New baby / post birth advice

[Icbaaaa]

My health visitor was due out today and hasn't bothered showing up or even calling me to let me know she's not coming last time I text her she never even bothered getting back to me. Feel like I've wasted my morning and afternoon sitting about waiting on her

 

[Icbaaaa]

Does anyone have any helpful tips to help the baby blues? I'm on day 3 of them and my god I feel like an awful emotional big mess. I'm really worried if it's just normal to feel this way or not as I really struggled with PNA/PND after my first. Just finding life difficult/not much support/dealing with toddler and newborn life and feel like the weight of the worlds on my shoulders. I'm just exhausted

 

[Bae56]

The best advice I could give to anyone post birth is if you don't feel like moving from your pjs for weeks after, don't. Just be at home, where you're comfortable with your baby. I remember comparing myself to mums who were up on their feet, feeling well, out and about and I couldnt grasp why I wasn't the same. So I pushed myself to be the same which was to my own detriment both physically and mentally.
Some labours are more difficult and complicated. If yours was, you owe it to yourself to take time to rest and adjust to your new life with minimal pressure. It's a really special time, do what feels right for you.

 

[Tui]

God why are babies so frigging noisy. Genuinely contemplating getting up as sleeping baby next to me is grunting and farting loudly

 

[NP]

Great idea for a thread. I’m due my third c-section in less than two weeks. Starting to panic about having three kids

I need a section this time due to my placenta, I’m so terrified. Any advice you could give me?

My second c-section was elective and it was a very positive experience. The anaesthetist came to my bedside before the op to explain everything and throughout the procedure everything that was happening was explained very clearly. I was well looked after once back on the ward and monitored regularly. I hope you also have a positive experience too! C-sections are a major op but the surgeons do several a day. They’re pros! Anything in particular that is worrying you?

 

[WhatABore]

Thanks everyone and sorry to read yous have been feeling the mum guilt too, it’s not nice! I was the same before I got pregnant I felt so guilty as she never had a sibling to play with and my best friend had 2 in under 2yrs and another close friend has twins.My husband said he’s also been feeling guilt for her which made me question whether it was the hormones or just a normal part of having more children.

I just kept thinking I'd ruined my kids lives when I went from 1 to 2
But the way I've always tried to look at it is, you rarely hear people that do have siblings wish they didn't. But you very often hear people who have none say how much they wished they had siblings.

 

[littlepup]

I don’t have anyone like that either, I don’t think many people do that woman is so lucky

I don’t know, if I had a friend that did that but wanted to put it on her tiktok I’d question her motives. All this doing it for the gram/virtue signalling can do one. Last thing I’d want as a knackered new mum is have to dress/tidy up to be plastered all over someone’s social media as ‘so in need of a break’ for them to get likes and a pay on the back.
TBF I haven’t seen it so maybe just being cynical but either way it’s bollocks that it makes people feel lacking. Very few people have someone that has the free time away from work/kids/other engagements & budget to do that even if they wanted to.

 

[Hbirdette]

This! I've always had this!
Thing is though, it has lasted
Everyone's always like "Don't get used to it" ect ect "it won't last"
But they've always been quite chilled.
Sure there's been phases where they haven't but even with my son, he's well behaved at 8..and even now people are still like "Just wait til this stage.. Just wait til this age"
Why can't you just let people say positive things? Why do you always have to be waiting for the bad times?

Yep! I also found that before I got pregnant loads of women were like omg it’s the best thing you’ll ever do, you should definitely have children it’s amazing. Then the second I got pregnant, the same women were like “did I tell you about when I gave birth my vagina tore straight through to my asshole”
No. You didn’t, but thanks

 

[Tui]

@OIM @WhatABore @Definitelyme thanks for sharing your experiences. I do intend to have a debrief at the hospital eventually. Definite before we consider trying for another. Pain control at various points was very poor (12h contracting on antenatal ward with just paracetamol and my own TENS machine (induced labour)). Felt like torture. Part of me feels quite pissed off that having spent years caring for patients, when I needed it I feel like the care I got was suboptimal. Thankfully delivery suite care was good and anaesthetists on tap. Also kind of grieving the fact I didn’t get a vaginal birth having spent months preparing for one. Scared about prospect of future deliveries and having the choice of Csection and the recovery that comes with that vs risks of a VBAC.

it is a bit annoying when people say at least he arrived safely. Like that isn’t the absolute bare minimum you’d expect and hope for!

