Prisoner Pen Pal?

[Notredamn]

No because working in the system, I just find glamourising crime so odd and this type of thing usually appeals to the most vulnerable and boundary bankrupt of people, no offence. You're rewarding offenders and handing them the golden ticket to continue to manipulate. They will rewrite history and thoroughly enjoy the control and knowing someone (usually many women at one time) is enthralled by their antics and often wanting to 'understand ' the 'real them'. I think it's more valuable to address what is missing in your life and question why not many men do this.

 

[Oohthedrama]

Before I get anymore snobby comments

Set up a thread on here, accept the good and the bad.

honestly don’t understand some people

It’s not your job to understand anyone on here, you will get mixed replies on an open gossip forum.
Read, ignore, skip, engage, so many options

The varied responses and discussions are the best part!

 

[Oohthedrama]

Personally,
not a chance in the burning fires of hell.

I don’t think anyone who does has good intentions towards the prisoner. I think they do it out of morbid curiosity and nosiness,

there absolutely ARE innocent people in prison, but more likely than not they’re in there because they aren’t innocent.

there are many, many, MANY victims who deserve support, rape victims, victims of robbery that fear being alone in their own house, women who were mugged one night and never go out alone again, people who have been beaten to a pulp for a tenner and admitted to hospital.

the prisoner might have a backstory that explains why they’ve got to where they are, they deserve rehabilitation, not friendship and support.

very easy to romanticise this story of an innocent prisoner who’s been locked behind bars in a huge miss justice, how they come out at 59 and attend University and go on to build an empire helping other young offenders on the way.

0.0000000001% chance of you connecting with anyone but Jonno the scumbag who’s after some nudes and some baccy.

not intended to flame or offend just my opinion

 

[Practically Perfect]

Approx. email/letter 3 will come the requests for nudes, money and so on or even worse pics of your kids.

And yes i did do it and was asked for all of the above.

I am sorry i did it, wouldnt recommend it and would never do it again.

Edited to add: I was a naive idiot who had no clue what i was getting myself in to and 20 years later it still bothers me and regret it.

I thought i was being nice, looked at it like voluntary work. I was a dumb ass.

 

[Oohthedrama]

after I started living alone and found loneliness and it made me think of the people in there who are genuinely good or have been in for 20+ years

you know there are a lot of elderly or vulnerable people who are in the same position without the “40 years to life” tag.

just saying, have you thought about looking into contacting someone in a care home? Helping out with meals on wheels?

 

[ot55]

Because of this thread I just went and looked at one of these sites out of curiosity. A female inmate appeared and she looked friendly and likeable from her photo. I clicked her profile and her bio was all about how she made a mistake and was looking for a second chance, as well as some other stuff about her favourite music, her favourite foods etc.

I scrolled down to see her crime. It said sexual exploitation with children. I googled her case and it’s beyond sick.

So yeah that summarises my feelings on this, it feels wrong. All of these prisoners will have a sob story and be asking for a second chance, claiming they made a mistake. But they’re not exactly going to post ‘I love terrorising others’.

I personally find it disrespectful for the victims and their families. If you’re in prison for something like rape, murder, crimes against children etc, I don’t think you should have the right to be making new buddies via pen pal

 

[Greys1324]

No because working in the system, I just find glamourising crime so odd and this type of thing usually appeals to the most vulnerable and boundary bankrupt of people, no offence. You're rewarding offenders and handing them the golden ticket to continue to manipulate. They will rewrite history and thoroughly enjoy the control and knowing someone (usually many women at one time) is enthralled by their antics and often wanting to 'understand ' the 'real them'. I think it's more valuable to address what is missing in your life and question why not many men do this.

This attitude is probably a sign you should stop working in the system. Where’s your belief in rehabilitation and that people can change?

 

[NapQueenReturns]

Why would you want to do this? Genuine question.

 

[ProphecyGirl]

Before I get anymore snobby comments

there are both men and women you can choose from. Some are in prison for standing up against domestic abuse or because they were involved in gangs from a young age and it was a matter of fight or die.
Not all crimes involve murder.

