Prisoner Pen Pal?

[Oohthedrama]

Here is a link to Age UK where you can be a “telephone befriender”. I’m sure there was one where you could write to people too but can’t find that link!

Telephone friendship service | Age UK

Sign up as a volunteer for the telephone friendship service to talk to older people to help loneliness and isolation.

www.ageuk.org.uk

thing is there is no “excitement” with this, and I think anyone looking to write to a criminal is doing it for those reasons.
It’s self serving not an attempt to do good.

In my opinion!

 

[ProphecyGirl]

Fair play to you for being non-judgemental and believing that people change and deserve second chances. But for me it would depend on the crime. Imagine if your daughter/sister/friend/whoever was murdered or mugged, raped whatever and you found out that the suspect got the privilege of people writing to them in prison and pen pals. I'd find it a smack in the face (again, depending on the severity of the crime).

Oh I agree! I have done my research first since I would feel the same depending on the crime.
Their profiles can be inciting which is why I researched first, one guy's profile made him sound interesting then I saw his crime and it was a big no go for me, couldn't click off his profile quick enough

thing is there is no “excitement” with this, and I think anyone looking to write to a criminal is doing it for those reasons.
It’s self serving not an attempt to do good.

In my opinion!

I have not done it for excitement. Like I said, some are girls my age (late 20's) who are in for 4/5 years for attacking their attacker/abuser.

 

[Oohthedrama]

Like I said, some are girls my age (late 20's) who are in for 4/5 years for attacking their attacker/abuser.

I very much doubt it’s that clear cut, 4/5 years for a first offence? Which was pretty much self defence?
i do believe there are some people serving time who have been wrongly accused but that’s the exception not the norm.

again just my opinion.

 

[HoGi]

I didn't know this was a thing to be able to write to the elderly in care homes. I would do that too though.

My dad was in a care home and a lot of the residents loved receiving letters or cards. Even if they couldn't reply (most had dementia) the process of looking at a card etc cheered them up

 

[WilmaHun]

What happens if you decide after 1 or 2 letters it's not for you? Do you just stop writing and that's that or?

 

[Rockin' Robin]

I didn't know this was a thing to be able to write to the elderly in care homes. I would do that too though.

I would like echo this sentiment. Many of the residents in care homes up and down the country, have not seen their relatives and friends for months. Some residents have no relatives, many of them will have had a lousy Christmas because of a Covid outbreak within the home. It would mean so much to them, to be able to have some sort of contact with the outside world.

 

[Practically Perfect]

i stoppped when the person i was communicating with ( so called petty thief) started to write about how he 'loved' children and then described how much he 'loved' children and how it was all completely normal. Nah mate. Shudder. As i said this was 20 years ago and i still get the chills thinking about it.

I did want to write back and tell him exactly what i thought of him but instead i reported it and 'ghosted' him

see just talking about it makes me

edited to add: wrote about it and in a very clever way to get past censor etc but oh i knew what he meant - fucker.

 

[Notredamn]

Sorry but this is so rude and unnecessary to ask what I may be missing in life It’s not about that at all or glamourising
a crime. These people aren’t all bad people and I have chosen very carefully who I have written a letter to and done research before doing so since it’s something I have wanted to do for a while. Many people do this for all the wrong reasons and I am not one of them. I suggest if you have an input then do so without making assumptions of people you don’t know.



Yes I am in the uk



Because i do. Not all of these people are bad people. And like I have said above I have done my research. I have made this to ask for stories and not to be judged

well then I'm sure your research is much more through than any professional's involved in the case, then. Are you writing to someone you believe to be a victim of a miscarriage of justice? And sorry but no, there is definitely something lacking for you to consider this let alone do it.

This attitude is probably a sign you should stop working in the system. Where’s your belief in rehabilitation and that people can change?

I have said nothing in relation to what you've just asked me. I don't speak about cases.

 

[ProphecyGirl]

well then I'm sure your research is much more through than any professional's involved in the case, then. Are you writing to someone you believe to be a victim of a miscarriage of justice? And sorry but no, there is definitely something lacking for you to consider this let alone do it.

This is the second time I’ve seen you being rude to someone on here this week for no reason. I am putting you on ignore. I am all for hearing why people are agasint it but to judge me as a character or to comment what you think is missing in my life is over the line

 

[Notredamn]

This is the second time I’ve seen you being rude to someone on here this week for no reason. I am putting you on ignore. I am all for hearing why people are agasint it but to judge me as a character or to comment what you think is missing in my life is over the line

thank you

 

[catcat94]

What happens if you decide after 1 or 2 letters it's not for you? Do you just stop writing and that's that or?

The app I use for messaging. You can remove them from your contacts and they can’t write to you after that. If they have your home address then I dunno how it would play out

 

[theghosttown]

This is the second time I’ve seen you being rude to someone on here this week for no reason. I am putting you on ignore. I am all for hearing why people are agasint it but to judge me as a character or to comment what you think is missing in my life is over the line

Totally agree. I think the problem with this is people tend to fall into either one of two categories. Those who believe people should still be treated humanely despite their crimes and are entitled to rehabilitation and the chance to try and continue to live a normal (being locked up isn’t normal) life. Or those who truely cannot see past the crimes people have committed. I genuinely don’t have an issue with either opinion as it’s I think it’s something which can be debated for days on end.

