Pregnancy #56

[George01]

You’ve described how I feel so perfectly. I’ve always been afraid to admit it though because we tried so long and this baby is so, so wanted that I feel like I’m not allowed to admit I’m struggling through fear of looking like I’m ungrateful to be having this baby, which is totally not the case, he’s a complete blessing which I’m so grateful for, but pregnancy is hard. I’ve had a rough ride so far and have a long way to go, we’re at very high risk of pre term labour so every day is full of anxiety for me which is so all consuming it sort of overshadows all the good stuff.

I have that fear of sound ungrateful even though I'm not and I feel so lucky to be having another baby! My mum described it perfectly though, she said pregnancy a journey and you're allowed to not enjoy it and get travel sick along the way, the destination is what you really care about! So I have to remind myself of that daily haha

 

[anotheronebitesthedust.1]

Has anyone got an at home baby heart rate doppler thingy? I'm just constantly anxious at the moment so wondering if that would be a good way to give a bit of peace of mind.

It’s highly recommended not to use home Dopplers due to not being trained in them , picking up the wrong heat beat , thinking things are ok so don’t escalate issues

 

[Hinchhater1442]

The smell of men in the first trimester!!!!! I thought it was only me
I never got ‘proper’ cravings either. But it did make me wonder how much they’re 'exaggerated' sometimes? Like there was a day or two I really wanted a milkshake, so got my parter to swing by McDonald’s on his way home, but I wouldn’t call that a craving? I often have things pop in my mind and fancy them so go out and buy them.. but other people would be like oooooh you've got a craving!!?

 

[Elle Woods]

Whilst I'm on a rant about her I might as well carry on, she keeps asking me what his name is going to be and "you'll be using my surname won't you?". We do know what his name will be, but we're not telling people because I really don't want or care for their opinions and she's SO opinionated about what others call their babies I just cba for her opinion. Anyway everytime she sees me she asks and I give the same answer everytime "we haven't decided yet". My bf told me next time she asks I should give her the most hideous name I can think of and hope that's the end of it Annoying thing is she won't do it when he's around because she knows he'll just tell her to mind her business

 

[raspberryjuice]

Speaking of not letting people come around after the baby is born… what are the boundaries other people have?

Again I’m finding it a bit hard because my boyfriend’s brother has already had two kids and I think they let everyone visit either on the same day or day after. To be honest I don’t want that. I’m probably okay with his parents coming as soon as but I don’t want to open it up to everyone else like his brothers and nephews within the first few days ideally. But feel like because they did… we have to. I wasn’t in his life though when they were born though! It’s the germaphobe and protectiveness in me wanting to limit everything. But on the flip I want my brother and sister to come , so don’t know how far I’m going to get with justifying that. I don’t have either parent though so they’re kind of my support system.

I’ve already said outright for him to tell his extended family to not even bother asking for at least the first few weeks if not a month. They can have a picture. Traditionally in my culture you’re not meant to have people around OR go out with the baby for the first month. I don’t believe in all these traditions normally, but I do see the logic behind this. I feel the need to stick to it. My family all know/practice this anyway so won’t be a problem on my side. I feel a lot more comfortable enforcing this, it’s the immediate I’m worried about

We’ve already told ours that it will be our parents only for the first couple of days we’re home, then my sister and his brother and their partners plus my 2 best friends can come towards the end of the first week. We’ve told everyone else we’d like a couple of weeks to get ourselves settled and allow me time to recover before they come round. We didn’t want to be managing expectations and disappointing people in those early days so we’ve been clear with them now.

I’ve also told them all it will be hand washing and sanitiser before holding baby, don’t come over if you’re not feeling well, no kissing his face or hands, if he’s upset hand him back to one of us don’t try to settle him yourselves and if he needs feeding and I’ve managed to breastfeed to respect my privacy and either leave the room, pop out for a coffee or go if they’ve already been there a while as I don’t want to be whacking my boobs out infront of everyone in those early weeks when we’re still trying to establish feeding. It might sound a bit controlling but I think it’s important to set out our expectations.

