New baby / post birth advice

[Theninth]

Whilst I somewhat agree with you it's not the same for everyone. Yes, being a mum is fantastic and these stages are so important HOWEVER the pandemic and lockdown has stripped myself of very little adult interaction. My partner has still gone out to work every day pretty much this whole time whilst I have then raised our baby alone. It has been incredibly tough.
Also, I have gone to uni and trained for my job. Only just qualifying before I had to leave at 28 weeks, there is no way I am not going back! We also need myself to return for financial reasons. Being a stay at home mum isn't for everyone and wanting to have more than just your life revolving around your baby isn't a bad thing.

If you reread my post again I've said that I'm not advocating everyone should be a SAHM but to enjoy the maternity period and make the most of it while you are off knowing that it is a short phase in your life which will pass

 

[Pinkii]

This! I've always had this!
Thing is though, it has lasted
Everyone's always like "Don't get used to it" ect ect "it won't last"
But they've always been quite chilled.
Sure there's been phases where they haven't but even with my son, he's well behaved at 8..and even now people are still like "Just wait til this stage.. Just wait til this age"
Why can't you just let people say positive things? Why do you always have to be waiting for the bad times?

Omg that’s the thing, the girl i mentioned is constantly posting quotes about how people don’t potray motherhood in its reality and no one warned her how much you have to sacrifice but you don’t want to constantly tell a new mum or mum to be about the hard times as they will be aware of that and its not really constructive anyways but you’re also not allowed to say it can be good because others find it hard

Thanks Ladies, glad to see to see others feel the same.

 

[moimoi]

Hey all, been in the newborn bubble over the last week, but happy to have graduated from the pregnancy thread to here!

I’m feeling a bit shit though as my baby is only 9 days old and I’ve already caved into giving him a dummy. He would just not settle in his bedside crib.

Constant cycle of breastfeeding, him falling asleep on me then putting him in the crib and him waking and crying straight away then repeat. So exhausting.

I can’t see it affecting breastfeeding as he’s an absolute milk monster but someone please tell me I’m not a terrible mum and I haven’t fucked everything up. Or should I have just stopped being a little bitch, and continued with the hope of him eventually learning to settle?

 

[littlepup]

Sleepyheads not for me, I’d never forgive myself if anything happened and I’d ignored the advice. That said, I don’t feel we needed one, if she’d been bad at settling, I’d prob think differently, you try most anything to help a struggling baby - in that instance I’d have looked at the Purflo because It’s supposed to be safer and I couldn’t commit to absolutely constant supervision.

Those who’ve got their periods back, did you have any indication it was coming?

 

[Pinkii]

When i had my first daughter and hear about people saying they haven’t showered or eaten or whatever and I had managed to do all that, I used to feel guilty because I thought it meant I had neglected my daughter and that’s why i could shower, when in reality she would have been asleep when i did all those thing lol

 

[Hbirdette]

What age did you start weaning your babies for mums of older ones? I’ve just seen something that’s really shocked me.
a girl I know (she lives in America) has a baby that is 2 weeks older than mine so baby is 17 weeks. She’s started feeding her... but the baby can’t even sit up yet, she’s literally sat in her dads lap and the
Mum is (attempting to) spoon feeding her with carrot purée. Surely 17 weeks is too early and I always thought baby has to be able to sit up unaided?

 

[Greys1324]

Tw death / fear of dying

Hi all I’m 11 weeks PP and really happy but for the past few weeks been getting a bit emotional almost every day, usually teary, as I’ve been thinking a lot more about my own mortality. Mainly about my daughter being without me, dying whilst she’s so young and her not remembering me etc.

I am just wondering if this is a normal part of becoming a mother or whether a red flag for PND. I definitely feel like a more emotional person since having her (can’t watch certain things on tv etc).

a friend of mine with 4 kids told me having children made her an emotional wreck so I wasn’t sure whether this was just part of the transition of having someone else to care for. I’ve not had any warning signs for PND and feel happy in myself otherwise.

have any other new parens experienced this? X

I’m 10 days PP and feeling very similar! I think I’ve cried every day since giving birth, so happy with my little girl but I’m a ball of nerves. I feel so anxious about everything, especially dying. Also feel very needy and emotional towards my own parents and their mortality too. My partner has been so lovely about it but I keep wondering if he thinks I’ve lost it.. I feel a bit like that myself not sure if this is just normal ‘baby blues’ or not!?

 

[Hbirdette]

good morning mamas, i cannot tell you how HAPPY i am to be able to say weve booked a trip away! its only a couple of nights in the cotswolds but still!
can anyone recommend any decent travel cots pls? dont really want to spend over £100 if i can help it, thanks

 

[Definitelyme]

Lots of maternity pads! I was getting through a pack a day. I also swear by the expert midwife spray and the bottoms up spray. I had an episiotomy and was cut in 3 places so had tons of stitches. The sprays were my saviour, I kept them in the fridge and they helped with the swelling, bruising and tenderness.

