Odd Neighbours / Neighbour Problems #2

[Pulltheotherone]

Do not show a chink of weakness.
Neighbour issues are the worst.

 

[kaay]

Mines not really a 'problem' but I really fancy my neighbour!! hes so sexy! Lol, the only problem is he doesnt live next door to me he lives over the road a few houses down from me so I dont know how to approach him without it looking stalker(ish) or making it obvious any advice ladies??

 

[omgucnt]

has anyone been for mediation with a neighbour? I live in HA and have been using an app to record their noise for 2 1/2 months although it’s been going on the whole year I’ve lived here.
Im in a middle new build and one side are fine the other is just horrendous.. 2 kids constantly slamming doors (its that bad my pictures fall off my walls) screaming and stomping around from the moment they get home from school until they go to bed at half 10 at night.. every single day without fail. I’m at my wits end. Have to have my tv on so loud to block it out. HA have said it doesn’t constitute asb and that I just need to deal with the fact a new build has shit sound proofing And that we have a clash of lifestyles all they can offer is mediation. Has anyone done this, just wondering what to expect as it bothers me that much I can see myself just bursting into tears as soon as I need to explain to anyone the impact it’s having on me and my daughter while I try to wfh and she’s studying for her a levels

I know this isn’t what you want to hear but you’re going to have to move.
These people will always be like this, they’re not going to suddenly be quiet if you get mediation.
In fact I’m willing to bet they’ll be louder to get rid of you.
I had to move to get away from a neighbour who would knock on the walls at 3-4am every night, I was a nervous wreck, I’d wake up in a panic most nights.
All because I dared ask her to turn down the music one Tuesday morning at 3am…
These people can’t be quiet or normal, this is how they are.

 

[honey&lemon]

Am having this problem as well but it's been for 12 YEARS now

So the house two down from me has 2 kids an the girl just screamed every day morning to night, that stupid crying scream but not actually crying, it stopped a few years ago an I thought thank god

now the next door neighbour has 2 kids, an they do the same, morning to night it's this screaming cry nonsense, ones 3 an the others 2, like how do you even tell them, I don't have kids, not sure I want them but I sure as hell don't want to listen to others, how do you even mention it to them that you are sick of it, even with the windows an doors closed I can still hear it an with the heat an having to open windows it's just worse now, they just make noise for the sake of it but it's that screeching kind

They are 2 and 3 years old. That’s what kids do at that age. Even if the parents ask 100 times they will always have meltdowns for no reason as they have no idea how loud or annoying they are being.

 

[flutternutter]

Oh well its started. The annual schools out, scumbags out. Our council have made a big song and dance about anti social behaviour and 0 tolerance. But here I am again complaining about the same thing with the same kids. The fact police go to their doors and they persist shows the calibre of parenting going on. If I had gone on like this I would've been grounded for the rest of the holidays

 

[emm]

This might get me barred ….but we dealt with extremely noisy neighbours who were having there music on between 12 midnight until 3/4 am every bloody night waking about 6 of us neighbours and all of us had work we all complained to the council and sadly london borough council were unable to do anything after writing to the family they weren’t interested and it carried on so we all decided that it was a waste of time even complaining to the council anymore, one of us knew some extremely unpleasant ,heavy built,hard as nails gentlemen who one night when the music was at full blast smashed the front door to open it ( they did knock but obviously couldn’t of heard through the noise) went straight into the lounge with the residents who were now in total shock unplugged the stereo picked it up took it outside smashed it with a mallet and advised the noisy neighbours if they ever make that sort of noise again the mallet will be over their head !!!!!!!!! They moved out 3 weeks later. I’m not bragging I’m just saying that ppl like that there is only one way to stop them making countless neighbours life a misery

Yeh obviously this is not ideal but clearly it was the only thing that worked

 

[FoksiOska]

What an awful and quite frankly very strange situation. I'm sorry that you're experiencing this in your own home which should be a place of comfort and safety.
Agree with all the suggestions above, especially with documenting all his activity. Note the date & time he knocked, what the nature of his call was for and anything else worth noting. Also document any other strange interactions or scenarios that make you feel uncomfortable. You shouldn't have to do this, but if it was me then I would just in case you ever need to use it as evidence against him. Hopefully as evidence for him being moved out!

