New baby and post birth advice #28 being a mum is the best present I could have ever wished for

[Babyyoda88]

@Babyyoda88 cannot believe she’s going to be 1! Hope there are some fun memories to be made around such a tricky date for you all x


I hate it, I look at her new born photos every night and cry at least once a day about it all. Mr Waka asked me last night ‘is this what you do in bed’… YES, yes it is

I know!! Aww there are and she’s got such a strong personality she does keep you busy x

No way is baby baby yoda 1 .

I know!! I can’t believe it. Hope the twins are ok

Aww happy birthday baby yoda time really does fly.
i also feel your pain on nursery fees ‍ gonna have to sell the cat

No not the cat!! Haha. It’s a joke isn’t it. I mean it was a joke in normal times when we could afford it but be left short but now it’s beyond that.

Visited baby wakas nursery today ready for her start next week and I cried. I bleeping cried about her starting nursery in the baby room in front of babies and adults FFS

Aww I hope she loves it there though it’s such a big step.
We have our first settling in session at the end of the month and my baby still hates everyone who is not me so it’s going to be interesting.

 

[Crazycatlady18]

@Babyyoda88 cannot believe she’s going to be 1! Hope there are some fun memories to be made around such a tricky date for you all x


I hate it, I look at her new born photos every night and cry at least once a day about it all. Mr Waka asked me last night ‘is this what you do in bed’… YES, yes it is

I spend all day at work looking at photos of her. This is what we are now the first drop off is the hardest but it’s getting easier x

 

[wakametango 2.0]

I spend all day at work looking at photos of her. This is what we are now the first drop off is the hardest but it’s getting easier x

They said oh you can go for a coffee, I don’t think me crying in Costa is a good look so I said no I’ll be in my car outside crying so just ignore me! 🫠🫠🫠

 

[sodit]

Narcissists?!


I am stupidly really pissed off about it. I wanted to elope, and when I was engaged she told me she’d never speak to me again if we did. So we had a proper wedding. So for her now to elope and then to find out via Facebook takes the real biscuit! It must have been quite planned as she’s got professional hair, makeup and flowers in the photo. I think I’m just cross she lied? I dunno. I have a lot of feelings about it and I’m not quite sure how to express those yet

I got married at Gretna Christmas 2020 - you can get packages that include the hair and makeup etc.
My wedding was quite farcical in that we raced up from England for it as the borders closed like a day later. Rules were different in Scotland and England and it was the 4 tier Christmas.
I had lashes and stuff done at home, but the lass doing my makeup up there rang the week before and told me I’d have to buy my own foundation and lipstick as up there I still had to wear a mask so she’d only be able to do my eyes/brows/face around my mask and I’d have to fill the rest in myself
But yeah, it deffo will have been planned. To get the marriage licence for Gretna, Dumfries & Galloway council need at least 28 days notice or something like that.
Sorry she’s cheated you out of doing your wedding the way you wanted, and then strung you along with bridezilla nonsense

 

[calmyourritas]

My birthday is coming up and I was kind of looking forward to being able to go out for a few hours, have a couple of drinks with some friends….

Just mentioned it to Mr Rita and he’s said he’s working that weekend now (he had originally booked it off as we were supposed to be going on honeymoon and I didn’t realise he’d cancelled his holidays). He said he’ll try and get one of the days off but I doubt he will be able to tbh.

I’m disappointed, but then I feel really guilty for being disappointed that I’m not able to have a few hours to myself and enjoy a few cocktails to celebrate my birthday. It just feels like his life hasn’t really changed at all, he still does all the things he did before, whereas mine is completely different. He goes out all the time doing stuff for himself and has time for all these hobbies and a social life. He just goes and does it, there’s no “is it okay if…” it’s just “I’m going here.” If I want to do something on my own I have to ask and book about 4 months in advance. Don’t get me wrong I love my new life and I love being a mum so much but it’s just made me feel a bit tit.

and now I feel guilty because this isn’t even a real problem compared to what some of you have I’m so sorry

 

[I’mThankyou_]

My birthday is coming up and I was kind of looking forward to being able to go out for a few hours, have a couple of drinks with some friends….

Just mentioned it to Mr Rita and he’s said he’s working that weekend now (he had originally booked it off as we were supposed to be going on honeymoon and I didn’t realise he’d cancelled his holidays). He said he’ll try and get one of the days off but I doubt he will be able to tbh.

I’m disappointed, but then I feel really guilty for being disappointed that I’m not able to have a few hours to myself and enjoy a few cocktails to celebrate my birthday. It just feels like his life hasn’t really changed at all, he still does all the things he did before, whereas mine is completely different. He goes out all the time doing stuff for himself and has time for all these hobbies and a social life. He just goes and does it, there’s no “is it okay if…” it’s just “I’m going here.” If I want to do something on my own I have to ask and book about 4 months in advance. Don’t get me wrong I love my new life and I love being a mum so much but it’s just made me feel a bit tit.

and now I feel guilty because this isn’t even a real problem compared to what some of you have I’m so sorry

It is a real problem, and I think this is the biggest issue in motherhood is the loss of a woman's identity.
Two people become parents and only one person's life and whole identity changes.
Regardless of the fact you absolutely love Judy Lee and love your life, you are still Rita.
Please don't ever feel guilty for feeling stuck in mum mode, it's the most natural thing in the world & it sucks!

