Niomi Smart #61 Total Eclipse of the Shart

[ElenaK]

This ad makes me want to hose her down, not buy lingerie. Unsexiest woman alive.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I feel it’s so crappy and disrespectful to call DJ passive, weak or a bad communicator. It’s clearly visible Niomi was psychologically abusive but he still gets blamed for what she did one way or another. I don’t think there would be the same approach if it was the other way round. Seems society has a lot to learn about this kind of abuse - you basically don’t realise it’s happening and when you do it’s often too late and you’re mentally crushed to the point of deep depression. Add to that DJ losing his dream job, being in lock down and malnourished. Also it may have just started with him trying to be nice to her and support her lifestyle and she used it. The whole situation is absolutely disgusting. I guess moving in with Freddy actually saved him from going into even deeper hole.

I completely agree especially the BIB. Joe ended up being the frog in the pan of hot water tbh. It’s easy to say ‘why didn’t he say something/do something sooner’ but it’s because this kind of abuse starts out subtle and ramps up slowly over time to the point where you don’t realise it’s been happening until it’s really bad.
I love this thread and everyone on it but sometimes the ignorance on some topics gets to me, this is one of them, the other is people saying things like Niomi doesn’t ‘look skinny enough’ to have an eating disorder. We can do better.

 

[formerly_sitkx]

Yes I found this beyond the pale patronising. 'Thanks for reminding me that you minions in muggle jobs exist'.
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Maybe her management were like, 'um that's up to us to arrange guys, using our actual contacts. And what you've posted is not a job ad. It's a tiny weird fart in a tin. Take it down.'

And yes, looking at that headboard - ugh! It looks dusty AF! Also c'mon Organic Basics. Nimbo isn't your demographic anymore. Shame on you. Also all these influencers only ever offer 10% off which is completely pathetic. You can get 10% off by joining (then leaving) a mailing list usually. At least make it worth people's while (esp when products are upwards of £30 for a flipping pair of keks.)

those influencer discount codes always make me laugh. Like you said, they literally give those 10% off to every new customer who enters their email

 

[janedowe]

Re the ongoing discussion of Joes personality type… he has his psychometric evaluation up on his page on his Vizzy website for all to see. Under key attributes and strengths is listed ‘non-confrontational’ and ‘peace-maker’. Not sure either of these were a strength in his relationship with Niomi. I totally agree that a person can very much be manipulated within a relationship and that behaviour can be a slow burn, but hopefully Joe has learned from it and won’t be so easy to prey upon next time.

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The list of ways NOT to behave around him are fascinating though…. Maybe Niomi should have read up a little…

 

[ElenaK]

Those mistakes on Joe's profile bug me. It might sound nit-picky, but it's true. It's supposed to be professional, after all.

 

[janedowe]

Those mistakes on Joe's profile bug me. It might sound nit-picky, but it's true. It's supposed to be professional, after all.

I totally agree! Makes me twitch, especially when your whole business is about selling how great people supposedly are.

 

[Slaybutter]

Under key attributes and strengths is listed ‘non-confrontational’ and ‘peace-maker’. Not sure either of these were a strength in his relationship with Niomi.

So the relationship failed because he likes peace and not because Niomi gaslights and starves everyone in swinging distance. Got it

 

[triesherbest]

Lordon reminds me of the people I mixed with in LA when I temporarily lived there a few years ago. Always trying to push the mindfulness bs, some of them would even 'befriend' me to try and get me to join some mindfulness app they were shilling at the time, etc. Half of them did hard drugs, but at the same time were obsessed with fitness/nutrition for the sake of their image. Always partying too- regular attendees of Burningman festival. Some of them were men in their mid thirties/early 40s with failed modelling or wellness guru careers still trying to make it. Being a 22 year old slim blonde I could get into most of their "exclusive" events just based on that, but in hindsight it was so gross. Lordon is the Irish version. Ick ick ick

 

[ElenaK]

I'm still convinced, despite her controlling ways, Joe would have endured further, had they not moved in with his brother and Niomi making that awful comment how Freddie should be grateful Joe's allowing him to live in his apartment. That was the tipping point. She was barely in the door and was already criticizing the wall art and planning to remove it, hanging her spice rack and shitting on the bro. Not to mention drinking in the park all afternoon and then taking a nap, all the while Joe was unpacking and fixing furniture. Then it was the pizza from hell and that was it.

 

[restinpieces]

She'll never have that skinny waist she desires because she has a wide ribcage! Stop starving yourself, you're not gonna get there

 

[janedowe]

So the relationship failed because he likes peace and not because Niomi gaslights and starves everyone in swinging distance. Got it

No, no, no. Not at all what I was saying. She was vile and I’m very sure she was the major player in the downfall of their relationship. But speaking as someone who also is non-confrontational, I feel like I can be in a position to say that sometimes that doesn’t work best in a partnership, and sometimes you just have to speak up for yourself. Stop avoiding the confrontation at the expensive of your sanity. That’s it.

