Hey ladies! Finally graduated to this thread wahoo! Has anyone ever used a birth reflections service after a traumatic birth and did it help? A midwife has suggested I speak to someone but I'm not sure what other peoples experiences were like and if it's worth doing? My first birth was an absolute dream and my second was the complete opposite was horrendous felt naive that I went in thinking it would be fine because it was my second! Any experiences of a birth debreif type thing would be great
New baby and post birth advice #2
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I used birth reflections with my first. I’ll try and keep this short but essentially the hospital made a lot of mistakes during my labour and straight after my birth which resulted in my baby developing sepsis. It was terrible and I really couldn’t get over it. The birth reflections session was a huge help for me as it gave me a chance to ask questions and also to feel heard about how bad I felt. I also accessed the service throughout my second pregnancy to help me prepared for the birth and to help me be more confident to advocate for myself. I’m sorry you had a bad experience but I would highly recommend this service.
Hey love, I’m in the middle of this myself as I had an awful birth too. Supposed to have a debrief 8 weeks post birth (it’s now 8 weeks so need to follow up!) I have been in contact with a patient safety midwife, she arranged for me to have a chat with her and a super senior obstetrician. They looked into my case and she told me to send any questions I have about my birth to send them to her, I then had a video call and they answered my questions which was helpful but still waiting on that formal debrief.
If you’re in need of further support, ask to be put in touch with the perinatal mental health team. I’ve been discharged as I just want to move on but I had a nurse come round twice and it was really good just to open up and cry about everything. She validated my feelings completely which was so nice as some of the midwives at the hospital made me feel like I was a loon for feeling so upset.
I have also put in a formal complaint through PALS (patient safety midwife passed on my complaint) about my postnatal care in the hospital as the midwives were awful, apparently I’ll be hearing back from them soon too. So that’s always an option for you too if you feel that’s needed.
Thanks ladies, I think I will go down this route then I feel numb and in shock at the moment and seems like this may help. everything just went drastically wrong so quickly I knew somthing wasn't right I was begging for an emergency c section but they wouldn't listen to me, I was passing out it was so hot in the room and no fans because of covid!! keep it short my little girl got her shoulders stuck, cord wrapped round her neck and had to be resusitated, there was so many people in the room dragging her out of me I just can't believe this happened I feel silly because she's safe and okay now but everytime I think about it I cry 
Goodness, that sounds awful. You’re not silly for feeling the way you feel at all, you went through something awfully traumatic and please don’t let anyone make you think otherwise!Thanks ladies, I think I will go down this route then I feel numb and in shock at the moment and seems like this may help. everything just went drastically wrong so quickly I knew somthing wasn't right I was begging for an emergency c section but they wouldn't listen to me, I was passing out it was so hot in the room and no fans because of covid!! keep it short my little girl got her shoulders stuck, cord wrapped round her neck and had to be resusitated, there was so many people in the room dragging her out of me I just can't believe this happened I feel silly because she's safe and okay now but everytime I think about it I cry
I still can’t believe you weren’t allowed any fans, absolutely disgusting and inhumane in this heat. I would 100% put in a formal complaint through PALS too. My DMs are open too if you want to vent or anything!
Oh babe don’t feel silly at all, that sounds like a really scary thing to go through! I’ve not accessed any help but like the others have said, I’m sure it’ll be a great help to speak to someone about it. Are you still in hospital now or have you been discharged? Sending lots of love xxThanks ladies, I think I will go down this route then I feel numb and in shock at the moment and seems like this may help. everything just went drastically wrong so quickly I knew somthing wasn't right I was begging for an emergency c section but they wouldn't listen to me, I was passing out it was so hot in the room and no fans because of covid!! keep it short my little girl got her shoulders stuck, cord wrapped round her neck and had to be resusitated, there was so many people in the room dragging her out of me I just can't believe this happened I feel silly because she's safe and okay now but everytime I think about it I cry
@Hellofromtheotherside i am so sorry to hear what happened during your birth, it sounds absolutely terrifying. I’m glad to hear your LO is safe, but I’m sure you are absolutely devastated by what happened 
@moimoi keep expressing and massaging lots today to make sure you’ve got any blockage cleared. A few tips I’ve learned over the years (I’ve had a few blocked ducts, they haven’t all turned to mastitis) - fill a nappy with hot water and keep it over the blockage for a bit before you feed/express. If you can, lie baby on the floor and dangle feed (basically you’re above her and drop your boob in her mouth. All very glamorous), hot shower and massage - even use the shower head on a jet setting to massage. A wide toothed comb or brush used to “stroke” over the blockage and try and push it out - work from armpit to nipple. How are you feeling this morning?