 

[SoulDestroyer]

My neighbour has now created a totally unnecessary boundary dispute. Luckily I have legal cover on my home insurance. Hope they've got deep pockets next door, because it's gonna cost them about £25k to fight.
I've spent so many tedious hours putting together paperwork. I didn't think I could hate them any more than I already did. Now this.
Legal cover on home insurance is definitely worth it.

 

[hol20x]

So many of the neighbours in our street growing up were absolutely bizarre. The one facing us would copy everything we did. If she saw us redecorating, she'd do the same. If my mum put a new vase in the window, she'd have to go and find one as similar as possible. She even copied what I was wearing when I was in my late teens and bear in mind this woman was more than twice my age! For example I got a new jacket and she went and got one the same print and style. If me or my dad got a new car, she'd get a new one within a week. When we got our dog, she got one. Then she got rid of it a few weeks later cos she must have realised she'd have to get off her arse to look after it. She used to keep her blinds open til we all went to bed in case she missed something! She also had the most obnoxious Christmas decorations every bloody year that I could still see flashing through my blinds and curtains. Drove me nuts!

One of her relatives lived in the street too, a few doors up from us. He was a creepy bastard. He used to walk past and flick any dog shit or litter in the street over to our gate with his walking stick. On bin day he would rummage through our bin to see what we had in it. Why? I do not know! He must have gotten a kick out of knowing what we'd had for our dinner. If any of us left the house he would open his window to let us know he was watching us. Then he'd close it once we got home again. He egged my little sister's bedroom window. He was never so brave when he came face to face with any of us though! He made our lives hell and really affected my mum's mental health.

Then this girl my age moved in right next door with her 3 young kids and she was a fucking nightmare too. She wouldn't speak to us at all, she'd just blank us. She got a dog and let it shit all over the back garden and then her kids would go out and play amongst the dog shit! It was a really small garden too. Her bin was always overflowing and instead of leaving it out to be emptied she would just throw full black bags of rubbish down in her garden which then attracted rats which was driving our dog mad cos he could smell them. She was an absolute dirty bitch, and she was terrible to her kids. We would hear her shouting and slamming doors. She used to lock them all in one bedroom so she could go to the local shop down the road on her own. We would hear them banging the door to get out. We also saw her smacking them when they were getting into the car on multiple occasions. One time she actually decided to drive off while the eldest was still trying to get into the car and he went flying off the kerb! I reported her cos I was concerned for the kids but I don't know if anything ever came of it. Although we did see the police at her door a few times.

Luckily I was on the brink of moving out so I didn't have to endure any of this bollocks for much longer and my parents moved out shortly after I did. Their new neighbours are okay, just an old woman on one side whose kettle you can hear boiling cos the walls are so thin. The guy on the other side is a bit odd though. He brushes his garden almost daily but he waits til 9pm to do it! Even though he's home all day! He also ignored my 4yo the other day when she said hello to him and it pissed me off but he'll always grab my dad and try and talk to him when he sees him. But all in all, much better than the previous neighbours.

 

[ChubClubThug]

So unfortunately this is going to be a long and serious one - TW possibly for stalking and harassment.

For background, myself and my partner bought our dream house three years ago, we live in a small cul-de-sac of only 6 houses in a small village and we are a bit out of the way so it's quite a secluded area. When we moved in we had no issues with the neighbours until our direct next door neighbour sold the house and a new neighbour moved in. I would consider us to be good neighbours, we have socialised with all our neighbours, say hello in passing and chat for a few minutes and we have even helped neighbours grit their driveways in the icy weather and helped them with their gardens (cutting grass etc.) - most of our neighbours are elderly except a family with adult children and the neighbour we are having the issue with who is a single man around his late 40s, and we are a young couple with no kids. Our house is detached so there is no issues with noise and we have a driveway for both our cars so no issues in that regard. Apart from all this we really keep ourselves to ourselves, I'm quite shy and not interested in being friends with the neighbours aside from the usual niceties.

