New baby and post birth advice #33 A tidal wave of vomit

[LongishCat]

So it happened earlier tonight.
He left peacefully, he was ready for the suffering to stop...
It all feels unreal, but I'm so relieved for him.

Tomorrow it'll be 3 months since my FIL died. What a fucked up year 2022 has been so far. Hope everything will settle now for a bit, because I'm so tired and broken...

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Don’t forget we all get £60 a month towards gas and electric!! Got my first payment today. Not sure why they couldn’t put it towards my bill though, as it was the gas company that put it in my bank 🫠

Yes mine was put on my meter last week as we're pay as you go.
You can ask them to split it between both your gas & electricity if they are separate so I'd give them a bell and tell them to sort their shit!
Our November payment will go between G&E

Ladies, I come baring good news.
I've just had the most amazing whatsapp message from Small Potato.
She's obviously reading my mind as I was thinking of her the other day.
But she has entrusted me to pass on the following message, she is currently 16 weeks pregnant
Baby Potato is due March 2023

 

[LongishCat]

Spoiler: Dad

Euthanasia has been scheduled for tonight

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

Hey everyone just parking myself here, I had a beautiful baby boy on Thursday born at 36 weeks after a traumatic category 1 section. He’s still in NICU but is thriving every day. Sure I’ll be here asking for advice day in day out as I have been on the pregnancy thread for the last few months

 

[LongishCat]

I know it's not baby related, but dad's funeral's tomorrow. Dreading it

 

[Kaylarina]

I can't believe Elanna is 6 and a half months old already. Little bugger has the commando crawl down to a T and its so fast. I think I blink and she is across the room. And we may have lost our sanity pure and simple, but she's going to be a big sister. Going to be about 15 months between them so if anyone has 2 close in age, please share you tips!

 

[WhatABore]

Update again that nobody asked for.

We're being transferred to a specialist hospital because she's got too much fluid around her lungs and they can't do the ultrasound here so we're going to where they've got a special respiratory team

 

[Borntorun]

Argh. It’s my grandads funeral tomorrow. I made KW take the day off work to look after the eldest so I can go. I have to take the baby with me because breastfeeding. I’d even thought ahead and precooked the days activities so they’d be busy.

Anyway. He’s told her she can come with me to the funeral if she wants. She’s an absolute mummy’s girl, so would always choose a boring day with me rather than a fun day with daddy.

I think he’s thinking if both children come with me, then he gets a day off work home alone.

Honestly I’m so irritated

 

[Borntorun]

I have made myself feel better about KW being a KW…. I’ve sent him out to collect something I’ve bought from Facebook marketplace and not reminded him he had his face painted as a pumpkin after we went to a Halloween thing with the kids today

 

[Jellybean093]

Mr B is right winding me up

I’ve told him the dishwasher isn’t working. He saw me washing up. I’ve put the dishes in the dishwasher to dry as there’s no space on top. He’s then gone and put the dishwasher on. Nice wastrel of electric

I went upstairs to put the 2 little ones to bed. Have baby his milk and sat with 3yo. I thought he was washing up/bottles. No. He’s on the toilet. The whole time it’s taken me to put 2 to bed, he’s on the fucking shitter.

I’m seriously fed up and feel as though I’m constantly in a mood. I’m getting so fed up of my life and the same thing day in, day out. Having babies constantly at my feet and not having a break. A husband who is working a million hours a day. Friends who can’t even be bothered to tell me one of their kids were in hospital, but spoke about it amongst themselves (3 is definitely not the magic number!!) family who either aren’t talking to me, or completely taking the piss when it comes to me looking after my niece because no one apparently takes my job seriously because I WFH. I still get paid. I still pay the bills. I still look after my children

Someone come rescue me. I can’t be fucked anymore

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

Reading through this thread is cheering me up. We’re still in hospital on day 6 I’ve cried every single day but I know things will only get better. It’s so hard having a little one at home too

i managed to breastfeed for the first time last night after asking for help 3 times and being left to get on with it. I think that’s helped my hormones. He loved it. I’m still formula feeding but some breast here and there

@LongishCat I’m new to this thread but didn’t want to scroll past without sending you xx

 

[Chickenandgravy]

Hey everyone, I've been lurking for a while but not really been contributing. Someone tried to doxx me....but it wasn't actually me if that makes sense?! So I got a bit of a fright and decided to stop posting, plus my mental health has been terrible lately, I just feel so lost. My job are being arseholes and toddler gravy (not using her name anymore because of the doxxing) still doesn't sleep so I just feel like a shell.

