New baby and post birth advice #37 The only way to eat porridge is to tip it in the bin

[WhatABore]

I could understand if it was a trip to Spain, but it’s a trip to Australia when her aunty lives. I hate that schools have so much say over our kids

As an adult, you remember stuff like this, not a week or 2 off school
It's something she'll always remember

 

[Jellybean093]

As an adult, you remember stuff like this, not a week or 2 off school
It's something she'll always remember

Definitely. Hope she doesn’t get the feel for it and then wants to move and live with her aunty

 

[DaisyDaisy87]

I could understand if it was a trip to Spain, but it’s a trip to Australia when her aunty lives. I hate that schools have so much say over our kids

Definitely if she wants to go, it sounds like an amazing trip. The school will forget about it afterwards whereas she’ll always have those memories and photos

 

[Borntorun]

Bit of advice needed re teen bean. I know this is babies, but you’re all so good at advice

Not sure if I’ve mentioned it, but her dad wants to take her out of school for 2 weeks next year. Trip of a lifetime, aunty’s getting married etc… anyway, the school have said it will be unauthorised time off. I see this as an exceptional circumstance, they don’t. Anyway, question is, would you still take them? I have no problem her Going. My argument is that she’s had 2 years on and off being at school, why is 2 weeks any different? She has no exams, and they’ve brought the GCSEs forward a year, so they have 3 years to do it. I don’t think she will miss much?

I’d definitely let her go. But check with you’re local authority that you won’t get fined - I’m sure round here both parents get fined even if they’re divorced

 

[Jellybean093]

I’d definitely let her go. But check with you’re local authority that you won’t get fined - I’m sure round here both parents get fined even if they’re divorced

Oh balls. That’s what I was worried about

 

[WhatABore]

Oh balls. That’s what I was worried about

I'd say to her dad, you want to take her then you pay all the fines

 

[morsbar98]

Contacted my solicitor about how baby comes back from her dads and her answer was to tell him I’m not happy. I have so so many times. She is not cared for and looked after there and it breaks my heart seeing it. I don’t know what to do next. He had her Saturday and she’s still distressed, not sleeping or anything. When they won’t feed her on time or put cream on her bum the last month and a half they aren’t going to start now regardless of what I say

 

[WhatABore]

Contacted my solicitor about how baby comes back from her dads and her answer was to tell him I’m not happy. I have so so many times. She is not cared for and looked after there and it breaks my heart seeing it. I don’t know what to do next. He had her Saturday and she’s still distressed, not sleeping or anything. When they won’t feed her on time or put cream on her bum the last month and a half they aren’t going to start now regardless of what I say

As I mentioned before, you are well within your right if you have a welfare concern, that you can withhold contact.

I'd let your solicitor know that's what you're doing and give your reasons and that you've tried everything else and you won't be putting your child in that situation

 

[Definitelyme]

Contacted my solicitor about how baby comes back from her dads and her answer was to tell him I’m not happy. I have so so many times. She is not cared for and looked after there and it breaks my heart seeing it. I don’t know what to do next. He had her Saturday and she’s still distressed, not sleeping or anything. When they won’t feed her on time or put cream on her bum the last month and a half they aren’t going to start now regardless of what I say

I would be looking for another solicitor if that’s all the advice you’ve been given that’s appalling. You should get in touch with citizens advice bureau and see what hell they can give you, because simply talking to him isn’t really going to cut it.
Anything that does get said, make sure it’s in text/email/letter so you have an official record of it for when you move forward x

 

[Greys1324]

Contacted my solicitor about how baby comes back from her dads and her answer was to tell him I’m not happy. I have so so many times. She is not cared for and looked after there and it breaks my heart seeing it. I don’t know what to do next. He had her Saturday and she’s still distressed, not sleeping or anything. When they won’t feed her on time or put cream on her bum the last month and a half they aren’t going to start now regardless of what I say

Is there any social services involvement? If not maybe you could phone your local MASH team for advice. If she is being neglected they may be able to intervene/suggest a way forward.

 

[Borntorun]

Contacted my solicitor about how baby comes back from her dads and her answer was to tell him I’m not happy. I have so so many times. She is not cared for and looked after there and it breaks my heart seeing it. I don’t know what to do next. He had her Saturday and she’s still distressed, not sleeping or anything. When they won’t feed her on time or put cream on her bum the last month and a half they aren’t going to start now regardless of what I say

It’s a bit of a legal minefield. You need to carefully document your concerns and why it’s a welfare concern; courts are very against parents who withhold contact for no reason, especially if it’s what they consider a difference of opinion as opposed to a legitimate concern (not saying it is, just talking from experience of supporting friends through something similar). You need to make sure you’re appearing to support contact while advocating for your child which is a very tricky tightrope to walk xx

 

[morsbar98]

Is there any social services involvement? If not maybe you could phone your local MASH team for advice. If she is being neglected they may be able to intervene/suggest a way forward.

