New baby and post birth advice #34 Just press the tummy to turn it off

[Borntorun]

I keep forgetting how awful this must be for healthcare professionals/particularly SCBU nurses. They are not only going to have a huge barrier with patients trusting them and scrutinising their every move now (understandable but hard nonetheless), but also having to second guess eachother!? Jesus. Had I heard of this all before Tommy was born I'd never have been able to leave his side for even a second and my God how detrimental that's going to be to parents health but also for the staff trying to do their jobs with completely full to brim units of terrified parents.

Haha don’t worry I’m fully aware that people don’t really like midwives anyway - it’s why I never said what I do until I was out of the pregnancy thread!

I just found the LL thread was making me question every time I’ve seen / been involved in an adverse outcome and wondered if I could have done anything different to save those babies. And while to a certain extent I always wonder that anyway, I’m not sure it’s a healthy mindset to re-examine allllll of them. Sometimes you have to stop reading stuff for the sake of your own mental health!

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Haha don’t worry I’m fully aware that people don’t really like midwives anyway - it’s why I never said what I do until I was out of the pregnancy thread!

I just found the LL thread was making me question every time I’ve seen / been involved in an adverse outcome and wondered if I could have done anything different to save those babies. And while to a certain extent I always wonder that anyway, I’m not sure it’s a healthy mindset to re-examine allllll of them. Sometimes you have to stop reading stuff for the sake of your own mental health!

Fwiw, I think midwives are fecking awesome!

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

Fwiw, I think midwives are fecking awesome!

Me too, absolute stars!

 

[jackolantern]

My midwives were lovely (well bar 1 but she still did a good job I just didn’t like her on a personal level ) I haven’t actually come across people not liking midwives - is this a thing?! The people you see for the prenatal pregnancy checks were shite tho

 

[Dipdab]

Really hoping someone can help me.. so my daughter was born premature and my boyfriend and I split up shortly after. Between him and his family causing absolute war, trying to take her from the hospital, his sister telling me how to parent(she has no children) and that I had my daughter early due to Covid not preeclampsia(I didn’t have Covid), and his father telling everyone I’m crazy and I’ve post natal depression. Don’t get me started on the mother. So I had to basically get a solicitor to do you an agreement to keep them from coming to my house and causing me nothing but stress. It’s that bad I was breast feeding but my milk dried up with the stress. He has her twice a week in his house for a few hours. Everytime the child comes back she’s starving. She cries for the whole night when she’s home. He won’t tell me if she gets sick. She always comes back constipated, and she won’t drink her bottles without getting sick after. She is the most content baby ever any other time and I just hate seeing her so distressed. Has anyone been there and what did they do? She’s 3 months old or 6 weeks corrected if that’s any help!

I’m sorry you’re going through this Do you have your family around to support you? Are you in contact with health visitor or midwife who can help with next steps regarding welfare of baby? Sending you a massive hug I can’t imagine how stressed you must be

 

[Borntorun]

I haven’t actually come across people not liking midwives - is this a thing?!

haha it’s definitely a thing. When you meet people in real life and tell them what you do for a living, about 50% of the time they like to spend the next half an hour telling me why their midwife was horrible / wrong / unsupportive. And I’m not denying some are, but I do think the vast majority are fine and some of the things people don’t like are actually more to do with poor staffing / underfunding / tit hospital policies

 

[onlyheretoorbit]

A nice midwife saved my sanity when I was recovering from my section. I hadn't slept in over 48 hours, I was hallucinating and couldn't remember how to feed or change baby o. She found me crying in my cubicle, took baby o so I could sleep and then sat with me and went over feeding, winding, changing, bathing etc. Then every time I gave baby o a bottle she would walk past and cheer me on.
I think it's a bit like teaching, people see issues with process and policy and assume it's down to laziness or lack of empathy when actually these people are trying to function in a broken system. I have enormous respect for anyone working in the NHS, I cannot imagine the pressure or the level of responsibility they take on for very little reward

 

[jackolantern]

