Niomi Smart #53 Still missing JoeJoe, now selling a Dildo

[irvinelane]

Happy Christmas eve to you all may the Holiday Season brings only happiness and joy to you and your loved ones. I wish each and every one a season full of light and laughter.

I couldn’t be more grateful to have joined this wonderful and unique community of ours. Every moment spent here on Tattle is a chance to laugh, learn, share, grow, support each other, and express ourselves freely and honestly without judgment.

Thank you for being amazing. Cheers to us keep rocking, keep shining

 

[ToxicPony]

Step 1 of the cult leader: isolate you from your family and friends.

He's clearly love bombed her, and everyone can see it but her, then he's convinced her these people voicing reasonable doubts about the speed of their relationship are 'toxic'. Probably got his creepy stalker sister to chip in. Con artists the pair of them.

 

[Coldfeet]

Unfortunately I think this is pretty standard for some life coaches (a job that is totally unregulated)

Sorry but ANYONE and his dog can style themselves as a 'life coach'. He doesn't need any psychology skills- just a cast iron belief that ' he is right' and a persuasive tongue.

As someone who's worked in 'human development' for 50 yrs, what I observe from watching his 'video efforts' is someone who talks a lot, hesitates often and isn't confident. He's a 'wing it' merchant.His body language tells the whole story.

 

[Callan]

Some of those comments on that YouTube video are pretty telling. She ain’t fooling anyone except herself

Went to see then..some spot one ones too.

 

[Hannabeth_]

Sorry slight OT -

I feel so stupid you guys. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I am now in the same boat as Niomi. Last week my partner of 6 years came home one night and broke up with me out of the blue. He packed up his bag and left that same night. We had been living together for 5 years and 4 years ago I moved across the world to a foreign country to follow him for his work. He completely blindsided me, he’d never mentioned he had any problems with our relationship until that night. We had also just renewed our lease literally just a few weeks ago, so there was no way I expected this. He said he caught feelings for his colleague. Why do men keep doing this?! The pain is excruciating. Please pray for me that I don’t end up in the same place as Niomi. I don’t know how the hell i’m going to heal from this. This is the biggest shock of my life and it’s pure agony. Will this leave me as fucked up as she still is all these years later?

I feel for you so much (and have been where you are, trust me!). I promise you will not end up like Niomi. For 99.999999% of people break ups are a good thing in the long run, and in your situation it 100% will be.

Think about it - why would it make sense for you to be better off with someone who would do that to you? No way, man - in time you will see this as the plot twist that made sure you didn’t spend your life with someone stupid enough to do this. What really helped me was remembering that although my brain/hormones were telling me he was “the one”, to the rest of the world he is literally just some guy. And there is no WAY your happiness would be determined by just some guy.

Take care of yourself, sleep as much as you can/need, try to eat something, talk to a therapist if you can, go for a nice walk with a podcast, reach out to your friends and family, watch something cosy and just remember to breathe - you got this. x

 

[curiouscat106]

An impromptu dance… which we set the camera up for…

 

[iz10101]

Charlotte is one of the few friends who I imagine would call her out or express concern.

So many of Niomis “friends” are hangers on in the influencer space who are yes people as they want a piece of her audience. Sophie has used her to help promote the anxiety course and her yoga website, Caggie and her podcasts, Sarah who jumps at free trips. Even Rosanna I’m suspicious of the constant comments on Niomis Instagram.

Charlotte is her oldest friend, pre “fame” and is there for every breakup without fail. she arranged the surprise party for her, dropped everything when working as a nurse in Covid to see her after Joe dumped her, arranged the video birthday messages for her in Covid too. And Niomi constantly entertains her then forgets she exists once she gets in a new relationship.

It’s sad if there’s a fall out, but it’s not hard to guess why. Niomis behaviour is manic and erratic, this relationship is a major red flag and she is so different to even how she was 2 years ago with all the spiritual/self care bullshit it’s like a parody.

 

[Callan]

She really doesn't have much going on personality wise other than being on permanent vacation, doesn't really matter who she ends up with.

 

[laplusheureuse96]

I had to google Worzel Gummidge but yeah, that’s pretty much the vibe Niomi has been giving off lately. Not saying you have to be perfect and polished each day, but it’s just such a stark contrast to her Kate Middleton Era and even when she was with Forky, when she was already a straw-haired blonde yet attempted to look sexy and daring. Now she just looks disheveled most of the time, as though she doesn’t care anymore. The day out with her family was an exception because they probably would’ve judged her if she hadn’t looked put together.

 

[BWGossip]

Her family seems to love her so much, I don't understand why she is prioritizing Lordon over them for Christmas. Her grandparents won't be around forever, it's the first Christmas without her mum's father, and her little sister won't be that small forever, she'd cherish the time with them. She didn't know Toothy 6 months ago, why can't she spend 1 week without him? Next year, when the relationship is over (hopefully), she'll be happy to have spend one of her favourite day with people who actually care for her. It's stupid but it makes me kinda sad...

 

[gingerbread36]

Anybody think Nims would dump Jamie if someone better came along?

