New baby and post birth advice #2
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Iām at my in laws, whose house is uncomfortably hot all the time, even in winter, and when we get these hot days itās unbearableThis heat.Iāve been in the bedroom all day with my boy and two tower fans on as itās the coolest room in the house (still 30 degrees!!), his temperature seems to be ok at the minute (37) but has slept for the past four hours and had a couple feeds in-between.
the wee man has been very unhappy all day. And we are all sticky and sweaty when Iām feeding him, and itās generally not nice at all, is it? Also, babywearing in this heat
By the time we got back this morning I was dripping with sweat. And also sunburnt either side of the Tula straps 
Our house is the opposite. We have the hot water pipes running under the floor in our room.This heat.
The baby monitor in out bedroom currently says 39
Luckily the living room is a bit cooler!
I hate the heat
Oh god itās been awfulThis heat.
I swear I havenāt stopped feeding all day, she naps for about 3 minutes and then wakes up hot and uncomfortable and wanting feeding again hasnāt been so bad the last few days so Iām not sure what weāve done differently today to have such a grouchy baby 
Oh god, 39! Our living room directly faces the sun so itās like a fiery furnace in there at the minute.Our house is the opposite. We have the hot water pipes running under the floor in our room.
The baby monitor in out bedroom currently says 39
Luckily the living room is a bit cooler!
I hate the heat
Donāt envy you one bit! Couldnāt imagine baby wearing in this weather, feel so bad for them, hopefully a cool bath will help later on.Iām at my in laws, whose house is uncomfortably hot all the time, even in winter, and when we get these hot days itās unbearable
Also, babywearing in this heat
Hope it cools down for his 8 week jabs on Friday.
Those who have had more than one babyā¦
Does the desire to have a 2nd one so soon after your first go away?
Iāve posted previously about my situation (1st baby via Nhs funded IVF, Iām infertile so unable to have any more children)
Does the desire to have a 2nd one so soon after your first go away?
Iāve posted previously about my situation (1st baby via Nhs funded IVF, Iām infertile so unable to have any more children)
I can honestly say I never had the desire straight afterwards, I hear so many people talk about it but never felt it myself. I do know now that Iām ādoneā and donāt want any more kids, I havenāt ever felt that way before.
I wish I had some advice for you. Youāve spoken about your journey to motherhood, and itās clear how important having a family is to you x
I also hate the heat. And I hate direct sunlightOur house is the opposite. We have the hot water pipes running under the floor in our room.
The baby monitor in out bedroom currently says 39
Luckily the living room is a bit cooler!
I hate the heat
I hide in the shady spotsItās getting to the point now where I canāt even look at a pregnant woman if I see one, or any pregnancy/birth announcements onlineI can honestly say I never had the desire straight afterwards, I hear so many people talk about it but never felt it myself. I do know now that Iām ādoneā and donāt want any more kids, I havenāt ever felt that way before.
I wish I had some advice for you. Youāve spoken about your journey to motherhood, and itās clear how important having a family is to you x
I also hate the heat. And I hate direct sunlight
I get a few hours to myself this evening for a bath & pamper while hubby has the baby. And Iām sitting in the bath just crying at photos of him as a newborn. Iām so so so desperate to do it all again .
I feel bad for my boy as Iām just completely overwhelmed by these feelings and Iām worried Iām not giving him the attention he needs
ok so the car journey to my mums went fine donāt really know why I was panicking. Weāve managed with the heat pretty well but I found if he felt a bit sticky I put a damp Muslin on his legs/tummy/forehead and he seemed to love it.
donāt really know why I was panicking. Weāve managed with the heat pretty well but I found if he felt a bit sticky I put a damp Muslin on his legs/tummy/forehead and he seemed to love it.Bless you donāt feel bad! Honestly, I think for some women itās totally normal to feel like this. Have you spoken to your husband about it? What does he say? Would a privately funded ivf be something you could look into in the future or is it off the cards completely? Sorry hope you donāt mind me asking. I hope you enjoyed your pamper evening, Iām very jealous
In one way I think grieving for the loss of having more children is really quite natural. Itās not your choice, you have every right to be devastated about it, and to feel sad youāll never get those newborn days again.
But I would be worried that youāve used the words āoverwhelmed by feelingsā, because to me that would be a red flag to watch out for a friendās mental health. I am absolutely confident you are an amazing mum, and that your little boy is getting 100% of you. But I would worry for you that this could lead to something more serious - PND. Please keep an eye on yourself, and talk to someone trusted about how you feel and ask them to keep an eye on you as well.
I think these feelings your having are important and it's good for you to feel that way!
You're grieving.
Yes you have a little boy. But you're grieving the idea of never having another one and I think that's completely normal. Especially when that isn't a choice you made yourself!
Don't feel bad in the slightest!
Your feelings are completely valid.
Have you got somebody you can share your feelings with? Even your partner?
