Pregnancy #47

[xoxo GG]

New thread

Previous thread:https://tattle.life/threads/pregnancy-46.37424/

 

[themuffinwoman]

Eeeee full term, remember when I joined here before my scan at 7 weeks!

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

I got to click 33-38 weeks this time getting so close now!
For the person asking about what to do with telling people you’re in labour, last time we told both our sets of parents but said do not message us for updates, we will call as soon as there’s anything to update about.
My husband quite liked having an excuse during my labour to nip out and call his mum or debrief I think. I had NO part in it ofc
We also didn’t mind our parents telling our siblings, but under the promise it didn’t go any further, and that any updates to siblings had to be through parents as we didn’t want everyone messaging us. Worked quite well so we will probably do the same this time

 

[Spencerskates]

I really want to be able to go into labour and have my baby without anyone (other than my partner, obvs) knowing. I just don’t want the added stress of having to keep people updated, and them inviting themselves round straight away. I’d love to be able to have the baby, get home and spend the first 24 hours in our little bubble, and then tell people.

obviously if I go way overdue and have to be induced we won’t be able to get away with this. Or if I’m early and go into labour at work/when I should still be working

 

[ScoutFinch]

Ooh I’m now in the 12-18 weeks bracket!

 

[Hotel_breakfast]

I was overdue with my first so both our mum's knew when I was going in to be induced. But my husband just messaged them to say we were at the hospital and they left us to it, but it was quite an anxious time for them as I had a bit of an epic labour! We both barely touched our phones during the labour though. Then I think my husband messaged them when I was down in theatre getting stitches to let them know baby had arrived. It was all a blur for me though!

 

[MidnightAura]

Thanks for the new thread!
Good luck today @justonemorepage!

 

[shhh1712]

Thankyou for all of the responses re letting people know you’re in labour, feel a bit better now at perhaps saying we will let them know and only update at the point he arrives

I’m with @themuffinwoman it feels strange to now be ticking full term after joining this thread in the early days!!

 

[Hinchhater1442]

My plan is to not let anyone know either. Even if I end up booked for a caesarean or an induction, I won’t be admitting to that or telling anyone the date. I will let parents know once baby has arrived, but only after we’ve had a bit of time together as a family - if it’s straight forward enough that I can go home the same day then I won’t be letting anyone know until we are home. If I have to stay in then parents can know and visit the hospital depending on how I’m feeling!
This is something I feel super strongly about about the moment, so it might all change when I’m in pain and want my mum

 

[Ro98]

33-38 now seems crazy when I first commented at 4/5 weeks. Had 2 dreams I went into labour last night & all I could think was “we need to order the baby car seat”
Hope the ladies going for early scans get good news / reassurance

 

[justonemorepage]

I had my scan this morning. Thankfully all is well and I could see a heartbeat. I am measuring behind what I thought I was, I'm only 6 weeks but they said everything looks good and healthy. They also couldn't find a reason for the bleeding but at least it's stopped now and fingers crossed I continue to have a healthy pregnancy.

 

[Ro98]

I had my scan this morning. Thankfully all is well and I could see a heartbeat. I am measuring behind what I thought I was, I'm only 6 weeks but they said everything looks good and healthy. They also couldn't find a reason for the bleeding but at least it's stopped now and fingers crossed I continue to have a healthy pregnancy.

Oh amazing, glad it all went well! Not the same but I had a bleed in 2nd trimester with no reason for it, weird how it happens. Hopefully that’s the last of it for you now!

 

[WotsitG1]

In terms of letting people know what’s going on…. Iv let a select few know the date of c section…. A few close friends, and my auntie who will be visiting the day of… as my mum isn’t with us and I would have wanted her there. I’m not very good with dealing with anything alone… husbands not the most emotionally in tune and Iv had to tell some people just because I’m so anxious it’s helped chatting things through!