 

[ProphecyGirl]

No because working in the system, I just find glamourising crime so odd and this type of thing usually appeals to the most vulnerable and boundary bankrupt of people, no offence. You're rewarding offenders and handing them the golden ticket to continue to manipulate. They will rewrite history and thoroughly enjoy the control and knowing someone (usually many women at one time) is enthralled by their antics and often wanting to 'understand ' the 'real them'. I think it's more valuable to address what is missing in your life and question why not many men do this.

Sorry but this is so rude and unnecessary to ask what I may be missing in life It’s not about that at all or glamourising
a crime. These people aren’t all bad people and I have chosen very carefully who I have written a letter to and done research before doing so since it’s something I have wanted to do for a while. Many people do this for all the wrong reasons and I am not one of them. I suggest if you have an input then do so without making assumptions of people you don’t know.

I didn’t know this was an actual thing you could do. Are you in the UK?

Yes I am in the uk

Why would you want to do this? Genuine question.

Because i do. Not all of these people are bad people. And like I have said above I have done my research. I have made this to ask for stories and not to be judged

 

[Sunshine&clouds]

A few thoughts. Most people who are in prison for lesser offences, certainly in the UK, will be in for a relatively short time and will likely have plenty of support from family and friends. They won't be the ones wanting penpals. The ones wanting penpals and I would expect the men would want female penpals, will be the ones lacking family support. These will, in the majority of cases, be those who have committed the worst of crimes. Ditto people in and out of prison for most of their life.

It's also worth considering their motives too.

I'm not saying that there aren't people in prison who stole nappies for babies, or were forced into gangs and into committing horrible crimes against their will. There are some sad stories. But these people won't be seeking comfort from someone thousands of miles away.

I don't know if you like Louis Theroux? Watch his prison documentaries. It's astonishing how charismatic some of the prisoners are. In the Miami one there's a young man with glasses who Louis and everyone watching felt so sorry for. He looked so out of place in the really horrible and violent prison. It turned out he tried to kill his girlfriend and her friend. He shot them. He then announced he was going to plead insanity. There was nothing insane about him. Despite this, I still felt sorry for him.

The San Quentin episode is incredible too. There's a guy given 521 years plus 11 life sentences who seems really nice. He'd been in and out of prison since he was 11. I didn't find him remotely scary. He'd tortured people and when Louis asked if there were any fatalities, he said no, but some people probably wished they were dead, obviously because the torture was so horrific. But I actually liked him. It sounds completely mad as I have a background in law and Social Sciences, so I know the score with people who offend. But I still liked him.

All I'm saying is be very careful. Do not provide anything that could identify you. If you send photos, it's highly likely it will be shared with other prisoners and I am sorry to be brutally frank, but they will not be commenting on how blue really suits you. Many prisoners have access to the internet, either directly or with the assistance of someone else. If they can find you online, they will.

There will be people forced through one reason or another into crime. But it's naive to see them only as victims. If you have committed a serious act against another human being or animal, it will change you. Prison changes people.

Research this properly. Don't provide any personal info and definately do not send photos. There are some good people in prison, but most aren't. Keep safe.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I hope you haven't given him your real address .....

 

[Oohthedrama]

Here is a link to Age UK where you can be a “telephone befriender”. I’m sure there was one where you could write to people too but can’t find that link!

Telephone friendship service | Age UK

Sign up as a volunteer for the telephone friendship service to talk to older people to help loneliness and isolation.

www.ageuk.org.uk

thing is there is no “excitement” with this, and I think anyone looking to write to a criminal is doing it for those reasons.
It’s self serving not an attempt to do good.

In my opinion!

 

[Platypusfattypus]

I'd also advise caution. I did work with offenders and whilst occasionally you would get the odd person who did end up due to making poor decisions and were able to turn it round, it's a very small number. Before the poster who likes to say people shouldn't work in the job unless they believed in rehabilitation, I ended up leaving because I really wanted to make a difference and for the vast majority they didn't want me to make a difference. I had two cases that did turn their lives around, the rest enjoyed offending or were so institutionalised it was difficult to get them away.

