Nicolas piece in the Independent
EXCLUSIVE | âIf my story helps one woman or man then it will have been worth itâ â Nicola Gallagher on domestic abuse claims
Estranged wife of GAA manager Rory Gallagher says she thought about ending her life
âThe GAA knew about all of this because we told them... but they did nothingâ
âI loved him ⊠when you are living like that, all those difficult moments become normalâ
Rodney Edwards
Today at 02:30
Nicola Gallagher sat in front of her computer in her home in Co Fermanagh last Tuesday, looking again at the 478 words she had written on her Facebook page, and knowing that if she hit the âpostâ button her life would change â for better or for worse, she didnât know.
The post contained serious domestic abuse allegations against her former husband Rory Gallagher, the well-known GAA manager and ex-player.
The accusations relate to a period of more than two decades. Her heart, says the mother-of-three, was racing. She felt it was now or never.
âI sat for ages looking at it on my computer. I kept thinking, âWill I do it or will I not?â What impact will this have on my children? I had a tightness in my chest, I got really afraid⊠and then I hit âpostâ.â
Within minutes her phone started to light up with messages from friends, family, and strangers; almost a week later the post has been âlikedâ more than 17,000 times.
âThe first person to ring me was my aunt who said, âI am so proud of you, you did the right thing. We have been waiting for that for yearsâ. I was mentally broken, but hearing that settled me,â she says.
Nicola says she has been left feeling âhumbledâ by the response to her post, which has sparked conversations in almost every home, workplace, and sports ground on the island.
âThe reaction has been totally overwhelming â I never expected it. I feel so heartened by the response because Iâm not the type of person who likes any kind of attention. Iâm naturally quite a shy person, I donât use social media. The last time I used Facebook was three or four years ago.
âBut the number of messages I have been getting from other women who say my speaking out has helped them means it was worth it. Some say it has helped them to break their own silence.â
On Friday night, Rory Gallagher said he was stepping away from his role as Derry GAAâs senior football manager, saying the decision was âborne out of a desire to protect my children from the ongoing turmoil. They will always be my priority.â
Sitting on a sofa, Nicola speaks softly but clearly. Her parents, Gerry and Yvonne Rooney, two well-respected business people who own shops on both sides of the Border, look on. Occasionally, her mother is reduced to tears.
âIf you hadnât written that Facebook post, what would have happened?â I ask.
âI would be dead, 100pc. I needed to do it â it was my last resort.â
Her parents agree: âThis has been a long time coming,â Gerry says.
âThis is your time now, Nicola,â Yvonne says.
Nicola is open about her use of alcohol due to what she says was the toxicity of a marriage which ended in September 2019.
Her husband was recently given custody of their three children.
âI have been extremely traumatised,â she says. âBut you just keep going, you keep going, you keep going, you try to block it out, you tell yourself that it never happened. Then you hit a wall. I turned to alcohol to block it all out.
âI am in recovery now, but it hasnât been easy. This last year has been the toughest of my life. I will not shy away from the fact I have had issues with alcohol, but I have done something about it. I am thankful for the support network I have in my family and in Fermanagh Womenâs Aid.â
Does she think her issues with alcohol, I ask, has resulted in unfair criticism in some quarters over the past few days?
âYes,â she says. âI think it is being used against me. âSure, who would believe her?â But the response has been overwhelmingly positive.â
One of the more cynical judgments has been over the timing of the post, ahead of todayâs Ulster final between Derry and Armagh. It has been whispered that she did it to cause disruption.
âNo,â she says, âI didnât do this out of revenge, or for Rory to lose his job. I did it to share my experience and to help other women and men. I never did it to punish him, I did it to get it off my chest and if it helps one woman or man, then it will have been worth it.â
How did she feel when she heard Rory had stepped back from his responsibilities with the team?
âI donât think he had much choice.â
She describes a very unhappy, unpleasant marriage and recalls distressing moments, including claims of emotional abuse. She says those memories will âstay with me foreverâ.
But she admits she never felt she could end their marriage.
âI loved him, I try to see the good in everybody. I always wanted for our children what I had as a child. I had a happy, secure childhood; I wanted the same for them. But when you are living like that, all those difficult moments become normal. You get up and get on with it.â
In her darker moments, though, she thought about ending her life.