 

[wakametango 2.0]

My birthday is coming up and I was kind of looking forward to being able to go out for a few hours, have a couple of drinks with some friends….

Just mentioned it to Mr Rita and he’s said he’s working that weekend now (he had originally booked it off as we were supposed to be going on honeymoon and I didn’t realise he’d cancelled his holidays). He said he’ll try and get one of the days off but I doubt he will be able to tbh.

I’m disappointed, but then I feel really guilty for being disappointed that I’m not able to have a few hours to myself and enjoy a few cocktails to celebrate my birthday. It just feels like his life hasn’t really changed at all, he still does all the things he did before, whereas mine is completely different. He goes out all the time doing stuff for himself and has time for all these hobbies and a social life. He just goes and does it, there’s no “is it okay if…” it’s just “I’m going here.” If I want to do something on my own I have to ask and book about 4 months in advance. Don’t get me wrong I love my new life and I love being a mum so much but it’s just made me feel a bit tit.

and now I feel guilty because this isn’t even a real problem compared to what some of you have I’m so sorry

It is a real problem though isn’t It because you feel your needs are being neglected and you’re not getting time to yourself as he is.. many of us feel the same. They do what they want free as a bird, without a second thought and we’re here asking for permission to meet our basic hygiene needs. I don’t have a solution as we still have the same ‘chats’ here but I’ve started cutting in front of him getting in the shower in the evening as it could make me scream when he sits down with an ice cream to relax and I’m still going, not ready to put my feet up.

 

[Definitelyme]

and now I feel guilty because this isn’t even a real problem compared to what some of you have I’m so sorry

Firstly, please don’t worry that your problem is “less” than anyone else’s. If we all did that, we’d never “win” as someone will always be worse off. It doesn’t negate your problems and feelings

I think most, if not all, of us have felt this way too so we totally get it. Even now, with 4 kids and the youngest being 15 months, I still feel this way. I would never just walk off and start doing something, I always check in with my husband that he’s watching the baby before I do, whereas he just wanders off and starts doing XYZ whenever he feels like it It all comes back to how we are carrying the mental load, how we are the primary care givers, and how much it’s all taken for granted too
I hope he gets the time off, because you deserve to have a great birthday x

 

[cj_ii]

Visited baby wakas nursery today ready for her start next week and I cried. I bleeping cried about her starting nursery in the baby room in front of babies and adults FFS

Aww sweetheart that’s completely normal, I did with my 1st got a massive hug from the staff (pre Covid)
She’ll be fine and before long it will feel completely normal. Please don’t beat yourself up about getting upset.
Xxx
ETA: I have been back at work since May and I have booked Annual Leave for a nursery day and the day my eldest goes back to school and I’m going to use a voucher I got for my birthday and have a massage & a facial. My reward for surviving the babies first year & also the 6 weeks holidays, some me time
What I am trying to say is you will get that little bit of yourself back and that’s the best thing. Also HOT coffee and adult conversation.

 

[wakametango 2.0]

Aww sweetheart that’s completely normal, I did with my 1st got a massive hug from the staff (pre Covid)
She’ll be fine and before long it will feel completely normal. Please don’t beat yourself up about getting upset.
Xxx
ETA: I have been back at work since May and I have booked Annual Leave for a nursery day and the day my eldest goes back to school and I’m going to use a voucher I got for my birthday and have a massage & a facial. My reward for surviving the babies first year & also the 6 weeks holidays, some me time
What I am trying to say is you will get that little bit of yourself back and that’s the best thing. Also HOT coffee and adult conversation.

Thank you for the reassurance I’m cringing at the thought of me sweating and whimpering on the floor (we were sat chatting, I didn’t collapse )
Hope you enjoy that massage!

 

[PrincessShark]

My birthday is coming up and I was kind of looking forward to being able to go out for a few hours, have a couple of drinks with some friends….

Just mentioned it to Mr Rita and he’s said he’s working that weekend now (he had originally booked it off as we were supposed to be going on honeymoon and I didn’t realise he’d cancelled his holidays). He said he’ll try and get one of the days off but I doubt he will be able to tbh.

I’m disappointed, but then I feel really guilty for being disappointed that I’m not able to have a few hours to myself and enjoy a few cocktails to celebrate my birthday. It just feels like his life hasn’t really changed at all, he still does all the things he did before, whereas mine is completely different. He goes out all the time doing stuff for himself and has time for all these hobbies and a social life. He just goes and does it, there’s no “is it okay if…” it’s just “I’m going here.” If I want to do something on my own I have to ask and book about 4 months in advance. Don’t get me wrong I love my new life and I love being a mum so much but it’s just made me feel a bit tit.

and now I feel guilty because this isn’t even a real problem compared to what some of you have I’m so sorry

This is a real problem, and it’s unfortunately a huge gap in parenting.
We have the same issue here, MrShark goes to the gym every day, he meets friends at the pub a couple of times a week, he can do things with no notice at all.

