New baby / post birth advice

[StrawberryCream]

I had this so bad when I went from 1 to 2. I had my third baby on Thursday just gone and out of all of the transitions I definitely found going from 1 to 2 the hardest. It was when I had to learn to divide my attention with my eldest where as before I could give her my all. Then also the guilt of feeling that my second child would never be able to have the same time and attention that I had been able to give my eldest. It was tough. My eldest daughter loved her new baby sister but did go through a phase of being angry with me but, we got through it. I learnt to try and manage the juggle of having more than one child and as my 2nd child grew the two of them started to play together more and it became easier.
Though I still sometimes think back to that time and now feel guilt for how I felt at the time which I know is crazy
I also had a slightly problematic pregnancy with my second and a traumatic birth so I was dealing with the recovery from that which added to my struggle.

I'm not sure if this helps at all but when I read your post I absolutely related, it's exactly how I felt two years ago.
Having just had my third it has been the sweetest experience seeing my two big girls interacting with the baby and watching them be a big sister team together has been so sweet and funny. Your little ones will be best friends before you know it and you will have your unique relationship with your new baby just like you have with your elder child

Thank you for your message
I think things will be easier when new baby gets older and can talk and play with my older daughter, it’s hard when I’m spending all day cuddling her and also feeling exhausted and sore. I’m sorry that others have had this feeling but also feeling glad I’m not alone and it seems like this is a natural way to feel from going from 1 to 2 children, I think I’ll need to make an effort to have 1 on 1 time every week with my eldest daughter even if it’s just going out for a hot chocolate and a cake or a walk to the park

 

[Heybooboo]

3 weeks in with my second and the guilt is real so reading these have been amazing to know it’s normal

 

[Tui]

Hi everyone I was on the pregnancy thread then been MIA since my little boy arrived on 2nd April. Now nearly 4 weeks in and dipping my toe back in the Tattle pond now I’m not quite in so much pain, the crying has stopped (mine not his) and my nips no longer bleeding

 

[HeyLetsGo]

Hi everyone I was on the pregnancy thread then been MIA since my little boy arrived on 2nd April. Now nearly 4 weeks in and dipping my toe back in the Tattle pond now I’m not quite in so much pain, the crying has stopped (mine not his) and my nips no longer bleeding

Welcome back hon! Congratulations on your little love glad you’re feeling better xxx

 

[Hbirdette]

Hi everyone I was on the pregnancy thread then been MIA since my little boy arrived on 2nd April. Now nearly 4 weeks in and dipping my toe back in the Tattle pond now I’m not quite in so much pain, the crying has stopped (mine not his) and my nips no longer bleeding

Yay welcome back! You’ve been mentioned a couple of times on the pregnancy thread, we were thinking of you! Hope you’re doing ok with baby Tui!

 

[Definitelyme]

So happy to see you again, @Tui. Sounds like an emotional 4 weeks for you. How are you feeling now? And how is baby Tui doing?

 

[OIM]

Hi everyone coming over here from the pregnancy threads as I just had my baby on Saturday She is my second and we have been doing well since the birth, but I have been feeling such mum guilt for my 3 yr old daughter she loves her new baby sister and hasn’t shown any jealousy towards her but I can’t shake that guilt feeling and it’s getting me a bit down! Can anyone else relate thats went from 1 to 2, is this normal post birth hormones?

We went from one to two 12 weeks ago. The best way I can describe how I felt was that I missed my 3 year old intensely. Someone explained to me that I’d spent 3 years loving and getting to know her and then baby came and got between us! I felt so guilty but it made sense- with the 3 yr old I knew what I was doing then baby comes and needs you so intensely but you’re pulled back to the older one too. It’s hard but it’s definitely getting easier. Our 3 yr old does 3 days in nursery and that helps us all!

I just kept thinking I'd ruined my kids lives when I went from 1 to 2
But the way I've always tried to look at it is, you rarely hear people that do have siblings wish they didn't. But you very often hear people who have none say how much they wished they had siblings.

