New Baby & Post Birth Off Topic #2 Ffs Matthew, Grow Some Breasts

[Nosysamsie]

I have made the comment I was bottle Fed and turned out alright, it wrecks my head.. his mother is nearly the worst of them about breast feeding but is a walking contradiction because she says they were bf but she didn't have maternity leave and she worked so make that make sense..

I do think the husband is going though something mentally , he just won't tell me , j suppose takes then longer to grasp their lives have changed. .

Mil can be so judgemental with grandchildren. Someone told me it's because they aren't normally as involved as your own mum is, so they try to get involved in anyway they can, which is certainly true of mine.
One of the best things I've done is have a break from my in-laws when they were too much. Don't feel bad for saying no to visiting or visits. Make your routine and your life work for your family then introduce them again

 

[justonemorepage]

It's my nan that winds me up. She just wanted to have great-grandchildren to gloat to her friends. When I get to her house she's on the doorstep bellowing "where's this baby then!?" As I'm trying to get the car seat out. Fucks me off before I even step into the house. Her house stinks of cigarettes but she "doesn't smoke" and she kisses the baby which sends me mental. I get anxious every time I have to go there.

 

[opintionatedperson]

Mil can be so judgemental with grandchildren. Someone told me it's because they aren't normally as involved as your own mum is, so they try to get involved in anyway they can, which is certainly true of mine.
One of the best things I've done is have a break from my in-laws when they were too much. Don't feel bad for saying no to visiting or visits. Make your routine and your life work for your family then introduce them again

.
You literally are speaking so much sense..she always saying her other sons grandchildren don't know her and act strange, it's going to be the same with my son. I don't want to visit her as I only get judged, my mother wouldn't say anything about how I do things. The only advice she has given me is suit yourself and nobody else. .. like ofc I'm going to be closer with my own mother and side of family.....

What annoys me the most is his mother can just rock up out of nowhere at a stupid time but now as he is getting older I'm going to do the routine card . I really am going to push back for my own mental health and well being . I had a lovely rant to my mam and sisters and now ye so that's definitely two hours of therapy I've saved myself..

I don't have much to occupy my brain so I'm definitely thinking about it a lot but thank you for makong my feelings valid

 

[Nosysamsie]

.
You literally are speaking so much sense..she always saying her other sons grandchildren don't know her and act strange, it's going to be the same with my son. I don't want to visit her as I only get judged, my mother wouldn't say anything about how I do things. The only advice she has given me is suit yourself and nobody else. .. like ofc I'm going to be closer with my own mother and side of family.....

What annoys me the most is his mother can just rock up out of nowhere at a stupid time but now as he is getting older I'm going to do the routine card . I really am going to push back for my own mental health and well being . I had a lovely rant to my mam and sisters and now ye so that's definitely two hours of therapy I've saved myself..

I don't have much to occupy my brain so I'm definitely thinking about it a lot but thank you for makong my feelings valid

Oooo I love the routine card it's my fave get out of something excuse.
Best of luck! You don't deserve to be judged and don't take it lying down. You deserve to enjoy parenthood and all the decisions that come with it

 

[Heyguysswipeup]

I need to vent about my husband, I am so cross!!!!
He picks up our baby from daycare 2.5 hours before i get home, he gets an hour to himself after work before needing to pick him up. He is in charge of dinner but I try and prep as much as I can in the morning so it’s as easy as possible for him. He is also ALWAYS on his phone (important for later).
I text him today explaining what he needs to do for dinner (a rice dish), I then text him 2 hours later saying have you seen my text above about dinner? He reads and doesn’t reply but replies later with photos of our baby so I’m assuming he’s read it. I come home and the rice is cooking but that’s it. I asked did you make the rest and he responds: I thought we were having leftover Spag Bol from last night??? Omg I flipped my lid. Did you not read the text nor the reminder text? Also why would you be cooking RICE if we were having SPAG BOL.

He also told me that our baby pulled down his hot mug of tea all over him earlier today and was screaming and his arms were red but luckily it went down and he was fine after a few mins and I was so cross cos he’s just not paying enough attention to him and I’m scared he’s going to get really hurt one day!!!! Ffs!!!!!


Thanks for reading my rant.

 

[Jellycat369]

After my minor breakdown last week, I asked OH to take a few days off work over the coming weeks so I could have a break and get some bits sorted in the house. OH was happy to oblige when I said he'd have ample opportunity to play his game or watch movies or whatever he wanted. Baby has been screaming at him for the past couple of hours and he said he's already struggling to cope. Hoping this will make him appreciate me a little more.