 

[Definitelyme]

I don’t think my emotions are ready

I honestly think baby smiles and laughs are the purest thing on earth. They only do it because they are so genuinely happy, and it’s making me well up just thinking about it!

 

[Definitelyme]

Haha right?
Who is there with a 4 week old thinking you know what? I want another. I love this lack of sleep and emotional mess
Again, no offence to anyone who has. Each to their own

I have to applaud anyone who has the energy and desire to be shagging that quickly again - I’d kill my husband with a look if he even suggested it

 

[Definitelyme]

Tomorrow I’m booked in for a mother and baby group, I’m bricking it. The breastfeeding support nurse pretty much forced me to join one last week at his weigh in as I had a wobble and think she just wants me to get out of the house.

I’m the most socially awkward person at the best of times nevermind stressing with a 6 week old baby. Worried that it’s just gonna parents of older children, any meltdowns (Went to the Coop a few days ago and he cried the place down, my anxiety hit another level) and that I’m probably gonna have to breastfeed him there.

I hate people. I am so awkward, not a natural people person, I have no desire to make new friends, I am awful at small talk, and spending time with people I dunno is my idea of hell. So I’m not cut out for mum and baby groups. BUT I did go to them! And I didn’t find it so bad because you have your little buddy with you, you can use them as an excuse to leave any convo (oh we need a nappy change!) and you can chat to them if nobody else! And mostly at those groups all people talk about is feeding/sleeping/babies in general so makes it a bit easier to chat.

My breasts have probably been seen by half the nation at this stage remember that at a mum and baby group everyone has to feed their baby, no matter what method they use, and nobody will be looking or judging you. It’s natural to feel nervous, but I always think better a boob out than a screaming baby It’s awful when they scream when you’re out, I need super strength deodorant when I take a baby out I end up dripping if they start screaming! But we have all been there and the other mums will 100% understand. You can try it once and if you hate it, you never have to go again.

 

[Definitelyme]

dummies - I used to be so anti-dummy. And tbh I still don’t like seeing kids with them in while playing etc, or seeing a four year old running round with one. None of my kids have ever had one, but now I don’t see it as any different to any other comforter. I wouldn’t deny my kids a teddy bear because others thought it looks bad. I wouldnot fight to take it away from them at age X just because so and so says. So why do it with a dummy?

@Tui yes. Times a million. I feel fat and disgusting. I am currently about 25lbs over where I was pre pregnancy, and that’s me down about 20lbs from my end of pregnancy weight. Part of my problem is I put on SO much weight because I was in so much physical pain towards the end of pregnancy that I couldn’t walk far, so exercise was really out of the question. It is slowly coming off, I am starting to move more, and eat less, but it’s so slow and in the meantime NOTHING FITS, and I feel so fat. My in laws have been here this weekend after not seeing them for 7 months so lots of pictures taken, and I’m there in the background looking horrendous. I could honestly cry, I despise myself so much right now. I had a section too, and I think the sitting round recovering for those weeks afterwards definitely stalls things.

 

[Pinkii]

So i may not word this correctly and I really don’t want to offend anyone so apologies if it comes across as uncaring or Insensitive

But does anyone else think its like a taboo subject to say you are enjoying the baby stage and you have a great chilled baby and it’s actually not that hard for you?

I know i’m VERY lucky that my baby seems very good and chilled (i know from experience that it won’t always be like this) but i am currently loving this stage with my baby

I feel i can’t say this out loud though as you always get the what about isms from others who are struggling and I know it can be hard, i’ve been there and i’m not diminishing anyone else’s experience, i’m just talking about my own

Recently seens husbands friends and their wives who have had babies and they asked me how i’m getting on and I said yeh really good atm and got some dodgey looks cause i wasn’t at breaking point

Then one of the girls that night put a story on instagram about how hard motherhood is and people need to be more sensitive to others and what they are going through in their journey

I literally said its going really well ATM but it was tough at first cause of reflux issues and lack of sleep is hard but also used to that as eldest has constant sleep regressions, but apparently because im finding it easy atm, i was the enemy.

 

[OIM]

Hi everyone coming over here from the pregnancy threads as I just had my baby on Saturday She is my second and we have been doing well since the birth, but I have been feeling such mum guilt for my 3 yr old daughter she loves her new baby sister and hasn’t shown any jealousy towards her but I can’t shake that guilt feeling and it’s getting me a bit down! Can anyone else relate thats went from 1 to 2, is this normal post birth hormones?