Grooming is very difficult to spot. We would have regular supervisions with our manager to ensure that we weren't being groomed. Do you have support you can discuss the relationship with so they can keep an eye out for you? Please don't think you are immune to it, I mean this from a place of caring as I've seen it happen a few times. One such caseI remember was a dv case that was in prison for drug use. He had a partner who had started out as a pen pal and formed a relationship with her. She ended up bankrupt, abused and very hostile when we tried to help her by preventing him moving back. She was a really well educated person who ended up giving up her career and family for this man. Who eventually left her for a new woman. Just be very careful please.

 

[ChloeW94]

Here is a link to Age UK where you can be a “telephone befriender”. I’m sure there was one where you could write to people too but can’t find that link!

Telephone friendship service | Age UK

Sign up as a volunteer for the telephone friendship service to talk to older people to help loneliness and isolation.

www.ageuk.org.uk

 

[Practically Perfect]

i stoppped when the person i was communicating with ( so called petty thief) started to write about how he 'loved' children and then described how much he 'loved' children and how it was all completely normal. Nah mate. Shudder. As i said this was 20 years ago and i still get the chills thinking about it.

I did want to write back and tell him exactly what i thought of him but instead i reported it and 'ghosted' him

see just talking about it makes me

edited to add: wrote about it and in a very clever way to get past censor etc but oh i knew what he meant - fucker.

 

[Alexaj]

Personally I think there are more deserving candidates for a penpal. I find the situation similar to when middle aged women go to Africa or Egypt or wherever looking for attention from 20 year old men. They don't seem to realise they're being used and laughed at.

 

[WilmaHun]

The more I think about this the more I am against it. (OP - please don't take these comments as personal, they are not aimed at you, more the whole process in general).

I am struggling to see how anybody could be writing to a prisoner for any other reason than personal curiosity - as has already been suggested on this thread there are tons of other ways you can be a pen pal or communicate with people without contacting an actual incarcerated criminal. (Appreciate there are a small number of instances where innocent people are incarcerated but let's face it, the overwhelming majority of these people will have committed the crime they are convicted of). The argument of I'm doing it because "good people sometimes do bad things" or " they had a bad upbringing which affected their decisions - they're not a bad person" doesn't sit well with me. If we were discussing a child rapist, who had been abused all their life, you would not be using their upbringing or past events as a mitigating factor, you'd be disgusted at what they did. So I don't think those arguments can be used to apply to lesser crimes either.

I also can't help but feel that these people on the inside are master manipulators, granted, not all of them but I think a large majority, who will use the pen pals to get what they want, whatever that may be. I cannot see how having a pen pal from a different country will in any way aid their rehabilitation. Let the prisons do what they are there to do, rehabilitate. Contact is allowed with the outside world via phone calls and visits to a select number of people who were involved with the person before they were incarcerated. I can't see why there is any need for a total stranger to be in touch with a prisoner, or what benefit that will have to the ultimate goal of rehabilitation.

 

[Satisfying Click]

I had a look on the website that was listed and found four profiles in the same state.

Three out of the four men specified they wanted women to contact them (one went as far as saying 'cute girls' and that he's due for release soon). Their crimes included assault and rape. I'm amazed this is allowed to be honest, from a safeguarding perspective, I work with vulnerable people, many of whom have poor boundaries and would be all over this.

 

[Practically Perfect]

Ok - my reasons. I will say, when asked, (and i even said earlier) that i was being nice and looked at it as if voluntary work.

What i didn't say was - ok - I was in a very lonley marriage, had 3 small children, stuck at home 24/7, the internet was new and i was looking for something, anything. Yes i had a morbid curiosity and had probably watched Oprah or some other type show where this was the subject matter.

I like to tell myself (and think) i was clever and researched all the things. But I was very lonely and i can honestly say now that my intentions were not altogether altruistic. I dont know what my motivation or intentions were exactly was but i just know that i was naive, gullible and it is something i very much regret.

i just urge that you use caution; believe nothing, take it all with a pinch of salt, send nothing and the second you sense a vibe you do not like - stop. Remember also that whatever you write, send etc will not be only to that person, it will be shared. Of that i have no doubt.