New baby / post birth advice

[Definitelyme]

Hope you're doing alright! Well, the best you can

How have the kids been with a new baby?

I’m doing ok - I forgot to take my pain medication earlier so had a dodgy few hours, which will teach me for being stupid but back on track now!

Kids have been great with him, lots of fighting over who gets to hold him and when. The toddler is struggling a bit in general though, she refuses to do anything daddy asks, I have to do everything (but can do nothing for her realistically!) and has been very emotional about everything, bless her. But she is all over the baby like a rash. She almost had his eye out earlier saying “open your eyes and look at me baby!”

 

[StrawberryCream]

Hi everyone coming over here from the pregnancy threads as I just had my baby on Saturday She is my second and we have been doing well since the birth, but I have been feeling such mum guilt for my 3 yr old daughter she loves her new baby sister and hasn’t shown any jealousy towards her but I can’t shake that guilt feeling and it’s getting me a bit down! Can anyone else relate thats went from 1 to 2, is this normal post birth hormones?

 

[NP]

2 days pp baby number 2 and it was a bad delivery I cried in the shower last night because I wanted and do still want another but actually don’t think I can go through labour again.

I’m sorry your birth experience wasn’t good. I’m 3 weeks PP with my third baby and had a terrible experience and complications. My hospital is going to a give me a debrief at 6 weeks to talk through everything. If this hasn’t been already arranged for you, you can ask your midwife to sort it with the hospital, if this is something you think may help.

 

[Emzykins]

Did any of you find their sleep improves after starting solids?

Sadly not. My daughter is 21 months and still loves an early wake. Sometimes it can help especially in the early days but I don’t think it’s been proven to be a long term fix (although they’re all so different!!).

My honest advice to anyone is don’t be afraid to say NO. If someone asks to come over or whatever and you feel like you have to say yes, snap out of that mindset and do what you feel comfortable with (I’m talking about the first few weeks). And I know it’s cliche but sleep when then baby sleeps. I didn’t do this, I tried to get housework etc done when my baby slept but honestly looking back, all of those things could of waited. I’d honestly do anything to go back in time and just lounge around with a newborn on my chest. I was so adamant I wanted to be up and out all the time that I ran myself into the ground and I’ve really struggled with fatigue ever since and my little one is almost 2. Hang in there, the sleep gets better, everything really is just a phase! Don’t be afraid to cry if you’re feeling low, your feelings are valid and you’re only human!

 

[HeyLetsGo]

Guys can I have some advice please how would you guys feel about this?

So I had my 2nd little girl a week ago, when I had my first little girl my mum died 4 weeks after she was born. One of my aunties has just text me to ask if she can have a lock of each of my girls hair to put in a box and bury with my mum. Like dig a hole above her coffin and put the box in there.

The idea horrifies me actually and it’s made me really upset. Am I being totally unreasonable? I want to to say no but I know my dad would be really angry if I did.

 

[Pinkii]

Thanks everyone for your induction tales. Feel less nervous now.

i got through my first labour fine so hopefully should be ok, but tales of inductions always scare me as you only hear the worst!

 

[Kit123]

Congratulations new mamas! I have a six month old and sometimes I have that thought but then remember how difficult the newborn stage was Honestly, I LOVE this part now with what you get back. I have also just started this week to have actual time to myself now she sleeps in her room and I could NOT be happier

 

[Hairraiser]

Thanks ladies re: water and formula, I was definitely over thinking it and will still clear of bottled water if I do!

Is formula feeding as much of a faff as it seems to be?! All of the steps and instructions seem a lot when I read them! And do you have any tips to cool down boiled water quicker? Waiting 30 mins seems a lot if you have a hungry baby?

Hi moimoi, I discovered a complete life saver just on the off chance when I was buying nappies in boots one day. The nuby rapid cool flask, it cools water to the correct temperature for a feed in 2 mins. NHS approved! No filter needed, doesn’t need charging and is lightweight to fit in your changing bag if you’re out and about!
£30!
We were doing the boiling the kettle and waiting for it to cool down, this was a huge faff especially during the first few weeks, a screaming baby at 11pm, 1am and beyond is not fun I’m gutted it didn’t release until he was 8 weeks old. I recommend this to all expectant parents now!

