New baby / post birth advice

[Definitelyme]

Does anyone have any helpful tips to help the baby blues? I'm on day 3 of them and my god I feel like an awful emotional big mess. I'm really worried if it's just normal to feel this way or not as I really struggled with PNA/PND after my first. Just finding life difficult/not much support/dealing with toddler and newborn life and feel like the weight of the worlds on my shoulders. I'm just exhausted

I have been thinking of you, what happened with your burst stitches?

I’m so sorry to hear that you are struggling, sending so much love. I don’t know if anything helps get over that, but I think that being aware of what is happening, and knowing how you feel, and keeping a close eye on it to make sure it doesn’t get any worse, is a key thing, and it sounds like you are doing that.

I know it’s easy to say, but you’ve got to be kind to yourself and remember you’ve just been through something absolutely huge. Your body has taken an absolute battering, and you’re being expected to care for a baby, and a toddler, all at the same time. That is a LOT for anyone to have to deal with, so you have every right to be feeling overwhelmed.

Try to just drop as many balls as you can for now. Housework can go, great home cooked meals can go. Do the absolute bare minimum you can to get you, toddler and baby through the day. None of you will be the worse for wear for a few weeks of fish fingers and extra TV.

Does your toddler nap? I find it really helpful to go to bed at the same time as my toddler, and take the baby, and catch up on even half an hour of sleep.

Xxx

 

[Definitelyme]

So I posted here last week saying about the numbness similar to the PGP but worse that keeps waking me up.
Spoke to a doctor, he's done a few checks and turns out I have damaged a nerve giving birth. The Pudendal nerve.
Got to have a few more checks to make sure that's what it is before they put me on medication and try the different ways to fix it!
It's slowly getting worse.
Before I was waking up in pain once or twice in the night and it went as soon as I moved onto my back for a bit, last night it woke me up 9 times and every time I have to stand up for a bit until it calms down! Also can't sit down for longer than 10 minutes at a time

The things we go through for babies

Oh flip that sounds horrendous. It’s great your GP was able to diagnose what’s wrong, hopefully it’s an easy fix for you as that does not sound like something you can live with for much longer.

I keep wondering why I’m not losing any weight. I ponder it often as I spoon Nutella from the jar in to my mouth I am a person who wants to be thinner but also enjoys eating too much

 

[Definitelyme]

Guys can I have some advice please how would you guys feel about this?

So I had my 2nd little girl a week ago, when I had my first little girl my mum died 4 weeks after she was born. One of my aunties has just text me to ask if she can have a lock of each of my girls hair to put in a box and bury with my mum. Like dig a hole above her coffin and put the box in there.

The idea horrifies me actually and it’s made me really upset. Am I being totally unreasonable? I want to to say no but I know my dad would be really angry if I did.

That’s mental. I don’t see what purpose it could possibly serve burying anything now?

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum, especially after you’d just had a baby. That must have been a terrible time for you

 

[Macmama]

Does anyone use a sleepyhead? Keep hearing rave reviews but they’re quite pricey! Have also seen the Purflo but not sure if that’s as good? Any advice would be much appreciated!

My brother bought us one for our youngest and it was quickly (but politely) returned to the shop. They are not safe - they are a huge risk for SIDS. As are the beanbags I’ve seen a few friends purchase.

 

[OIM]

Ladies, I think this is one of those “am I being unreasonable?” questions. So obviously we’ve not long had a baby, he is our fourth, and it’s definitely true that the more babies you have the fewer cards & gifts you get on their arrival. That doesn’t bother me in general, I don’t expect other people to really bother or be overly interested. However, I have realised that my MIL & FIL didn’t give us a card or a present this time. They are lovely people, great grandparents, and are generous people. They usually just send a card and a little cuddly toy- nothing major (they live 500 miles away) but just a little token. I thought they hadn’t this time and they’d bring it when they came to visit, but they never did. Not even a card. Now my SIL (their daughter) is about to have a baby and she lives elsewhere, and there has already been talk of what they are sending her. So we get nothing at all, and she will. I feel like it’s really unfair and I’m (irrationally?) annoyed that our baby wasn’t really acknowledged by them. Am I being silly?




