New baby / post birth advice

[12055584]

Maternity pads (the bigger the better) big knickers and if you end up having stitches please please don’t do what I did in the love bubble/adrenaline haze and think you can be up and about and doing everything like normal - take it easy, bed rest if you can but not practical for most. I regret it so much now and the extra pain was not the one. And make sure you have food prepped or money for takeaways that first week or so (at the very least the first night home) our friends brought round some curries etc and To this day it’s the most thoughtful present I’ve ever received because I hadn’t thought about eating and the thought of making a meal was not the most exciting prospect

 

[Macmama]

Thank you it is tougher than I expected in a different way - the cluster feeding is really a struggle, she just goes for hours without much of a break, which is apparently normal but quite difficult to cope with! No doubt it’ll get easier and her cute little face makes it all worth it

Distinctly remember handing our middle son (my first to breastfeed) to DH at 3am and telling him I was going to clip my boobs to the washing line, it'd be more comfortable and I might get some sleep. Those early weeks are SO demanding and it's such a change, but as the others have said, so so worth it

their little smooshy baby faces do make up for a LOT such kissy cheeks

I swear, every post of yours I read, and there goes my ovaries I'm going to name #5 after you at this rate

 

[Kit123]

That is shocking. I was really surprised when I got a call for my daughter’s 2 year HV review a while ago, and it was in person. Whereas my sister hasn’t seen her HV since my (now 17mo) nephew was 6 months. There is no consistency, and it is really worrying to think about the things, the babies, who could be slipping through the net during this time.

It's so crap isn't it. I agree with you, it is worrying. Even we said so now we just have a baby to look after, no one checks on you!

 

[Definitelyme]

I need a section this time due to my placenta, I’m so terrified. Any advice you could give me?

Biggest advice is don’t worry! I have had two vaginal births and one section and the section was by far my best birth experience to date. Take your recovery slow but steady, take it easy but do keep moving as much as possible as it really makes a difference. I found the week I spent on the sofa my recovery stagnated, and when I started moving again it sped up.

 

[WhatABore]

Hi everyone coming over here from the pregnancy threads as I just had my baby on Saturday She is my second and we have been doing well since the birth, but I have been feeling such mum guilt for my 3 yr old daughter she loves her new baby sister and hasn’t shown any jealousy towards her but I can’t shake that guilt feeling and it’s getting me a bit down! Can anyone else relate thats went from 1 to 2, is this normal post birth hormones?

I have been exactly the same. More so before giving birth than now but it still keeps hitting me every so often.
I've been trying to make sure we do little things just me and her. Even little things like whilst my partner has the baby, we'll sit and play, or walk across to the shop or even just me taking her for a bath. And my partner does the same if I've got baby.

 

[OIM]

@OIM @WhatABore @Definitelyme thanks for sharing your experiences. I do intend to have a debrief at the hospital eventually. Definite before we consider trying for another. Pain control at various points was very poor (12h contracting on antenatal ward with just paracetamol and my own TENS machine (induced labour)). Felt like torture. Part of me feels quite pissed off that having spent years caring for patients, when I needed it I feel like the care I got was suboptimal. Thankfully delivery suite care was good and anaesthetists on tap. Also kind of grieving the fact I didn’t get a vaginal birth having spent months preparing for one. Scared about prospect of future deliveries and having the choice of Csection and the recovery that comes with that vs risks of a VBAC.

it is a bit annoying when people say at least he arrived safely. Like that isn’t the absolute bare minimum you’d expect and hope for!

It’s definitely a kind of grief. I was a mess after my first emergency section for months. I felt like a failure and then when baby wouldn’t breastfeed it was even worse. Turns out she had sepsis which was missed and we ended up having to formally complain. For my second pregnancy I was so much more clued up and ended up complaining about quality and consistency of care mod way through he pregnancy and stood up for myself much more. The birth reflections team worked with me after my first birth and then again during this pregnancy to help me voice my anxieties and what I wanted for this birth in terms of communication... all turned out to be a waste of time as ended up birthing alone with bloody covid!

 

[Definitelyme]

I’m not much help with prams for newbies as I use a sling, but I actually found the opposite of above with the car seat. Because we don’t use a pram our newborn car seat being portable is really a bit redundant for us, and I remember last time it wasn’t long until we left it in the car and just popped baby in and out as needed. If you don’t think you’d be using the car seat attached to a pram a lot (especially with the new time limit guidance) then I’d think about going straight for a fixed car seat, which spins (we have the joie 360 for our toddler and it’s fab).