 

[WeepingCassandra]

I think I'm actually going to have a breakdown over returning to work

I don't have a parking permit yet and from what I understand the new system (it changed when I was off, I used to have one) is 1 in, 1 out. But also the parking permit team aren't exactly speedy with it.

The hospital I work in is about 13 miles from my house, depending on the route you take. If you take the back roads, I can be there in 25 minutes if I go before rush hour and because I start at 8am, I normally can leave my house at 7:20 and be parked, on my ward and ready to go at 8am. Time to home from there takes about 30 - 35 minutes depending on whether the other route is backed up or not (more often than not it is) so pre-baby I would expect to be out the house from roughly 7:30am to 4:30pm. So that's what I've organised childcare around - OH does the drop off but I can also squeeze it in on the way out if necessary.

Except, like I said, I no longer have a parking permit. I applied for one in early March and haven't heard anything yet. Without a parking permit I have to get the park and ride which goes at 6:45am, 7:15am, 7:45am, 815am. In order to get in for 8am, I will need to be on the 7:15am bus as it takes 25 minutes to get to the hospital (it's only 4 miles from the hospital but it's not direct). It takes me 20 - 25 minutes to drive to the bus stop and I have to drive past the fecking hospital to get there. I'll need to park and put my registration number into some stupid machine, which may have a queue, so I need to be at the bus stop for about 7:10. So leaving home at 6:45 at the latest really. Coming home I can't get the on the hour bus at 4pm, as I would have to leave my ward at 3:50 at the latest to get changed and to the bus stop which obviously is shorting the trust and they won't let me do 7:50 to 3:50 because of our 'core hours'. So I'll have to wait around for half an hour to get the half past 4 bus back. Then 25 minutes on the bus back to my car, (again passing the exit for my village) and then I'll be on the wrong side of town for my village so I'll have to sit in at least 35 minutes worth of traffic because I'm now on the busy side of town which has three factories that kick out at 5pm and clog up the roads as well as other commuter traffic. So I won't be home until at least half 5, maybe quarter to 6 if I'm lucky.

If I have to go and pick LO up from nursery as he's not sick, I better hope they call me at quarter to or quarter past the hour and my manager is sat right there as otherwise I'll have to wait for another bus and I won't be back in the village until an hour or so later if not longer.

There's no on street parking for a mile around either hospital so I can't just abandon my car on some side road somewhere. There are council carparks within a mile of the hospitals but they charge £2 an hour or more and most are short stay. I could park in the visitor parking at the hospital but it's £22 for 8 hours. TWENTY TWO bleeping POUNDS.

WTAF am I meant to do.

 

[opintionatedperson]

After my minor breakdown last week, I asked OH to take a few days off work over the coming weeks so I could have a break and get some bits sorted in the house. OH was happy to oblige when I said he'd have ample opportunity to play his game or watch movies or whatever he wanted. Baby has been screaming at him for the past couple of hours and he said he's already struggling to cope. Hoping this will make him appreciate me a little more.

No harm for him , it's impossible to get stuff done sometimes

 

[Jellycat369]

I think I'm actually going to have a breakdown over returning to work

I don't have a parking permit yet and from what I understand the new system (it changed when I was off, I used to have one) is 1 in, 1 out. But also the parking permit team aren't exactly speedy with it.

The hospital I work in is about 13 miles from my house, depending on the route you take. If you take the back roads, I can be there in 25 minutes if I go before rush hour and because I start at 8am, I normally can leave my house at 7:20 and be parked, on my ward and ready to go at 8am. Time to home from there takes about 30 - 35 minutes depending on whether the other route is backed up or not (more often than not it is) so pre-baby I would expect to be out the house from roughly 7:30am to 4:30pm. So that's what I've organised childcare around - OH does the drop off but I can also squeeze it in on the way out if necessary.