I just slept whenever I could and while I was tired, it was easier during the night to be awake if I’d had sleep during the day. I really miss the nights tbh

So glad you said this about maternity pads. I saw someone say on another thread recently they barely bled, just like a period for a few days. Meanwhile I’m over here gushing blood for up to 6 weeks afterwards! So I thought there was something wrong with me all these post partum times!

 

[WhatABore]

So i may not word this correctly and I really don’t want to offend anyone so apologies if it comes across as uncaring or Insensitive

But does anyone else think its like a taboo subject to say you are enjoying the baby stage and you have a great chilled baby and it’s actually not that hard for you?

I know i’m VERY lucky that my baby seems very good and chilled (i know from experience that it won’t always be like this) but i am currently loving this stage with my baby

I feel i can’t say this out loud though as you always get the what about isms from others who are struggling and I know it can be hard, i’ve been there and i’m not diminishing anyone else’s experience, i’m just talking about my own

Recently seens husbands friends and their wives who have had babies and they asked me how i’m getting on and I said yeh really good atm and got some dodgey looks cause i wasn’t at breaking point

Then one of the girls that night put a story on instagram about how hard motherhood is and people need to be more sensitive to others and what they are going through in their journey

I literally said its going really well ATM but it was tough at first cause of reflux issues and lack of sleep is hard but also used to that as eldest has constant sleep regressions, but apparently because im finding it easy atm, i was the enemy.

I completely get this!
I feel like a lot of the time, you're not "allowed" to talk about any easy things because not everyone has it easy and if you do, you're classed as boasting or rubbing it in their faces.

I've had 3 now. And I've never been in the position where you see the Mums Instagram or the stereotypical new mum where they have time for nothing, don't shower, struggle to find time to eat, can't put makeup on ect ect.
I've never had that.
Even with a newborn.
And I never talk about it when I get asked because I don't want to seem like I'm bragging.
My 13 week old has been the worst sleeper out of them all, waking every 2 hours or so and I know some people don't even get that. But as soon as we'd got her into a routine with the other kids, she sleeps at least 6 hours. Again, I know I'm very lucky.
All the kids have had the typical sleep regressions at certain stages. Hard times when they refuse to sleep, things like that.
But I've never felt like these posts you see.

But I do feel like you're only allowed to talk about it if you're struggling.

 

[Esme]

@allforthegram you aren’t a failure at all! It’s amazing you managed to breastfeed, never forget that. Every drop counts I’m glad everything has worked out for you now.

breastfeeding grief is a real thing. I was so determined to continue feeding even when my daughter wasn’t gaining the weight she should. She had a tongue tie that if I’d started bottle feeding would have been left and caused more issues down the line. It needed to be sorted regardless of how I fed her and I was lucky I got the support I needed to carry on. This was pre Covid and I honestly can’t bear to think how many more mums have been left during the pandemic, worried about weight gain or development, there’s no home visits or drop in weigh clinics to check with someone or they’re trying to breastfeed and not getting the help they need if they don’t want to stop. It’s like you have the baby and you’re expected just to get on with things.

 

[littlepup]

Thank you for the reassurance, you give the best advice here! No, no one seems really worried yet. I think if he didn’t hit his weight after 4 weeks they were gonna suggest a top up, but he finally managed to.. just!

We’re going through wet and dirty nappies like they’re going out of fashion, so no issues there. I would also assume if he wasn’t getting enough, he’d be crying the house down but he seems fine!!

I bought one of those manual pumps from Aldi for £2.49 and it manages to collect more than my electric pump, but still a dismal amount. It’s so annoying, it’d make life so much more easier I could pump well!

I guess I’ll see tomorrow at the weigh-in if he’s managing to put enough on.

As said here before, don’t fixate on quantity, your body will make what baby needs on the quantity you have. A smaller amount will just be more calorie/nutrient dense than a larger amount and if baby was starving they’d be sure to let you know!
If you’d start topping up when you don’t need to, you can negatively affect your own supply. I was also in this position and it’s so hard to have confidence when their weight gain/loss hasn’t been ideal but baby would 100% be telling you if you needed more.

re bonding with baby - I went to Tesco the day I brought her home, off to the doctors, we left her with my mum a number of times in the first month even, no bothers. I felt horrendous when I wasn’t too bothered by her first jabs to be told by other mums they bawled because their baby cried but to me it’s a medical necessity. I see Infliences saying ‘I can’t imagine life before/without you’ - I can, it was fun, doesn’t mean I don’t prefer my life now. None of it means I’m not bonded or don’t love her, I adore her, would give my life for her but I don’t need to hold her hand 24/7 for that to be true and a bond is developed by shared experience, we shouldn’t expect it straight away but it will only get stronger.
I actually think it can be unhealthy to create too much dependancy - my life shouldn’t hinge on only her, yes my world revolves around her but I didn’t cease to be the person I was when she entered the world.