I think if you’re keen on doing it then give it a shot and if it isn’t for you then end the communication. You don’t own these people anything.

 

[Oohthedrama]

Out of curiosity,

you make “friends” with this prisoner, under the impression they were wrongly accused or that they’re rehabilitated.

they seem normal and nothing shady goes on, it’s just a friendship and that’s that.

5 years down the line, after release, you find out they stabbed a 75 year old woman to death, or raped and killed a girlfriend, or hurt a child.

how would you (or anyone) feel that you offered them friendship.

 

[Notredamn]

Totally agree. I think the problem with this is people tend to fall into either one of two categories. Those who believe people should still be treated humanely despite their crimes and are entitled to rehabilitation and the chance to try and continue to live a normal (being locked up isn’t normal) life. Or those who truely cannot see past the crimes people have committed. I genuinely don’t have an issue with either opinion as it’s I think it’s something which can be debated for days on end.

I think if you’re keen on doing it then give it a shot and if it isn’t for you then end the communication. You don’t own these people anything.

I don't fall into either category as life isn't black and white, crime is so, so complex and usually most could easily fall into it given the 'right ' recipe of circumstances. No such thing as evil. Still doesn't mean that people unrelated to an individual, who otherwise wouldn't come across them in life, should actively seek out to have an involvement with something they are not going to have an objective understanding of. It's very risky even though there will be a physical distance. It's the crime which is the draw. Otherwise you'd just look for any penpal.

 

[SoulRebel]

No because working in the system, I just find glamourising crime so odd and this type of thing usually appeals to the most vulnerable and boundary bankrupt of people, no offence. You're rewarding offenders and handing them the golden ticket to continue to manipulate. They will rewrite history and thoroughly enjoy the control and knowing someone (usually many women at one time) is enthralled by their antics and often wanting to 'understand ' the 'real them'. I think it's more valuable to address what is missing in your life and question why not many men do this.

I've just re-read this and it has struck a chord in me, how many men want to write to female prisoners? I bet that it isn't many compared to women writing to men.
This was an American trend to begin with and seems to have crept to the UK
As I said before, question your motives but stay safe and remember that lots of deserving and lonely people would love to receive a letter or email.

 

[theghosttown]

I don't fall into either category as life isn't black and white, crime is so, so complex and usually most could easily fall into it given the 'right ' recipe of circumstances. No such thing as evil. Still doesn't mean that people unrelated to an individual, who otherwise wouldn't come across them in life, should actively seek out to have an involvement with something they are not going to have an objective understanding of. It's very risky even though there will be a physical distance. It's the crime which is the draw. Otherwise you'd just look for any penpal.

That’s fair. I think the issue here is this isn’t what OP has asked. There are some quite loaded questions being asked and people are projecting onto her their own feelings on the situation. I get the impression that perhaps she is just looking for a pen pal. I’m taking her post for face value and not trying to take from it a different motive

 

[SoulRebel]

That’s fair. I think the issue here is this isn’t what OP has asked. There are some quite loaded questions being asked and people are projecting onto her their own feelings on the situation. I get the impression that perhaps she is just looking for a pen pal. I’m taking her post for face value and not trying to take from it a different motive

You are quite right if you take every question stand alone, but when you look at their posting history (see the death penalty thread) then you might wonder about their motives. Not being snarky, just worried about the OP.

 

[theghosttown]

You are quite right if you take every question stand alone, but when you look at their posting history (see the death penalty thread) then you might wonder about their motives. Not being snarky, just worried about the OP.

No that’s a fair comment, I haven’t read previous comments. Just this post x

 

[Apple In My Pie]

Something about this makes me feel really uncomfortable. I do find it interesting and can understand why you‘ve tried it out but, in all honesty, I couldn’t think of it getting very far before coming back to their crime/their innocence if that makes sense? I think it’s that sense of it being very one sided, e.g. you only really know what they’re telling you. if it then came out that the person I was writing to was a murderer or rapist, I don’t think I could live knowing I’d supported them and would worry if they had my details (address, phone number etc) or if they became manipulative toward me. I dont think I’d mind as much if i was using temporary details, like a burner phone or fake email type thing.

I also think that some people who use prisoners as pen pals - not you, but generally - think they’re ‘saviours’, that they can save and rehabilitate someone, that they’re doing something ‘good’, especially if the messages they receive in return are manipulative ‘I’m innocent’ type, and that’s why talking to prisoners has become so popular recently in comparison to, idk, making friends through a forum or sending letters to the elderly. Again this isn’t specifically towards you I’m just musing out loud.

 

[catcat94]

Out of curiosity,

you make “friends” with this prisoner, under the impression they were wrongly accused or that they’re rehabilitated.

they seem normal and nothing shady goes on, it’s just a friendship and that’s that.

5 years down the line, after release, you find out they stabbed a 75 year old woman to death, or raped and killed a girlfriend, or hurt a child.

how would you (or anyone) feel that you offered them friendship.

Very valid point to make.
But with the internet you can literally read all about why they’re arrested, the prisons they’ve been throughout time, if they’ve been arrested previously, how much bail is. Nothing is exactly private.
The two people I speak to are in over drugs - possession, intent to sell, equipment etc