Thank you for replying. It’s reassuring to know other people feel the same and I’m not going totally insane!!In my experience, as you say, it is completely normal.
I don't really have advice though really because I did exactly the same, throughout the whole of pregnancy.
But you're not alone
In my experienceHow would you all say you can set boundaries now before the baby does arrive? I think my husband thinks I’m going to be militant and not let anyone round which isn’t the case however I don’t want people coming round unless invited, and I don’t want them to stay for longI already get annoyed at my mum and MIL saying ‘how’s my boy’. No he’s not your baby he’s mine
Omg how annoying when people refer to him as “my boy” my mum kept referring to him as “our baby” and it gave me the ick haha. As for setting boundaries, I’d just send a text message to all saying you understand everyone is excited to meet baby and while that’s lovely you want time to recover and bond with him first, so for people to be patient and wait to be asked.How would you all say you can set boundaries now before the baby does arrive? I think my husband thinks I’m going to be militant and not let anyone round which isn’t the case however I don’t want people coming round unless invited, and I don’t want them to stay for longI already get annoyed at my mum and MIL saying ‘how’s my boy’. No he’s not your baby he’s mine
Hi! Sorry about your loss, pregnancy afterwards is definitely a minefield of emotions. I was like this, and found wearing a pad more comfortable and reassuring as I could quickly see the colour when I went to the toilet xHi ladies,
Please could anyone share some advice regarding early pregnancy?
I’m around 6 weeks (I had a miscarriage at this point last October) and I constantly feel “wet” (sorry TMI!!) down below. I’ve read that it’s normal to have an increase in discharge in early weeks but I find myself going to the toilet all the time to check it’s not the sign of another miscarriage!
Any advice greatfully received!
That sounds so awful for you, I’m glad you were able to establish the boundaries for baby 2.Boundary talk
When I had my 3yo, my in laws were on my doorstep when I got home at 8:30pm after being in hospital for days, I was sore, I just wanted to try and establish breastfeeding and relax. But there they were, they then didn’t leave until just before midnight and I had nothing but criticism, put the heating on, she needs a hat, wouldn’t it just be easier to give her a bottle then I can feed her too etc. Her wardrobe was rearranged, because I’d ‘done it wrong.’ Expected drinks to be made for them, because you know, we hadn’t just had a baby or anything. Didn’t hand back baby when she was crying.
This then continued for 5 days until I rang my dad in tears to get them to leave my house because I felt smothered and at that point MrGG just thought it was helpful without realising what it was doing to my mental health. They constantly turned up without invitation, commented on our house being a little untidy (of course it was we’d just brought home a newborn) and the constant comparisons to what they did in their day was absolutely unbearable.
With babyGG we completely cut visitors out from coming to us initially. We went to them (which isn’t for everybody but I had a very quick labour, straightforward birth and I felt absolutely fine to do that) but having said that if I had tore badly again or needed an emergency section, our plan was to invite people when we were all ready as it’s a big transition for a 3yo as well. We just said from the beginning to family members you’ll be welcome to visit for half an hour but we will let you know when that is.
I have to admit I do now more often than not respond quite sarcastically to the comparisons in what we do now to what people did then, normally a little comment like oh yes because science and research hasn’t developed in the 30 years since you last had a newborn etc. I don’t justify my choices to anybody, I just now say that suited baby best and that suits me best. I’m not scared now to go and take my baby away from a family member if he’s crying and they initially don’t offer to hand him over, I just go and take him. It’s hard but I really think it’s so much easier to set those boundaries before baby is here when there’s less emotion involved. This time around I didn’t give a shit if it caused upset, my attitude was you either want to respect what I’m asking or you don’t want to see the baby, either suited me.
wow sorry you had to go through this with your in laws the first time round - that sounds Really awful and I’m sure would affect anyone’s mental health!! This time round did you find your partner agreed with you? I think I’m worried I won’t want visitors etc and my husband will be like oh it’s fine it’s just my mum or sister etc. obviously it’s all a bit unknown as you can’t can’t predict what your birth will be like or what might happen if you have to stay in hospital etc. I’ve got GD so I’m imagining I will be in hospital for a day or 2 after the birth anywayBoundary talk
Yes this time round we were in agreement with everything but a lot has happened with his relationship with his mum in that 3.5yr gap. He and his siblings were very much blind to how toxic her behaviour can be, but I think him being the only one to have fled the nest, had children and got married, he’s not as blind to it anymore. The main issue was I just wanted a happy life so I never used to speak up when her behaviour was upsetting or crossing a line but I don’t shy away from expressing exactly what I think now.wow sorry you had to go through this with your in laws the first time round - that sounds Really awful and I’m sure would affect anyone’s mental health!! This time round did you find your partner agreed with you? I think I’m worried I won’t want visitors etc and my husband will be like oh it’s fine it’s just my mum or sister etc. obviously it’s all a bit unknown as you can’t can’t predict what your birth will be like or what might happen if you have to stay in hospital etc. I’ve got GD so I’m imagining I will be in hospital for a day or 2 after the birth anyway
I’m doing not too bad now. The baby blues lasted about 3 days (around the time my milk was coming in, I think they say there is a link) and everything just seemed so overwhelming. Thankful for my close ones around me, don’t know what I would have done without them. My new challenge is getting used to being sleep deprived. It’s been a real shock to the system as a first time mum. I’ve been told it gets easier though so fingers crossed. I’m taking it one day at a time.Hey - how are you doing now? Are you still feeling low? You know it’s totally normal to feel that way but it’s also something to speak to your health team about because it can also be really well managed x
First time round, my parents arrived the next day, brought pizza with them, left after about an hour. My in laws came three weeks later (but them coming involves flights etc as they’re abroad)Those who have other children - how long before you had the world on your doorstep?