Thank god you said this- the number of times I’ve felt I’ve ruined my eldests life by having another even though I only really had a second to give her a sibling!

 

[Tui]

So happy to see you again, @Tui. Sounds like an emotional 4 weeks for you. How are you feeling now? And how is baby Tui doing?

He’s good thanks! We had our first definite social smile yesterday which was lovely. He hasn’t done it since I’m alright, feeling tons better than I did. Had a pretty gruelling birth experience that I don’t really feel all that positive about (at least everything up until the spinal went in for my c section was negative! The spinal was blissful). But feeling loads more like myself and after some initial problems with feeding I feel like we are finding our way.

the last 4 weeks have given me a new respect for my body and for women in general!

 

[Upintheair83]

Hi everyone I was on the pregnancy thread then been MIA since my little boy arrived on 2nd April. Now nearly 4 weeks in and dipping my toe back in the Tattle pond now I’m not quite in so much pain, the crying has stopped (mine not his) and my nips no longer bleeding

So lovely to see you on here, been thinking about how you have been getting on xxx

 

[WhatABore]

Hi everyone I was on the pregnancy thread then been MIA since my little boy arrived on 2nd April. Now nearly 4 weeks in and dipping my toe back in the Tattle pond now I’m not quite in so much pain, the crying has stopped (mine not his) and my nips no longer bleeding

Hope you're doing good!

 

[Definitelyme]

He’s good thanks! We had our first definite social smile yesterday which was lovely. He hasn’t done it since I’m alright, feeling tons better than I did. Had a pretty gruelling birth experience that I don’t really feel all that positive about (at least everything up until the spinal went in for my c section was negative! The spinal was blissful). But feeling loads more like myself and after some initial problems with feeding I feel like we are finding our way.

the last 4 weeks have given me a new respect for my body and for women in general!

I’m sorry to hear you feel negatively about what came before the section. Have you been able to read through your notes? It may help give you an insight as to what was happening from an “outsider” perspective, which may help you process what happened. I know with my first (she got stuck, failed ventouse, PPH leading to blood transfusion) I found it really helpful just to see what the midwives perspective had been, as it wasn’t always the same as mine (because of the drugs )

It can take a long time to process birth trauma, definitely don’t feel like you need to get over it just because baby is here safely.

Glad feeding is going well. Those first weeks are tough we are still at the “did you just BITE MY NIPPLE OFF YOU LITTLE SOD?!” Stage

 

[WhatABore]

He’s good thanks! We had our first definite social smile yesterday which was lovely. He hasn’t done it since I’m alright, feeling tons better than I did. Had a pretty gruelling birth experience that I don’t really feel all that positive about (at least everything up until the spinal went in for my c section was negative! The spinal was blissful). But feeling loads more like myself and after some initial problems with feeding I feel like we are finding our way.

the last 4 weeks have given me a new respect for my body and for women in general!

I second what @Definitelyme has said. Don't feel like you need to get over it.
Everything you feel is completely valid.
3 years later and I'm still not really over mine. Even now after another birth... I'm still not over the birth 3 years ago.

 

[OIM]

I second what @Definitelyme has said. Don't feel like you need to get over it.
Everything you feel is completely valid.
3 years later and I'm still not really over mine. Even now after another birth... I'm still not over the birth 3 years ago.

I third this. Nearly 4 years after my traumatic birth and still not over it. If your hospital have a birth reflections team definitely get in touch with them. They can meet with you and go through your notes etc.

 

[Stimpii]

Hi everyone I was on the pregnancy thread then been MIA since my little boy arrived on 2nd April. Now nearly 4 weeks in and dipping my toe back in the Tattle pond now I’m not quite in so much pain, the crying has stopped (mine not his) and my nips no longer bleeding

Welcome back

 

[Hbirdette]

Does anyone else find them self not wanting to eat when they’ve got a newborn? I think I prioritise everything else before eating and then when I have half an hour free, I’m totally past being hungry

 

[littlepup]

Does anyone else find them self not wanting to eat when they’ve got a newborn? I think I prioritise everything else before eating and then when I have half an hour free, I’m totally past being hungry