Nuby RapidCool Perfect Preparation Flask - Boots

Buy Nuby RapidCool Perfect Preparation Flask and Collect 4 Advantage Card Points when you spend £1.

www.boots.com

 

[LilyRose1234]

Baby is only just under 2 weeks so it’s still very early days, but now we’ve sorted out her latch and top her up with a little formula at about 11, she’s a very chilled content baby. She sleeps for 2-3 hours at a time, with the odd evening cluster feed and at the moment doesn’t cry loads. I can still shower and brush my hair and teeth. I hate being made to feel like I’m somehow neglecting her because I’m still able to (just about) take care of myself Of course it has its moments, she’s a baby - it’s not supposed to be easy! And of course I’m tired, but I’m not going to sit and complain endlessly about it for social media likes! Don’t get me wrong, it’s very early days so it may well all change but telling me that and making me feel bad for her being quite contented at the moment isn’t helpful at all?!

 

[StrawberryCream]

I had this so bad when I went from 1 to 2. I had my third baby on Thursday just gone and out of all of the transitions I definitely found going from 1 to 2 the hardest. It was when I had to learn to divide my attention with my eldest where as before I could give her my all. Then also the guilt of feeling that my second child would never be able to have the same time and attention that I had been able to give my eldest. It was tough. My eldest daughter loved her new baby sister but did go through a phase of being angry with me but, we got through it. I learnt to try and manage the juggle of having more than one child and as my 2nd child grew the two of them started to play together more and it became easier.
Though I still sometimes think back to that time and now feel guilt for how I felt at the time which I know is crazy
I also had a slightly problematic pregnancy with my second and a traumatic birth so I was dealing with the recovery from that which added to my struggle.

I'm not sure if this helps at all but when I read your post I absolutely related, it's exactly how I felt two years ago.
Having just had my third it has been the sweetest experience seeing my two big girls interacting with the baby and watching them be a big sister team together has been so sweet and funny. Your little ones will be best friends before you know it and you will have your unique relationship with your new baby just like you have with your elder child

Thank you for your message
I think things will be easier when new baby gets older and can talk and play with my older daughter, it’s hard when I’m spending all day cuddling her and also feeling exhausted and sore. I’m sorry that others have had this feeling but also feeling glad I’m not alone and it seems like this is a natural way to feel from going from 1 to 2 children, I think I’ll need to make an effort to have 1 on 1 time every week with my eldest daughter even if it’s just going out for a hot chocolate and a cake or a walk to the park

 

[Definitelyme]

Is it trampy if the health visitor comes this morning and I’m still in my pyjamas? Asking for a friend

Absolutely not! I remember with my first I was always frantic before they came, one particular time I had just mopped the floors so they’d be sparkling clean and was standing fanning them to try and dry them, so she wouldn’t come and they were wet and she’d know I’d been cleaning

Now I don’t care. They must see some absolute states, so I figure as long as we are in the better half we are ok

 

[WhatABore]

So I posted here last week saying about the numbness similar to the PGP but worse that keeps waking me up.
Spoke to a doctor, he's done a few checks and turns out I have damaged a nerve giving birth. The Pudendal nerve.
Got to have a few more checks to make sure that's what it is before they put me on medication and try the different ways to fix it!
It's slowly getting worse.
Before I was waking up in pain once or twice in the night and it went as soon as I moved onto my back for a bit, last night it woke me up 9 times and every time I have to stand up for a bit until it calms down! Also can't sit down for longer than 10 minutes at a time

The things we go through for babies

 

[HoneyBee29]

Hi ladies, I like to read here as well as be on the pregnancy thread. I've not heard of this balloon induction. I'm too scared to google but it's made me realise I need to up my research game as I feel clueless!