âYeah, yeah, I did. They were fleeting thoughts â I didnât make plans. But there were times when I felt like going to the pier in Killybegs and jumping off it. The only reason why I wouldnât do anything was because of my children.â
The only time in our two-hour conversation that Nicola gets emotional is when she talks about the love she has for her children.
âThe children mean everything to me. Sometimes I feel like they are not mine any more, that I have been cut out of their lives. I reared those children when he was off being a superstar with the GAA. For them to be taken away from me really hurts. Every day without them breaks me. They are the first thing I think about in the morning, they are the last thing I think about at night.â
In her Facebook post, Nicola cited several incidents she says took place over a 24-year period.
Sources say gardaĂ are keen to formally investigate the allegations and have attempted to contact Nicola in recent days.
Mr Gallagher was arrested in 2021 but not charged in relation to physical abuse claims against Nicola.
The Police Service of Northern Ireland (PSNI) has confirmed it investigated claims of domestic abuse while two files were passed to the Public Prosecution Service (PPS) in January and June last year, but it was deemed there was insufficient evidence to proceed.
âWhen I arrived at Enniskillen police station to make the initial complaint I asked for a female officer and got a male. I was already nervous enough. Then when the PPS rejected my case, I felt hopeless.
âThe guards have a dossier of material on this and were trying to get in touch with me again. Previously they asked if I would like to make a statement. I havenât done that before because I was scared.â
Last Thursday, Mr Gallagher issued his first statement in response to what he described as âvery seriousâ allegations, insisting they âhave been investigated and dealt with by the relevant authoritiesâ.
âOur marriage broke down over four years ago. Those closest to our family are aware of the reasons for the breakdown of our marriage and the continued issues we have faced since that time. My focus over the past four years has been to protect our children from the ongoing turmoil in our family,â he said.
How, I ask Nicola, did she feel when she read that?
âRoryâs statement was exactly what I had expected. In my view, it was aimed to shame me,â she says.
âIt was quite cowardly, I thought, but not surprising.â
The GAA has made a number of statements about domestic abuse.
Brian McAvoy, the Ulster GAA chief executive, said last week: âWhile we cannot comment or make judgment on any specific allegation or allegations, Ulster GAA does not condone any form of domestic violence.
âWe are proud to have joined with White Ribbon NI in pledging to never commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women.
âWe encourage and support anyone who has been a victim of such abuse not to suffer in silence but to avail of the statutory and voluntary support services that are available in the community.â
But for Nicola, âwords from the GAA are not enoughâ.
She says the organisation was informed about her allegations against Mr Gallagher âbut did nothingâ.
âThey are just words; their actions speak differently. The GAA knew about all of this, 100pc, and the county boards of Fermanagh and Derry knew â because we told them. There were senior members of the GAA who knew what was going on, there are incidents that took place at GAA events. It was a well-known fact.
âI remember seeing their campaign about referees being abused and phoning GAA HQ, the response was, âWhat do you want me to do about it?â I feel like they donât want to know. It is a joke. The family also raised their concerns with the Fermanagh County Board and told them too,â Nicola says.
An email, seen by the Sunday Independent, including claims against Mr Gallagher, was sent to the management of Derry GAA on May 25 last year by Nicolaâs father.
He did not receive a reply.
Derry GAA would not comment yesterday when asked why it did not act once the complaint was received. It referred this newspaper to its previous statement, in which it said it âcondemns all forms of domestic violenceâ, and to Mr Gallagherâs earlier statement.
Nicola says she has been contacted by âother women who are experiencing the same thing and are too scared to come out in case they are not believed.â
âI feel let down by all these institutions â the PSNI, the PPS, the Western Health and Social Care Trust, the GAA. I feel for anyone who is suffering as I have. How are they going to come forward? I had to write a post on Facebook because I was at the end of the line. I didnât want to have to do that.â
As she reflects on the past week, she says it has been a âturning pointâ in her life.
âI have kept all this buried, so to be finally free of it, I feel a lot lighter.â
But she also feels, she says, âa little scaredâ.
Of what?
âOf speaking out and what might happen because of that. But I am proud that I have been able to talk about my experiences publicly and the love I have for my children.
âI will not be silent any more.â
Womenâs Aid â freephone 1800 341 900, 24hrs Menâs Aid â phone (01) 554 3811, MonâFri 9amâ5pm Samaritans â freephone 116 123, 24hrs
I'm going to pig out.
agree with this