 

[yankydoo]

How do people work and go through pregnancy? I wouldn't even say my symptoms are terrible but I feel so tired and have such bad brain fog. My job requires a lot of attention to detail and analytical thinking. I don't know how I'm going to get through the upcoming months without messing something up really badly!

 

[raspberryjuice]

Thank you. I’m sure he’ll start raving as soon as we pull in to the hospital car park but with the reduced movement (he’s moving a little but nothing like normal) and all the pains I could probably do with a once over anyway otherwise my anxiety will sky rocket again

 

[watermelon sugar]

I’m still in the 27-32 weeks bracket! 31 weeks this week eeeeek!!

I’m still awaiting my glow, I’ve had one day out of 31 weeks where I had a bit of energy and ‘nested’ and the day after I felt like I had been hit by a train I’ve also been told I look grey/dead/like shit

 

[Elle Woods]

Thanks everyone, I think I'll stay away from getting one now as I know I'd end up taking it too seriously and be reliant on it, which just wouldn't be safe

I’ve had a scare recently and now I’m in a high risk position and a family friend actually came round with her own at home Doppler she said I could lend off her for the rest of my pregnancy for “peace of mind” but I politely declined it for the reason you’ve said - I knew if I took it off her I’d be constantly relying on it and then getting myself in an awful mess if I couldn’t find baby. I know she was only trying to help but knowing my personality I knew accepting it would be the worst thing I could do. In my maternity notes it mentions a couple of times that it’s not recommended to use them at all and I think if you’re someone like me, who is naturally anxious and tends to overthink, then it’s clear why they say that.

 

[aggytha]

Oh I’m jealous if my 4 yo even closes his eyes for 5 mins he’s up til about 10pm but if he doesn’t sleep during the day he’s good at bedtime and sleeps the entire night. A lot of people have took pleasure in telling me the second child is never the same, their a demon and if your first sleeps good your second doesn’t

my first is a demon, always been a horrendous sleeper that’s what convinced me to go for number 2, I’ve managed over 3 and a half years without having a longer stretch of 4 hours consecutive sleep… I told my husband that because I accepted she was a shit sleeper a long time again and I can manage that, number 2 can’t be any worse..

...then came the news that number 2 was actually number 2 AND 3. Some sort of sleep god is laughing at me somewhere
---

Random possibly stupid question of the day - our bedroom has been painted today, can I sleep in there tonight? I was going to sleep in the spare room but I’ve just been to lie on the bed and I can’t get comfortable at all, it was really painful on my back and hips and it’s so low down I think I’ll struggle to get up and down for a wee every 30 mins through the night. And me and my pregnancy pillow won’t fit on the sofa anymore so that’s not an option I haven’t done any of the painting so it’s not like i’ve been exposed to it all day and it’s just emulsion on the walls no gloss work or anything. I can leave the windows open until I go to bed at 1/2am to ventilate it as much as possible. But I don’t know if it’s ok or not?!

I’m sure it’ll be fine! I painted our nursery walls (just water based emulsion) a couple of weeks ago with the window wide open and it didn’t really smell of anything! I also painted our first child’s room and every single internal door in our house during the first lockdown whilst heavily pregnant just air the room for as long as possible

 

[Amylaauren]

I’m the exact same. I’ve wanted this for so long and I’m so grateful but I’ve really struggled with the tiredness and sickness. I have bad anxiety and always jump to the worst case scenario. I’m only 7w 4d and my TikTok is full of baby loss/miscarriages I’ve even added them to my banned words but they still keep appearing and it’s making my anxiety worse. I just want to get to my 12 week scan

 

[AL10]

Thank you guys! Really comforting to know I’m not alone, my partner so far has been an absolute dream and has helped me so much!

One thing that really annoys me is how many people wanna talk to me all of a sudden and having family check in when they didn’t when it was just me.

