Pregnancy #47

[emisixo]

I’m pretty friendless. We moved to a new city a few years ago and I’ve only managed to make friends with my neighbours, and even then it took until January to go round for drinks. I do have my sister, an WhatsApp group who I never see and acquaintances I talk to at work but that’s about it. I’m quite introverted so find it hard to make connections as I seem naturally compelled to be in my own company. I’m hoping there’ll be some baby groups I can join so I can start to talk to people but I’ve never really fit in to social situations and I seem to grow distant to those I do make friends with!

 

[Ro98]

Urgh, glad it's all okay now. It's AWFUL how rude they can be - and like you say, you are encouraged to call up by your own midwife, then get some arsey, condescending grump bag on on the phone making you feel like a ridiculous drama queen for daring to ring them with (legitimate) concerns. It was exactly the same with my two last time and my waters did break at just before 36 weeks I think I might get my husband to call this time... he's got a thicker skin than I have!!

I can’t imagine treating anyone let alone a heavily pregnant woman in such a condescending manner when it’s a genuine concern about a babies life.
She said “I can’t tell you over the phone what it is” so I replied “yes I know, that’s why I’m calling as I want it checked” at first I thought it was a receptionist but when we got there the same person introduced herself as the midwife.

Thank GOD she didn’t do my speculum check I think I would’ve asked for someone else.
She made me take my knickers & pad off in front of her to then say “your pad is dry” - it wasn’t but my leaking is never at the back always at the top of the pad weirdly, even with periods. Followed by “all doctors are in surgery right now so you’ll be waiting a long time” which was a fat lie as a doctor came in 5mins later to explain what she would do/give me time to get undressed in private & was really reassuring.
Already told my partner if she’s put with me when I go into labour we will be asking for a different one.
I’m tempted to contact the hospital about it because that rudeness and rolling of eyes is so dangerous in midwifery.
Was everything ok with your two in the end?? How scary for you!! It’s such a horrible feeling not being believed.
Same here! I just end up crying down the phone but then sometimes my OH will let them fob him off so maybe not

 

[anonymous_flower]

Had an awful consult call on Friday - she wasn't my regular and basically made me feel as though it was my fault that baby is measuring large or 'off the charts' as she so tactlessly put it.
Spoke to my midwife today and she made me feel much better, and I think I'm going to be booked for an induction on the 2nd June / 39 weeks on the dot.
I feel better having a bit of a plan of action now, and I'll be doing all I can to induce labour naturally too, so if anyone has any tips that helped them, please let me know

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I wholeheartedly agree that every pregnant woman should have the choice on how they want to birth and not feel like they aren’t allowed to have a say by medical professionals. However that Naked Doula is dangerous in my opinion. She has a thread on here for anyone interested. I think doulas have an important place and agree birth has been over medicalised but there are reasons for this and why they have NICE guidlines.
I found Dr Sara Wickham really helpful when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and was being told I had to be induced.
---


Just seen this on instagram but sums it up better than I can.

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

I am really tempted to, I’ve never complained about any care in hospitals / doctors surgeries that I’ve received over the years so this really took me by surprise. I don’t mind someone being straight faced / to the point but it was the way she spoke. And I haven’t taken it personally because no doubt she’s the same with everyone!
I’m going to send an email stating what happened & ask if I can put on my notes that I don’t want X midwife during Labour or afterwards, I only know her first name though so do I ask for surname? Although I’m going to try & find a picture of her online today as the hospital I’m at do a lot of social media.

It might be worth putting in the email that you're considering making a formal complaint due to the way she dealt with the situation - hopefully that'll make them sit up and take you seriously about your request not to have her again, and it might make them preemptively manage the situation in case the complaint comes in!

