New Zealand Influencers #47

[stanleycupgal]

Another few weeks of the Influenzas Influencers continuing to be boring assholes. However, us TC’s are good at turning shit into something and finding the little nuggets of gold. We’ve all established how to correctly pronounce Kumara...or have we , that Mike King is a C$%t and that we cant post about influencers with less than 10k followers…or can we

And now for the other updates:

It’s certainly been a busy month for everyone’s least favourite Dads. Christian has given up trying to drown Lulu and has now decided falling from a great height on an age-inappropriate toy is a far more instragrammable way to die. I see a co-lab with the ambulance service in their future. How simply adorable would that be and anything for content babes….oh and by the way #freepalestine

Our favourite Aussie’s have also been very busy, and Cassie made the startling revelation to her closest friends that both Miles and Scott have tounge tie. Poor Cassie, she may be the Elon Musk of Mandurah, but it’s an empty win when she can’t get no brotherly

So while in the R18 part of the update, Bernadebt the disgusting bitch shared some sloppy sex sounds and ‘absolutely not’ sex bruises with a side of tit. You know what they say about the ones talking the most about it Bernie….

Sticking with the sex theme, Flashy Flaps herself, made an announcement larger than her escaping left labia. Yes, she’s having a BABY. Congratulations Edna and Reid on your new cash cow baby. You sure are in the right place to get tips on selling your kids childhood for cash parenting.

Rumor has it, Tarryn may be heading for divorce and is doing an Edna at the gym. Showing your flaps is so last month Tarryn.

The smut reading, cupcake munching mumfluencer is still ensuring her counsellor is never out of a job by still doing absolutely nothing to change her current state. Oh sorry forgive me, she did a walk with her brother lover…. once. Ronan and Chloe got to see how normal kids live at camp for a few days but have returned to their narcissist mother and the same boring lunchboxes every day.

Poor Nepo-Baby Millie finally stood her ground and told Bambam that no one puts her in the back seat, well that sounds better than admitting she was likely dumped for the hired help. Off she stomped with step daddies money to find herself again and patronise her followers again.

Erin has the world’s tallest 17-month-old…oh wait…erm no she doesn’t. She is just once again confirming her stupidity. Turns out he’s just on average, no big story here, so find a new hobby Erin.

Finau continues trying to convince everyone and herself that giving up her kids was the best thing for her and Chicken Seasoning them. She’s sick, again. Depressed, again. Overweight, again. Jobless, again. Taking handouts, again. Lazy, again.

Ellie is still selling reduced to clear candles and still not pregnant, despite no her best effort, Renee is still raging at the world, Elle managed to take the TWINS for a walk without the iPads, Katie Hawkey has moved from delivering alive babies to sharing photos of dead babies and Marnie is turning overpriced beanies into overpriced tea cosy's that absolutely no one will use.

And last but certainly not least, the biggest tit award this month goes to our very own Mother Teresa. Yes thats right, take a bow Holly May. You just don’t give a fuck if you lose followers, you just need everyone to post random shit they have found online, that may or may not be factual, about Gaza. Such selfless behaviour really makes our hearts warm. By the way, what exactly did Simone’s lawyers say to you?

Take care TC’s and remember to protect your space over these next few weeks as our favourite influencers start shilling more shit than usual in the lead up to Christmas. You’ve got this!

 

[HelloFreshDiscountCode]

Jesus Christ. Morgan Edwards has put a story from Gaza featuring two dead infants. I personally have rumination/obsessive thinking issues, and now I’m sitting here in a pit of anxiety worrying crying and worrying about my baby dying over night tonight. Our triggers are our own I guess. I just didn’t know I was going to be looking at a dead 1 year old when I opened up my phone after dinner.

Our triggers are 100% our own but I FIRMLY believe there should be covers over graphic reels so people can choose whether they want to see that or not.
Nobody come at me for “privilege” because I don’t want to hear it. Not everyone has the mental space to deal with the atrocities of war. It’s ok to say “I can’t handle seeing that” and looking after yourself and I’m fucking sick and tired of hearing about how “privileged” we are to be able to look away and pretend it’s not happening.
Of course it’s happening, we all know it’s happening, nobody in their right mind is pretending it’s not. That doesn’t mean everyone can or should be expected to mentally handle seeing dead babies and bodies without warning, ffs.

 

[Pentothal]

Did Scamone have a BBL?

She did, don't think it's a great example. Things have moved

 

[ThanksForTheSuggestion]

Haven’t had time to really catch up but two things:

The socks Edna shared are just tied together with a bow, I saw them in farmers today, so they are gender neutral but how can someone like her NOT be having a girl. It’s inevitable. But I will laugh if it’s a boy because I feel like it will be really hard for her

Also I don’t really have time to keep up with the Simone thread these days but for those that do, today I felt like I had made it in the world….my son was gifted a lollipop by a stranger. IYKYK
---
Also pretty sure Alvin is this guy

 

[hazelnot]

THIS is how you know it’s a comment she has sent herself, because otherwise you’d reply to someone nicely and appreciate that they’ve seen the change in you, wouldn’t you?