I suffer with anxiety and depression and no one checked in on me very often and told me to just get over it and carry on and now they won’t leave me alone, like I get they are excited and I’m grateful for that but just feels like they only wanna know coz I’m pregnant xx

 

[littlepup]

Thanks guys, I appreciate your replies. I have actually found when I sit with my legs wide open it is worse when I stand up! I'm going to contact the general midwifery hub to see if someone else can help me as like I say mine never responds to my texts!

I always hear women say how much they love being pregnant and atm I'm struggling to relate This baby will be worth it in the end, that's what I keep telling myself

Look at SPD as well as PGP. See if you can self refer to the maternity physio, they can give you exercises to ease the pain and advice on how to sit, stand etc.

I’ve said it before but it bears repeating. Pregnancy is the journey, not the destination. Some people get a first class experience while some fly easy jet yet we’re all supposed to be so grateful and love it equally. How much you enjoy pregnancy has no bearing on how you’ll do when baby arrives x

 

[Ssshhhhh06]

I am nearly 17 weeks and can't seem to keep my anxiety at bay. Not feeling any movement yet and was told my placenta is at the front so this will stop me feeling anything. I have no reason to think anything is wrong but convinced that it is. Every birth or pregnancy announcement I see (there are lots at the mo!) makes me more anxious despite being pregnant myself

 

[odetotheseaweed]

I have a 2 year gap and when they were little I would either bath together or just bath the toddler, the baby would be in a bouncy chair/the next2me or somewhere safe as I put the toddler to bed. My partner is rarely home for bedtime so it was usually just me most nights. You just wing it and work out what works best for you and your family (in general, not just for bedtimes, they’re older now and I’m still winging it )

 

[Brewtime87]

Honestly people go on about getting past 12 weeks and the anxiety is over but it’s really not! That time between the 12 week scan and your 20 week scan is so anxiety inducing because you feel so much better and you’re thinking ‘is there anything even in there?!’ The sad reality about pregnancy is, the anxiety never goes away really 🥲 you just find ways to ease it. If you can afford it maybe a private scan but I remember you saying your partner saying to wait? Try and talk him round I found that during the 2nd trimester it helped having a private scan to break the wait down. It is such a long wait between 12 weeks and 20 weeks

He's fine with a scan when I've explained my panic, I've even promised it's not be being sneaky to try and find out the gender and that I'd tell the sonographer not to tell us the gender to respect his wishes to wait. Soonest I can get it Tuesday night though, which isn't ages away but I would love that reassurance before seeing people later today.

 

[Greencatfysh]

11am and just had my third breakfast… I’m just hungry all the time!

 

[raspberryjuice]

Have you finished all that butter yet?

Nowhere near one block is done because I used it up in mash, and half way through another. Only about 94 blocks to go

These are perfect thank you!

You’re welcome!

I feel bad for you all with your MIL’s! Mines amazing, I think she’s been waiting her whole life to be a Nanny and then she’s had 3 grandbabies come along at once and she’s buzzing about it. She always asks how I am before asking about baby, doesn’t give her opinions on anything unless asked and she’s been so generous with the stuff she’s bought us. Maybe Mr R’s brothers gf trained her because we’re about 5 months behind them

 

[Elle Woods]

I’m 10 weeks and my symptoms have really slowed down, the constant headache I had is gone, my nausea has seem to have gone and tmi but my constipation is getting better and I’m able to go easier. Has anyone else had this?

Yes, it's perfectly normal for symptoms to fluctuate. Easier said than done but try not to hyper-fixate on the symptoms too much as they really do chop and change all the time and that's normal. They're also not an indicator of how well things are progressing. My advice would be to just enjoy the days where the symptoms are at bay

 

[watermelon sugar]

What do you say when you’re 3 year old asks how the baby got in your tummy?

I just said ‘it’s a long story babe’ my 4 year old asks loads of questions I don’t know what to say the answer to, he asked me where I wee from the other day, said ‘why don’t you have a willy like me?’ Asked how the baby gets out of my belly, the list is endless