I know everybody says to stay positive and only read positive birth stories etc, which I do get, but honestly I read up on eveything, forceps, c sections, tears, inductions etc and ended up with a forceps delivery with a 4th degree tear and I honestly think if I hadn’t read up on it prior it would have been much more traumatic, it was a difficult experience dont get me wrong but because I knew what it was I feel like I was able to accept it a bit more, for me the more I knew the better

 

[Definitelyme]

Also I’m fuming, yesterday I was supposed to have my 6 week postnatal GP appointment. They’re just doing them by telephone at the moment. The letter said to expect the call late in the afternoon. I went to the toilet (literally the only time I wasn’t looking at my phone!!!) at 12 and they rang and left a voicemail saying to call back. I did within a minute and the receptionist said they’d ring back later, he didn’t…

I rang this morning asking if I can expect a call today and she said she looked on my notes and it said he tried ringing multiple times (bullshit, only one call was logged on the system!) so he’s sent a letter saying I’m discharged and let the health visitor know that I didn’t pick up!!

I pushed the receptionist to make me a another appointment as I did actually have some things to ask him, she had to go speak to the Dr and he agreed out of the kindness of his heart to call me tomorrow morning

I swear Drs have used covid as an excuse to do absolutely buggar all (GPs, obvs not hospital drs!). Ours now do your 6 week check at 8 weeks with baby’s check, which is fine but I was like “erm well what do I do about driving?” I couldn't drive until my GP signed me off as per my insurance, so I had to push for an appointment to get that sorted. Useless.

 

[Hbirdette]

Speaking of boys.... we had another hospital appt yesterday, I thought it was only an appt with the consultant but they also wanted bp, height, weight and a URINE SAMPLE?!?! I was like what the hell how am I supposed to do that! Anyway the nurse gave me a bag which you basically stick around their private’s and he just peed into it, so much easier than trying to collect in a tube lol.
Also, he is an absolute CHUNK 7lb15oz at birth and now he is 18lb at 12 weeks hahahaah, he’s super long though so all proportionate. I’ve got a really small frame so a lot of people who meet him are like how the hell did that happen?


that bottle cooler looks great - could have really done with that a few months ago

 

[Tigerskin]

I gave birth to my first during lockdown last August. I had to be induced and was on my own as my partner wasn’t allowed on the ward until I was in active labour. My contractions came on very quickly and I was ready to give birth in a couple of hours, so no pain relief apart from gas and air. At the end of the day you’re just focused on giving birth and don’t see any blood. I couldn’t describe the pain now as I’ve forgotten it, but it was totally worth it. Just imagine holding your precious bundle of joy.

 

[wakametango]

I swear Drs have used covid as an excuse to do absolutely buggar all (GPs, obvs not hospital drs!). Ours now do your 6 week check at 8 weeks with baby’s check, which is fine but I was like “erm well what do I do about driving?” I couldn't drive until my GP signed me off as per my insurance, so I had to push for an appointment to get that sorted. Useless.

I’m not due til aug/sept but like keeping an eye on this thread for tips from you guys but wanted to add I had a risk assessment at work from the occupational health GP and when I said I felt unsafe at work he said ‘well GP’s have had to work through the pandemic’
Yeah over the phone!!!
Bloody useless

 

[allforthegram]

A friend told me a great piece of advice “there’s no prizes for no pain relief” The birth was back to back and that epidural was life changing

been reading everyone’s posts regarding breastfeeding, I gave it a go it was the hardest thing. I lasted 2 1/2 weeks, my little one wasnt really gaining weight and feeding almost every hour for an hour. I sought help to see if I was doing something wrong, in the end I just could not give her enough milk. I’ll be honest I felt like a failure, I cried, I wanted to carry on because I was being pushed that way but on reflection stopping was the best thing. The constant 24 hour demand was getting too much, hormonal and exhausted nipples felt like they were going to fall off.
We got her onto formula and we both have been SO
Much more relaxed, happier and she’s contented because she’s actually full at a feed, and she’s actually gaining now!
So do what you got to do, as they say fed is best!

 

[Heybooboo]

3 weeks in with my second and the guilt is real so reading these have been amazing to know it’s normal

 

[Definitelyme]

It’s weird because I have a few mum friends and I am close to my family. My mum helps by taking my toddler and doing school runs, but only one friend made us a dinner, and nobody else offered to help out in a practical way.

My sister is pregnant, and has a toddler, and I’m already planning on how I can help her out when the baby comes. But not just right in the first week as I think people sometimes forget that you sometimes are even more exhausted and wanting help after the first few weeks.