New baby and post birth advice #34 Just press the tummy to turn it off

[miaaaa]

This is the story of my life and all I get is “I forgot” or “I was going to” drives me mad he’s a bloody pig

Exactly what I get! Just went into the downstairs loo and all of his football kit is on the floor as well with all the astro bits scattered across my newly cleaned floor. Ffs

 

[WhatABore]

You lot are making me feel like a right Grinch (but I do actually love Christmas!), 3yo first Christmas she was 6 months old and I wasn't about to spend money on a Santa visit. Then Covid was still a big issue the next two years and now knowing her personality there is nothing she'd hate more then having to cuddle up to a total stranger and be the centre of attention so I don't think we'll be going this year either!

Tradition wise we don't have much, we just always go to a local tree plantation and choose our tree together and cut it down, we put Christmas records on the record player while we decorate it. We also do the usual things of gingerbread etc. We're starting a new tradition this year of going to the theatre (3yo, not baby!) so I'm excited about that one over the years.

But we also do Hanukkah so I can't do too many Christmas events plus Hanukkah or my head will explode!

We have zero traditions.
I hate Christmas

I still get the kids involved in putting the tree up, that isn't very fancy either. I've got 1 set of baubles and some lights.
Last year we did get them a mini tree each for their room and went and collected pinecones for them to paint and hang on it.

We do try and go see a panto as I grew up with my Dad doing panto.

But that's it.
I refuse all family visits on Christmas day.
We just spend it as a family with no visitors.
And that's it really!

 

[Megatron1298]

Feel like I’m coming down with a chesty cold thing and I’m so paranoid my 2 month old will get it. After him being in hospital with the virus a few weeks ago I guess I’m more aware of how a regular illness can rock them way more

 

[Rxt156]

Why are men incapable of cleaning up after themselves? He went out to training last night, I was asleep by the time he came home. Came down this morning there's pasta all over the side, dirty dishes he's not washed, cake wrappers all over the sofa and his drink left out on the floor. MY PET HATE

Amen to that. Why are they such scruffs!! I once started throwing his belongings in the garden if he left them out. Shoes in the kitchen? Garden. Bag in the hallway? Garden . Crumbs are a nightmare. Just clean up after yourself

 

[miaaaa]

Amen to that. Why are they such scruffs!! I once started throwing his belongings in the garden if he left them out. Shoes in the kitchen? Garden. Bag in the hallway? Garden . Crumbs are a nightmare. Just clean up after yourself

Why did I not think of this!! Hilarious, will try this next time and report back

Feel like I’m coming down with a chesty cold thing and I’m so paranoid my 2 month old will get it. After him being in hospital with the virus a few weeks ago I guess I’m more aware of how a regular illness can rock them way more

If its any consolation my 5 month old has just recovered from an awful cough cld thing - pretty sure it was covid as it was hacking but he's out the other side now and absolutely fine! Its so scary though when they're little, I'm sure he'll be just fine xx

 

[calmyourritas]

See I was unsure about going to see Santa this year as she’ll only be 6 months, but now I’m thinking maybe it will be nice to go and have a pic every year?

Also getting FOMO and wanting matching family PJs now but the expense! And I’ve already got her quite a few Xmas outfits from Vinted

Sorry to hear you’re still in hospital @WhatABore xx

 

[morsbar98]

Really hoping someone can help me.. so my daughter was born premature and my boyfriend and I split up shortly after. Between him and his family causing absolute war, trying to take her from the hospital, his sister telling me how to parent(she has no children) and that I had my daughter early due to Covid not preeclampsia(I didn’t have Covid), and his father telling everyone I’m crazy and I’ve post natal depression. Don’t get me started on the mother. So I had to basically get a solicitor to do you an agreement to keep them from coming to my house and causing me nothing but stress. It’s that bad I was breast feeding but my milk dried up with the stress. He has her twice a week in his house for a few hours. Everytime the child comes back she’s starving. She cries for the whole night when she’s home. He won’t tell me if she gets sick. She always comes back constipated, and she won’t drink her bottles without getting sick after. She is the most content baby ever any other time and I just hate seeing her so distressed. Has anyone been there and what did they do? She’s 3 months old or 6 weeks corrected if that’s any help!