When our previous next door neighbour moved we first met our new neighbour as he was moving into the house while we were doing some work in the front garden, we introduced ourselves, chatted a bit and that was it. We both felt he seemed a bit odd, he had moved on his own across the country with no job to go to and it was a bit unusual that he had bought the house next to us which was a fairly expensive family home when he was living on his own and had no employment. We also found out that he was looking for jobs in the area that were generally minimum wage roles (bartending, shop assistant etc.) and he previously worked in a care home, to be clear, I don't think that there's anything wrong with that but it seemed very odd when we knew how much he had paid for the house. He offered all this information without any prompting from us. Myself and my partner both found it a bit strange but thought he likely had family money and a big deposit or something and never thought too much of it after that. In the two years he has lived there he has got a few jobs here and there and been sacked from every single one, he seems to rub a lot of people up the wrong way and I do find he comes across as a bit arrogant and patronising which is quite strange as he is also quite soft spoken and he definitely doesn't have a tough guy persona (he reminds me of Phil Spencer lol).

The first incident happened a few months later when my partner was away for the weekend on a stag do, I was doing some work in our back garden and he popped up over the fence and started talking to me while I was obviously busy. He talked to me for 2 hours and I felt completely trapped, no matter how much I tried to politely leave the conversation he kept on going on going and asking me all manner of personal questions, he then asked me if I wanted to come over to his for dinner as I was on my own for the weekend, I hadn't told him this and I felt sick at his words, I made an excuse and left and didn't go back out again. For the whole weekend I was scared to leave the house in case I saw him. I told my partner about this and he said I was probably worried for nothing and that the guy was probably being over friendly as he doesn't know anyone in the area. I hoped that this was true but unfortunately not... over the next few months he managed to corner me multiple times when I was outside doing anything - always when my partner was not home. I chatted politely and for too long because he honestly was scaring me and I wasn't sure how he would react if I was rude or fobbed him off. The things he would try to talk about were deeply personal, asking me where I work, how much I earn, whether I work from home, he even asked me about medical issues that I have after he saw my partner bringing me home from the hospital after a surgery.

Then things started to escalate further, a few days after an incident where he had approached me while my partner was actually home and I managed to hurriedly make an excuse and dash into the house where my partner was waiting at the door for me, I got a knock on the door from said neighbour. It was on a weekday in the middle of the day when I was working from home and my partner was out at work and wouldn't be home for several hours. The neighbour told me he wanted to see a tree in our garden that was overhanging his fence as he wanted to prune it and walked into our house and through to the back without invitation to look out of the window at the tree. He then sat down at our dining room table and started questioning me, he told me that he thought my partner was abusing me as I was always nervous around him and because I wouldn't speak to him when my partner was there. I told him I was fine and there was no issue, he stayed in my house for around 45 minutes and made comments that I was "cute" and "pretty" before I eventually convinced him to leave me alone because I was working, at this point my anxiety was through the roof and after he left I had a full blown panic attack and actually had to finish work early because I was so shaken up. Since then he has knocked on the door multiple times when I am home alone, I have managed to ignore him most of the time but our door is right next to a window into our downstairs which is all open plan so if I'm downstairs he can see me through the window and he stands there until I answer. He has done various things which seem like excuses to come over and try to get into the house and on some occasions he has brought me gifts, luckily I have managed to keep him out.

Things escalated even further last week, he knocked on the door and as I was expecting a parcel I went to the door without thinking. I opened the door and he told me he wanted to "clear the air between us", he said that he thought my partner was jealous of us speaking to each other and being friends because he is a "single guy" and he seemed quite agitated and forceful I managed to get rid of him and I immediately left the house and went to work from the office instead, since this has happened I have been working in the office a lot more as I am scared to be at home on my own in case he comes over and I have noticed that he has been watching me leave and come back. I have purchased and installed a ring doorbell today and I'm hoping this will deter him from coming to the door.