Except, like I said, I no longer have a parking permit. I applied for one in early March and haven't heard anything yet. Without a parking permit I have to get the park and ride which goes at 6:45am, 7:15am, 7:45am, 815am. In order to get in for 8am, I will need to be on the 7:15am bus as it takes 25 minutes to get to the hospital (it's only 4 miles from the hospital but it's not direct). It takes me 20 - 25 minutes to drive to the bus stop and I have to drive past the fecking hospital to get there. I'll need to park and put my registration number into some stupid machine, which may have a queue, so I need to be at the bus stop for about 7:10. So leaving home at 6:45 at the latest really. Coming home I can't get the on the hour bus at 4pm, as I would have to leave my ward at 3:50 at the latest to get changed and to the bus stop which obviously is shorting the trust and they won't let me do 7:50 to 3:50 because of our 'core hours'. So I'll have to wait around for half an hour to get the half past 4 bus back. Then 25 minutes on the bus back to my car, (again passing the exit for my village) and then I'll be on the wrong side of town for my village so I'll have to sit in at least 35 minutes worth of traffic because I'm now on the busy side of town which has three factories that kick out at 5pm and clog up the roads as well as other commuter traffic. So I won't be home until at least half 5, maybe quarter to 6 if I'm lucky.

If I have to go and pick LO up from nursery as he's not sick, I better hope they call me at quarter to or quarter past the hour and my manager is sat right there as otherwise I'll have to wait for another bus and I won't be back in the village until an hour or so later if not longer.

There's no on street parking for a mile around either hospital so I can't just abandon my car on some side road somewhere. There are council carparks within a mile of the hospitals but they charge £2 an hour or more and most are short stay. I could park in the visitor parking at the hospital but it's £22 for 8 hours. TWENTY TWO bleeping POUNDS.

WTAF am I meant to do.

Are you able to contact the parking permit team for an update or add further explanation about your circumstances? Wonder if you lay it on a bit thick then they might consider it

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Are you able to contact the parking permit team for an update or add further explanation about your circumstances? Wonder if you lay it on a bit thick then they might consider it

I've emailed them today and said that I have to be home by 5pm to pick him up but I don't know if they'll care - it's really hard to get hold of them too

 

[Jellycat369]

I've emailed them today and said that I have to be home by 5pm to pick him up but I don't know if they'll care - it's really hard to get hold of them too

I hope you manage to get the permit So stressful for you

 

[WeepingCassandra]

I hope you manage to get the permit So stressful for you

I HAVE A PERMIT!

They've emailed me back and sent the details through. Honestly, the amount of relief I feel is incredible. I'm almost... looking forward to going back? Now I can get out the door at 20 past 7 just before OH takes LO round to nursery (so we can still have morning cuddles) and I'll be back home by 4:45 to pick him up

 

[Jellycat369]

I HAVE A PERMIT!

They've emailed me back and sent the details through. Honestly, the amount of relief I feel is incredible. I'm almost... looking forward to going back? Now I can get out the door at 20 past 7 just before OH takes LO round to nursery (so we can still have morning cuddles) and I'll be back home by 4:45 to pick him up

That's fantastic news, so happy for you

 

[justonemorepage]

I'm feeling so overwhelmed and overstimulated. Had a particularly bad day yesterday and it's knocked me for 6. I have a busy weekend coming up and I just feel like everyone wants a piece of me. Luckily throughout all this baby has been sleeping fine. I just feel like I need a break but not from my baby, from everything else.

 

[opintionatedperson]

I'm feeling so overwhelmed and overstimulated. Had a particularly bad day yesterday and it's knocked me for 6. I have a busy weekend coming up and I just feel like everyone wants a piece of me. Luckily throughout all this baby has been sleeping fine. I just feel like I need a break but not from my baby, from everything else.

Perhaps book a little getaway , have something to look forward to? I've booked two trips away with myself and husband and baby and it's definitely perked me up

 

[Fruitgums]

We've jus

Perhaps book a little getaway , have something to look forward to? I've booked two trips away with myself and husband and baby and it's definitely perked me up

We're just driving home from a few nights away in a caravan and even though its just parenting in a diff location we have had so much fun and a lot of laughs. Guess the saying a change is as good as a breaks true! We were on the beach this morning before driving home and there was a cute family with a baby and a dog playing and taking pics, so lovely to see

 

[Hotel_breakfast]

Having one of those days I'm finding it hard to not feel jealous of friends without kids. I love my children to bits and I know this is just a hard phase but I have no life in the evenings, I can't go out because baby breakfast wakes so often still at nearly 11 months. And I'm also just so fricking tired that the thought of staying out past 10 fills me with anxiety at how tired I'd feel afterwards. So I'm stuck to doing things in the daytime but that doesn't always work for them and it also involves co-ordinating my eldest's activities. I also had to miss a girls weekend away last month and I've only been back in work 3 weeks but I've already missed 2 lots of leaving drinks after work because I've wanted to be back for bedtime. Anyway, just feels like I'm not doing a great job at anything at the moment, work, parenting, friendships, relationship with Mr Breakfast and finally (as always at the bottom of the list) looking after myself.

