Niomi Smart #53 Still missing JoeJoe, now selling a Dildo

[Shutterbug99]

SHE DARED View attachment 1799580

I swear he gets more unattractive every time I see him.

She has definitely filtered and facetuned this photo. She’s smoothed out both of their skin, made his teeth more blurred and whiter and made his eyes bigger/more doll like.

This is him WITH a filter?!!!

 

[Joh73679]

This "interview" is not random, this is her (their) "subtle" way to preview her (their) podcast & receive comments like " I love it Niomi, can you talk about something else, it is so interesting & you are so smart". Surely her (their) podcast will be about sex ( we all know how she jump into her current man's lifestyle!)

 

[frooshh]

This really doesn't seem like a chat between two people who are actually comfortable with each other. When my partner and I discussed birth control, it was a much "warmer" conversation if that makes sense. It seems as though he is pressuring her to be the one to use contraceptives - if she wants to be all natural, you can use condoms and track your cycle?? It annoys me that this whole video made it seem like the responsibility is 100% on the woman when it really should also be the man bringing options to the table. Although I can totally see him refusing to use condoms as well.

 

[sydneybarrett]

Hello tattlers, long time no see!
I was gone for few months 'cause I was licherally sooo busy (actually busy getting my master's degree not Niomi busy lol) so I couldn't keep up with this thread but I still saw all the shitshow on instagram. Since I feel like engagement is just around the corner I wanted to return here to see all the comments
And would it really be a post of mine without a badly done edit, this time inspired by her ridiculous insta story lol

 

[sydneybarrett]

I remember I listened to a podcast months ago where he talked about being $1 million in debt & in that podcast he also mentioned reaching out to hundreeeds of coaches (bragged about it like it's some sort of achievement lol) after he got sick from dealing with the debt.
Pretty much every single person Lordon or Niomi interact with in Bali is some sort of fucking coach, it's crazy how these people can just create a profession out of nothing. It's like if I woke up tomorrow and decided 'Okay from now on I'm a Getting over your ex coach!' Through my program I will teach you to:
1. Don't pick up the phone, he's only calling 'cause he's drunk & alone.
2. Don't let him in, you'll have to kick him out again.
3. Don't be his friend, you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning.
That will be $2k per week! Credentials: Dua Lipa University!

Anyways, here's a recap of the podcast, posting a screenshot 'cause I don't know how to link a post from an old thread:

odds on him leading Niomi into bankruptcy with his genius business coaching? lol

 

[judgejohndeed]

Honestly I can’t believe any company gave Niomi a vibrator to advertise. She’s the least sexually aware person ever. I feel like one day in her 40s she’ll have that moment like Bree in desperate housewives when she finally has an orgasm and is so shocked by it she goes to the doctor

 

[sydneybarrett]

I see his website had an upgrade since I last checked it, one of the changes is the Here's what my clients say about me section, it used to be like 3 people there (one of them was his ex Jennie, don't know if she was actually his client or he was like 'babe, please write something nice about me so I can put in on my website'), now it's some random people there.

Why on Earth did he think these pictures are good enough to post, idk why it reminded me of those photos that show the evolution of men from apes to humans And that's a lot of words to say "I was a terrible businessman, I ended up $1 million in debt and my mom had to give me weekly allowance".

Spot the difference:

 

[LolitaBlah]

I love you guys, all, for real, but everytime I come to this thread I want to vomit.
I remember the asshole Forky days were quite funny.
But this, this is just too disgusting to even joke about it..

 

[Coldfeet]

And wishing everyone here a happy festive season and a calm New Year. The BEST place is here for fun, support and realism in this sometimes very confusing world. So pleased I found you all.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I’m the same age as Niomi I think or maybe a school year below her. When I was 15 I was put on the pill because my periods were so bad I was passing out at school every month and bleeding everywhere (diagnosed with endo finally at 25 - women’s healthcare amirite? ) the first pill they’d put you on back then was Microgynon. Idk if anyone remembers it too but it was truly hellish. It made me mental, honestly. I waited 3+ months and it just got worse. Anyway, I’m pretty sure these days they don’t really use Microgynon anymore and there’s heaps more choice of pill these days. You really do have to try a few before you find one that works for you, I tried about 4. I know Microgynon was the cheapest at the time and that’s why they dished it out first. I came off the pill for a brief period this year and I couldn’t cope, I lasted two months with endo periods before I was begging for the pill again.