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you it is tougher than I expected in a different way - the cluster feeding is really a struggle, she just goes for hours without much of a break, which is apparently normal but quite difficult to cope with! No doubt it’ll get easier and her cute little face makes it all worth it

It definitely does get easier, and I think the first baby you breastfeed it can be a shock as to just HOW MUCH they need you. I know that’s true of all newborns, regardless of feeding method, but with bf babies it can seem relentless and all encompassing because nobody else can feed them, and it can like you don’t get a single second ti breathe. I’ve been there, I’ve cried, I’ve thrown temper tantrums (), I’ve shouted. But it does pass, and the pain should ease if latch is able to be fixed. I always find newborns have a shallow latch and it can be hard work to get it deeper to ease that pain.

their little smooshy baby faces do make up for a LOT such kissy cheeks

 

[MakeDamnSure]

When I had my first, he was due around Christmas and my brother in law and his partner had come down for Christmas as they live far away. My baby was very poorly at birth and we had to stay in nicu for a few days. We were eventually allowed home after 5 days and my brother in law and his partner were going back home that night. We were discharged at about 8pm and they phoned asking if they could come round to meet the baby as no one had been able to visit in hospital as my baby had been in Nicu. We reluctantly agreed and when they came over they ordered takeaway and stayed until about 11pm! I was so shattered, we’d had basically no sleep for about a week and they didn’t seem all that interested in the baby anyway! 2nd time around we were a lot more strict about visitors!

 

[Walnutss]

Thank you ladies. You’re all right- I should remember that lockdown and slowing down did my toddler no harm and me slowing down won’t do my baby any harm.

She slept through the night last night for the first time and now I feel a little more human and normal so maybe it’s all the tiredness catching up with me.

I did a work meeting yesterday afternoon which went terribly. I’m back to work in September and winding myself up in circles about it as my anxiety is suddenly sky high since my dads death. I think I know in my heart I need a little more support jusy don’t know where to get it. My family are all struggling with my dads death in their own way- 2 sisters haven’t even met my baby yet as they’re so angry that we may have given dad covid and so I’ve really only got my mum who is coming to terms with losing her husband of 50 years.

No one knows how covid is spreading or jumping from one person to another so to blame u for that is low. I look after my gran and when it came in that you weren't allowed in each others houses I weighed the risks and decided she would die if I didnt see her everyday. People being separated from their loved ones did more damage to their mental health than anything. Dont ever regret the decisions that you made, it was out with your control. Enjoy your baby get all those cuddles in and domt worry about anyone else they usually come around

 

[Definitelyme]

Sending love to everyone New babies are hard hard work whatever other situations you’re trying to fit them in around. Hope everyone is getting the help they need, and if you’re not ASK FOR IT!!!

What’s everyone’s most hated postpartum symptom then? Mine was night sweats with my first but this time it’s the swelling my legs are like balloons and also the hunger I’m so hungry and I’m not even breast feeding!! I actually nearly vomited this morning I was so hungry at 5am

Mine is the hateful pp bleeding, and the not fitting in to any clothes. Maternity clothes don’t fit, my normal clothes don’t fit, I have about 3 things to wear and my leggings have holes from over use!

 

[Hairraiser]

Let’s talk PP hair loss….
I genuinely wasn’t prepared for this, I’m finding clumps of it all over the house, in the car, in my bed, even found a strand of hair in my babes mouth felt so bad, although he didn’t even notice
I am washing it every 3rd day, when I usually do every other day, as I read if you wash it too often it is worse. I have thick hair anyway so I haven’t noticed any bald patches or thinning areas yet, but there is literally so much coming out!! It’s starting to get me down
Another thing that concerns me is that before my mum had kids she had mega thick hair like me, then when she had 2 kids her hair thinned out and never went back to normal…it is very fine now. Although, I think she looks beautiful with thin short hair, she has always been conscious of her thinning hair, to the point she was deeply depressed. I’m worried this is my fate too!!
I want to embrace it, but I’m finding it hard!

 

[NorrhernGal88]

Thanks ladies re: water and formula, I was definitely over thinking it and will still clear of bottled water if I do!

Is formula feeding as much of a faff as it seems to be?! All of the steps and instructions seem a lot when I read them! And do you have any tips to cool down boiled water quicker? Waiting 30 mins seems a lot if you have a hungry baby?

Perfect prep all the way

 

[Kit123]

Hi,
while I completely understand and felt the same after my first i just want to put another perspective on it because I've noticed a few people saying that they can't wait to be more than "just a mum" again.
Before having my first baby my work was my life, my husband and I ran a business together and my best friends worked within the business so when I left to have our baby I felt like I didn't see my husband half as much anymore, my friends were all in a different stage of life so I didn't see them, I had no friends having babies at the same time so no one to turn to like that, no projects to work on. I used to go to a hot yoga class three times a week, that stopped, everything changed. I felt so isolated. Still, I ended up not going back to work and realised that there is a lot to be said for being "just a mum".
While I'm not advocating that you quit work and be a stay at home mum, it's not for everyone, what I want to say is please know that this phase of yours and your babies life is transient. Your role as "mum" is new and takes time to get used to. It's changed your life dynamic but it's more important than any other role that you will play in life. It's the title that you will carry with you now, passed work retirement life, until your dying day. One day your baby will grow up and find independence and you will so miss these baby days So ry to take each day as it comes remember that you're still you but a new you, the most important person in the world to your little one and that can take time to adapt to. You will face challenges it will seem daunting, people will always have their opinions on which ever way you decide to parent so you need to find confidence in your new role like anything else.
Enjoy your time off with your baby. Take too many pictures. This time will fly by, the cheesey clichés are so true they're not babies for long