 

[Heyguysswipeup]

32+3 and I feel like pregnancy has all of a sudden hit me harrrrddd. I can’t breathe as baby is so high up and crushing my lungs, my nose is so congested so i have to breathe with my mouth open due to the increased blood flow, I feel soooooo heavy in my bump and this reflux is something else just want to moan x x

 

[Tifastrife]

I can’t deal with this anxiety I wish it was this time tomorrow and everything over and done with

 

[Tifastrife]

Sorry he's made you feel so shitty is there a chance he was (clumsily) trying to make you feel better about not wanting an induction by saying why he doesn't want it either, as a sort of solidarity thing? It might be that he's got his head in the clouds and hasn't clocked onto how scared you are despite you telling him, or it might be that he's scared too (on your behalf and because labour can be scary for birth partners) and he's found a really insensitive way of expressing things? Maybe go and do something nice and relaxing on your own and then try talking to him again to let him know how hurt and scared you are

This was exactly the situation! Crossed wires. Him being shit with what he was trying to say and me being overly sensitive. We talked it out, I had a bath and a cuppa and alls right lol. I think I’m just so in my feelings cos I’m so fed up, tired and shitting myself for birth

 

[ScoutFinch]

Hi guys, looking for a bit of advice/reassurance. I’m about 15 weeks now and have been away on holiday the last week - we are in Cape Verde which was booked months before finding out I was pregnant. I’ve been bitten by mozzies a few times which being over here and I have Googled it just to make sure OK and nothing I should be doing - but this has returned with the risk of a virus called Zika…. I’ve now gone into panic mode and feel so guilty for not checking anything before we came away. I have an appointment with my midwife the day after I get back so will let her know then but 🥲

I’ve just had a quick look online and it looks like the last reported case of Zika in Cape Verde was in 2016. If there’s no current outbreak I think everything is likely to be absolutely fine even if you have been bitten x

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

I found this with my first pregnancy but even more so with the second. It really upset me in my first pregnancy as I felt very lonely but in my second I’ve focused my energy into the friends who have checked in and haven’t chased the ones who have left me on read/not bothered to message. I’m not being vindictive, once they have children they will likely change their minds and if it’s appropriate I’ll happily come back into their lives but it’s not worth my time or energy now. I’ve also found that when you have a baby, you make lots of new friends with other mums. Some of my best friends now are the ones I bet at baby groups with my first child

 

[Naataaliiee]

Thank you for all the recommendations I might make two and be prepared to hate the songs after I know this has been mentioned before but is anyone else clingier during pregancy? Hubby has gone out tonight and I’ve run out of things to entertain myself with pre pregnancy it wouldn’t have bothered me I would have entertained myself and not really given it a second though but pregnancy I struggle with it which I find odd

I’m the opposite, I can’t stand him

 

[cloudbursting88]

Did the midwife realise that your husband isn't the same partner as your abusive ex? If so it may be that a referral is being made as a precaution to make sure you've got appropriate support around you, and to assess the risk of your ex if he still has any contact with you/your son. Most social services referrals are to assess risk and provide extra support/advice where needed, and often the referral will be closed if the social worker is satisfied with what's in place. Could you contact the midwife you saw yesterday and ask for more information about why you've been referred and what the next steps will be, to put your mind at ease a bit?

Thank you for your reply, she does! I don’t have any contact with my ex at all, my dad or my husband drop my son off to him. Anything I know about my ex now is because my son tells me.
She implied it’s because they have to do it because of previous involvement. I think being honest don’t help. Honestly it’s frustrating as a mother you get investigated etc but as a father you can get away with so much.
I’m hoping they will just close the referral my relationship now is completely different and my son is being brought up in a loving home the same will be for this baby.

 

[Tifastrife]

Did anyone else find it really hard keeping it a secret?? I’m 4+3 and I know I can’t tell anyone but I’m too excited I’ve told a couple of my friends because they new we were trying, but I wanted to wait to tell my mum and dad when we have the 8 week scan photo but finding it so hard I tell my mum everything!!

You can if you want! The whole 12 week thing is very traditional tbh. I personally told anybody who I would have wanted their support/would have told if it hadn’t gone to plan. It’s entirely your decision who you tell and when!