@moimoi keep expressing and massaging lots today to make sure you’ve got any blockage cleared. A few tips I’ve learned over the years (I’ve had a few blocked ducts, they haven’t all turned to mastitis) - fill a nappy with hot water and keep it over the blockage for a bit before you feed/express. If you can, lie baby on the floor and dangle feed (basically you’re above her and drop your boob in her mouth. All very glamorous), hot shower and massage - even use the shower head on a jet setting to massage. A wide toothed comb or brush used to “stroke” over the blockage and try and push it out - work from armpit to nipple. How are you feeling this morning?
Thank you! I woke up with a big boob (expressed to drain as my boy was out of it with the heat), slight temperature 37.8 and chills but I’ve had paracetamol and my temperature has gone down a bit. Hopefully just feeling a little off and not mastitis!!@Hellofromtheotherside i am so sorry to hear what happened during your birth, it sounds absolutely terrifying. I’m glad to hear your LO is safe, but I’m sure you are absolutely devastated by what happened
@moimoi keep expressing and massaging lots today to make sure you’ve got any blockage cleared. A few tips I’ve learned over the years (I’ve had a few blocked ducts, they haven’t all turned to mastitis) - fill a nappy with hot water and keep it over the blockage for a bit before you feed/express. If you can, lie baby on the floor and dangle feed (basically you’re above her and drop your boob in her mouth. All very glamorous), hot shower and massage - even use the shower head on a jet setting to massage. A wide toothed comb or brush used to “stroke” over the blockage and try and push it out - work from armpit to nipple. How are you feeling this morning?
Now I’m just sweating my tits off with the heat again.
Gosh, this sounds awful! This isn’t something that you’ll get over on your own, it’ll help to talk to someone so you can make sense of it.Thanks ladies, I think I will go down this route then I feel numb and in shock at the moment and seems like this may help. everything just went drastically wrong so quickly I knew somthing wasn't right I was begging for an emergency c section but they wouldn't listen to me, I was passing out it was so hot in the room and no fans because of covid!! keep it short my little girl got her shoulders stuck, cord wrapped round her neck and had to be resusitated, there was so many people in the room dragging her out of me I just can't believe this happened I feel silly because she's safe and okay now but everytime I think about it I cry
I’m going through a rough time too following a traumatic birth and can’t wait to finally get to speak to someone about it. Also don’t feel silly for thinking like this, yes your baby may be ok now and I’m sure she is absolutely wonderful, if you cannot let what happened to you and her be irrelevant. It needs to be validated x
Im not in your situation with regards to fertility and reading your posts here has really broken my heart I’m so sorry
I can relate to you in regards to having a really strong desire to have a 2nd one, I had my girl nearly 5 months ago and I’ve felt that desire for the last couple of months but I know I’m not ready mentally as I’m struggling a bit after my birth experience with my first and we aren’t living in a big enough house either so it’s off the cards for now but I’m the same anytime I see some one announcing their pregnant or see someone pregnant it sets me off I get so jealous and upset 
also can’t stop looking at photos of my baby as a newborn I just loved being pregnant and had a lovely pregnancy I miss my bump so much 
no one really talks about how empty you can feel after you’ve given birth to a baby, I dunno if it’s just me but as soon as I gave birth I was happy she was here but a part of me also felt a sort of emptiness when I wasn’t pregnant anymore, that’s the only way I can explainYep it’s insane! I’m the same, we’re actually better off with me being a SAHM until free childcare kicks in, it’s ridiculous that women have to make that choice in these timesSo I’m not planning on going back to work yet but I’ve been looking at jobs online working out roughly what my salary would be, combined with my husbands salary.
