New baby and post birth advice #3

[Hbirdette]

This is ridiculous, why am I awake? My baby is fast asleep

 

[Ilando]

Totally get this! I’m envious of women that don’t have to prep bottles before they go out and spend their evening sterilising

If it makes you feel better, I go through stages of being envious of anyone who can’t physically feed my child…that would be anyone but me then

 

[Chickenandgravy]

Baby screams for 2 hours. Nothing will settle him…Husband gets back from the gym and settles him instantly

Midwife told me at the start that they likely will settle for your partner better because they can't smell your milk!

Tesco clothes are actually so cute I'm obsessed with bunnies and they had loads in and it washes great. But how adorable is this

 

[WhatABore]

The resentment is real!! In all honesty, sometimes I find looking after a baby really boring, that’s the thing I’m struggling with the most as I find the days so long and I see my partner just carrying on as normal. I’ve had breakdowns over it and my partner would be like ‘you’re the one who wanted this’ ‘you’re on maternity leave you’re essentially getting paid to look after him’ I kicked off at him for keep saying that as nothing can prepare you especially as a FTM.

When my partner finishes work, luckily he works from home then I’ll give the baby to him until baby wants fed (which usually isn’t long!) My partner does the baths (3x per week) and all last feeds with expressed milk or formula.

I follow an influencer on Instagram called @ownitbabe I find her a lot more tolerable than other mummy influencers but she’s talked about resentment before and said her and her husband agreed that they would each have 1 hour of free time per day to do whatever they want baby free and the other one would obvs look after the baby. I’ve tried to adopt that and use my baby free time to go to the gym even though I def have mum guilt and rush my time in case he’s hungry!

Tbf my partner is great, he also does a lot of the evening meals as he’s a way better cook than me and has been sleeping on the sofa while I co-sleep with the baby, though I’m trying to get my baby back in the crib atm.

My partner uses the "You're the one that wanted this" as well as if I forced him into it or something

 

[Hellofromtheotherside]

Complaint update: the hospital called and the matron wants a meeting with us to go over what happened, was also told to make the complaint formal!

 

[Ilando]

@Babyyoda88
Someone on this thread posted this one, I've not bought it yet though so can't comment on how well it works



Do you leave it on overnight?

Hi everyone, I feel like I can finally move over to this thread now by baby girl is home and out of NICU. The times I stayed with her in hospital and last night (first night at home) we can’t put her down to sleep she’ll only sleep on us. I don’t know if one of the reasons is because her next to me crib feels cold to touch (even though the room temperature is correct) can anyone recommend a heat pad or something and has anyone used one before with success?

It was me who posted it. We’re now in a routine where we put it in the crib before I change and feed him. By the time I’ve finished and he is asleep, the crib sheet is warm not hot. I swaddle him and remove the pad.

I repeat this for every nighttime wake up/feed. I’ll also use it in the Moses basket if he is being particularly difficult to get to nap in the day.

I’m not sure if we’re making a rod for our own back but it has definitely helped which is all I care about at the moment x

 

[Hbirdette]

 

[Chickenandgravy]

Thanks I've just looked up the 666 rule! But what I'm confused about is let's say I take the bottle out of the steriliser but don't use it straight away, but I open it up to pour the breast milk into later that day and put it in the fridge. Does this mean the bottle is no longer sterile as I haven't used it straight away and it hasn't been kept in the steriliser?



That makes sense about the breastmilk.

Tbh it seems like the UK is particularly anal about sterilising. I spoke to a French friend about this the other day and she pretty much laughed in my face and said she's never heard anything like it. Also what about when babies randomly start putting stuff in their mouth, we surely can't always ensure every single thing they could possibly put in their mouth is sterile?!

Hello, microbiologist here your bottle will be sterile as long as no air is allowed to get into it before you use it, so if you take it out the steriliser and make sure the top is on it, it will be fine to add your breast milk to at a later time, as long as it is within 24/48 hours of sterilisation depending on what method you use. As someone else has mentioned breast milk is anti microbial anyway so it shouldn't cause any issues, it's more formula you need to worry about!

I'm absolutely anal about this stuff and despite doing it for an actual job I still over think it

 

[CrimeJunkie]

Finally after a week long battle with the GP they've agreed to prescribe liquid Omeprazole rather than a dissolvable tablet (that doesn't actually dissolve properly!) Hopefully this will help with LO's silent reflux. I'm not surprised they didn't want to prescribe the liquid though... £197 for 75ml

 

[orange club biscuit]

Anyone else in the no sleep club want to keep me company tonight?!