Sorry other people are having a shit time too. It's hard being a mum and the default parent isn't it!

 

[FirsttimeTTC]

Spoiler: Traumatic Birth/Introduction

Hello Ladies!

It's about time I joined this thread

My little miracle baby girl was born 34+2 after I developed moderate pre-eclampsia. I had a 4 day pre birth hospital stay which was horrendous - went to triage on the Monday with itchy hands and feet and severe swelling everywhere and was admitted and rapidly told by consultants that my pregnancy would be coming to an end very soon. The next day I was told I'd be induced for a natural birth then the next day I was told by a different doctor that the chances of a failed induction were high this early then the following day I was told it would be a c-section and the following day they actually went through with it! All different opinions sent my head into a bit of a head fuck.

We were briefed by neonatal about the markers she had to hit and what to expect. When baby TTC made her grand appearance she decided she'd be a tiny 4lb 6oz premie with the development of a full term baby. She went off to NICU for 2 hours for observation but was rapidly kicked out. She hasn't required any intervention, she's breathing on her own, feeding on her own, and hitting all the markers. I am beyond grateful.

Since then they have been wanting to monitor her closely on the basis things might decline but she hasn't and it's absolutely mind blowing so grateful to say we're going home!

My mind is all over the place at the moment, everything has been so traumatic and a big blur. I don't know how to feel. I'm supposed to still be pregnant, I've spent almost 7 days in 4 small walls with her and I'm severely sleep deprived. I feel guilty I don't have this massive rush of love yet for her as I feel robbed of so much but also I'm so grateful. I've been so excited to get home but now that I've left the hospital I don't feel so excited about it? This experience has robbed me of the excitement of having a baby and taking her home I feel so guilty for thinking I don't want this anymore. I know I do, I just didn't want all the trauma which has robbed me of everything.

Please tell me this is normal? X

 

[jackolantern]

Had another argument with OH earlier, all we seem to do these days. Been together for 10 years and for the first time I said I would leave him (if it wasn't for Tommy). I've since tried to explain myself in that it was just a heat of the moment thing and I don't really mean it but I can tell he doesn't believe me. Feel so shit about it. I really didn't/don't mean it at all but I was just feeling so hurt and overwhelmed by everything I'd just had enough and it seemed the only solution. He's a big believer of what you say in the moment is what you really mean so there will be no convincing him otherwise. I never realised how hard navigating your relationship was (or could be, I'm sure some people boss it) when having a baby

 

[WhatABore]

Really struggling at the minute

I think I only updated the toddler thread but my 4yo is in hospital with bad pneumonia and some other things.
So I'm with her.
I've been upstairs with her in bed for the 6 days before we came here and now here with her until at least Sunday.
Struggling watching her in so much pain and her begging me to let her go home. They've stabbed her all over, poking and prodding her every few hours.
Her fingers are so sore, one with the cannula in and her fingers from hourly glucose tests yesterday and some other tests.
She's so miserable.

But that also means I've not really seen the other 2 much at all since last Thursday
My 9yo understands so that's a bit easier but I feel like Everleigh is struggling.
My partner said last night when he said it was bed time, she went to every room in the house looking for us to say goodnight to and then did the same this morning when she got up.
She's been so emotional today just randomly crying.
And I'm going to be here with the 4yo until Sunday at the earliest

 

[Dipdab]

@I’mThankyou_ you’ll be so proud of me! I did a complaint to my local sainsburys as they never have double seat trolleys. They said they would arrange for some to be in store And today low and behold they have 4 of them right next to parent and baby spaces .

