Niomi Smart #53 Still missing JoeJoe, now selling a Dildo

[fakesheikh]

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Moment of mourning for the short brown hair. Niomi cut off that hay

Still trying to be Anna, but a blonde version

 

[londongirl2001]

Oh god, what horrors will holly cook up for Christmas dinner? Puréed Christmas mush?

Plus some watery curry

 

[fakesheikh]

She's such a fakey fakerson. One of the best things about getting older is being able to admit what you want out of life, even if it's not cool, trendy or progressive. She's been raised on the Stepford wife, picket fence diet, and despite thinking her horizons have been broadened, they haven't. Travel? Read luxe holiday/s. Hippie, cultured life? Read white, privileged, bored navel-gazing trust fund kids... on a luxe holiday. I agree, she still blatantly wants that Stepford 'dream'. Fine. Just admit it. I don't have any respect left for her as she's an awful narcissist, but I would briefly (and only briefly) applaud if she ever, ever, ever, uploaded an honest video about how it's all been a sham up to now, and she just wants to be a wealthy country wife in a Barbour jacket, with a handful of creamy cheeked babies, a low maintenance dog, a plate full of game, and a comfy designer stick up her arse. Job done. Off you go.

Trouble is you've got to be honest with yourself about what you want to attract it. There are plenty of posh, spam-faced, red chino wearing, okish-looking Tory boys that would have her. They then become the breadwinner (have some well hidden affairs so she doesn't have to deal with banging anymore), and she can just spend her days eating small portions and taking self satisfied selfies.

Perfectly put!

 

[QueenBW]

She needs some tips from her digital-BFF-forever-Chief-Fawner and top commenter Rosana (is she being paid? Nobody will ever know). Her table displays were right the other end of the spectrum: so extra you'd get a migraine before the main course.

I'd take rosana's over the top, borderline chavvy ones over Niomi's depressing one there's just something about those ugly mugs that's quite festive spirit dampening.

 

[BWGossip]

Moment of mourning for the short brown hair. Niomi cut off that hay

Damn, her hair used to look so nice! Why does she keep bleaching it? It's destroying her hair, it must cost a small fortune to keep it up and it doesn't even suit her. Make it make sense, Niomi

 

[Coldfeet]

Well, let's have some fun then. What does Nimbobs want to tell us here?

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My mind is a complete blank

(Naturally!!)

 

[bookgirl95]

Does anyone know any info on what happened with Niomi and Charlotte? Seems pretty sad if it is true they are no longer friends. I know they aren't following each other on Insta anymore. Charlotte was meant to be chief bridesmaid so pretty big person for Niomi to not have in her life anymore.

 

[iz10101]

Poor Niomi has gone from her pahhhfect life with Royal connections to a guy who pahhhfectly represents those most of us take the piss out of

I’m screaming literally Lordon summarised

 

[Callan]

Now I understand why she went radio silence. She needed to pick carefully a picture of them to post, and this is apparently the best shot she could have. Looks like she’s screaming for help and is hiding her disgust with a fake smile.

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Why is he almost sticking his tongue out?

And she only posted this pic because she thought she looked good in it.. I mean look at the plate she's in front of lol. No actual holiday dinner in it.

 

[ElenaK]

Oh, I'd take Forky any day (if I absolutely must, that is). He at least stays into one lane of crazy.

 

[Coldfeet]

uh oh.. that could have been awkward!

Snowball fight

 

[phutton44]

Isn't this guy a life coach? so has all the psychology, techniques and study to actually to use in a negativie form for complete and utter manipulation. As someone mentioned if he is giving her this love story to to feed what she is missing then she is going to be ditching people left, right and centre to have her isolate herself and repeat the patterns of the past. Ugh if he is like this the potential gas lighting and her undoing is going to be sad to see.

 

[Nitfey]

Perhaps his past caught him up and he was arrested...wishful thinking I know

 

[irvinelane]

It’s her first Christmas as a non-vegan now so none of us (or her poor Christmas Day companions) need to sit through yet another recipe for plahnt bahsed vegan nut rewst and plohnt based glewten free stuffing with plahnt based sugar free ceremonial cacao puddings

For Holly, as long as it is ‘SuStAiNaBle’ and part of a collaboration, the rest doesn’t matter to her. For Niomi, she needs to feel like a princess with a princess menu, and the whole princess shebang.