If you weren’t worried about the feelings of the genuine follower on the end of your reply, you would say whatever you wanted.
If you thought it was a genuine follower and you didn’t know if they even knew about tattle, you’d just thank them and agree and move on.

Oookay, I don't usually engage with Cassie content, but "tall Poppy syndrome is rife"? Girl, you moved to Perth, bought a mobile scooter workshop with your husband and had a sixth child. Those are not small things and they've clearly had a positive impact on her life, but they're not wildly aspirational? People move towns or countries, have children and/or start businesses all the time. I know plenty of people who've moved to Perth (like anyone in NZ) but most work FIFO, earn really good money, visit Bali on the reg, go on a number of luxury holidays each year, have abundant social lives, and many have cute tamariki too ... but a very different lifestyle overall. I don't think there are hordes of people out there gnashing their teeth with envy wishing they'd 'started a family' years before their frontal lobe developed, gone on to have six kids before 30 and spent the majority of that time at home, then moved across the ditch for a slightly elevated version of the life they've always had?

I just don't??

 

[getmeofftheinternet]

What a magical time putting the Christmas tree up together while both having headphones on

 

[alotofpeopleareasking]

Ummm. He doesn’t even order his own meal?

 

[snarkersusie]

I think this year we should do 2023 Influencer Awards

Feel free to add some categories! I’ll go first:

- best eyebrows
- worst eyebrows
- most disliked influencer
- most liked influencer
- most relatable influencer
- dumbest influencer moment
- best influencer moment
- grottiest influencer
- best dressed
- best house styling
- worst dressed
- funniest influencer moment
- cutest influencer pet
- biggest grifter
- cutest influencer couple
- best influencer ad

Place your nominations now and I’ll keep track.
Results will be shared 12th December.

Dumbest Influencer Moment: Simone posting some gifted necklace that had her first borns date of birth incorrect

 

[stanleycupgal]

Haven’t seen Jarod on stories in a while I had a cop I know say something about Jared the other day but if I say anything it’ll be too obvious.

This comment is no better than those annoying Facebook posts that fish for 'oh what's happened babes'
Either share the tea or say nothing!!!!

 

[hereforfreestuff]

Lol ok queen Temu/Shein…..

 

[Becauseyouasked]

You summed it up perfectly. I always laugh how she feeds them processed foods, nuggets,fries , baked beans, everything drowned in tomato sauce. You never see fresh veges only frozen peas and frozen corn cob.

Can we not knock the frozen vegetables please as they are as healthy as fresh. We don’t want to sound like those influencers who look down on people having frozen vegetables.

 

[HelloFreshDiscountCode]

To get pregnant with number 5, she tracked her ovulation so that she only needed to do the deed a few times. I can’t remember if she did this for number 4 too…

Look I know sex isn’t everyone’s “love language” and some people have a much lower libido than others. We are all different. So there’s no judgement from me.
Do you know what I am judging though? The fact that these people feel the need to SHARE all of this with their followers
Then they get pissy that people remember but it’s like: YOU ARE THE ONE WHO TOLD SEVERAL THOUSAND STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET

 

[thermominx]

That red lippy does absolutely not go with the blue cardigan and the hideous purple hair!

Fuck me he looks like a foreign exchange kid on their highschool trip and she’s the host family hahahah

 

[Teaconsumer]

How kiwi345666 kids is going to make their millions

Or more like another bragging post

Wtf did I just read. Hubby and I own a construction business, I could never imagine in my widest dreams telling strangers on the internet how much we earn week by week. What is wrong with her? She seriously needs to do a lot of growing up by the sounds of it.

 

[heretolurklolzz]

Imagine your child crying about their dead father and you’re on your phone, secretly recording it to put on social media? Doesn’t sit right with me.

 

[magnoliab*tchin]

What in the delulu is this bullshit.

 

[#botsforlife]

Is Cassie now suggesting you bought her the bot followers?
I don't really understand the whole bot thing but surely not?

Yes I’ve just seen that she thinks I bought her bots and I’m livid, I don’t even know how to do that shit and why would I waste money on her, I even cancelled my patreon because I was sick of wasting money on her! She’s a piece of shit like Simone and has too much time on her hands going around accusing people of doing shit!! Check yourself before you wreck yourself Cassie!

 

[hereforfreestuff]

I really hope someone on here did this

Not me this time, I did take justjesscakes that time tho. Hehe

 

[hereforfreestuff]

Are we really body shaming?

Cos what else could you possibly be getting at?

Lol, not wanting to see someone’s arse is not body shaming. Get a grip.

 

[WatermelonSugar22]

Not sure the decrease in followers and lack of work is all because you have taken a political stance. Maybe a lot of people are seeing him for what he is as well.

The decrease will be because no one wants to see him drowning his kids anymore! And no wants to hire his hair plugged, moustachioed face.

He’s so self-absorbed if he thinks no one else feels like this. Everyone I know is appalled by it. Show up to some marches, you dick. Write emails to your MPs. Drop your Maccas contract. Boycott Israel-supporting companies. Show receipts of your donations to Save the Children and Doctors Without Borders. But stop fucking pretending like you’re the only one who cares!