It may be a good idea to talk to a health visitor or doctor and get some help or at least someone to talk it through with as what you're feeling is completely understandable!
Thank you for your lovely replyI think these feelings your having are important and it's good for you to feel that way!
You're grieving.
Yes you have a little boy. But you're grieving the idea of never having another one and I think that's completely normal. Especially when that isn't a choice you made yourself!
Don't feel bad in the slightest!
Your feelings are completely valid.
Have you got somebody you can share your feelings with? Even your partner?
It may be a good idea to talk to a health visitor or doctor and get some help or at least someone to talk it through with as what you're feeling is completely understandable!
itās nice to talk to others who are recently new mums themselves , I donāt ever feel judged here which is lovely
Itās difficult to get my nearest and dearest to understand how Iām feeling, and I get quite upset if someone says something I donāt like.
My husband is really supportive, but I find he doesnāt understand the female mind and our need to nurture and procreate. He says he gets it, but I can tell heās just as confused as I am
Iāve tried to reach out to birth reflections at my hospital, to no avail. They only have an answer machine
And Iāve contacted birth trauma association, they are good but again only able to speak to someone via email.
I was told by my GP I must try these before I am referred to further help.
but I think I need that further help sooner rather than later, I feel like Iām fighting everyday with these feelings.
I feel guilty at times also as there are so many I have befriended over Instagram still trying to get their babies, i should be grateful
Initially I felt Iād do it again tomorrow but as she becomes, for want of better wording, more interesting and harder work, I feel less so. Weāre a little team now. Sheās beginning to reach out for me, she touches my face and cuddles, sheās everything and Iām not sure I want to, or indeed have enough to, share myself with another baby.
However I need to be sure on that very soon due to my age. I know I will mourn my fertility when it goes and am already scared itās too late for another but itās not overwhelming, I can accept that I have my daughter and that will always be enough.
If you feel that these feelings are consuming and overtaking your concentration on your son now though I think it could be a sign of PND.
edit: just seen your last message. Use NNUH maternity voices and NNUH bumps and babies Facebook pages or updates on where birth reflections and other services are currently.
Aww thatās lovely to hear, that your daughter is recognising who you are to her. I canāt wait for that feeling. I see what youāre saying about not having to share yourself with another baby.
a friend of mine has 2 under 2 and she said itās crazy hard work, one is only 15 months the other is 6 months. (Yes she had sex soon after giving birth and fell pregnant straight away)
Nothing wrong with it of course cause I know it happens a lot, but it must be something that is difficult to get right as both ages are very needy.
yeah I feel I may have some degree of PND. Iām not ashamed by it at all, I had a feeling I would be like this once he arrived. So I was kind of prepared but it still isnāt easy.
I will have a look on Facebook, thank you. Do the birth reflections people move about then?
No itās absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Christ, the difficult journey youāve been on to get to this point itās no surprise at all that thereās a whole lot to process now youāre at this stage. The entire process of infertility is traumatic coupled with the pregnancy and birth youāve had is so much to deal with.
Sorry I meant where they are in terms of where they are up to with requests. Ladies discuss sometimes on there. If you post asking how long the service is taking to get back to you, youāll likely find someone saying āI had my baby in Jan, contacted them in March, I got a call last weekā or whatever to give you an idea.
āNNUH Bumps and babiesā and āNorfolk and Norwich Maternity Voices Partnershipā are the two pages.
Aw thank you for understanding. Itās nice that someone has seen the tit storm for what it is.
my mum bless her heart, after Iāve poured my heart out to her and tell her about the flashbacks , she tends to say ābut look how amazing he isā
of course, he is amazing, he is the best thing to ever happen to me! But when I nearly died giving birth to him, Iāve obviously suffered mentally, it kind of feels like itās irrelevant if you know what I mean?
Majorly changing the subject here but can you put formula milk in those frozen teething toys things? Not sure if thatās a thing or not? But just worried he needs something to cool him down.
For me it definitely went away from around 12 months to 2 yrs then I wanted the second again!
I've only has it once, and it started out as fever and chills. My boob felt bruised, but not very painful, and no noticeable lump in it. Feed feed feed, express if you can, as much as you can, and take ibruprofen to take down any swelling (even if you canāt feel it t may be there). If itās still bad tomorrow am phone your GPTrust me to get chills and a temperature of 38.5, had a really bad headache all day too. Hoping itās not the start of mastitis! I really need to express my right boob as itās like a bowling ball, no noticeable pain though.
you should never feel guilty. Everyone goes through different struggles, and nobodies pain is any more or any less valid than someone else's. Just because your friends are still in their journey to motherhood doesnāt mean you arenāt totally valid in feeling the way you do.
Thatās good to know, I always assumed youād get a big red swollen boob first! Youāre right about the bruised feeling. When I started to express, it did feel bruised and I had a big lump. I think Iāve drained it to the best I can and my temperature has gone down a bit.
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