Speaking of Niomi, here’s a thought for our favorite bookworm:

 

[Coldfeet]

Yeah I don’t think they broke up either. He’s too much of a leech and she’s too desperate to be in a relationship.

He's locked her in a padded room with a huge spotlight trained on her face.
'Look into my eyes '
'Look into my eyes'
The next phase of brainwashing has begun

 

[therlieann]

I’m the same age as Niomi I think or maybe a school year below her. When I was 15 I was put on the pill because my periods were so bad I was passing out at school every month and bleeding everywhere (diagnosed with endo finally at 25 - women’s healthcare amirite? ) the first pill they’d put you on back then was Microgynon. Idk if anyone remembers it too but it was truly hellish. It made me mental, honestly. I waited 3+ months and it just got worse. Anyway, I’m pretty sure these days they don’t really use Microgynon anymore and there’s heaps more choice of pill these days. You really do have to try a few before you find one that works for you, I tried about 4. I know Microgynon was the cheapest at the time and that’s why they dished it out first. I came off the pill for a brief period this year and I couldn’t cope, I lasted two months with endo periods before I was begging for the pill again.

So I feel like Niomi is using very outdated information here tbh as I doubt she knows about all the other pills available more readily now (and she didn’t even make the distinction between progesterone only and combined types) and also just fails to acknowledge that for some of us the pill, for all it’s flaws, gives us a better quality of life. And don’t even come at me about ‘man made’ medicine when your face is pumped full of filler and Botox and most of your ‘diet’ is protein powder supplements.

I think hormonal bc can be very helpful for some people butttt personally I tried many pills and they are all crap for me. Im very sensitive for hormones and they really give me weirddd symptoms. I dont think pills have evolved sufficiently for me. Never again.

Adding my 2 cents as a medical student in the US:

Generally we prescribe BC to non-sexually active teens to either regulate an irregular ovulation cycle, or help with severe menstrual migraines/bleeding that interferes with quality of life (there are girls with debilitating pain whose lives are changed!). If the patient has PCOS, birth control can relieve symptoms of acne and hirsutism. Sometimes it can be used used to treat PMDD.

Hormonal birth control is absolutely not something we hand out to everyone like candy! It’s a little weird that she says her doctor offered it without any specific reason…

Edit: I’m guessing her entire “they force fed me hormones!” anecdote is a lie, and that her whole “reject modern medicine” shtick is an attempt at appealing to her cult overlord Donkey boyfriend

Unfortunately, here I feel like the pill is prescribed very easilyyy and people are not looking at underlying health conditions and period health. Its actually very interesting to learn about your cycle and how everything works and then having the knowledge if something is wrong. Then, looking at underlying issues would be more helpful than simply prescribing the pill (what happens here a lot). Butt yes obviously this whole “interview” came from her bf and is just cringe. Copper can also cuz manyy issues.

 

[Slaybutter]

From my understanding big brands don’t need to pump up sales, they do these things to boost image. They need certain people to have their items and others to not be able to attain them, increases their status. I think they need to update their pr list since Niomi has changed so much after Joe.

Had a friend work for a mid/upper class clothing store and was told they will burn clothes that don’t sell as if it was donated, people of a lower class could be seen with the item and ruin “the brand”…… unreal

I wonder if part of this distancing is owing to Jamie who perpetually dresses like a slob

 

[Callan]

Did Lordina's food give them all the runs or something? Why the absolute silence?

Ha for reals, I was wondering if she's indisposed because she's trying to digest Holly's gorgeous vegan cooking.

 

[Nitfey]

Oh my. What a sad brunch...you could do all festive appetizers and drinks. Ps: That thing on the wall is scary.

It reminds me the temple of doom from Indiana Jones.

It reminds me the temple of doom from Indiana Jones.

 

[Ciri]

is it me or all Avocado chef's posts have " “Comments on this post has been limited " ?