We went from one to two 12 weeks ago. The best way I can describe how I felt was that I missed my 3 year old intensely. Someone explained to me that I’d spent 3 years loving and getting to know her and then baby came and got between us! I felt so guilty but it made sense- with the 3 yr old I knew what I was doing then baby comes and needs you so intensely but you’re pulled back to the older one too. It’s hard but it’s definitely getting easier. Our 3 yr old does 3 days in nursery and that helps us all!

I just kept thinking I'd ruined my kids lives when I went from 1 to 2
But the way I've always tried to look at it is, you rarely hear people that do have siblings wish they didn't. But you very often hear people who have none say how much they wished they had siblings.

Thank god you said this- the number of times I’ve felt I’ve ruined my eldests life by having another even though I only really had a second to give her a sibling!

 

[Icbaaaa]

New to this thread but dipped in and out of the pregnancy one!
Had my baby 2 days ago and still in hospital cos I'm really struggling with getting the pain under control from my csection. Does anyone have any advice on how to make things a bit easier at home with getting up and around? I can't remember too much from my recovery from my first section 2 years ago except that it was paaainful but I've for a toddler to factor in with a newborn and trying to recover myself too! X

 

[Definitelyme]

I weighed myself for the first time since pre pregnancy this morning and Iv gained 3 and a half stone (oops) thankfully im not going to any weddings or on any holidays this year! I’ll give myself a year to lose it as my will power is not the best

I gained at least 3 stone in each of my pregnancies. By the time I was on my third it never really got off again so this time I was heavier than I’ve ever been. I also have zero willpower so it should be fun losing weight

New to this thread but dipped in and out of the pregnancy one!
Had my baby 2 days ago and still in hospital cos I'm really struggling with getting the pain under control from my csection. Does anyone have any advice on how to make things a bit easier at home with getting up and around? I can't remember too much from my recovery from my first section 2 years ago except that it was paaainful but I've for a toddler to factor in with a newborn and trying to recover myself too! X

Getting up is horrendous. I use my elbows a lot as leverage to push up, and also I always roll my body to the side rather than sit straight up. It’s been hard (I am 10 days post section and now off pain relief as it was actually giving me headaches) but finally feel I am getting there.

 

[Stimpii]

I’ve done all 3 of my labours on just paracetamol. Was given codeine an hour before I gave birth in Jan (but I threw up 20 mins after taking it ) I don’t like gas and air.

I’m also a massive wimp but when it comes to labour that seems to change. With induction I was scared of not having a water birth like with my first 2, but the actual pushing part didn’t feel any different.

 

[Tui]

Hey all, been in the newborn bubble over the last week, but happy to have graduated from the pregnancy thread to here!

I’m feeling a bit shit though as my baby is only 9 days old and I’ve already caved into giving him a dummy. He would just not settle in his bedside crib.

Constant cycle of breastfeeding, him falling asleep on me then putting him in the crib and him waking and crying straight away then repeat. So exhausting.

I can’t see it affecting breastfeeding as he’s an absolute milk monster but someone please tell me I’m not a terrible mum and I haven’t fucked everything up. Or should I have just stopped being a little bitch, and continued with the hope of him eventually learning to settle?

Pinkii makes some excellent points about the benefit of dummies. Sometimes they just want to suck something and if it gives your nipples a break and gets baby to sleep it’s not going to interfere with feeding, if baby has it in 24/7 then maybe you might miss some cues but they have other cues that don’t involve their mouth (my baby gets super fidgety).

This might have been discussed already but does anyone else feel like a fat lump? I weight about 10kg more than I did pre pregnancy and even then was unhappy with my weight. Seeing photos of myself over the bank holiday weekend I look so fat I’m only 8 weeks post partum and had a section so have to be cautious with exercise and feeling so demoralised at the idea of weight loss. I’m so hungry due to breastfeeding and tiredness and the idea of restricting food enough to lose weight is grim!

 

[HoneyBee29]

And don’t even get me started on the amount of judgement you get if you’ve had a few extra minutes in the morning to run a brush through your hair and throw on a bit of makeup 1 day out of your whole week your seen as looking after yourself more than your child, no either my child was having a nap and I’d a bit of extra time or she stayed at her granny’s the night before so I had the morning to myself lol