Dry skin I would maybe pop some moisturiser on, baby acne just leave. Usually starts at 6 weeks and is gone in 2-3 weeks all mine had them, some pretty badly, but they totally disappear

This would piss me off too. We are on baby 2 and already notable how many people not bothered or have met her once and then dropped off the radar.

 

[moimoi]

Also I’m fuming, yesterday I was supposed to have my 6 week postnatal GP appointment. They’re just doing them by telephone at the moment. The letter said to expect the call late in the afternoon. I went to the toilet (literally the only time I wasn’t looking at my phone!!!) at 12 and they rang and left a voicemail saying to call back. I did within a minute and the receptionist said they’d ring back later, he didn’t…

I rang this morning asking if I can expect a call today and she said she looked on my notes and it said he tried ringing multiple times (bullshit, only one call was logged on the system!) so he’s sent a letter saying I’m discharged and let the health visitor know that I didn’t pick up!!

I pushed the receptionist to make me a another appointment as I did actually have some things to ask him, she had to go speak to the Dr and he agreed out of the kindness of his heart to call me tomorrow morning

 

[mg89]

how did you find the switch?

It was fine really. My milk didn't come until day 5 due to emergency section, I didn't realise this until midwife told me at 3 day visit. So spent a lot of hours with baby latching on trying to help bring the milk in. It was the right switch really as due to delays in milk coming in, I'd had to give formula as he was just screaming as he was so hungry. I actually felt relieved to stop it, it meant I could rest and partner could help with feeds too. I put quite a lot of pressure on myself to breastfeed due to things I'd read when in all honesty, I just wanted my body back and didn't want to breastfeed.

 

[OIM]

Thank you! I'm hoping it's just a quick thing and goes away. I'm crying over the silliest things and sometimes just start crying for no reason whatsoever! Guys never understand haha, my partner is the same! X

I was the same for 2 weeks post baby and had the same fears. I actually ended up speaking with the perinatal mental health team who were fab and so supportive. I wasn’t discharged by my midwife until 28 days- I really recommend delaying your discharge if possible. By day 28 I felt much more myself. We are 14 weeks in now and I’m still sad a lot of the time but the total and utter despair of those first few weeks has passed.

 

[Lulu Goss]

I think with Covid it’s completely fair enough to expect people to call ahead and ask before visiting anyway. Even once the restrictions lift, I’ll be being very careful with who is around my newborn and the idea of people just turning up isn’t appealing at all. I would always call ahead before visiting a new baby - what if they’re just chilling out, not showered, haven’t slept, just not in the mood to see people?

It seems like as soon as there’s a new baby that’s what everyone focuses on and there’s not much thought given to the parents.

 

[Cocosilver]

I’ve just discovered this thread, pleeeeeeeease can I ask some advice? My daughter is 2 days old and will only sleep on me or my partner, she usually falls asleep whilst breastfeeding and then I try and put her down in her next to me really slow and softly and she instantly wakes and cries so I cuddle her. We’re taking it in turns to have 2 hour sleeps whilst the other holds her but we’re both very tired and I’m petrified of one of us falling asleep with her in our arms

 

[Definitelyme]

as mums think we’ll have guilt no matter what

This is so very true. I asked my husband once does he feel guilty about stuff (gave examples of mum guilt) and he was like “no, why would I feel bad about that?” Mums carry so much burden from guilt!

 

[littlepup]

Before I had my baby I said ‘no dummies’..... I based that on absolutely nothing just I’d heard they were ‘bad’.
Cue the reality of being a Mum and she’s had a dummy from days in, it helped her pain from gas no end.
She has it some days for hours, others not at all - it’s absolutely no problem in terms of breast feeding, she isn’t dependant on it. Maybe I could have found another way but if my baby is distressed or in pain, making her happy ASAP is my priority and that does it. Why withhold something that helps, why let them be In pain, cry and get in a tizz or find alternatives that can also result in dependant behaviour? I don’t understand why they’re demonised?!
People love to make shit up to make mums feel terrible!