 

[Ro98]

Is anyone else not very close to their in laws? I get so anxious at the thought of them visiting after birth, would be a few days later, I only agreed as my OH wants them to see him before the rest of my extended family who I’m very close to.
They’re not nasty people but have done & said questionable things in the past to my OH and I’m not very ‘forgive & forget’ when it comes to grown adults behaviour and morals.
Not sure if it’s just the protective side of me coming out now with only a few weeks to go

She tried to guilt trip us at Christmas explaining it “wasn’t fair” that we’re living with my parents (different city to them)- we’re living here because they offered so we could buy a house this year instead of next/2yrs time.
She said she hopes baby comes early so my parents aren’t in the country when he’s born.
Never bothers to message my OH or check up & see how we’re all doing whereas my partners sister in law has been checking in the whole time.
Her pregnancy was “much worse” than mine, which is weird because she hasn’t been carrying my child so how would she know?
My parents will “interfere” according to her. I know they won’t because we clarified that before moving in.
My parents have gone above & beyond for us during this pregnancy and I find her attitude horrible towards them and they haven’t even met yet.

Sorry this has turned into a MIL rant, but I think it’s 10000% heightened by being pregnant and wanting to protect my baby from her as I didn’t really care before.

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Is anyone else not very close to their in laws? I get so anxious at the thought of them visiting after birth, would be a few days later, I only agreed as my OH wants them to see him before the rest of my extended family who I’m very close to.
They’re not nasty people but have done & said questionable things in the past to my OH and I’m not very ‘forgive & forget’ when it comes to grown adults behaviour and morals.
Not sure if it’s just the protective side of me coming out now with only a few weeks to go

She tried to guilt trip us at Christmas explaining it “wasn’t fair” that we’re living with my parents (different city to them)- we’re living here because they offered so we could buy a house this year instead of next/2yrs time.
She said she hopes baby comes early so my parents aren’t in the country when he’s born.
Never bothers to message my OH or check up & see how we’re all doing whereas my partners sister in law has been checking in the whole time.
Her pregnancy was “much worse” than mine, which is weird because she hasn’t been carrying my child so how would she know?
My parents will “interfere” according to her. I know they won’t because we clarified that before moving in.
My parents have gone above & beyond for us during this pregnancy and I find her attitude horrible towards them and they haven’t even met yet.

Sorry this has turned into a MIL rant, but I think it’s 10000% heightened by being pregnant and wanting to protect my baby from her as I didn’t really care before.

She sounds so stressful to deal with, why is she so childish and rude?! I get that she might feel jealous that you're staying with your family and she's probably worried she'll be pushed out, but why would she ensure a lack of closeness by being a witch about it?! Can you ask your partner to set boundaries for the visit when she comes (e.g. have clear times set in advance) to try to reduce the stress? Also if she continues being difficult perhaps your partner could have a word with her and let her know that her nasty attitude won't be tolerated and if she can't be nice she won't be welcome? Some people seem to think they can do as they please because they're family so they're entitled to visits etc regardless - I'm more of a fan of actions have consequences!

I'm feeling extra fierce about MIL stuff at the moment because mine has started acting up, so sorry if I sound like a harsh witch I normally get on really well with my in laws, but she's been putting a lot of pressure on us recently and been really judgemental, and has genuinely been the biggest stressor during this pregnancy! I expected my mum to be overbearing and my MIL to be calm and helpful, but it's been the total opposite! We've realised now that we're going to have to put firm boundaries in place once I'm in labour/once he's born because neither of us want the added stress of his mum's negativity and judgement at an already chaotic, emotional time. It's sad having to think like this when family should be supportive and helpful!

 

[Nosysamsie]

Is anyone else not very close to their in laws? I get so anxious at the thought of them visiting after birth, would be a few days later, I only agreed as my OH wants them to see him before the rest of my extended family who I’m very close to.
They’re not nasty people but have done & said questionable things in the past to my OH and I’m not very ‘forgive & forget’ when it comes to grown adults behaviour and morals.
Not sure if it’s just the protective side of me coming out now with only a few weeks to go

She tried to guilt trip us at Christmas explaining it “wasn’t fair” that we’re living with my parents (different city to them)- we’re living here because they offered so we could buy a house this year instead of next/2yrs time.
She said she hopes baby comes early so my parents aren’t in the country when he’s born.
Never bothers to message my OH or check up & see how we’re all doing whereas my partners sister in law has been checking in the whole time.
Her pregnancy was “much worse” than mine, which is weird because she hasn’t been carrying my child so how would she know?
My parents will “interfere” according to her. I know they won’t because we clarified that before moving in.
My parents have gone above & beyond for us during this pregnancy and I find her attitude horrible towards them and they haven’t even met yet.

