Niomi Smart #58 She wanted a ring, instead all she got was a piece of string.

[LolitaBlah]

Dear desperate housewives of the shadows,

Welcome to the new thread. The last one was boring and cringy and icky and vomit inducing.. like always

Apparently our love birds did some kind of ceremony before leaving Bali with tying knots and stuff that mean (allegedly) that they are spiritually married..!!?? We have no idea what it means and I'm not going to elaborate furthermore as I don't want to offend the local culture (more than it has already been offended by nimbairhead!). But we all think that it is just a scam by Lordon.. "Love, we don't need a piece of paper and a ring a 2 million dollars wedding to convince the world with our love.. Look: by virtue of the authority vested in this piece of string, under the laws of the State of nowhere I now pronounce us husband and first wife!"

They are now back to Ireland, they have apparently a wedding this WE and the drama queen lost her baggage so she's begging on Instagram her followers to tell her where to shop... how about she asks the one Irish man she's spiritually married to to show her where....

The best of last thread:

Queen Shutterbug99 strikes again with this thread's gem of a title! Litcherally recaps everything in one sentence
Very special mention to our new member forthescreenshots for this one with 89 votes: Niomi Smart #58 As lost as her luggage

Long live the shadowzzz. Littcherally!

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

His trousers in that last story screenie in the old thread are not, I repeat NOT, OK. I bet he’s the type of guy to also wear those trainers with toes.

And she just has no style. None.

 

[ElenaK]

Thank you for the new thread and hilarious recap!
I voted for will be married soon. I'm manifesting it for my own sick entertainment.

 

[getawaywithit]

She is SO thin right now, and I can guarantee she is not as happy as she pretends— not even because of her boyfriend or whatever, but because when you are starving like that you’re miserable despite any other good things happening. And it also makes you extremely irritable btw… no wonder she had to rant about the visa and luggage, because she’s had to pretend to be blissful for months while she’s been starving and unhappy so she finally got an outlet.

Everything is just so clear how desperate she is to make people believe she is perfect and happy and has done all the right things. It’s truly sad.

As her partner, Jamie can’t make her better, but he should NOT do things like exercise with her (‘morning beach walks’) because he is basically enabling and encouraging her. He needs to urge her to get treatment.

 

[cocochino]

She is SO thin right now, and I can guarantee she is not as happy as she pretends— not even because of her boyfriend or whatever, but because when you are starving like that you’re miserable despite any other good things happening. And it also makes you extremely irritable btw… no wonder she had to rant about the visa and luggage, because she’s had to pretend to be blissful for months while she’s been starving and unhappy so she finally got an outlet.

Everything is just so clear how desperate she is to make people believe she is perfect and happy and has done all the right things. It’s truly sad.

As her partner, Jamie can’t make her better, but he should NOT do things like exercise with her (‘morning beach walks’) because he is basically enabling and encouraging her. He needs to urge her to get treatment.

I agree. Combined with her other health issues and problems sleeping, I don't believe for a second she's happy. When you're happy you have a glow, it's recognisable, and it radiates from you. She doesn't have that.

It's also not normal to be spending this much time together. It's not healthy at all.

 

[Lionsden]

His trousers in that last story screenie in the old thread are not, I repeat NOT, OK. I bet he’s the type of guy to also wear those trainers with toes.

And she just has no style. None.

Is he wearing that to the wedding? It's gross on any occasion.

 

[irvinelane]

Spoiler: Ouch 👵🏻

 

[ECH]

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Spoiler: Ouch 👵🏻

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That's her right hand. iPhones have the cameras on the left hand side when you're looking at the back, so it has to be her right hand for the cameras to be positioned where they are.

 

[Anneliese2199]

I forgot what she looked like with clothes on

 

[Pundertaker]

She relies so much on other people to groom her (constant visits to dreadful hairdresser, makeup artists for events in London, all those free spa treatments). So to be without those *and* her suitcase must be really unsettling her. I wonder if she's located an "emergency" facialist yet...

 

[BWGossip]

Yikes, she looks like she could be her mother's sister... She aged 20 years in a 2 months, Forky will be happy that he isn't the only one aging like milk

 

[talkingbody]

Her outfit looks so outdated

 

[Shutterbug99]

Yikes, she looks like she could be her mother's sister... She aged 20 years in a 2 months, Forky will be happy that he isn't the only one aging like milk

She has aged so much in the past year. That outfit isn't helping, I have to say. It looks like something granny T would wear, and I'm not even kidding. She has zero sense of style, but hey, she probably got this outfit for free.

The more I see of Lordon, the more I think he goes around acting like a complete idiot most of the time. He is very unattractive, but it's not just his looks, his personality and just the way he seems to behave like a fool all of the time just give me the total ick. I just can't understand how she is attracted to him and still hasn't tired of him after almost a year. She must be really desperate!
---

Is he wearing that to the wedding? It's gross on any occasion.

I would hope not, but you never know with him. He's so shabby looking all of the time. Just gross!

 

[reCAPTCHA]

Lordon gives me Jonathan Saccone-Joly vibes. Ick.

 

[Tshads404]

The irony of the song lyrics in her latest stories… “it really doesn’t matter that we don’t eat, it really doesn’t matter if we never sleep”

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

Her outfit looks so outdated

Exactly. I’m not saying everyone should follow trends slavishly, but you’d expect an influencer to have her finger on the pulse a teeny bit. Those silhouettes are so not current. She’s slender enough to wear anything but she’s never bold in her choices.

ETA that’s worded badly - anyone can (and should) wear anything! God knows I wear some things I love that don’t love my big shoulders

I just meant that clothes (especially designer one) tend to be cut for skinny, narrow people.

 

[prive0505]

Not forgetting that the camera usually makes you look 1-2 sizes larger than you actually are… so if she looks THIS thin in photos, imagine her in real life

 

[SarahN]

Not forgetting that the camera usually makes you look 1-2 sizes larger than you actually are… so if she looks THIS thin in photos, imagine her in real life

Her family must be so worried. They've been through the wringer with her these last few years: breakup, lockdown with her at home, Forky, Bali shenanigans, Lordon ... just wow.

 

[Anneliese2199]

Just imagine being so privileged you could have a beautiful, healthy life but ending up living the way she does due to your ignorance & self absorption… The only thing she “teaches” is that no matter what you have, you can lose everything if you don’t care to work on your mental health.

 

[Beauhead]

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Spoiler: Ouch 👵🏻

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I do love this jacket though lol