Probably a long shot but does anyone else have partners who are chronically ill/with no diagnosis in particular? OH has been for nearly two decades and it's life ruining, had every test, tried an insane amount of things to help himself, spent so many hours researching etc. But nothing. The system don't care about him at all, never have and just treat him like it's all in his head. He has incredible resilience considering but since Tommy that has all changed. Honestly it's breaking us. He (understandably) can't cope with the lack of sleep at all and it doesn't matter if I make the effort to give him more time, he can't sleep when he's stressed and clearly that has increased significantly since having Tommy, so he's sleeping maybe 1-2 hours a day maximum. He's shutting down and I don't know what to do. He won't go to the doctor because (again understandably) they never help him. But it's making his health worse as a whole and his mood is just so, so bad (he definitely wouldn't go to the doctor about mental health either). We have had such a hard year but things are just getting unbearable, we are struggling so badly with money, everything is getting on top of us and the health thing is just all too much. He's in a really dark place as well about thinking he's a "sick dad" who won't be able to give Tommy what he needs and it doesn't matter how much I say he doesn't need an active, strong Dad yada yada, just one who loves him, he doesn't hear it. I just don't know what to do anymore, it's hell. We just have too many things going on and it's all so overwhelming, I think having Tommy just took the last tiny thing he had to give. He keeps saying things like his life isn't worth living and not because he doesn't love us but because he'll never have the life he wants with us. It's killing me. I know he's badly depressed but he wouldn't ever take pills and we both find CBT is a load of bollocks and I just can't force him y'know? I'm just at my wits end and wondering if anyone else has experienced similar and what they do?
Oh lass, what a difficult set of circumstances. It's so hard not having anything to pin any hope on at all if there are no more doctor appointments or tests being run. Your OH being stuck on the 'this is the way it is and will never get better' mentality and therefore not looking into any soloutions has to be incredibly tough on you and your mental health, you're doing bloody well coping through this and Tommy and the job and family things that have cropped up too.
I can somewhat relate, Mr SI has been off work for weeks now with physical health issues that I am sure are related to his MH, as he's been changing his medication doses, but won't accept the link....even though the physical symptoms are the same with no tests churning up a 'reason' as just before he absolutely cracked it, went through some extremely dark times and went off to be an inpatient. It terrifies me at times as I gave so much of myself to him last time he was really really unwell, he was a danger to himself so I could basically never leave even for work, and I used up all my goodwill there, ran through savings, had to give up my hobbies and social life. They'd only had a short stay space for him and then turfed him out back home with community nursing a couple of times a day while he was still very much not okay and still bavigating visions and voices, but I couldn't have that around the baby now, but I couldn't kick him when he was down and ban him from his family either, it's such a tough spot.
The part I find the hardest is when it seems like they aren't trying to get better. It's hard when someone is ill, but it is easier to manage when they actively WANT to be well. I know metophorically even standing still can be difficult for them, let alone trying to make strides forward. But with all the burden of life falling on you, it can end up with you flip flopping between resentment and low self esteem at not being worthy enough for them to want to get better for. And then going back to being gutted for them because you love them.
This is such a ramble and I don't wnat to make it about me but I want you to know that you aren't alone xxxxx
Are we calling parents KWs or do we have another word? My OH is away with work for the night and I asked my mum to come to mine to watch baby while I deep cleaned the house before swimming & so he could nap on time and I could eat. She text this morning she’s not coming cause she’s hungover so now I’m stuck under a napping baby the air fryers pinged for my dinner the dogs being a needy dick swimming is in 50 minutes and I have no swimwear dry
Who gets so drunk they can’t see their grandchild when it’s been planned for a week. I can’t stand more than one glass of alcohol as it is and between her and my OH after a drink I’m sure I’m right to feel how I do about it.
Me and my husband call the grandparents the Old Goats, idk why. But they're always butting in/being annoying.
You're deffo right feeling cheesed off, having so much to drink on a weeknight that plans to help with a grandchild have to be cancelled ain't if and it's nor fair either.
KW quote of the day:
“It’s a good job you’re not as ill as I was when I had this bug”
Yes darling, in fact I feel just as awful as you did but if I just went to bed for 36 hours like you did, someone would probably call social services on me for neglecting the children as apparently you can’t take any time off work
What a massive bit of rage bait!!! You're doing a good job with the kids = you're obviously not that ill is such an unfair stance as most mums will summon up any ounce of strength to see to little ones, even if it's at their own recovery detriment and makes being ill drag on longer than if they could just go to bed for a day.
he’s lucky he got anything! Couldn’t imagine Mr B running around Xmas eve to get the baby presents!!
. 
it makes you never want to ask for help doesn’t it! Yet she’s always saying ‘oh I’ll look after him I’ll have him so you can sleep/gym/go out’ this was her prime opportunity and she threw it up the wall 