@Hairraiser I’m so sorry you had such a bad time. While not nearly as bad as yours I had a shitty pregnancy and birth experience too and have found many women with similar experiences which makes me think, what’s to say a second time would be what you’d imagined. I think far, far more women have a difficult time than is discussed. Even with a second perfect experience you would still have had this first awful one and I suspect it would impact the next with the additional anxiety so another pregnancy still won’t be perfect. My personal feeling is that you would be best to continue pursuing help in recovering mentally from this experience before trying for a second time because with this experience in the background you can’t move forward peacefully.
Obviously this is the opinion of a random on the internet who has just a few lines to go on so apologies of it’s unwarranted or offends, I don’t mean to x

 

[mg89]

Tw death / fear of dying

Hi all I’m 11 weeks PP and really happy but for the past few weeks been getting a bit emotional almost every day, usually teary, as I’ve been thinking a lot more about my own mortality. Mainly about my daughter being without me, dying whilst she’s so young and her not remembering me etc.

I am just wondering if this is a normal part of becoming a mother or whether a red flag for PND. I definitely feel like a more emotional person since having her (can’t watch certain things on tv etc).

a friend of mine with 4 kids told me having children made her an emotional wreck so I wasn’t sure whether this was just part of the transition of having someone else to care for. I’ve not had any warning signs for PND and feel happy in myself otherwise.

have any other new parens experienced this? X

Yep, I have. My little one is 5 months and I've thought more about things like this than ever! So much so I said to my partner the other night that we should have a convo about who would have our baby if anything happened to both of us! We are going to sort life insurance too etc. I'd never thought twice about things like this before having a baby.
I have had PND since having my baby, I was teary and crying all the time, irritable, no motivation to do simple tasks for myself and would literally sit on the sofa all day basically in tears and not enjoying any of it. Our baby has had some particular difficulties such as silent reflux, allergies etc and I had a traumatic birth too which didn't help. I self referred to local services as I found my HV quite judgemental and didn't really listen. I've finished my course of therapy now and it helped me tenfold. I still have low days (yesterday was one) but I'm much better at managing them now. My advice would be to just keep an eye on yourself and if it continues, talk to someone. There's no shame in it and getting help was the best thing I did.

 

[HumphreyB]

Cabbage leaves in the freezer, great for sore boobs. If your bottle feeding you can order a tray of pre made bottles. Makes the first 24 hours a little easier.
Lots of ice in your freezer
Tell visitors they can feck off and take the first few days to be with your little family alone. If someone visits don’t be fussing over them making tea. They can make you tea.
Babies dont need outfits so feel free to have them in their vest and baby grow all day. There are little rompers you can get with short legs and sleeves for babies born in warmer months.

You may feel some pressure post birth, its not unusual so take care of yourself. Anything your unsure of call your obgyn

 

[HoneyBee29]

I’m glad it’s not just my baby that didn’t get much use out of the carry cot! When we bought the pram they were like this will easily last you til 6 months! 14 weeks later with a very long baby

Wow baby B has been sooooo Unsettled today, he’s knackered. Went on a really long walk at lunch time and he was wide awake and he will only settle on husband and I at the mo... nearly bedtime. I think today deserves a glass of wine!

I don’t know how they expect you to get 6 months out of it I don’t know anybody who got 6 months out of a carrycot. I did use mine a lot tbh as I did take her on a lot of walks

Yep! I also found that before I got pregnant loads of women were like omg it’s the best thing you’ll ever do, you should definitely have children it’s amazing. Then the second I got pregnant, the same women were like “did I tell you about when I gave birth my vagina tore straight through to my asshole”
No. You didn’t, but thanks

I also hated when women would tell me ‘oh sleep now while you can you’ll never sleep again once the baby is here’ I know every baby is different and the first few weeks yea I barely got any sleep but my baby has slept fine from about 9 weeks I’ve getting 6/7 hrs sleep a night before she wakes for another bottle

 

[Definitelyme]

Hi ladies, just popping over from the pregnancy thread to see if you can help with a question.

My midwife told me that if I plan to breastfeed, I should be prepared for the baby to be pretty much attached to my nipple constantly for the first three days until my milk properly comes in. It’s worried me in terms of having visitors over. I’m not sure how practical it will be but would like our families to meet the baby in the first few days.

What are your experiences of this?

That is absolutely normal and absolutely to be expected. I’ll pop some links below about what to expect in the first days and weeks of breastfeeding. My experience (3 kids fed to 2+ years and 4th baby currently 4 weeks) is that they are attached constantly for the first months.