 

[jackolantern]

Probably a long shot but does anyone else have partners who are chronically ill/with no diagnosis in particular? OH has been for nearly two decades and it's life ruining, had every test, tried an insane amount of things to help himself, spent so many hours researching etc. But nothing. The system don't care about him at all, never have and just treat him like it's all in his head. He has incredible resilience considering but since Tommy that has all changed. Honestly it's breaking us. He (understandably) can't cope with the lack of sleep at all and it doesn't matter if I make the effort to give him more time, he can't sleep when he's stressed and clearly that has increased significantly since having Tommy, so he's sleeping maybe 1-2 hours a day maximum. He's shutting down and I don't know what to do. He won't go to the doctor because (again understandably) they never help him. But it's making his health worse as a whole and his mood is just so, so bad (he definitely wouldn't go to the doctor about mental health either). We have had such a hard year but things are just getting unbearable, we are struggling so badly with money, everything is getting on top of us and the health thing is just all too much. He's in a really dark place as well about thinking he's a "sick dad" who won't be able to give Tommy what he needs and it doesn't matter how much I say he doesn't need an active, strong Dad yada yada, just one who loves him, he doesn't hear it. I just don't know what to do anymore, it's hell. We just have too many things going on and it's all so overwhelming, I think having Tommy just took the last tiny thing he had to give. He keeps saying things like his life isn't worth living and not because he doesn't love us but because he'll never have the life he wants with us. It's killing me. I know he's badly depressed but he wouldn't ever take pills and we both find CBT is a load of bollocks and I just can't force him y'know? I'm just at my wits end and wondering if anyone else has experienced similar and what they do?

 

[WhatABore]

Thank you everyone
Looking like they want to sedate her to drain her lungs

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

@jackolantern Mr Sailor and I have been together for 8 years now and been good friends for 13+ and we’re currently trialling a bit of separation. Lots of different reasons, mainly that he won’t sort his health out both mental and physical and it puts a huge strain on us and our family but I just wanted to say that navigating relationships with kids is SO hard and I don’t think we’d be in such a desperate place if we hadn’t had children (that sounds worse than it is, but I’m sure you get what I mean). I’m sure most people are definitely not bossing it. He’s such a good dad but he’s become a terrible partner since we’ve had children, he no longer looks after himself or me and he does incredibly stupid and sometimes downright reckless things and he’s not someone I can see my life with forever (if it continues how it is). Saying things like what you said doesn’t make you a horrible person, it makes you human. Maybe that’s how you really feel and if it is then separating/taking a solid break doesn’t have to be permanent, even just having some conscious space from one another is necessary sometimes especially when you have a super high needs baby (we have middle sailor 🥲). It doesn’t even mean you have to live apart. Mr Sailor and I have spoken more in the past couple of months than we have in the past year since we’ve been “apart”, it’s mad! Almost like you have to go back and realise you’re friends/partners/team mates first before you are parents. The kids will always come first and I hope we find our way back but I just wanted to say you’re not alone, parenting and relationships feel totally not on the same wavelength 99% of the time I swear, it can be so rough x

 

[Trombolese]

Baby’s started babbling properly now not just screaming like a sea lion and he said ‘dada’ I’m refusing to believe he’s saying that and not baba but my mum & Nan said it’s dada so I guess first word and the OH can take over child rearing cause I’m salty until he says mama

I also woke up at midnight last night to check the monitor and he was fast asleep on his belly had a heart attack and had to run in to check his breathing.
Basically this baby’s annoyed me more in the last 24 hours than his 6 months of life

baby T is saying dada, gaga and baba, still no mama my MIL keeps trying to get him to say nana too and I might just lose my shit if that happens before he says mama.

I feel like a crap mum today, I’ve had a day where I’ve been holding back tears for most of it. My mum had her surgery the other week for breast cancer, but at her post op meeting they told her that it’s worse than they originally thought so she’s back in for more surgery tomorrow and then she’s going to start chemo. Mr T still can’t find a job but he’s trying his best, so money issues are becoming a real problem now. I’m really struggling mentally, I feel like I have a fog in my head and I’m trying to be the happy mum that baby T deserves, but I’m failing. Todays been so bad, I took him out with my mum for lunch before she goes in hospital tomorrow and I forgot a change of clothes for him, and he leaked onto his outfit and I had nothing to change him into. Then on our way to the car the pram just tipped over, luckily I caught it before he face planted the floor but I keep replaying it in my head and just feel like the worst mum ever. I feel so much guilt for all of these bad things happening in the first year of his life this leads onto me having an actual question, when do you change the pram from parent facing to world facing? I don’t know if it fell over because he’s too big to be parent facing, or if that is even possible? I feel traumatised and scared to take him out again