A nice midwife saved my sanity when I was recovering from my section. I hadn't slept in over 48 hours, I was hallucinating and couldn't remember how to feed or change baby o. She found me crying in my cubicle, took baby o so I could sleep and then sat with me and went over feeding, winding, changing, bathing etc. Then every time I gave baby o a bottle she would walk past and cheer me on.
I think it's a bit like teaching, people see issues with process and policy and assume it's down to laziness or lack of empathy when actually these people are trying to function in a broken system. I have enormous respect for anyone working in the NHS, I cannot imagine the pressure or the level of responsibility they take on for very little reward

Some people are just cunts tho too

 

[Borntorun]

On a lighter note, I’ve just spent the last half an hour stuck in my garden. Getting some housework done, went out to wash the windows, left baby inside because I can see her through the patio doors. Didn’t expect she’d pull herself up and proceed to lean on the patio door for the next 25 minutes. So I couldn’t then open the door again without knocking her over. We literally just stood there looking at each other the whole time til she decided to move so I could get in

 

[morsbar98]

I’m sorry you’re going through this Do you have your family around to support you? Are you in contact with health visitor or midwife who can help with next steps regarding welfare of baby? Sending you a massive hug I can’t imagine how stressed you must be

I’m so so lucky I have a great family around me. No one knows what to say. He rings up the public health nurse after every appointment because he doesn’t believe I’m telling him the truth, it just makes me look like a right witch. Him or his family can’t be honest about how she is up there, he wouldn’t even tell you if she gets sick. Anything I say to him gets twisted to his family so I can’t say a thing. They prop her up on pillows to feed her and when she closes her eyes even if she’s only drank an ounce they leave her, don’t even burp her and just pass her around taking turns holding her…that’s what they did when it was in my house in front of me so I can only imagine what they are doing in private. When I confronted them about not burping her(she has colic and reflux) his mother told me I was paranoid and his family blocked me on social media it’s not normal people I’m dealing with. Stressed out momma to the max im afraid that I’ll just be see as the bitter ex when I don’t care I just want my poor baby not to be distressed. She was born at 3lbs, she’s had it tough, I don’t wanteverything to be tough on her it’s not fair. Mom guilt is going strong

 

[DaisyDaisy87]

God Miss Rachel is so annoying but she is currently parenting my fascinated child while I lay on the sofa on my phone so I can’t complain.

Good jaaabbb.

@WhatABore are you going to be transferred back if they’re not able to do the drain now? Hope she’s doing okay today

 

[WhatABore]

God Miss Rachel is so annoying but she is currently parenting my fascinated child while I lay on the sofa on my phone so I can’t complain.

Good jaaabbb.

@WhatABore are you going to be transferred back if they’re not able to do the drain now? Hope she’s doing okay today

She was supposed to have a CT scan today.
Because the xray showed that the pockets of fluid have possibly become abbsesses.
Buuut her cannula stopped working an hour before her CT was due.
And she needed antibiotics. They also want to do a contract CT. So they need the cannula to inject whatever it is they put in. Dye or whatever.
Still waiting for the cannula to be done.
Soooo that'll be CT tomorrow now I guess

 

[Belle Amie]

I really just need a moan, why when people are clearly talking about you do they make it SO obvious. We went out today and I caught about 3 couples nodding staring and talking to each other clearly about my sons helmet. I’d expect that off children or kids to say something not understanding why he’s wearing it but not from grown bleeping adults. It’s heartbreaking and annoying that he’s being talked about when all I want to do is ask them what their problem is and what they’re saying but I’d probably get knocked out
Like are we supposed to wear a sign to shut people up, wish people had some class and decorum and just asked why he’s wearing it rather than whisper amongst themselves.
The kicker is a little girl said to me ‘aw he’s so cute’ and didn’t even mention the helmet. If a kid of about 8 can be nice why can’t a man of 40!

Sorry my OH thinks I’m overreacting but I needed to get it out somewhere.

 

[LilyRose1234]

Me too, absolute stars!