Sorry this has turned into a MIL rant, but I think it’s 10000% heightened by being pregnant and wanting to protect my baby from her as I didn’t really care before.

I have found being pregnant has highlighted issues with my in laws more than ever. My MIL has said a few things that have stuck with me, and although their intention may be good, have landed with me and upset me. An example would be "oh no we are leaving you with a baby" because they go on holiday in June, and "I assume you're taking maternity leave" because I haven't told her when I finished (I want time with the hubby before baby comes without his family being present and they were helping decorate the nursery which I wanted finishing ASAP and they are the type to drag their heels if they think they can get away with it).
The only thing I've done is talk to my hubby about it. He got upset because he thought I was slating his mum, but when he listened to why it upset me he fully got it & realised I wasn't being a dick daughter in law.
Our plan now at 36+4 weeks is to set boundaries with family. And we have discussed what we want ourselves, such as no visitors immediately & no kissing baby & no phones in the delivery suite. Discussing what's important to us has really helped and its put it on the same side. So when his mum said about coming to the hospital the other day we could both say no and our reason why

 

[Ro98]

She sounds so stressful to deal with, why is she so childish and rude?! I get that she might feel jealous that you're staying with your family and she's probably worried she'll be pushed out, but why would she ensure a lack of closeness by being a witch about it?! Can you ask your partner to set boundaries for the visit when she comes (e.g. have clear times set in advance) to try to reduce the stress? Also if she continues being difficult perhaps your partner could have a word with her and let her know that her nasty attitude won't be tolerated and if she can't be nice she won't be welcome? Some people seem to think they can do as they please because they're family so they're entitled to visits etc regardless - I'm more of a fan of actions have consequences!

I'm feeling extra fierce about MIL stuff at the moment because mine has started acting up, so sorry if I sound like a harsh witch I normally get on really well with my in laws, but she's been putting a lot of pressure on us recently and been really judgemental, and has genuinely been the biggest stressor during this pregnancy! I expected my mum to be overbearing and my MIL to be calm and helpful, but it's been the total opposite! We've realised now that we're going to have to put firm boundaries in place once I'm in labour/once he's born because neither of us want the added stress of his mum's negativity and judgement at an already chaotic, emotional time. It's sad having to think like this when family should be supportive and helpful!

I have no idea, they don’t have great relationships with their other sons / see their other grandchildren often when they only live 10mins away from them but my OH has always been ‘golden boy’ so I think that’s why.
My partner asked me the other day if I wish I’d never met him because of her
I also said at Christmas it’s normal for the mum to want to be with her parents more after birth compared to in laws - my SIL moved in with her parents for 6months after birth as she struggled and not once did my parents throw a hissy fit.

Yes that’s a good idea on timings! Didn’t even think about them staying all day.
100% with you on the actions have consequences! We also need to set boundaries with them on what goes on social media so maybe we’ll do that all in one go, I don’t want him on SM at all.
No you don’t sound like a witch It blows my mind how people have so much to say about something that isn’t anything to do with them. Especially when it’s horrible negative comments, you wouldn’t mind when someone is being helpful & encouraging trying to keep you positive. Sorry you have to experience it too!!

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

I have no idea, they don’t have great relationships with their other sons / see their other grandchildren often when they only live 10mins away from them but my OH has always been ‘golden boy’ so I think that’s why.
My partner asked me the other day if I wish I’d never met him because of her
I also said at Christmas it’s normal for the mum to want to be with her parents more after birth compared to in laws - my SIL moved in with her parents for 6months after birth as she struggled and not once did my parents throw a hissy fit.

Yes that’s a good idea on timings! Didn’t even think about them staying all day.
100% with you on the actions have consequences! We also need to set boundaries with them on what goes on social media so maybe we’ll do that all in one go, I don’t want him on SM at all.
No you don’t sound like a witch It blows my mind how people have so much to say about something that isn’t anything to do with them. Especially when it’s horrible negative comments, you wouldn’t mind when someone is being helpful & encouraging trying to keep you positive. Sorry you have to experience it too!!