When baby was coming out of hospital, an incident happened with her dad that lead to social services being involved and a social worker rang me. Haven’t heard too much from them since. I don’t even know what happened in the hospital either, he wouldn’t be honest and tell the truth, he just told me he was going to kill himself because he had no rights over his daughter because him and his family wanted to bring her home without me knowing

It’s a bit of a legal minefield. You need to carefully document your concerns and why it’s a welfare concern; courts are very against parents who withhold contact for no reason, especially if it’s what they consider a difference of opinion as opposed to a legitimate concern (not saying it is, just talking from experience of supporting friends through something similar). You need to make sure you’re appearing to support contact while advocating for your child which is a very tricky tightrope to walk xx

This is what I’m worried about. I don’t want to stop him seeing her at all but he won’t listen to me when I say anything. He’s very clever in that he says most stuff to me in person. Like he said she’s too heavy to hold her while feeding her so props her up and “she makes it difficult for him” to burp her. Doesn’t feed her on time. He has said she cries herself to sleep and that’s why she misses her bottle time. Her bum is always coming back red, and if her feed is before 3 her clothes come back smelling of being in the dryer or if it’s after 3/4 she smells of sick and occasionally poo. She’s usually a smiley happy little girl but when she comes back she’s not, she’s not herself for a few days. I just don’t know if it’s all enough to document as a welfare concern and I’m afraid they’ll say im just attacking him which im not. My priority is my baby, she was 8 weeks early she’s had it tough enough already without it being worse

 

[Kaylarina]

I could understand if it was a trip to Spain, but it’s a trip to Australia when her aunty lives. I hate that schools have so much say over our kids

Oooh, that's actually where we're considering moving! Oh no, she can't miss that. That could be a once in a life time trip.

The control schools have no day is insane. I took holidays in term time, as did many, and I'd say we're doing alright for ourselves! Let the parents decide

 

[I’mThankyou_]

When baby was coming out of hospital, an incident happened with her dad that lead to social services being involved and a social worker rang me. Haven’t heard too much from them since. I don’t even know what happened in the hospital either, he wouldn’t be honest and tell the truth, he just told me he was going to kill himself because he had no rights over his daughter because him and his family wanted to bring her home without me knowing


This is what I’m worried about. I don’t want to stop him seeing her at all but he won’t listen to me when I say anything. He’s very clever in that he says most stuff to me in person. Like he said she’s too heavy to hold her while feeding her so props her up and “she makes it difficult for him” to burp her. Doesn’t feed her on time. He has said she cries herself to sleep and that’s why she misses her bottle time. Her bum is always coming back red, and if her feed is before 3 her clothes come back smelling of being in the dryer or if it’s after 3/4 she smells of sick and occasionally poo. She’s usually a smiley happy little girl but when she comes back she’s not, she’s not herself for a few days. I just don’t know if it’s all enough to document as a welfare concern and I’m afraid they’ll say im just attacking him which im not. My priority is my baby, she was 8 weeks early she’s had it tough enough already without it being worse

Its most definitely enough to document it as a welfare concern.
Do you still have neonatal outreach or have you been discharged? Or still have check ups with the neonatologist at the hospital? Or even your HV? Can you mention these incidents to them so they can document them too? Perhaps even approach social services yourself and raise the safe guarding concerns you have when she's with dad? It's not ideal, but they will support you best they can and it makes no judgement on your parenting only his. It's the only way I can think of it being done in a professional and well documented capacity where it wouldn't backfire on you infront of a judge.

 

[morsbar98]

Its most definitely enough to document it as a welfare concern.
Do you still have neonatal outreach or have you been discharged? Or still have check ups with the neonatologist at the hospital? Or even your HV? Can you mention these incidents to them so they can document them too? Perhaps even approach social services yourself and raise the safe guarding concerns you have when she's with dad? It's not ideal, but they will support you best they can and it makes no judgement on your parenting only his. It's the only way I can think of it being done in a professional and well documented capacity where it wouldn't backfire on you infront of a judge.

We have HV appointment and hospital appointment next week. Yeah definitely thank you so so so much!

 

[Belle Amie]

Those with older children what could I buy a 7ish year old girl that isn’t too expensive? We’re looking at buying our neighbours little Christmas presents as they bought us really helpful bulk items when baby was born, we get on well but aren’t super close to them. I know what to get their son but I’m struggling with their daughter we’re looking at about £10 each
Thanks for any recommendations!x

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

My first period has just started since baby. Explains the reason for eating a whole selection box over the course of the day

 

[Chickenandgravy]

So a while ago I mentioned I had been brushed off by the gp with my tiredness because I was a "new mum", got my blood results back and my ferritin is through the floor, I'm full scale anemic and my chloride levels are 107 and the top end of normal is 108 (though the Dr didn't mention this, I saw it when I got a copy of my results so I will query it) once again I've been fobbed off with tablets and told it will come up. Yes it will....but it'll drop again and I'll be back to square 1 as soon as I finish the course. I'm so frustrated I'm not being listened to being a mum is hard enough without feeling like you're walking through quicksand all the time

 

[WhatABore]

Those with older children what could I buy a 7ish year old girl that isn’t too expensive? We’re looking at buying our neighbours little Christmas presents as they bought us really helpful bulk items when baby was born, we get on well but aren’t super close to them. I know what to get their son but I’m struggling with their daughter we’re looking at about £10 each
Thanks for any recommendations!x

Something art related?
Stationary set/drawing bits ect? Journal/diary and pens.
Or those make your own jewlery things ect. My mum hated them but I loved them

 

[LilyRose1234]

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so poorly in my life, proper sore throat, chills, headache. Nothing further to add, just needed to moan