As if the whole situation couldn't get any weirder, my dad called me today to say that a family member of my neighbour who he knows as they work in a shop he goes to, had warned my dad that my neighbour had been talking about me to his family saying that my partner was jealous of our friendship etc. she told him he is a real weirdo and that he is also a drug user and drug dealer! Bear in mind that my dad barely knows this girl aside from him visiting the shop that she works at (he has had parts invoiced to me at my address before so it is in their system which is how she must have known he was my dad), but she was able to provide details of who me and my partner are to my dad which makes me think that the neighbour must talk about us/me a lot.

Genuinely I'm worried that this guy is obsessed with me, I'm scared for my safety and I'm not sure if there's anything I can do about it. I'm reluctant to go to the police as I don't think he has committed a crime and I don't have any evidence. I think they would go and speak to him I'm worried that this will make things worse. Has anyone had a similar situation and what did you do?

Get cctv set up front and back as well as the ring doorbell. Display the signs saying that you have cctv. This man is a bully and is playing on you being polite and quiet. If you are friendly with any of the other neighbours I'd make them aware of the situation incase you ever need back up. I would also contact the police and ask for a background check on him because he's basically stalking you. They don't have to disclose details, but ask them out straight is there any reason for you to be cautious with this person. I'd log the complaints anyway. I'd also be doing my own digging about him, you'd be amazed what you can find out if you try. Maybe go back and try and speak to his family to find out more. If his own family are saying he's a weirdo then that says it all really.

It sounds like he's been rehoused somehow. I agree it sounds very odd. Is there any way of contacting the previous neighbour for info? I'm not saying you should be scared, but I would be on my guard too.

The only way to deal with these people is to be very very blunt. Laugh at any suggestions that they think you're abused. Let them see how happy you are with your partner. You don't have to be aggressive back, but deffo be firm with him and dismiss any serious convos he tries to have with you. Next time he knocks, don't answer but shout out the window that you're busy and don't have time to talk.

I've experienced something similar, not as extreme as you but they did push the boundaries. The only way to deal with it was blunt rudeness with a smile.

 

[whoareyouu]

Party #2 of the week has just started. Can also hear that her domestic abuser boyfriend is back. That’s sealed the deal for me, I’m outta here.

Get out. 100%. You are poorly and home should be a refuge for you.

 

[ElegantOwl]

Thank you so much for your responses. I got myself together last night and I’m fighting back now. I’m determined to put a stop to this no matter what I have to do. I’m annoyed at myself for not standing up sooner. But I’ve found my voice and boy am I going to use it. My new pronouns are “stop fucking harassing me” and “leave me the fuck alone”. I just want these neighbours to respect my damn pronouns.

 

[Sweetrain]

What time would you say is appropriate for a 5 almost 6 year old to go to bed? Every single evening once my baby has gone to bed my next door neighbours kid is running around the house shouting and squealing - it’s 8:45pm right now and she’s screaming and shouting running up and down the stairs. They then bath her around 8:30-9pm and their bathroom is right next to my baby’s bedroom so the running of the bath wakes her up. Then they’ll go for showers about 10:30pm which wakes her up again. It’s probably just because I’ve had almost 11 months of sleep deprivation anyway but it’s really starting to take the piss!

Jeez! I have 4 ranging 10-1 but they're all in bed by 7.30, older ones read/quiet time and little ones story and bed. So important for children to have decent sleep for school and general well-being! Bless you with having to deal with that

 

[whoareyouu]

We moved house yesterday, away from the noisy neighbours. We keep standing on the doorstep and listening to the silence. My husband heard an owl hooting. It makes a refreshing change from our former nextdoors shouting fuck and cunt every 10 minutes. I’d like to to punish them in some way for affecting my life and mental health so badly. I honestly thought I’d lost the ability to feel happy. I could cry with happiness now. It’s so unfair that someone can affect you in this way.
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but if someone wants to buy their council house, perhaps the council ought to ask the neighbours before they are allowed to buy. The woman on the other side moved in and made extensive renovations to her house, she wasn’t there long and now she’s renting it out. She was probably fed up of the swearing and footballs being booted against her fence all day. The man who lives at the back has started keeping the footballs that go in, before the little shits can climb over and get them.
My advice to anyone who has scummy neighbours, if you can move, do it. You won’t realise how much it’s affecting you until you are free of it.