re BF I also gave my baby a bottle on day 4 (we had issues to start) it’s not affected the BF, she will still happily take either at 4 months which gives me so much more freedom.
I’ve read from so many Mums on FB groups who waited the 6 weeks or so then baby wouldn’t take bottle and loads of mum who found the same as me. Even the midwife said she didn’t believe in nipple confusion

 

[Bwacac]

I follow an account on Instagram where the new mum posted about there being a terrible smell in her house, her and her husband spent ages going through the bin, cupboards etc to figure out what it was when they realised it was the mum!! She admitted to 50k followers she was absolutely buzzing as she hadn’t had time to shower in days! I’ve never understood it. My baby is 8 weeks old and I shower daily sometimes twice and do my make up every day. Spending 10 mins on myself everyday makes me feel really put together and more productive. Yes it’s hard and busy with a newborn but come on seriously.

 

[Hbirdette]

Thank you all for the kind messages.. due to covid only one of us could go in with him. My husband went as I was a crying mess - turns out he was absolutely fine and was clearly just loving the attention

 

[Definitelyme]

With my first 2 we didn’t have a car and we were allowed to go home with baby in the pram. I only lived a 5 min walk away from the hospital. I’m in England.

Absolute hero to just dander home after birth!!

 

[WhatABore]

He’s good thanks! We had our first definite social smile yesterday which was lovely. He hasn’t done it since I’m alright, feeling tons better than I did. Had a pretty gruelling birth experience that I don’t really feel all that positive about (at least everything up until the spinal went in for my c section was negative! The spinal was blissful). But feeling loads more like myself and after some initial problems with feeding I feel like we are finding our way.

the last 4 weeks have given me a new respect for my body and for women in general!

I second what @Definitelyme has said. Don't feel like you need to get over it.
Everything you feel is completely valid.
3 years later and I'm still not really over mine. Even now after another birth... I'm still not over the birth 3 years ago.

 

[Stimpii]

A friend told me a great piece of advice “there’s no prizes for no pain relief” The birth was back to back and that epidural was life changing

By the time I asked for gas and air this time it was too late. I just knew I needed something else.

I’ve been quite ‘lucky’ with my labours. You soon forget about the pain, otherwise we wouldn’t do it over again

 

[LilyRose1234]

@LilyRose1234 sorry you’re in so much pain, the early days are really hard with breastfeeding, and new motherhood in general. @littlepup has given superb advice (as always). I would say that if you are very full, baby may be finding it really hard to latch and you could express off a little to soften your boobs and make it easier. And if you want to bf, keep latching and unlatching until it works. Some feeds I would have unlatched a baby up to 10 times to get it right. Remember you’re both learning

If you want to switch to formula make sure you take care of your boobs so you don’t end up with mastitis

Thank you it is tougher than I expected in a different way - the cluster feeding is really a struggle, she just goes for hours without much of a break, which is apparently normal but quite difficult to cope with! No doubt it’ll get easier and her cute little face makes it all worth it

 

[Definitelyme]

Hi lovelies, I’m 2 weeks PP after having my 1st baby via emergency c section and I can’t stop thinking about having another baby! I want another! Buuut is this a hormonal thing? Does everyone get this?
Due to c section I certainly won’t be trying again for a good few years but very surprised at this new found broodiness (child 1 was unplanned)

I think it’s totally normal, and very much related to hormones. Plus newborns are the sweetest little sausages, who wouldn’t want a million of them to snuggle?!?

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you both! I’m just so squeamish and the thought of it all is terrifying I’m just scared I won’t be able to stay calm and relax. I heard you feel the tugging and pulling too that makes me feel ill
It’s pathetic I know, no birth is great but atleast I know what happens with a vaginal birth I felt more comfortable

I am VERY squeamish as well. When they asked me before my section if I wanted the screen lowered so see my baby coming out I was aghast - I asked for her to be cleaned up first before I saw her! I don’t need to be seeing anything gross

But I can honestly say I felt only a very small amount of pressure when they were working, and it didn’t feel horrible or anything. The nurse at my head was chatting away, and it was all really quick to get baby out, then afterwards they were working away while I focused on baby.

It is nerve wracking, of course it is, it’s a big thing to have done. But I promise I’d tell you if it was awful!