Baby b has been SOOO grumpy all day today until now she’s managed a decent 2 - 2.5 hour sleep in the evenings her next to me (and she’ll literally sleep forever on one of us during the day ) but tonight she managed 45 mins and now refuses to let me put her down. Also our bedroom is freezing because my husband removed the radiator TWO months ago and hasn’t replaced it. He’s also away for work tomorrow, sleeping in the spare room and currently my least favourite person in this house send help!

 

[Definitelyme]

@OIM @WhatABore is right, mine are horrendous sleepers. I remember going back to work and my eldest was then 17 months and waking several times a night and I was like a zombie.

I don’t think that there is much to be done, sadly. If she’s hungry then there isn’t any way to stop that. Hopefully the rolling part eases in the next few weeks.

What I would suggest is making your time at home as easy as possible so you aren’t rushing home worrying about doing it all when you are already knackered. So I found getting shopping delivered, using the slow cooker, and hiring a cleaner were essential back then. It meant when I came home exhausted, and still had a full night of work ahead of me, the house wasn’t also in disarray. You can’t change work, you can’t change her sleep, so trying to sort out the other bits is what helps me x

 

[LilyRose1234]

Baby girl loves sleeping on her front. She’s 13 weeks and can roll from front to back but not back to front. I know you’re not supposed to put them on their fronts but if I’m awake (e.g it’s naptime rather than overnight) and she can’t settle, I put her on her front and she’ll nap for hours - but only on our bed. If I put her on her front in her cot, she rolls onto her back and smiles like she’s an evil genius I figure a supervised front nap is far better than an overtired baby who won’t feed properly

 

[wakametango]

Oh lovely, I wish I could give you a massive cuddle. You aren’t denying her anything at all. You’re putting your heart and soul in to this, you are doing a wonderful job. Yes there are still options for you, but it doesn’t mean you are in any way doing less than you should be.
Don’t eat more than you need to. Keeping well hydrated and eat just your normal amount and that’s all you need.
I would imagine that the stress of everything isn’t helping. I would say switch off the alarms, and just watch your baby, she’s the only alarm you need. have you got a good support system who can take care of your meals and anything else you need so you can concentrate on just snuggling up with her?

@Hairraiser sorry you’re feeling so miserable already, that must be so hard with a baby to look after too x

I do, my support system is insane. My midwife is family and came within ten mins when I needed her and my mum stays round and bring meals and helps me in the night.
I was told her let her cry out for 30 mins when she was 4 days old by a midwife when it turns out she just had tongue tie and was distressed at trying to latch on me so I don’t feel ready to only feed in her cues for fear of under feeding her again. It’s been a really tricky week and a half (I will be writing a formal complaint once I’m in a better place)

 

[WhatABore]

Best advice I can give new or expectant mothers. Let family & friends know in a nice way either before or after the birth a thank you for the well wishes & you'll let them know as soon as your up for a visit.

So many arrive into the hospital and visit at home when you have a new baby. Half he time your too tired, probably not washed or dressed, housework not done, baby needs feeding or changing. Everyone wants to hold the baby. You need sleep & rest and it's perfectly understandable if you dont want unexpected visitors. Especially not ones you havent seen in years, dont really speak to or people that just want a nosey or pic for facebook

I would also say, if you want to announce your babies birth on social media. Ask others not to announce, post pics or names until you have done so first. Seen so many falling out over that

Also, you really dont need half the baby items & gadgets. You really wont use half of them. And dont buy much 0-3 month clothing. They grow out of it before 3 months & dont get to wear half of it

Get babies used.to noise. The worst thing you can do is keep extra quiet, tiptoe & whisper. You just get the baby used to silence & they will wake easier at the slightest sounds. Keep the noise levels, voices, tv, music etc as you always do, so they are used to it from day one

I think the 0-3 clothing is all dependant of baby size.
My second was straight into 0-3 from birth and grew out of it at 2 months.
But this time, she's almost 5 months and only just growing out of it. She's currently in a 0-3 sleepsuit

 

[Kitt]

Your dad sounds just like my FIL. The whole “when can he start playing golf? When can we take him to football?” Stfu he’s 6 months old he’s just dropped my husband off at home now and asked if he could say a quick hello, I was just finished doing his bedtime story so I was like errrrrrm 2 mins cause he’s not sleepy yet but I don’t wanna stimulate him. So what does he do? Tries to tickle the poor thing, which then set him off crying. My in laws do a really shitty job of trying to convince me they’d be great at looking after him. Whereas my mum, like yours, is absolutely fab with him. Why do people think that babies want to be tickled all the time?
Have you got the day together with just your husband and Finn tomorrow? Time is so precious when they are back at work. I’m really selfish and I’m not afraid to admit it. We are going away for our wedding anniversary in November and his parents have asked if they can come for the night so my husband and his dad can play golf. Obviously it was a flat no from me!