 

[LongishCat]

How is Baby Yoda alteady 1? I understand how it must feel conflicting though. Enjoy your days off! I'm sure it'll be so nice

@calmyourritas it's definitely an issue. Men can just go about their life, same as before. But women are expected to drop everything and take care of the baby. It can be draining...
But then again, I do prefer spending as much time with Kitten as possible

I have to do the sugar test again because I had gestational diabetes. Really, reaaallly hoping it'll be fine. Don't want to have to deal with that as well...
Have I mentioned before I hate PCOS? Well I do

 

[Tea fairy]

Ladies... sorry I've been M.I.A

We've had a much better week this week... I just need to shout out from the rooftops that we have discovered PINK NOISE and it's a game changer, apparently promotes deeper sleep.... my non sleepers just did
9.30. 12.30 3.30 wakes and are still asleep now!!!

 

[PrincessShark]

Ladies... sorry I've been M.I.A

We've had a much better week this week... I just need to shout out from the rooftops that we have discovered PINK NOISE and it's a game changer, apparently promotes deeper sleep.... my non sleepers just did
9.30. 12.30 3.30 wakes and are still asleep now!!!

Pink noise fan here too
Sends me right to sleep as well

 

[Definitelyme]

Recently I also heard of brown noise - what is the difference in all the noises?!

 

[wakametango 2.0]

Not sure of the difference but we use white noise through our baby monitor and I HATE it. I turn it off if I’m alone and my ears literally ring once it’s off
Ahhhhhh

 

[cupcake_face]

My birthday is coming up and I was kind of looking forward to being able to go out for a few hours, have a couple of drinks with some friends….

Just mentioned it to Mr Rita and he’s said he’s working that weekend now (he had originally booked it off as we were supposed to be going on honeymoon and I didn’t realise he’d cancelled his holidays). He said he’ll try and get one of the days off but I doubt he will be able to tbh.

I’m disappointed, but then I feel really guilty for being disappointed that I’m not able to have a few hours to myself and enjoy a few cocktails to celebrate my birthday. It just feels like his life hasn’t really changed at all, he still does all the things he did before, whereas mine is completely different. He goes out all the time doing stuff for himself and has time for all these hobbies and a social life. He just goes and does it, there’s no “is it okay if…” it’s just “I’m going here.” If I want to do something on my own I have to ask and book about 4 months in advance. Don’t get me wrong I love my new life and I love being a mum so much but it’s just made me feel a bit tit.

and now I feel guilty because this isn’t even a real problem compared to what some of you have I’m so sorry

This is a completely valid way to feel and I think most of us have probably felt exactly the same at some point so please don’t feel guilty You’re completely right in what you’re saying - dads just continue doing all of their hobbies, social activities etc as if nothing has changed but we have to arrange everything weeks in advance and have to make huge sacrifices.

I hope you manage to make some nice plans to celebrate your birthday. Do you have anyone else who could look after Baby Rita so you can have a few hours with your friends? If only we all lived close together we could start a tattle childminding service

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

I think I need a lobotomy. Have caught myself this morning thinking about what it would be like with 4 kids???? Am I insane???? T is only 7 months??? I have 3 under 5????

Doesn’t help that the baby is sent from heaven, most chilled out dude I’ve ever met. I’ve seen the other side of babies in my middle and it’s like the firey pits of hell (no offence to middle sailor intended) but surely it can’t be that bad? It definitely was that bad. Mr Sailor has said an absolute no.

Someone send me some life aid and please put a stop to this train of thought immediately

Is anyone else just permanently broody in life? When does it end? Can you tell I’ve had 3 shots of espresso in my coffee this morning?

 

[Jellybean093]

I think I need a lobotomy. Have caught myself this morning thinking about what it would be like with 4 kids???? Am I insane???? T is only 7 months??? I have 3 under 5????

Doesn’t help that the baby is sent from heaven, most chilled out dude I’ve ever met. I’ve seen the other side of babies in my middle and it’s like the firey pits of hell (no offence to middle sailor intended) but surely it can’t be that bad? It definitely was that bad. Mr Sailor has said an absolute no.

Someone send me some life aid and please put a stop to this train of thought immediately

Is anyone else just permanently broody in life? When does it end? Can you tell I’ve had 3 shots of espresso in my coffee this morning?

4 kids is nothing when you have 3 already I’ve just spent the week with 5 kids and I’m fine
There was a little baby last night in the club house at the caravan park, and I DIDNT get broody. I think my time is up (even though we can’t have anymore ) I honestly am so over having babies, especially now baby b is at the delightful age of army crawling 🫠

 

[Crazycatlady18]

Recently I also heard of brown noise - what is the difference in all the noises?!

Lol don’t think I like the sound of brown noise