In some ways it was easier being in lockdown during this phase with my eldest, I wasn't missing out on much and doing quizzes online at home worked for me.

 

[Nosysamsie]

Having one of those days I'm finding it hard to not feel jealous of friends without kids. I love my children to bits and I know this is just a hard phase but I have no life in the evenings, I can't go out because baby breakfast wakes so often still at nearly 11 months. And I'm also just so fricking tired that the thought of staying out past 10 fills me with anxiety at how tired I'd feel afterwards. So I'm stuck to doing things in the daytime but that doesn't always work for them and it also involves co-ordinating my eldest's activities. I also had to miss a girls weekend away last month and I've only been back in work 3 weeks but I've already missed 2 lots of leaving drinks after work because I've wanted to be back for bedtime. Anyway, just feels like I'm not doing a great job at anything at the moment, work, parenting, friendships, relationship with Mr Breakfast and finally (as always at the bottom of the list) looking after myself.

In some ways it was easier being in lockdown during this phase with my eldest, I wasn't missing out on much and doing quizzes online at home worked for me.

No advice but solidarity. Since going back to work I've found out there's been multiple get togethers that I haven't been invited to that usually I would have been.
I've decided to arrange an afternoon out, with food and drinks. That way I can set the time for it to start and know I'll be home by 6pm (the only way to go out in my opinion).

 

[Hotel_breakfast]

No advice but solidarity. Since going back to work I've found out there's been multiple get togethers that I haven't been invited to that usually I would have been.
I've decided to arrange an afternoon out, with food and drinks. That way I can set the time for it to start and know I'll be home by 6pm (the only way to go out in my opinion).

I should do this but it's just finding a weekend we have free where my eldest isn't going to a million birthday parties. Whenever I'm asked if I had a nice weekend, I'm like, well I just acted as an escort to swimming, gymnastics and kids birthday parties so no, not really but my daughter did. I'm going to start saying no to some invites I think so we can all have some more balance at the weekend. Now I'm back at work I want more family time.

 

[Justmechan23]

Having one of those days I'm finding it hard to not feel jealous of friends without kids. I love my children to bits and I know this is just a hard phase but I have no life in the evenings, I can't go out because baby breakfast wakes so often still at nearly 11 months. And I'm also just so fricking tired that the thought of staying out past 10 fills me with anxiety at how tired I'd feel afterwards. So I'm stuck to doing things in the daytime but that doesn't always work for them and it also involves co-ordinating my eldest's activities. I also had to miss a girls weekend away last month and I've only been back in work 3 weeks but I've already missed 2 lots of leaving drinks after work because I've wanted to be back for bedtime. Anyway, just feels like I'm not doing a great job at anything at the moment, work, parenting, friendships, relationship with Mr Breakfast and finally (as always at the bottom of the list) looking after myself.

In some ways it was easier being in lockdown during this phase with my eldest, I wasn't missing out on much and doing quizzes online at home worked for me.

I feel you as I get the odd days where I’m like, what did I do with my time before I had a 15 month old. But at the same time, I love mini justme to pieces and couldn’t imagine my life without him.

Being a single parent I can relate as it often feels like I have no time at all to myself, everything just feels like a rush and I’ve turned down a lot of outings just like you because I would rather not think about how tired I’ll be after. I still don’t have any evenings at the moment and mini justme is up first thing. With teething and milestones, we still have wake ups throughout the night.

I went out for a meal with some friends last month, none of them have kids and I found it slightly amusing that they were all tired by the end of it and they kept saying they couldn’t wait to get home to bed asap whereas I was thinking omg I hope mini justme sleeps the majority of the night tonight otherwise I will be ruined tomorrow!! I did feel slightly jealous that they could go home and wake up whatever time they wanted the next day - and just be free. That was the first time I had been out in months and honestly, if it wasn’t a birthday I probably would have cancelled because the tiredness, work, house, life is exhausting enough without the social side also I get what you mean about more family time. With being back at work, the thought of doing social outings, being more tired and then missing out on time with toddler is a difficult balance to get. I’m trying to find it as people keep telling me I ‘need’ a break I’m lucky I have understanding friends because the way I take ages to reply to anything these days is crazy but it’s difficult, hats off to you with the two though, superwoman.

Sorry I don’t have advice but just wanted you to know, I get the feelings too and putting yourself last most of the time. Solidarity also thanks for bringing this topic up, I clearly needed this outlet too.