New Zealand Influencers #47

[MariaFromMangere]

All class in the Emcult house

 

[happysmellybelly]

I hope the DS comment isn’t someone here. It’s not a bad thing to have Down syndrome.

 

[#Simon]

Just because you sit on your arse all day doing F all whilst your Brusband takes care of the sprogs whilst trying to work whilst your sitting on your arse refreshing Tattle doesn't mean we have the time to make 4 or 5 account and sign in and out nermous times of the day to write different posts
You dish it just as much as us, stop giving us a reason to comment, but that's impossible for you because you can't help yourself with your bragging bulshit.

 

[relatableboujeebiarch]

Another few weeks of the Influenzas Influencers continuing to be boring assholes. However, us TC’s are good at turning shit into something and finding the little nuggets of gold. We’ve all established how to correctly pronounce Kumara...or have we , that Mike King is a C$%t and that we cant post about influencers with less than 10k followers…or can we

And now for the other updates:

It’s certainly been a busy month for everyone’s least favourite Dads. Christian has given up trying to drown Lulu and has now decided falling from a great height on an age-inappropriate toy is a far more instragrammable way to die. I see a co-lab with the ambulance service in their future. How simply adorable would that be and anything for content babes….oh and by the way #freepalestine

Our favourite Aussie’s have also been very busy, and Cassie made the startling revelation to her closest friends that both Miles and Scott have tounge tie. Poor Cassie, she may be the Elon Musk of Mandurah, but it’s an empty win when she can’t get no brotherly

So while in the R18 part of the update, Bernadebt the disgusting bitch shared some sloppy sex sounds and ‘absolutely not’ sex bruises with a side of tit. You know what they say about the ones talking the most about it Bernie….

Sticking with the sex theme, Flashy Flaps herself, made an announcement larger than her escaping left labia. Yes, she’s having a BABY. Congratulations Edna and Reid on your new cash cow baby. You sure are in the right place to get tips on selling your kids childhood for cash parenting.

Rumor has it, Tarryn may be heading for divorce and is doing an Edna at the gym. Showing your flaps is so last month Tarryn.

The smut reading, cupcake munching mumfluencer is still ensuring her counsellor is never out of a job by still doing absolutely nothing to change her current state. Oh sorry forgive me, she did a walk with her brother lover…. once. Ronan and Chloe got to see how normal kids live at camp for a few days but have returned to their narcissist mother and the same boring lunchboxes every day.

Poor Nepo-Baby Millie finally stood her ground and told Bambam that no one puts her in the back seat, well that sounds better than admitting she was likely dumped for the hired help. Off she stomped with step daddies money to find herself again and patronise her followers again.

Erin has the world’s tallest 17-month-old…oh wait…erm no she doesn’t. She is just once again confirming her stupidity. Turns out he’s just on average, no big story here, so find a new hobby Erin.

Finau continues trying to convince everyone and herself that giving up her kids was the best thing for her and Chicken Seasoning them. She’s sick, again. Depressed, again. Overweight, again. Jobless, again. Taking handouts, again. Lazy, again.

Ellie is still selling reduced to clear candles and still not pregnant, despite no her best effort, Renee is still raging at the world, Elle managed to take the TWINS for a walk without the iPads, Katie Hawkey has moved from delivering alive babies to sharing photos of dead babies and Marnie is turning overpriced beanies into overpriced tea cosy's that absolutely no one will use.

And last but certainly not least, the biggest tit award this month goes to our very own Mother Teresa. Yes thats right, take a bow Holly May. You just don’t give a fuck if you lose followers, you just need everyone to post random shit they have found online, that may or may not be factual, about Gaza. Such selfless behaviour really makes our hearts warm. By the way, what exactly did Simone’s lawyers say to you?

Take care TC’s and remember to protect your space over these next few weeks as our favourite influencers start shilling more shit than usual in the lead up to Christmas. You’ve got this!

God this is the best. My husband even wanted in on the joke because I was laughing so hard. Well done your prize is a signed ultrasound pic of Edna's cash cow and a copy of MFM's favourite smutty fan fiction. Congrats!
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I actually thought about it, but then thought I'd have to take @7kiwikids, @8kiwikids, @9... who knows where will it stop? I thought she said a while back she already had @6kiwikids ready to go. Anyone else recall that?

I definitely remember that. I also remember the conversation around her and her brusband having sex (or not, as the case was). She said they don't prioritise sex at all and it wasn't important to them.
So again, we all know why she's so uptight and has so much time to spend on tattle imagine how much nicer she would be if she got some good loving on a frequent basis

 

[ilovekmartlikedontweall]

Coming to you live from the bedroom somewhere with greasy hair, just woke up vibe at 11am and still wearing the same clothes as 5 days ago— please welcome, the best person to “influence” “fitness” gear, the well-fitting, Embarass ambassador— Finau! ( Hine slow claps!)