I feel the same, we have our first set of guests coming around next week and I’m kind of nervous even then I’ll be 4 weeks PP at that point. These family members in particular actually got pushed back and wanted to visit this weekend but it is too soon as a first time mum. I understand family/friends are excited to see my baby boy but it’s very overwhelming. The PP period is a lot and I don’t think it gets talked about enough. That with the constant messages asking how motherhood is going is a little much at times. I probably sound ungrateful for people caring but maybe my hormones are still all over the place.I'm feeling all these comments in my soul
I've already has the guilt trip "please consider my feelings" when I said we might want some time to work out how we feel/what we're doing after baby is born.
Those who have other children - how long before you had the world on your doorstep? I can't think of anything worse than having to put on a performance with a newborn when we won't even have a clue what we're doing! Ideally would like a couple of weeks and to be honest I don't even care if it's selfish at this point!
I didn't mind some people coming round in the early days - the ones that asked first and were invited! They were all pretty chill, made their own tea, gave me space (I went upstairs to breastfeed in comfort on my bed etc because it was so sore sitting down!). It was tiring, but nice to show off the baby and have a chat. The uninvited/ones who felt that somehow it was aaaaall about them, demanding, having strops when they didn't get their own way BLEUGH. I was in hospital a week the first time around and a few family members had full on tantrums that they weren't invited to come and visit me... it wasn't like I was having a rest ffs just laid up waiting for visitors! There were reasons we both needed to stay in and I had a premature newborn to look afterI'm feeling all these comments in my soul
I've already has the guilt trip "please consider my feelings" when I said we might want some time to work out how we feel/what we're doing after baby is born.
Those who have other children - how long before you had the world on your doorstep? I can't think of anything worse than having to put on a performance with a newborn when we won't even have a clue what we're doing! Ideally would like a couple of weeks and to be honest I don't even care if it's selfish at this point!
I spent around a week after birth in hospital, which felt awful at the time but looking at some of these stories I actually think there was a blessing in disguise there as everyone apart from my husband was limited to 2 hour visits, twice per day, and only 2 people at a time. So it was a fine balance between who could come on which days because of work commitments and so on, plus I was spending 20 hours a day alone so was often quite pleased of the distraction. There was also no pressure to entertain because what am I meant to doThose who have other children - how long before you had the world on your doorstep? I can't think of anything worse than having to put on a performance with a newborn when we won't even have a clue what we're doing! Ideally would like a couple of weeks and to be honest I don't even care if it's selfish at this point!
I second wearing a liner as then you can see the exact colour quickly & it will reassure you a little bit. I had this wetness (and still do at 28wks) and it’s the same night and day. The liners help me to quickly glance at it and feel a bit of relief. It can be so worrying in those early days but totally normal in my experience xHi ladies,
Please could anyone share some advice regarding early pregnancy?
I’m around 6 weeks (I had a miscarriage at this point last October) and I constantly feel “wet” (sorry TMI!!) down below. I’ve read that it’s normal to have an increase in discharge in early weeks but I find myself going to the toilet all the time to check it’s not the sign of another miscarriage!
Any advice greatfully received!
Thank you ladies, that’s a really good tip!I second wearing a liner as then you can see the exact colour quickly & it will reassure you a little bit. I had this wetness (and still do at 28wks) and it’s the same night and day. The liners help me to quickly glance at it and feel a bit of relief. It can be so worrying in those early days but totally normal in my experience x
My youngest was born Christmas Eve, and I had EVERYONE round at different points Christmas Day.I'm feeling all these comments in my soul
I've already has the guilt trip "please consider my feelings" when I said we might want some time to work out how we feel/what we're doing after baby is born.
Those who have other children - how long before you had the world on your doorstep? I can't think of anything worse than having to put on a performance with a newborn when we won't even have a clue what we're doing! Ideally would like a couple of weeks and to be honest I don't even care if it's selfish at this point!
We didn't see anyone for ages, there was weirdly a bit of a covid outbreak in the summer and lots of people who would have visited couldn't, and the ones thst could just came, held baby for 30 mins then left. I was healing from a shit birth, struggling with feeding, my husband was doing everything and tbh it would have been really lovely to have an extra pair of hands here and there to help us out with the dog walks or washing up or cooking. On the other hand my friend has a 10wk old and hasn't had a single day since he was born that they've been free of visitors, and its really getting her down cos she always feels she has to be switched on to smile and entertain and hand over the baby.I'm feeling all these comments in my soul
I've already has the guilt trip "please consider my feelings" when I said we might want some time to work out how we feel/what we're doing after baby is born.
Those who have other children - how long before you had the world on your doorstep? I can't think of anything worse than having to put on a performance with a newborn when we won't even have a clue what we're doing! Ideally would like a couple of weeks and to be honest I don't even care if it's selfish at this point!
100%! I had a friend say she “wasn’t waiting a week” to meet him and wants to meet him as soon as we’re homeI really don’t understand why people are in such a rush to meet babies. I think it’s a status thing so they can boast on Facebook to their friends ‘oh yes I held her THE MINUTE SHE WAS BORN!!’I’m never interested in newborn babies, they don’t exactly do much
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