner who had started out as a pen pal and formed a relationship with her. She ended up bankrupt, abused and very hostile when we tried to help her by preventing him moving back. She was a really well educated person who ended up giving up her career and family for this man. Who eventually left her for a new woman. Just be very careful please.

 

[alwayslurkin]

I'd also advise caution. I did work with offenders and whilst occasionally you would get the odd person who did end up due to making poor decisions and were able to turn it round, it's a very small number. Before the poster who likes to say people shouldn't work in the job unless they believed in rehabilitation, I ended up leaving because I really wanted to make a difference and for the vast majority they didn't want me to make a difference. I had two cases that did turn their lives around, the rest enjoyed offending or were so institutionalised it was difficult to get them away.

Grooming is very difficult to spot. We would have regular supervisions with our manager to ensure that we weren't being groomed. Do you have support you can discuss the relationship with so they can keep an eye out for you? Please don't think you are immune to it, I mean this from a place of caring as I've seen it happen a few times. One such caseI remember was a dv case that was in prison for drug use. He had a partner who had started out as a pen pal and formed a relationship with her. She ended up bankrupt, abused and very hostile when we tried to help her by preventing him moving back. She was a really well educated person who ended up giving up her career and family for this man. Who eventually left her for a new woman. Just be very careful please.

I've always heard of cases like this, but I suppose reading it first-hand from someone like yourself who has seen it happen makes me quite sad.

Those that will genuinely form a connection with you and not use/hurt you are in the minority for sure

 

[ProphecyGirl]

I'd also advise caution. I did work with offenders and whilst occasionally you would get the odd person who did end up due to making poor decisions and were able to turn it round, it's a very small number. Before the poster who likes to say people shouldn't work in the job unless they believed in rehabilitation, I ended up leaving because I really wanted to make a difference and for the vast majority they didn't want me to make a difference. I had two cases that did turn their lives around, the rest enjoyed offending or were so institutionalised it was difficult to get them away.

Grooming is very difficult to spot. We would have regular supervisions with our manager to ensure that we weren't being groomed. Do you have support you can discuss the relationship with so they can keep an eye out for you? Please don't think you are immune to it, I mean this from a place of caring as I've seen it happen a few times. One such caseI remember was a dv case that was in prison for drug use. He had a partner who had started out as a pen pal and formed a relationship with her. She ended up bankrupt, abused and very hostile when we tried to help her by preventing him moving back. She was a really well educated person who ended up giving up her career and family for this man. Who eventually left her for a new woman. Just be very careful please.

Thank you so much for the advice it’s appreciated. I will take all of this on board thank you!
A shame that happens to the girl it sounds awful

 

[Base2019]

I think it’s a really lovely thing to do, I say that honestly btw lol. I admire your enthusiasm for it I would just worry that some would take advantage of that and would feel they could easily manipulate you.

I’m not going to lie I did find myself on that website a lot today (lockdown ) I was actually soo shocked after reading some of their profiles and then when I clicked into the crimes they committed after it was just astounding. Some of them looked and sounded so so normal and even pled their innocence in their bio. When I looked into the crimes they committed there was no way they could have been innocent, for example abducting a stranger, holding her against her will for 5 hours, rape, assault.

It just reminded me of like a Facebook style platform for prisoners lol they can basically just portray whatever side of themselves they want people to see. Quote frightening

I do wish you well with it and hope you so come back up for some updates on how it’s going

 

[Platypusfattypus]

Thank you so much for the advice it’s appreciated. I will take all of this on board thank you!
A shame that happens to the girl it sounds awful

It was. He was a vile man who really fancied himself. Then he had a really bad case of impetigo all over his face and was really pissed off because I made him come into the office for his appt and people would see his face

I think it’s a really lovely thing to do, I say that honestly btw lol. I admire your enthusiasm for it I would just worry that some would take advantage of that and would feel they could easily manipulate you.

I’m not going to lie I did find myself on that website a lot today (lockdown ) I was actually soo shocked after reading some of their profiles and then when I clicked into the crimes they committed after it was just astounding. Some of them looked and sounded so so normal and even pled their innocence in their bio. When I looked into the crimes they committed there was no way they could have been innocent, for example abducting a stranger, holding her against her will for 5 hours, rape, assault.

It just reminded me of like a Facebook style platform for prisoners lol they can basically just portray whatever side of themselves they want people to see. Quote frightening

I do wish you well with it and hope you so come back up for some updates on how it’s going

Everyone is innocent in prison