errrrrrrm how the duck do you afford childcare?! Genuinely don’t understand how to do this
I mean... my husband runs his own business which is 7 days a week so technically his 2 days off could be a week day, I could work 4 days a week so then we’ve only got to pay for 2 days a week childcare. But then we would never have a day off togetherYep it’s insane! I’m the same, we’re actually better off with me being a SAHM until free childcare kicks in, it’s ridiculous that women have to make that choice in these times
it’s absolutely wank... not inspiring to get back to work at all!
Yep!So I’m not planning on going back to work yet but I’ve been looking at jobs online working out roughly what my salary would be, combined with my husbands salary.
errrrrrrm how the duck do you afford childcare?! Genuinely don’t understand how to do this
It works out about £20 a week less for us for me to be a SAHM. It's crazy!
My toddler now gets the free childcare so I would've gone back to work then if I hadn't have had another baby. But now I'll stay at home until I get free hours for my daughter.
It's crazy!
Yep its pantsI mean... my husband runs his own business which is 7 days a week so technically his 2 days off could be a week day, I could work 4 days a week so then we’ve only got to pay for 2 days a week childcare. But then we would never have a day off together
i went back part time when I had my first, as my husband worked shifts and his day’s off were usually the days I worked, we rarely had weekends or days off as a family together which made me a bit sad for my daughterhope you manage to work something out that works best for you and your family
Jesus I wish I hadn’t looked now, I feel sick
Honestly am stressing about this already and still have 6 months before I go back. Not going back isn’t an option unfortunately but equally it’s going to take such a huge chunk out of our budget every monthSo I’m not planning on going back to work yet but I’ve been looking at jobs online working out roughly what my salary would be, combined with my husbands salary.
errrrrrrm how the duck do you afford childcare?! Genuinely don’t understand how to do this
Crazy isn’t it! I know childminders are supposed to be cheaper but then I know a lot of people have been let down by them recently because of having to isolate because of covidHonestly am stressing about this already and still have 6 months before I go back. Not going back isn’t an option unfortunately but equally it’s going to take such a huge chunk out of our budget every month
I’m the same I need to go back around December time and my brain is frazzled.
Also, for anyone that might be able to help? Do you sort childcare first or a job? Might sound stupid but I’m changing jobs so haven’t got any set hours to go back to... this is all very confusing
Apart from the cost, it also breaks my heart to think about sending my 7 month baby to nurseryCrazy isn’t it! I know childminders are supposed to be cheaper but then I know a lot of people have been let down by them recently because of having to isolate because of covid
I’m the same I need to go back around December time and my brain is frazzled.
Also, for anyone that might be able to help? Do you sort childcare first or a job? Might sound stupid but I’m changing jobs so haven’t got any set hours to go back to... this is all very confusing
I can wfh 3/4 (possibly even 5) days a week - am I mad to think about wfh with a baby at home? 
(I have flexible working hours so not a rigid 9-5, provided I do 7.5 hours between 7am-7pm)Childcare issue is bleeping tit, like seriously what do they expect people to do between the ages 1-2. I’m trying to put it at the back of my mind but it’s a reality I’m gonna have to face soon. I’m also likely to move in the first half of next year, don’t know where, so I don’t want to commit to a nursery already.
I know the charity Pregnant Then Screwed have been calling out the government lately about how ridiculous it all is. I hope they’re successful in changing something.
I know the charity Pregnant Then Screwed have been calling out the government lately about how ridiculous it all is. I hope they’re successful in changing something.
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