 

[Slaybutter]

No, no, no. Not at all what I was saying. She was vile and I’m very sure she was the major player in the downfall of their relationship. But speaking as someone who also is non-confrontational, I feel like I can be in a position to say that sometimes that doesn’t work best in a partnership, and sometimes you just have to speak up for yourself. Stop avoiding the confrontation at the expensive of your sanity. That’s it.

Well a) I’m sorry for calling you out then and b) IMO being non-confrontational isn’t a bad thing so long as your partner or employer is respectful when you do open up.

Your preferences, ideas, and opinions deserve just as much consideration as the loudest/most charismatic/charming person in the room. It’s okay to communicate that you’re not a forceful person.
I’ve done something similar recently with family when it comes to my mind going blank from society anxiety. The best people understood & were supportive.

 

[Callan]

Niomi can't handle simple comments on the internet that aren't butt kissing, I can picture Joe having a really tough time discussing anything serious that she didn't want to hear, she lives in an ivory tower of denial, that probably got worse over time.

I think @judgejohndeed said it perfectly with this line " Joe ended up being the frog in the pan of hot water tbh."

 

[cee-bee]

Re the ongoing discussion of Joes personality type… he has his psychometric evaluation up on his page on his Vizzy website for all to see. Under key attributes and strengths is listed ‘non-confrontational’ and ‘peace-maker’. Not sure either of these were a strength in his relationship with Niomi. I totally agree that a person can very much be manipulated within a relationship and that behaviour can be a slow burn, but hopefully Joe has learned from it and won’t be so easy to prey upon next time. View attachment 2115159
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The list of ways NOT to behave around him are fascinating though…. Maybe Niomi should have read up a little… View attachment 2115166

That’s pretty interesting! I agree with whoever said Freddy was the tipping point, but I reckon she said worse things off camera.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Speaking up for yourself is definitely important but it's only worth doing when the person receiving it actually wants to hear you. Niomi very clearly did not want to hear any concerns or problems from Joe. She lives her life in a state of constant delusion to a scary degree. She's even said herself that she knew there were problems and ignored it, so it's extremely unfair to assume that Joe just never said anything simply because Niomi claims she was 'blindsided'. She is hardly a reliable historian.

 

[Callan]

Speaking up for yourself is definitely important but it's only worth doing when the person receiving it actually wants to hear you. Niomi very clearly did not want to hear any concerns or problems from Joe. She lives her life in a state of constant delusion to a scary degree. She's even said herself that she knew there were problems and ignored it, so it's extremely unfair to assume that Joe just never said anything simply because Niomi claims she was 'blindsided'. She is hardly a reliable historian.

She really is, I take anything she says with a healthy sized grain of salt lol.

 

[TheGlossy]

This is a professional profile though. People are very different at work vs in private.

I also don’t think it’s a good idea to link his professional page on Tattle. He’s not an influencer.

 

[holliebollie]

Her legs up pic is giving me:

 

[Callan]

I still can't get over the dirt or mold or whatever is on that bed frame, kinda reminds me of the dirty carpets in Forky's bedroom that he kept sharing on IG

 

[Slaybutter]

Speaking up for yourself is definitely important but it's only worth doing when the person receiving it actually wants to hear you. Niomi very clearly did not want to hear any concerns or problems from Joe. She lives her life in a state of constant delusion to a scary degree. She's even said herself that she knew there were problems and ignored it, so it's extremely unfair to assume that Joe just never said anything simply because Niomi claims she was 'blindsided'. She is hardly a reliable historian.

Absolutely and I cannot stress how important it is to keep things professional. We are not emulating Lordon McDonkey here lol.
I feel like a positive of Vizzy (not a paid ad ) is that you get to not have the awkward conversations but you get the benefit of people seeing you entirely — your weaknesses and strengths. For a future employer your weaknesses might not be a deal breaker, especially if they can see them on paper beforehand and gauge the team as it stands. You’re basically volunteering to do a psychometric test without them asking you to and you get to sign off on the results.

People all put the same traits on their LinkedIn to look good. They don’t all possess them though and it’s a drain on companies to keep hiring and training the wrong people. If I were hiring I’d much rather get a full picture of the person and see if they would suit the position. Maybe there’s a different role that they would actually enjoy on the team. Idk. I think transparency just makes sense but definitely don’t risk your job security!
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ETA: there was a sixty minutes segment recently of a big name company that allowed chief officers and their subordinates to get away with truly vile behavior. The chief officers were able to move to different companies despite their actions because on paper they look amazing. It was food for thought as far as what the workplace places value on/whether it’s something even worth striving for. I believe it’s from 3 weeks ago.