Me three! Mine were amazing and the work they do, they should definitely be paid more!

 

[Trombolese]

I’m back after surviving chicken pox. That was not enjoyable hope everyone is ok. Sorry to hear some little ones have been unwell and in hospital. Sending love your way

We are meant to be completing on our new build on Monday but it’s all a bit up in the air right now…but either way we should finally be moved in within the next two weeks after 16 months with my MIL. Feels so strange my littlest will be one next month and has never experienced life with just us in our own house! @Trombolese you’ve been my solidarity in this journey hope you get out soon too or make some progress if you haven’t already, although what a time to be attempting it…the world is a scary place these last few years!

oh no to chicken pox but amazing news about the house! How nice that you’ll be in for Christmas I bet you’re so relieved. You’ll have to do something to celebrate the occasion (and freedom) when you move in. I know what you mean about the baby not experiencing time alone with you, I worry about that sometimes and wonder how different it would be if our house didn’t fall through. They won’t know any different though, and apart from the bad stressful times I also think it’s been good for the baby to be around loads of people. We are hoping to start looking again in the new year when I go back to work, it’s all pretty crazy as you say though a lot of houses in our area which had previously sold but not completed are now back on the market because of sales falling through, and not much is selling right now so we are hoping that prices will go down a bit I’m dreading going through the process again but also dying for our own place . Hope next week goes as smoothly as possible for you with completing!

 

[Author123]

My pre natal midwife was lovely, but the midwives I had during labour, birth and post natal aftercare at the hospital made me feel like an inconvenience and I’ve never felt so scared and alone. BUT I simply can’t hold my personal bad experience against the whole profession when it’s clear the strain that the NHS is under and baby author and I were able to benefit from free medical care and ultimately safe.

 

[Borntorun]

A nice midwife saved my sanity when I was recovering from my section. I hadn't slept in over 48 hours, I was hallucinating and couldn't remember how to feed or change baby o. She found me crying in my cubicle, took baby o so I could sleep and then sat with me and went over feeding, winding, changing, bathing etc. Then every time I gave baby o a bottle she would walk past and cheer me on.
I think it's a bit like teaching, people see issues with process and policy and assume it's down to laziness or lack of empathy when actually these people are trying to function in a broken system. I have enormous respect for anyone working in the NHS, I cannot imagine the pressure or the level of responsibility they take on for very little reward

So this is what I mean by the nhs is ruined by batshit policies. This is banned where I work. I’ve done it anyway (because I’m a nice normal human being and I’m not going to leave someone struggling with sleep deprivation when I’m literally being paid to stay awake) and then got sent to the boss’s office in the morning. Looking after babies overnight is banned because it apparently doesn’t promote breastfeeding anyway. I will continue to do as I think is rational, but not everyone has the level of fight in them for this kind of low level petty rebellion…

 

[cj_ii]

Some people are just cunts tho too

Also known as a Health Visitor

 

[onlyheretoorbit]

So today I didn’t get home from work until 6. Normally KW does bedtime on Friday and Saturday but I volunteered this evening as I wanted to spend time with her.

Well she was a bloody mardy arse the entire time, and then as I was rocking her to sleep she kept flinging her dummy across the room and then crying for it back the fourth time this happened I just plonked her in the cot and walked out to calm down.

Went back in a few minutes later and she was asleep so now I feel sad that I didn’t get a bedtime cuddle with her and I ended the night annoyed at her

 

[miaaaa]

I'm honestly at my wits end. Arnie is nearly 6 months now and won't sleep unless held, day and night. Even when he's held he sleeps max 30 mins during the day so I get nothing done and he's so heavy my arms are cramping constantly. I'm so sleep deprived, snappy and just want 5 mins where I don't have a baby attached to me.

I love him more than life but my god, its mentally draining. I tried him in his next to me last night and he screamed as soon as he's in it. I just have no idea what to do, my other two were food sleepers for the first 6 months but I'm not exaggerating in saying I haven't had a full night since he's been born. How the hell I will function come Jan when I'm back teaching I have no idea.