So I feel like Niomi is using very outdated information here tbh as I doubt she knows about all the other pills available more readily now (and she didn’t even make the distinction between progesterone only and combined types) and also just fails to acknowledge that for some of us the pill, for all it’s flaws, gives us a better quality of life. And don’t even come at me about ‘man made’ medicine when your face is pumped full of filler and Botox and most of your ‘diet’ is protein powder supplements.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Not spending xmas with her mum after her grandpa's death is next level shittery.

Considering she didn't even bother to come back from Bali for the funeral I feel like it probably hasn't even registered in her tiny pea sized barely functional brain that it's her Mum's first Christmas without her father. She's just rotten inside and out.

 

[Slaybutter]

His company also ran an ad depicting a woman falling over drunk with her knickers around her ankles and a slogan that says implicitly women are asking for sex if they show up to the club that night. Fucking creep.

 

[triesherbest]

Why is she so obsessed w london now, few months ago she wanted to be anywhere but here

 

[Callan]

^ which is sad because they will let tourists live a normal life while their own people are oppressed. Le sigh. The right wingers in the US would love to put something like this into action here for everyone it seems.

 

[hannah123]

I’ve just seen her story for her new boyfriend, sorry but it’s literally if you order Joe off Wish

 

[Callan]

She hasn't had that many boyfriends, she just gets way over the top with displaying them and makes each one the pillar of her happiness, because to Niomi the opposite of happiness is being single. Also still can't get over her saying that this time last year she was unhappy after forcing that word down everyone's throat and prancing around with the forkster. For all we know she's not happy right now either but won't really tell us till Christmas 2023..

 

[malino_]

So I watched the video. It’s 10 minutes of nothing. Typical

Here’s the spark notes:

• Niomi is flown to Berlin for some artist where she then spent half the video talking about about the art spoke to her blah blah
• Lordon still dresses like a 12 year old. He’s shown a lot in the video and it really gave me the ick. He has love bombed her 100000%
• They stayed up till 5:30am in Berlin doing lord knows what (no pun intended) WILD
• Her and Lordon are flying to Berlin on the 23rd for Xmas. However she’s hosting her family for breakfast before they fly out. How super nice of her
• Majority of comments are about how the audio and video quality are shit. Very on brand for her these days lol
• Niomis hair still looks like a hay bale. The end.

PS: I could really see an engagement coming over Christmas. Something about this video really made it feel like it’s coming. Hope I’m wrong but….

 

[LolitaBlah]

Thank you sezzyscammer for the awesome thread title!

Recap:
- Forky and his umbrella are back in Paris while Nimbeige and her fling are in Berlin.
- Nimbecile is back to youtube, she did 2 videos narrating her instagram stories and calling it a pawfect vlog. It's a new format that is less stressful for her because we can't have "miss no attachements" stress about work now can we? But we do have to show off that new bf now don't we?
- Teethy.. I refuse to talk about him. I'm in denial until they break up
- Everything else is boring.

If the last thread was a photo it would be this one:

Wishing you all a happy December filled with therapeutic cacaos, perfect beige coats, a lot of journaling while the TV is shut down and a wholesome experience with all your gifted dildos!

Spoiler: Umm..

(Group therapy with me? Anyone?)

Oh moon..

 

[irvinelane]

Niomi be like:

 

[lilamay]

Wow, I begged for it, but completely unexpected! I‘m feeling so grateful and considered and yet, I’m not an influencer, guys, just an advocate for sustainability.

View attachment 1824421

So the gift is a.. pouch? I’m so jealous

Aww, a pouch but no Joey.