 

[influencersannoyme]

Did you know that degrees Celsius is even better in Australia..
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Kiwi bank person of the year…..

She looks like a mum in her 40’s who is confused about their style.
2011 called they want their shorts back

 

[WatermelonSugar22]

It feels like she asks this every few days….. Cassie you are borin, there’s literally nothing else to ask about. We all know you’re asking yourself questions. 🥱

Let me guess, she’ll get:
“Is it hard managing six kids and a multi-million dollar business?”
“How do you feel about trolls?” (Six page response)
“Is it hard being so successful and yet so hated?”
“How shit was Hamilton compared to the Hamilton of Perth?”
“What Ice cream flavours do the kids like?”
“How’s the weather?”
“Don’t have a question but you all look so happy!”
“How old were you when you had your first kid?”
“Where the duck did you put all the patreon content, why do I pay money to you for nothing”
Same old boring shite, except the last one

 

[Sadie123]

I never saw this level of graphic content regarding dead children in Ukraine? Why is it ok to post graphic content of dead brown Muslim children.. personally I don't understand why this is now acceptable on social media.

 

[#freshsheetfriday]

Another one spouting off about Palestine yet happy to continue the McDonald’s shit

She couldn't possibly take a stand against McDonald's, her family would literally starve.

 

[prettylittleinfluencer]

Omg Ben Boyce and his family gifted a getaway on the disney cruise.. also this year been in America and Australia

I know they can't help being gifted it but far out how many get aways do these influencers need a year!
I was so keen to take my family on the cruise next year I don't know now if I see so many influencers being given free let alone having to see them on the cruise with their phones out!

There are a bunch of radio announcers and their families on this cruise. All gifted which is unnecessary because I’m sure Disney can sell their cruises without them!

 

[AmIanInfluencerYet?]

Jesus Christ. Morgan Edwards has put a story from Gaza featuring two dead infants. I personally have rumination/obsessive thinking issues, and now I’m sitting here in a pit of anxiety worrying crying and worrying about my baby dying over night tonight. Our triggers are our own I guess. I just didn’t know I was going to be looking at a dead 1 year old when I opened up my phone after dinner.

 

[I Need a Name]

View attachment 2595112
Looks like Hannah Laity is about to start promoting a detox

The Benson Detox guy literally has ZERO qualifications around nutrition or blood sugar management, what a complete f*cking have!

 

[HiTeam]

She did, don't think it's a great example. Things have movedView attachment 2599151

Immediately reminded me of the baboon from that 90s cartoon I am Weasel

 

[notmadjustdisappointed]

Christian casually mentioning that he's "lost a child". Doesn't care. Continues cooking and eating porridge, then wanders over to Glammys where Lulu is wtaf??!!! Don't worry that she could have drowned in all the water surrounding your place!! Oh but that's right babes, Lulu can swim so no problem fuck he's useless

 

[silencedogood]

Elle herself is always making jokes about needing alcohol to get through her day with the twinnies. I honestly find influencers who make jokes like this regarding parenting is really poor taste and in no way funny.

 

[tryharder]

Lol everytime I see Katie share Holly's stuff, I cringe inside. Why is she trying so hard to be on Holly's good side? She does realise she's white aye and we all know what holly may thinks of white people

Katie should realise that Holly will turn on her in a second and rip her to shreds. Katie thinks she’s smart crawling up holly’s ass. But all she’s done is put herself on Holly’s radar and when katie next shares her excessive consumption, wealth and privilege inappropriately, Holly will roast the shit out of her.

 

[hereforfreestuff]

New category- most viewers on a TikTok live

 

[hereforfreestuff]

Holy shitballs what the actual and here I was thinking Scuntmoan had the worst hooves, these are definitely up there, as for this red talons
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Those not this ffs

Lol what the fuck are these!? They look like like loaves of bread smashed into a sandal.

 

[spiderqueens]

She went to Australia to go on it..so I think she payed as went a separate time and from diffrent dock.

Vaughan and his family already been to Disney land this year now this

Clint Randall and his precocious kids too, seeing all these wannabes getting free trips totally puts me off even contemplating booking

 

[tryharder]

Sorry if this has been asked before, but is MFMs winged eyeliner tattooed on? Or does she make a choice to do it like that everyday?

She draws them on. I think to impress the fictional characters in her smutty books.