Oh god, why can’t people have a little thought and try to respect what we’re saying as their parent? It’s just tiring.
yeah we’ve got the day just us tomorrow so we’re going to have a super chill homey day together. I need to be more selfish and be able to say no. Before Finn arrived I was very emotionally reliant on my mom and would call her every day and talk to her about everything but now I feel like I’m not like that at all and my husband has majorly stepped up and shown how much I can actually rely on him and I don’t need approval and emotional support from my mom so much anymore. So I think I want to step away from my parents a bit but they want to be around me more cause of Finn lol.
As if they wanted to come away with you for your anniversary though! Boundaries, people!

I really appreciate you all on here. You’re genuinely like mum friends who I can turn to for advice and proper chats. You’re all lovely xx

 

[Hellofromtheotherside]

Definitely with you ladies on the gender stereotypes, my little boy loves frozen, every chance he gets hes wearing my neices dressing up elsas outfit

 

[Definitelyme]

Don’t worry I’m taking all the advice I can!
So I BF her every 3 hours and I will give it to her whenever she wants it too. My sister in law told me about growth spurts yesterday too.
My partner was exasperated with her last night as he fed her 120ml formula so I took over and gave her even more breast milk. I know putting her on whenever will increase my supply

on her 3 hourly feeds she always finishes her 65ml forumla afterwards, sometimes more

It sounds like you’re working really hard at this, you should be so proud of yourself It’s not easy at all, and you’re giving it everything you’ve got. My only advice with bf is honestly stick a boob in there every time they start to grizzle even a tiny bit, even if it’s only 10 mins since the last feed, just pop her in every time she squeaks. Even if she only gets a little bit each time it all adds up. Some babies do feed more “snacky” than others. I know plenty of babies would happily go 3 or 4 hours between feeds but mine have always been snackers and like to have it every 3-4 minutes! So maybe your girl is the same if she is after frequent feeds?

 

[WhatABore]

She’s 7.5 months. They keep saying it’s maybe childhood febrile convulsions but she’s not getting temps with them so not sure. I’m preparing myself for the possibility of epilepsy but tbh whatever it is we will feel better when we know and we can treat it and help her.

Fingers crossed you get answers soon!!

My daughters clothes today.
Walk into my partners Mums house. She looks her up and down and goes.. "When are you going to start dressing her like a girl?"



She also hates the fact that my 3 year old daughter loves dinosaurs.
Hides any dinosaur toys she takes round and replaces them with dolls.
She has dolls love but she chooses to play with dinosaurs.

 

[Hbirdette]

My 6 week old seems to be napping longer/more frequently during the day. When do you start to worry? Plenty wet/dirty nappies etc

I think as long as there are plenty of wet/dirty nappies you are fine... I just tell myself their body is growing and developing sooo quickly it must be exhausting for them!

saw an old friend earlier and she gifted us a few bits from Jojo Maman Bebe, oh my god the quality of the sleepsuit is gorgeous. im too tight to spend that kind of money haha i usually buy the multipack of white sleepsuits from m&s

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you everyone for all the support and info. I’m just gonna go with the flow with Finn and let him tell me how he’s doing and what he needs and try not to worry what the general rule is. I struggle with worrying about doing stuff wrong and my anxiety means I like to be in control and if I don’t know what I’m doing I spiral. Anxiety is worse when I’m tired so this is why I’m like this today. I love Finn, I’m a good mom and I can do this. It’s just new and I’m learning every day. I mustn’t be too hard on myself anymore. Thank you for allowing me to ask lots of questions. I get much more info off here than anywhere else. My mom is a firm believer of ‘let them cry’ so I don’t ask her for advice and I don’t really have anyone else to ask so I appreciate you all a lot.

I totally agree with @mg89, you are doing wonderfully. I always think the best mums are the ones who worry about this stuff because they are the mums who just care SO much. And you can’t do more than that.
Motherhood is so hard, a constant learning curve. I think we are all still learning no matter how long we’ve been doing it