I have the opposite problem. I couldn’t eat much in pregnancy from sickness then feeling constantly full. Now I want to eat everything, especially chocolate and sweets & especially when feeding. I didn’t gain too much In pregnancy but have gained since I think
It’s hard to know what to expect in terms of getting back to weight/shape - anything online isn’t real life, I can’t seem to find any pics from just average women rather than fitness bods or people who’s job is to look good. People seem to only post if they‘ve got something to show off I think....unless everyone snaps back and I’m in the minority

 

[Definitelyme]

Does anyone else find them self not wanting to eat when they’ve got a newborn? I think I prioritise everything else before eating and then when I have half an hour free, I’m totally past being hungry

I'm never hungry at the minute, I have tea with everyone else because it’s there, but don’t eat much else (other than a few snacks)

 

[Hbirdette]

I have the opposite problem. I couldn’t eat much in pregnancy from sickness then feeling constantly full. Now I want to eat everything, especially chocolate and sweets & especially when feeding. I didn’t gain too much In pregnancy but have gained since I think
It’s hard to know what to expect in terms of getting back to weight/shape - anything online isn’t real life, I can’t seem to find any pics from just average women rather than fitness bods or people who’s job is to look good. People seem to only post if they‘ve got something to show off I think....unless everyone snaps back and I’m in the minority

Ahhh I wouldn’t worry AT ALL about what is expected post partum... there is no right or wrong time frame! You are right though, people online seem to love showing their post baby bodies as if it’s a competition I just keep telling myself they all use photoshop and then I unfollow if they make me feel like tit

I'm never hungry at the minute, I have tea with everyone else because it’s there, but don’t eat much else (other than a few snacks)

Same! I only seem to eat my evening meal because that’s when my husband is home but I can get to 5pm and suddenly realise I’ve not eaten. Although I am currently eating a bowl of pasta right now

 

[Tui]

@OIM @WhatABore @Definitelyme thanks for sharing your experiences. I do intend to have a debrief at the hospital eventually. Definite before we consider trying for another. Pain control at various points was very poor (12h contracting on antenatal ward with just paracetamol and my own TENS machine (induced labour)). Felt like torture. Part of me feels quite pissed off that having spent years caring for patients, when I needed it I feel like the care I got was suboptimal. Thankfully delivery suite care was good and anaesthetists on tap. Also kind of grieving the fact I didn’t get a vaginal birth having spent months preparing for one. Scared about prospect of future deliveries and having the choice of Csection and the recovery that comes with that vs risks of a VBAC.

it is a bit annoying when people say at least he arrived safely. Like that isn’t the absolute bare minimum you’d expect and hope for!

 

[OIM]

@OIM @WhatABore @Definitelyme thanks for sharing your experiences. I do intend to have a debrief at the hospital eventually. Definite before we consider trying for another. Pain control at various points was very poor (12h contracting on antenatal ward with just paracetamol and my own TENS machine (induced labour)). Felt like torture. Part of me feels quite pissed off that having spent years caring for patients, when I needed it I feel like the care I got was suboptimal. Thankfully delivery suite care was good and anaesthetists on tap. Also kind of grieving the fact I didn’t get a vaginal birth having spent months preparing for one. Scared about prospect of future deliveries and having the choice of Csection and the recovery that comes with that vs risks of a VBAC.

it is a bit annoying when people say at least he arrived safely. Like that isn’t the absolute bare minimum you’d expect and hope for!

It’s definitely a kind of grief. I was a mess after my first emergency section for months. I felt like a failure and then when baby wouldn’t breastfeed it was even worse. Turns out she had sepsis which was missed and we ended up having to formally complain. For my second pregnancy I was so much more clued up and ended up complaining about quality and consistency of care mod way through he pregnancy and stood up for myself much more. The birth reflections team worked with me after my first birth and then again during this pregnancy to help me voice my anxieties and what I wanted for this birth in terms of communication... all turned out to be a waste of time as ended up birthing alone with bloody covid!