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Okay so yesterday I came here to say I’d been super emotional/crying all day and angry at my husband just got existing. Which when I googled it said that could be hormones fluctuating readying your body for labour. Then in the middle of the night I got up to go for a wee and practically hopped out of bed, whereas usually it’s a massive mission to get out as my limbs and ligaments are so stiff and sore. Googled that and it again said it’s another sign of early labour and the body loosening up. Now for the past 3-4 hours I’ve been having stabbing pains in my cervix (which I know is lightening crotch as I’ve had it the past two weeks or so occasionally) but never for this prolonged period and also with cramping style pains across the front of my lower stomach. Really really hoping these are the beginnings of it!

 

[themuffinwoman]

Hi all. I've just found out I'm pregnant. I am absolutely terrified of labour. I'm only around 4 weeks so long road ahead of me but the thought of labour is really worrying me! (which I guess is absolutely normal but the fear completely consumes me, hence why it has took me and my partner of 11 years until our 30's to try)
I'm 31 and we have fell in our first month trying so it's been a shock and I'm feeling extremely lucky. Will be ringing the gp on Monday and I know after speaking to a midwife it may help with my worries.

Congratulations! I’m currently in the latent stage of labour so can’t really comment (other than it taking longer than I imagined it’s ok so far ). I was also terrified and still am nervous, but what I will say is just do whatever you can to reassure yourself and do not fear judgement. Want to speak to the midwife or a professional? Do it. Want all the painkillers in the world? Do it. Reassured by biology? Read up on it. Think breathing techniques will help? Do it. Or not? Don’t.
Also make sure your birthing partner is someone who can advocate everything you want and is aware of your feelings. Mine is my mum, and my husband kindly reminded me yesterday why he would NOT be a good birth partner when he said “don’t cry, she’s got to come out somehow”

 

[WhatABore]

did you tell his parents later or is that not in the equation. i wouldn’t want to but obviously i’d he wants to i can’t stop

I personally think with this, if something again were to happen, you have to think who he'd also want support from.
Which in my partners case, would be his Mum. So he told her when we found out.

I always think it is both of our baby and it wouldn't be fair at all if I were to tell my parents and say no he can't tell his. Or I tell my friend and say he can't tell his.

 

[shhh1712]

Still no baby was feeling quite frustrated and stressed last night, very much regretting my decision to be induced! Had the pessary Thursday around 5pm, removed yesterday and was still only 1cm dilated, had the first dose of the gel at 6pm but was unable to progress to the next gel when due at midnight due to baby’s heart rate dropping with contractions. After further monitoring all fine and had the second gel at about 10am this morning, still only 1cm dilated but cervix has come forward more apparently. Waiting until this evening for next examination 🫠

 

[Gossipgirl79]

I’m bowing out ladies. My blood test results are indicating it’s a loss. My heart is broken. Good luck to each and every one of you. I hope you have healthy pregnancies and babies.

I am so so sorry. Please do not give up hope, I had 3 losses before I got my little girl. The miscarriage thread on here is very kind and supportive.

 

[Tifastrife]

The jitters are setting in! I’ve felt sick all day. I’ve to be in very early so hoping it’ll be straight in so I don’t have lots of waiting around and psyching myself out

 

[WordsFromReuben]

I’m having my second and I feel so less prepared this time around. I’m sure I’d bought all the clothes and everything by now (27weeks) before! This baby is a summer baby and my eldest is a christmas baby so I’m really struggling with what clothes to buy - what do you dress a newborn in at summer?! I don’t want him to be too hot but don’t want him to be cold/uncovered either. Please someone help

I have this problem as due end of July when it can either be a 40° heatwave or cold grey and rainy day depending on what the British summer weather decides I’ve been over thinking what his coming home outfit will be but I’ve been thinking layers! So I’m going to pack options of long sleeve baby gros, short shelve vests for an under layer, light cardigan incase it’s cold and a blanket for layers

I found this chart helpful to know what they should ideally be wearing layer wise