Whilst I somewhat agree with you it's not the same for everyone. Yes, being a mum is fantastic and these stages are so important HOWEVER the pandemic and lockdown has stripped myself of very little adult interaction. My partner has still gone out to work every day pretty much this whole time whilst I have then raised our baby alone. It has been incredibly tough.
Also, I have gone to uni and trained for my job. Only just qualifying before I had to leave at 28 weeks, there is no way I am not going back! We also need myself to return for financial reasons. Being a stay at home mum isn't for everyone and wanting to have more than just your life revolving around your baby isn't a bad thing.

 

[WhatABore]

Oh god I feel your pain, I’m also due in 3 weeks and today my MIL announced that she has booked the first 2 weeks of April off. My response was “why?” Blunt and straight to the point
This is our first baby & covid or not, I want to adapt to having our baby at home with just my husband and I!
good luck

My mum has done this.
I'm not close to her at all. And she's booked a week either side of when I'm due.
I only see her maybe once a month now.
But when I had my others, she visited every day.
Even if it was just a small excuse of bringing us a loaf of bread 'just incase'
Then as soon as the novelty wears off, she's back to hardly speaking/visiting!

 

[Definitelyme]

Feeling very touched out today. No real reason why, I’ve had decent sleep, everyone was mostly well behaved after school, nothing major. Just feeling it all today. And we have no snacks in because I’ve eaten them all

Also panicking about getting mastitis. I’ve only had it once before but very much don’t want it again. My boob has been sore all day, and looks red this evening I’ve been doing all the tricks to try and clear any blockages (can’t feel any though ) but it’s still sore.

 

[littlepup]

Hi everyone, hopping I’ve from the pregnancy thread with a q about feeding. My milk has come in now but breastfeeding is incredibly painful as baby won’t latch properly. Have seen a few midwives etc and done everything they said but she won’t latch and it’s causing me so much pain. Has anyone switched to formula within the first week?

Lots and lots of women do and if breast feeding is getting you down, remember fed is best and baby needs a happy mum more than breast milk.

However if you do want to continue to breast feed, speak to your midwives and ask for an urgent referral to the breast feeding specialists/team. Your health visitor can help too if you’ve been discharged from the midwife. has baby been checked for tongue tie? Have you tried nipple shields just to get you through a few painful feeds? I found one or two feeds a day with premade formula and nipple shields saved me when it just hurt too much to do it just then.
You can also get a private lactation specialist which I wish I’d have done. The cost is nothing compared to the cost of formula.
Have you watched all the videos and gone back to basics with the latch? Nipple to nose and turn them so their belly is on yours and all of that?
There are Facebook groups ‘no milk like mamas’ and ‘mixed up feeding’ that can offer peer support. You might find a voluntary group in your area you can meet with too.

 

[OIM]

I second what @Definitelyme has said. Don't feel like you need to get over it.
Everything you feel is completely valid.
3 years later and I'm still not really over mine. Even now after another birth... I'm still not over the birth 3 years ago.

I third this. Nearly 4 years after my traumatic birth and still not over it. If your hospital have a birth reflections team definitely get in touch with them. They can meet with you and go through your notes etc.

 

[Hbirdette]

Unrelated to the current topic, but a quick question — I’m approaching my 30’s & would like to have my first child soon, however, my work is pretty hectic (I work 6 days a week, which includes the weekend). And this will not change for the next couple of years. Also, I doubt I’d be able to take months off from work. I was wondering, if anyone’s in a similar situation and also raising children? How do you handle it? I don’t really want to put off having children & wait until I’m 40 (not that there’s anything wrong with having kids at 40), but if my current situation really isn’t ideal for child raising, I guess I’ll have to postpone having kids. Thank you.

Hey, Obviously it’s hard to say without knowing what your job is in or what your situation is! I used to be a workaholic and prior to having my baby I swore I would only take about 10 weeks off... well fast forward a couple of years and now I couldn’t give two hoots about work and want as long off as possible
Going back to work soon after a baby isn’t impossible but you may just find your priorities change! Realised this probably isn’t much help but you’ve got to do what feels right and what is best for you

 

[MakeDamnSure]

My youngest is 19 months and hasn’t been weighed since he was 6 months old! He hasn’t been seen by any health visitors, his 9-12 month review was a phone call. As he’s been growing out of all his clothes I’m not concerned or anything but if he was my 1st I would probably be a bit anxious that he hadn’t been seen at all by anyone. Unfortunately there must be a lot of babies who are slipping through the cracks and are not getting the intervention they need.
I don’t see why they can’t just have the weigh in clinic but you have to book a time slot instead of a drop in clinic and they have always sanitised the scales between use anyway. You would have to where a mask obviously but I think there is a way around it where they can still operate. Those clinics can be a lifeline for new mums especially.