 

[QueenBW]

Sigh.

Are Lordon's teeth the least problematic thing about him? Yes. Is mocking his teeth absolutely low hanging fruit and maybe a bit of gallows humour and unfair since he can't do much about it? Sure. But, like, it's not harming anyone and this is a gossip site. We don't go and put this on their profiles. It's just a comment here, which whoever dislikes commenting about appearances can ignore. It's about this specific person, it's not a commentary on big teeth at large or anything. As long as no one's mocking a feature that's like a protected category (you know, disabilities, race, gender), it's what it is.

These people post themselves online and think they're God's gift to the Earth. THAT'S what makes them so mockable, in particular their appearance.

If any of us found a girl that looked LICHERALLY just like Niomi on the street, would we laugh at her and go "Oh my God, look at her flat pancake bum and her sad, fried hair, and the dead eyes, and the grey skin?" No. But Niomi acting like she's the most biuuuudiful woman ever makes her appearance mockable.

Same with Lordon. If he didn't give us the heebie jeebies while also pretending to be this enlightened guru who also clearly thinks himself extremely fit, his teeth would just be too big and that'd be it. They're the ones who make it laughable.

I can just imagine him adjusting his IG bio if he proposes
"Currently engaged"


Looks like more lies... I bet nobody is asking.

View attachment 1802152

Bahahaha. He can't even manage to sound professional.

Money must be running tight. Maybe that's why they're going to Dublin, so Mummy and Daddy White can loosen up their purse strings.

 

[Imdiaz3]

I still can’t get over her last Instagram post with 3 comments. I miss her Notting Hill, prepping for the London Marathon, actual content days. I don’t think that many people just want to watch her sit and talk much less listen to a podcast. I’m so embarrassed for her.

 

[Callan]

I remember I listened to a podcast months ago where he talked about being $1 million in debt & in that podcast he also mentioned reaching out to hundreeeds of coaches (bragged about it like it's some sort of achievement lol) after he got sick from dealing with the debt.
Pretty much every single person Lordon or Niomi interact with in Bali is some sort of fucking coach, it's crazy how these people can just create a profession out of nothing. It's like if I woke up tomorrow and decided 'Okay from now on I'm a Getting over your ex coach!' Through my program I will teach you to:
1. Don't pick up the phone, he's only calling 'cause he's drunk & alone.
2. Don't let him in, you'll have to kick him out again.
3. Don't be his friend, you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning.
That will be $2k per week! Credentials: Dua Lipa University!

Anyways, here's a recap of the podcast, posting a screenshot 'cause I don't know how to link a post from an old thread:

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odds on him leading Niomi into bankruptcy with his genius business coaching? lol

wow that last line is quite something..

 

[Yoyolady]

Niomi’s family are classic social climbers. Obsessed with appearance, no reverence for books unless they are wallpaper, try to emulate landed gentry with their country looks but kidding no one. Their bar in Brighton is so tacky, as is Veritys home. Would stand out a mile amongst real posh people.

 

[Messiejessie]

Saw this meme and immediately thought of Lordon in the family photo

Merry Christmas Tattlers!

 

[Lionsden]

So out of touch, given that some people are trying to cut costs and can’t afford to turn the oven on! But yes, making your home smell Christmassy is a priority

She's never aware of the bullshit that comes out of her mouth. Recommending DIY oranges to make your home smell nice while advertising a Diptyque candle totally defeats the purpose.

 

[Slaybutter]

It’s Christmas in five days and she’s talking about her contraceptive history. She used to love getting in the Christmas spirit

 

[kittymeowlondon]

(I know this video was posted 6 days ago, but I just saw it in my feed, so sorry if I'm repeating what others have said!)

Oh hell no. She did it. She posted a video demonizing contraception.

And it's no coincidence her proven-to-be-a-misogynist of a boyfriend, who has no place in this conversation about womens' health, is asking her all of the leading questions.

Honestly, as a woman...how DARE she. Especially during this nightmare of a political climate and the upheaval of Roe v. Wade (in the US), etc. Read the room Niomi.

View attachment 1832967

thank you SO much for saying this. as someone who has seen women go through horrendous issues due to unexpected pregnancy and traumatic abortions i campaign for access to free contraception for all
my ideal is men getting vacestomies as they are fully reversible and safe but that would mean overthrowing the patriarchy so quite unlikely unfortunately
I had a roomate who wrote a zine on why contraception was bad using ONLY negative quotes on their side affects
duh birth control is not perfect BUT it does work well when you find the one that suits your body best
i got preggers unexpectedly as i took her advice on contraception and getting an abortion was EXTREMELY DIFFICULT and stressful it was almost tempting not to due to all the red tape, conditions, paper work, sign offs etc
anyway thank you again for raising your point, i think birth control has done so much for womens rights

 

[Pundertaker]

Nims the Art Critic is quite the mood. She has never sounded thicker. The more she forces the posho accent, the less articulate she sounds. That was the most banal stream of shite I've heard in quite some time, and I had to watch a Jacob Rees-Mogg speech earlier for work.