Oh bloody hell I hadn't even thought about social media - we'll make sure she's very aware of that soon!! It's all taken me by surprise so now I'm having to be really cynical and try to anticipate what she might do which feels horrible but is in all of our best interests!

Haha thank you - my tolerance for bullshit has completely gone now so I'm sounding much harsher than I used to

I'm glad your partner is aware of the issues and you can face it as a team - me and my husband were so upset and stressed at the weekend, and then we both had a lightbulb moment of "oh my god, it's because of your mum" so now we're both focused on protecting ourselves from her! I get that in laws are excited but feel anxious from the lack of control/input, and I guess maybe they still see their sons as children so they assume they won't be capable and need telling what to do, but there are definitely kind and supportive ways to do that without making snidey comments and making us feel like they have no faith in us and that we're not trying hard enough!

 

[MidnightAura]

I had my scan this morning. Thankfully all is well and I could see a heartbeat. I am measuring behind what I thought I was, I'm only 6 weeks but they said everything looks good and healthy. They also couldn't find a reason for the bleeding but at least it's stopped now and fingers crossed I continue to have a healthy pregnancy.

I am so glad for you! I’m so happy everything looks okay.

Is anyone else not very close to their in laws? I get so anxious at the thought of them visiting after birth, would be a few days later, I only agreed as my OH wants them to see him before the rest of my extended family who I’m very close to.
They’re not nasty people but have done & said questionable things in the past to my OH and I’m not very ‘forgive & forget’ when it comes to grown adults behaviour and morals.
Not sure if it’s just the protective side of me coming out now with only a few weeks to go

She tried to guilt trip us at Christmas explaining it “wasn’t fair” that we’re living with my parents (different city to them)- we’re living here because they offered so we could buy a house this year instead of next/2yrs time.
She said she hopes baby comes early so my parents aren’t in the country when he’s born.
Never bothers to message my OH or check up & see how we’re all doing whereas my partners sister in law has been checking in the whole time.
Her pregnancy was “much worse” than mine, which is weird because she hasn’t been carrying my child so how would she know?
My parents will “interfere” according to her. I know they won’t because we clarified that before moving in.
My parents have gone above & beyond for us during this pregnancy and I find her attitude horrible towards them and they haven’t even met yet.

Sorry this has turned into a MIL rant, but I think it’s 10000% heightened by being pregnant and wanting to protect my baby from her as I didn’t really care before.

Your Mother in law sounds very unpleasant. We don’t have contact with my in laws. They sound very similar to yours.

 

[Ro98]

I have found being pregnant has highlighted issues with my in laws more than ever. My MIL has said a few things that have stuck with me, and although their intention may be good, have landed with me and upset me. An example would be "oh no we are leaving you with a baby" because they go on holiday in June, and "I assume you're taking maternity leave" because I haven't told her when I finished (I want time with the hubby before baby comes without his family being present and they were helping decorate the nursery which I wanted finishing ASAP and they are the type to drag their heels if they think they can get away with it).
The only thing I've done is talk to my hubby about it. He got upset because he thought I was slating his mum, but when he listened to why it upset me he fully got it & realised I wasn't being a dick daughter in law.
Our plan now at 36+4 weeks is to set boundaries with family. And we have discussed what we want ourselves, such as no visitors immediately & no kissing baby & no phones in the delivery suite. Discussing what's important to us has really helped and its put it on the same side. So when his mum said about coming to the hospital the other day we could both say no and our reason why

I’m with you on some of the comments maybe having good intentions but it comes across badly, however due to her other comments I always assume she’s being nasty
Awful that they can’t give you time together, I don’t get it! How can they not think “hmm maybe we’re being overbearing”.
Yes to the kissing too, I need to mention that to family as well once he’s born. No one (even us) is kissing him for the first few weeks, I was so sick as a baby and anything I can do to stop him being the same I’ll be doing.
Definitely good to set those boundaries now!