 

[Jellybean093]

I was a Christmas hater, but the more kids I’ve had, the more excited I am. I can’t wait to get the tree up (I will wait until the first weekend of December though!) and get the house smelling and looking all Christmassey. Hopefully the cat leave the tree alone. Baby is going to love it and I can’t wait to see him with all the pretty lights

 

[Littleelf]

Amen to that. Why are they such scruffs!! I once started throwing his belongings in the garden if he left them out. Shoes in the kitchen? Garden. Bag in the hallway? Garden . Crumbs are a nightmare. Just clean up after yourself

I do this! He leaves boxers and socks and dirty clothes down his side of the bed and I cant see it unless I go round there. So I just started putting it all in the bin, then he used to wonder where all his boxers had gone and kept complaining he was spending loads buying new ones he soon stopped and put them in the washing basket when he found out where they were all going

I was a Christmas hater, but the more kids I’ve had, the more excited I am. I can’t wait to get the tree up (I will wait until the first weekend of December though!) and get the house smelling and looking all Christmassey. Hopefully the cat leave the tree alone. Baby is going to love it and I can’t wait to see him with all the pretty lights

We both have December babies dont we? I'm excited to see baby elf face when the tree goes up and everything looks all Christmassy

Not so excited about him inevitably pulling everything off the tree

 

[MrsLucas]

See I was unsure about going to see Santa this year as she’ll only be 6 months, but now I’m thinking maybe it will be nice to go and have a pic every year?

Also getting FOMO and wanting matching family PJs now but the expense! And I’ve already got her quite a few Xmas outfits from Vinted

Sorry to hear you’re still in hospital @WhatABore xx

its always nice to get a picture of baby with Santa. As for the matching pjs we used to do it but since last year my eldest won’t do it 🥲. I just ordered baby and 6yo a few matching pjs/sleep suits.

 

[jackolantern]

Had to leave the LL thread, I'd tried to avoid reading the actual graphic details of what happened to those babies and people have started posting them in the thread I can't bare thinking what those parents must be going through. I genuinely don't know how you'd continue after this, sometimes I wish they'd never had to hear this all, but I know that couldn't have been avoided.

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Had to leave the LL thread, I'd tried to avoid reading the actual graphic details of what happened to those babies and people have started posting them in the thread I can't bare thinking what those parents must be going through. I genuinely don't know how you'd continue after this, sometimes I wish they'd never had to hear this all, but I know that couldn't have been avoided.

You're stronger than me, I tried to leave the other day but still find myself reading about it constantly.
My recurring NICU nightmares are now also sponsored by LL
My therapist went ape tit at me on Tuesday, I'm a nightmare

Sending you big love Lantern

 

[jackolantern]

You're stronger than me, I tried to leave the other day but still find myself reading about it constantly.
My recurring NICU nightmares are now also sponsored by LL
My therapist went ape tit at me on Tuesday, I'm a nightmare

Sending you big love Lantern

It's really hard to I won't lie, I feel like I need to keep up with all the evidence to know whether whatever verdict they come to seems legit, but I just can't handle thinking what those babies must have gone through I'm probably burying my head in the sand because I know it doesn't change anything but it's just too awful. I think if I didn't have Tommy/had been in SCBU I'd probably be more detached from it all but it's too raw isn't it. I really do think she's guilty and I just can't fathom how anyone could be so evil, babies man, I'm not condoning murder of any sort but of all the people to pick.

 

[I’mThankyou_]

It's really hard to I won't lie, I feel like I need to keep up with all the evidence to know whether whatever verdict they come to seems legit, but I just can't handle thinking what those babies must have gone through I'm probably burying my head in the sand because I know it doesn't change anything but it's just too awful. I think if I didn't have Tommy/had been in SCBU I'd probably be more detached from it all but it's too raw isn't it. I really do think she's guilty and I just can't fathom how anyone could be so evil, babies man, I'm not condoning murder of any sort but of all the people to pick.

That's what I think it is, we were there once, we've lived and breathed it and it could of been us in that position?! I think that's why I'm so curious about it, I've not read the online updates because hearing in detail about Baby A took me right back but I can't stop reading the thread.
It'd honestly take a complete miracle of some serious cold hard evidence to prove to me that she's totally innocent in all of this.

 

[jackolantern]

That's what I think it is, we were there once, we've lived and breathed it and it could of been us in that position?! I think that's why I'm so curious about it, I've not read the online updates because hearing in detail about Baby A took me right back but I can't stop reading the thread.
It'd honestly take a complete miracle of some serious cold hard evidence to prove to me that she's totally innocent in all of this.

Completely Especially for you with little T2's health, it must be so bloody hard. I think that's how I was managing to stick in the thread because I could avoid the actual updates but when I went on this morning the first post I saw was someone graphically describing what happened to one of the babies and it was just bleeping awful. I totally agree and tbh I was getting p'd off at the people who are adamant she's innocent so I'm probably better off out anyway! I know innocent until proven guilty but they refuse to listen to any evidence towards guilt at all. Can't fathom it.