I am so happy for you love! You’ve put up with this for so long. Enjoy the silence.

 

[MrsPoison]

No I agree that would drive me INSANE

It's such a quiet street too, no one really plays music, I wouldn't dream of playing anything so loud because I wouldn't want to disturb anyone's peace, it's so odd when people just move in and think only of themselves

 

[Raininvain]

Our neighbours daughter is like.. ERE MAM, MAM...MAM, do you want VINEGAR with your chips MAM? in a screaming shrill voice. The neighbour was then bragging that her daughter works for Boris Johnson!!. I just felt like telling her to fuck right off. Some people are just idiots.

 

[rainbowhouse]

Self elected King of the street has been going round opening peoples wheelie bins up this morning. No logical reasoning. Just a nosey old twat who needs to know absolutely everything.


He was also looking in our car windows this morning. By the time my partner was dressed and got downstairs, neighbour had vanished presumably to the corner shop, but I will definitely be keeping my eyes on him, and our belongings.

Are you my neighbour
We have a bin obsessive too - he stands and waits for the binmen, then stands hands on hips watching them empty his bin, physically goes to the van to collect his back, checks it and sometimes comments regarding it not being clean enough or whatever. He then goes round the street throwing rubbish that has been left behind, back into the owners’ gardens.

 

[gummy-bear]

Hey all! Would you inform your neighbours before having a bbq on a sunny day? We’ve just set one up (not lit it or anything) and our next door neighbour has popped his head over our fence saying he’d appreciate a heads up ‘every time we want to light that thing’ … is that normal etiquette?!

 

[Savewaterdrinkgin]

I don’t know if anyone remembers me but I’ve been quiet for a while. I posted last year about nasty neighbours who were bullying me every possible moment they could. Banging on walls, throwing dog poo in my garden, making their dog bark at us, damaged my car and generally being nasty intimidating arseholes. I’d been trying to move for ages and finally found the perfect house and escaped the vile people.
BUT I’m once again the same situation. The neighbour next door has been doing similar things since we moved in, banging on walls, loud music and tv all day and night, encouraging her grandchildren to bang on our walls (can hear her tell them to) and slamming doors for hours on end. I’m a broken mess because I thought we’d finally got free from this childish bullying nonsense to just have a repeat of it straight after. It makes me think I am in the wrong, but I’m at work most of the day and my teens are quiet and keep to themselves, we don’t have pets, music or parties that could disturb anyone were actually very boring and lead a simple quiet life so I don’t believe it’s retaliation for anything we’ve done.
i Could do with some advice if anyone could help please as I finally reported her after months of going through this and she’s upped her game completely in anger. She sets an alarm to go off every few minutes for the entire night which wakes me, she doesn’t sleep like a normal human as I hear herstomping around and banging from 2am until we leave the house at 7am, I’m so sleep deprived and stressed it’s unreal. I have spoken to her once she was fake nice claiming she didn’t hear anything andwas out all day Herself and slept until 9am. Obviously I know it’s a lie but I don’t understand why she’s doing it! I do know the previous family had 5 children and were very loud and made her life hell so perhaps she has some ptsd but I don’t understand why we’re being punished for that. Sorry it’s so long but I’ve chewed everyone’s ear off already that I know and I’m banned from mumsnet if anyone has any good advice I’d appreciate hearing it. At the moment I’m looking to move house once again, after spending hundreds to make this house nice so far and wanting it to be our forever home. I sleep with ear plugs and white noise machine but the ear plugs always fall out and make my ears sore and the white noise doesn’t block the alarm or banging sadly.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Finally got a handyman that will be making my extra high trellis fence on posts .. I'm so excited, he hasn't priced it yet so fingers crossed its manageable


Up yours neighbour lets see you cut my plants now.

Something like these.
She has all her seating where she gets the sun all the time, sadly sun comes from my side of the fence oh dear.