In the first days they are suckling to encourage your milk supply to come in, and also because all they know is you and want to be close and comforted. But visitors can still come and see baby, no reason why not. They may not be able to hold baby for as long as they’d like, but there will be plenty of chances to hold baby. Remember, you don’t have to pass baby round for people to be there and see them - the phrase I’ve seen before for that is “pass the biscuits, not the baby” sometimes others will ignore/not understand baby’s feeding cues, so I find it best to keep holds from family to short and sweet in the first months.

Breastfeeding your newborn — what to expect in the early weeks - KellyMom.com

Frequent nursing encourages good milk supply and reduces engorgement. Aim for breastfeeding at least 10 - 12 times per day (24 hours). You CAN'T breastfeed too often--you CAN breastfeed too little. Nurse at the first signs of hunger (stirring, rooting, hands in mouth)--don't wait until baby is...

kellymom.com

Beginning Breastfeeding - La Leche League GB

Milk production speeds up (your body makes more milk faster) if you nurse or pump more frequently. The emptier the breast, the faster your body works to replace the milk that was taken out. Milk is being produced at all times, and breasts are only every about 75% empty, even after a very long...

www.laleche.org.uk

The Fourth Trimester – AKA Why Your Newborn Baby is Only Happy in Your Arms

“My baby is only happy in my arms, the minute I put her down she cries” “He sleeps really well but only when he’s laying on my chest, he hates his moses basket” “She cries every time we lay her on …

www.google.co.uk

 

[Definitelyme]

Saw every hour on the clock last night 🥱🥱🥱

 

[Kit123]

You definitely lose your identity somewhat. I know it's really trivial but I left my 7 month old with her dad and went and got my hair done today. I feel so good for it! I was gone for like four hours but I left some milk and there was no problems.
I'm also looking forward to getting back to work and not just being a mum, I think that will help!

 

[Tui]

Id definitely go more pampering! My friend dropped me some gifts yesterday which included bath bombs face mask and wine and my other friend/neighbour gave me a bag of lip balm, face mask, hand cream, chocolate (lots!) and mini cocktails as well as a wee gift for baby. Also a massive pot of spag bol which is amazing!!!
It's so caring when people think of mum and makes me feel so happy because normally people forget mum and focus just on baby!

Has anyone decided a few days after birth they want to try breastfeeding? My baby is 4 days old and I've now decided I want to try BF but didn't ask for help in hospital as I didn't think I wanted to. I've been expressing but would like to give it a go. Can community midwives help with it? I'm struggling to get her to latch properly and find positions comfy (I had a csection so quite uncomfy with babies weight on my stomach)

You will still be under community midwives so definitely give them a call and ask them to come and review latch etc.
I had a Csection and found rugby ball hold the most comfortable (and still do). I rest him on a breastfeeding pillow (any pillow will do) down by my side which means my arms don’t have to take all his weight.

The best advice I could give to anyone post birth is if you don't feel like moving from your pjs for weeks after, don't. Just be at home, where you're comfortable with your baby. I remember comparing myself to mums who were up on their feet, feeling well, out and about and I couldnt grasp why I wasn't the same. So I pushed myself to be the same which was to my own detriment both physically and mentally.
Some labours are more difficult and complicated. If yours was, you owe it to yourself to take time to rest and adjust to your new life with minimal pressure. It's a really special time, do what feels right for you.

I’m glad you say this. Feel a lot of peer pressure from NCT group to be meeting up for coffee etc. Am just over 4 weeks post section and long emotionally traumatic labour which left me quite shaken. The thought of heading out for a few hours with him alone is really daunting. Plus can’t drive yet and they keep arranging stuff driving distance from my home (most of them live in the town up the road from me so there is a reason why they arrange stuff where they do)
They’re all booking baby classes for their 5-6 weeks olds when I couldn’t be less interested in doing stuff like that when my son is completely enthralled by a window and doesn’t fix and follow yet, I just don’t see the point.
My baby is the youngest and the oldest baby is over 8 weeks old so feel like circumstances have left me behind (I know it’s silly)

 

[Definitelyme]

I agree with the above. Before covid I was very much “we must be out” every weekend, I had lists of places to go in summer holidays etc. But my kids (now aged 8, 5, 2.5) were so happy being at hone this last 15 months. Yes they enjoy going places, but they don’t care if we stay at home- and I’ve managed to come to that point myself now.

@OIM i do find it hard to muster the energy to get everyone out some days. Some days you just can’t be bothered, it seems like too much hassle - especially if you’re tired. But if you find yourself not wanting to go out at all, as in no days, then I do think maybe another chat with your GP, as I would worry it could be a sign of ppd.