Tbf I've even left the Christmas thread because I couldn't handle people's talk about all the masses of activities they have planned and all the money they are spending. I'm just an emotional wreck these days, everything triggers me

 

[Lulu Goss]

Really hoping someone can help me.. so my daughter was born premature and my boyfriend and I split up shortly after. Between him and his family causing absolute war, trying to take her from the hospital, his sister telling me how to parent(she has no children) and that I had my daughter early due to Covid not preeclampsia(I didn’t have Covid), and his father telling everyone I’m crazy and I’ve post natal depression. Don’t get me started on the mother. So I had to basically get a solicitor to do you an agreement to keep them from coming to my house and causing me nothing but stress. It’s that bad I was breast feeding but my milk dried up with the stress. He has her twice a week in his house for a few hours. Everytime the child comes back she’s starving. She cries for the whole night when she’s home. He won’t tell me if she gets sick. She always comes back constipated, and she won’t drink her bottles without getting sick after. She is the most content baby ever any other time and I just hate seeing her so distressed. Has anyone been there and what did they do? She’s 3 months old or 6 weeks corrected if that’s any help!

Sorry I can’t give you any useful advice but didn’t want to read and not reply. This sounds so so stressful, I feel angry for you that him and his family are ruining such a special time.

This might sound bad but do you have to give him access? If his name is on the birth certificate obviously he has rights but if you’re concerned that he’s not caring for her properly then can you tell him he can see her but somewhere neutral with you there too? Is it worth getting in touch with a solicitor again to get legal advice on having something more formal written up about access? Sorry I know I’m just asking questions and I’m not 100% sure how these things work.

ETA - you’ll find lots of support on this thread either way x

 

[jackolantern]

Really hoping someone can help me.. so my daughter was born premature and my boyfriend and I split up shortly after. Between him and his family causing absolute war, trying to take her from the hospital, his sister telling me how to parent(she has no children) and that I had my daughter early due to Covid not preeclampsia(I didn’t have Covid), and his father telling everyone I’m crazy and I’ve post natal depression. Don’t get me started on the mother. So I had to basically get a solicitor to do you an agreement to keep them from coming to my house and causing me nothing but stress. It’s that bad I was breast feeding but my milk dried up with the stress. He has her twice a week in his house for a few hours. Everytime the child comes back she’s starving. She cries for the whole night when she’s home. He won’t tell me if she gets sick. She always comes back constipated, and she won’t drink her bottles without getting sick after. She is the most content baby ever any other time and I just hate seeing her so distressed. Has anyone been there and what did they do? She’s 3 months old or 6 weeks corrected if that’s any help!

Sorry I missed this, I haven't been in your position so I don't have any experience there but all I can say is if it is causing you and your baby alot of distress, is it possible you could seek some sort of court order where he can see your daughter but only with supervision? I admit I don't know the ins and outs, but this isn't fair on either of you and if it is negatively affecting her physical and mental health (and yours as a side effect) then frankly he doesn't sound like he can be trusted. Big love mama, I'm so sorry you are going through this, you are a saint for not just telling him to duck off honestly

 

[WhatABore]

Really hoping someone can help me.. so my daughter was born premature and my boyfriend and I split up shortly after. Between him and his family causing absolute war, trying to take her from the hospital, his sister telling me how to parent(she has no children) and that I had my daughter early due to Covid not preeclampsia(I didn’t have Covid), and his father telling everyone I’m crazy and I’ve post natal depression. Don’t get me started on the mother. So I had to basically get a solicitor to do you an agreement to keep them from coming to my house and causing me nothing but stress. It’s that bad I was breast feeding but my milk dried up with the stress. He has her twice a week in his house for a few hours. Everytime the child comes back she’s starving. She cries for the whole night when she’s home. He won’t tell me if she gets sick. She always comes back constipated, and she won’t drink her bottles without getting sick after. She is the most content baby ever any other time and I just hate seeing her so distressed. Has anyone been there and what did they do? She’s 3 months old or 6 weeks corrected if that’s any help!

If there is a welfare/safeguarding concern, I believe you can stop access until he puts through to court.

I'm not 100% on this.

But I spend an hour every evening glued to a family court lawyer's live on tiktok and she constantly repeats that

 

[Borntorun]

Had to leave the LL thread, I'd tried to avoid reading the actual graphic details of what happened to those babies and people have started posting them in the thread I can't bare thinking what those parents must be going through. I genuinely don't know how you'd continue after this, sometimes I wish they'd never had to hear this all, but I know that couldn't have been avoided.

I’ve also left. I can only function working in the job I do by being able to trust my team. Whilst I’m always on the look out for competence issues, the idea someone might be maliciously harming babies is too much.

 

[jackolantern]

I’ve also left. I can only function working in the job I do by being able to trust my team. Whilst I’m always on the look out for competence issues, the idea someone might be maliciously harming babies is too much.

I keep forgetting how awful this must be for healthcare professionals/particularly SCBU nurses. They are not only going to have a huge barrier with patients trusting them and scrutinising their every move now (understandable but hard nonetheless), but also having to second guess eachother!? Jesus. Had I heard of this all before Tommy was born I'd never have been able to leave his side for even a second and my God how detrimental that's going to be to parents health but also for the staff trying to do their jobs with completely full to brim units of terrified parents.